Toddler tantrums...

[MustangGal]

We''re at 15 months, and I think the tantrum stage has officially begun. If any of you ladies have some tantrum tips, please share!



It''s mostly dinner time that seems to be the issue. As soon as I get home from work, he wants to eat. So we put him in the highchair, give him a sippy cup and some cheerios, and find him some food. Then the fun begins. He starts fussing before I even get the food out, and whatever I try to feed him is apparently NOT what he was craving, so fussing turns into crying and melting in the chair. Attempts to shovel food in his mouth are met by the open mouth scream, which results in food just sitting there or falling out covered in drool. Even if it''s his favorite things to eat. Some relief has come if we put some slop on a spoon and sit it on the tray and let him pick it up and feed himself, but if he''s too worked up even that doesn''t go over. We did pull him from the chair and put him in the crib to cool off twice. It worked the first time, but I guess he figured it out the next time I tried and he just kept on crying.

I know he''s hungry, he just seems frustrated either by what I''m offering, or the way I''m offering it. I even tried feeding him in a different room away from the highchair, and that doesn''t seem to be the issue. He eats just fine in the morning and for snacks on the weekends (expect the one day I was out of his normal breakfast, which resulted in a melt-down). It''s just the dinner hour that brings out the tantrum monster...

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Maybe you need to adjust your schedule a bit? Perhaps he''s getting too hungry so by the time he has food in front of him he''s too worked up to eat? What about giving him a snack on the way home from daycare? Or maybe he''s really more tired than hungry and either has had too little a nap and is ready for bed earlier than you think?

While I agree this is a tantrum, at least it sounds like there''s a legitimate communication issue causing it versus being caused by him wanting something like a toy or candy.

 

[MustangGal]

Thanks HH. We did have the sitter start feeding him a snack when he wakes up from his afternoon nap. The first night the fight wasn''t as bad as other days, but still a battle. Last night was pretty bad too. And his nap schedule hasn''t changed in the past 3 months. He sleeps 11 hours each night, and takes a 2-2.5 hour nap at daycare. I figure some of it is independence issues (he wants to feed himself), being overly hungry, and frustrated that he can''t tell us what he wants. Ugh.

 

[Mrs Mitchell]

I feel your pain.

When we had a similar issue, I tried having A''s meal ready on a plastic plate in the fridge so she could have it straight away. Quiche was good for that, or a pasta or rice salad. Once she was past the first few bites, she seemed to realise she was hungry, then she''d eat more. Doesn''t always work, some nights she just gets upset. I caught myself bringing out a selection of foods one after another for her to pick from (or reject) getting increasingly tempting but unsuitable, but I stopped that. I think I was just teaching her to ask for cake.

Now, she can eat it or not. If not, she comes out of the highchair and we move on to the next thing, usually bath and bed. If at any point in the bath and bed ritual she realises she''s hungry, she''ll grab my hand and take me back to the kitchen. I''ll give her whatever she rejected at dinner if it was something like quiche, or a fairly
bland snack like some toast or cherry tomatoes. Nothing that would be more appealing than the original offering.

We really only have this drama when she''s really tired, if DH has been held up in traffic on the way home and dinner is late. He''s started taking a snack for her to eat before they head off from the office (her creche is in DH''s office) and it''s helped. She seems to eat better when she isn''t too hungry. I can relate - when I go too long without eating, I get beyond hungry and just unbelievably bad tempered.

Good luck! I hope you can find a solution. Of course, the things that worked for us might not for you, but it''s got to be worth a try!

Jen

 

[somethingshiny]

My first thoughts are:

Low blood sugar throws little ones into complete fits of hysteria. Work with the schedule and/or babysitter.

Sore throats can cause exactly what you''re talking about too. To see if that''s what''s going on, look in the throat to see if you can tell. If it looks fine, give a soft food instead of crunchy cereal and see if he''ll eat that more readily.

Good luck.

 

[DivaDiamond007]

Oh I feel your pain! We use a similar routine as Mrs Mitchell. James gets a snack in the afternoon before coming home so he''s not too hungry at dinner, which results in tantrums from him. We feed him whatever we''re having for dinner and if he doesn''t want it then we move on. If he seems hungry before bed we''ll offer him the same dinner. He also seems to take a bit of time to get into eating. It takes him a few bites before he really goes to town at meal times. We also use two sets of silveware when feeding James. One for him and one for us. It cuts down on the whining and mess. Good luck!

 

[PumpkinPie]

I''m sorry you''re frustrated - I"m not a parent but it sounds like the other posters had some good ideas

 

[missjaxon]

Date: 5/20/2010 5:40:16 PM
Author: Mrs Mitchell
I feel your pain.


When we had a similar issue, I tried having A's meal ready on a plastic plate in the fridge so she could have it straight away. Quiche was good for that, or a pasta or rice salad. Once she was past the first few bites, she seemed to realise she was hungry, then she'd eat more. Doesn't always work, some nights she just gets upset. I caught myself bringing out a selection of foods one after another for her to pick from (or reject) getting increasingly tempting but unsuitable, but I stopped that. I think I was just teaching her to ask for cake.

Now, she can eat it or not. If not, she comes out of the highchair and we move on to the next thing, usually bath and bed. If at any point in the bath and bed ritual she realises she's hungry, she'll grab my hand and take me back to the kitchen. I'll give her whatever she rejected at dinner if it was something like quiche, or a fairly

bland snack like some toast or cherry tomatoes. Nothing that would be more appealing than the original offering.


We really only have this drama when she's really tired, if DH has been held up in traffic on the way home and dinner is late. He's started taking a snack for her to eat before they head off from the office (her creche is in DH's office) and it's helped. She seems to eat better when she isn't too hungry. I can relate - when I go too long without eating, I get beyond hungry and just unbelievably bad tempered.


Good luck! I hope you can find a solution. Of course, the things that worked for us might not for you, but it's got to be worth a try!


Jen

I am not a Mom yet but I was a Nanny for quite a few years and I feel that this is solid advice. As long as he is eating earlier in the day this is what I would do (I also would make sure he is not coming down with something because just as mentioned previously it could contribute to meal time issues). I would refrain from running thru foods seeing if he will eat this or that because it can start very bad habits when it comes to eating later on that will just make things harder on you. I have seen it time and time again where Mommy/Daddy becomes a short order cook. If you feel that he is trying to be more independent and is old enough to start feeding himself and get most of the food into his mouth then maybe it is time to move onto this stage of meal time with age appropriate foods of course. I hope you find something that works, I know how heartbreaking it is to see a little one all worked up and not know why they are upset, not to mention how frustrating it can be. Best of luck to you!


ETA: I just read that he is 15 months old have you tried finger food meals? I know all babies are different, and progress differently but have you tried small cut up cooked veggies or toast soldiers or scrambled egg on a plate on his high chair tray and then just let him pick up the food and feed himself? Of course I would sit and watch him eat insuring he doesn't put too much in his mouth or choke, but this might be a solution if he isn't a fan of you feeding him with a spoon anymore. If he can do this himself you might also be able to feed him other parts of his meal (mashed potatoes or what ever you are making that night) with a spoon in between him eating his finger foods.

 

[MustangGal]

Thanks for all the thoughts ladies.

Last night went a bit better. He was acting a bit hungry when we got home, so I put him in the highchair and he ate 1/2 a PB&J sandwich (little bites I tore off and he picked up). He was still wanting more after that, so I also gave him some applesauce thickened with oatmeal so it would stay on the spoon as he fed himself. The only problem? We get home at 4:30, so he was done with "dinner" before 5pm. When I made dinner for DH and I later he wanted to eat again, since he gets mad if we eat without him. I gave him a few nibbles, but all he wanted was animal cookies at that point.

Dinner at 4:30pm is not the ideal situation, since I want him to eat what DH and I do, but maybe we''ll try it for a bit and attempt to scale it back to a snack size meal in a few weeks.

 

[packrat]

Maybe he''s going thru a growth spurt and needs the extra snack/meal? Both my kids went thru phases where I was amazed at the amount of food they were putting away, and then it would gradually taper off til they were eating normal again.

 

[MustangGal]

He''s always managed to eat more than I thought possible for his size, yet he''s 22 pounds now, and has consistantly been 15-20% in weight (other than his giant 9 pound birth weight). He is extremely active, and I wonder if maybe he just doesn''t want to be tied down in the highchair? When I let him sit at his little picnic table he squirms, climbs, leaves and comes back while eating a handful of cheerios

.

 

[Pandora II]

Eugh, Daisy has started doing the same the last two weeks - melt-downs now include lying on the floor kicking and screaming especially in public. At the moment I know she doesn''t lack for food (I still feed her and she eats loads) and it''s not that she doesn''t like the food it''s definitely an ''independence'' thing.

The highchair is a disaster at the moment so I just leave her on the floor and pass her bits of whatever I''m eating, which is less traumatic. I tried a yoghurt this morning and after a screaming fit ended up sticking her in the bath nekked with it and hosed down the result!

I don''t offer different choices and if she says ''no'' three times then it goes away.

I hope it''s just a phase, sorry don''t have much advice but I think it''s probably quite a normal stage - although most kids hit it at 2 (maybe K will get the terrible twos out of the way early!)

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Tantrums suck. Human beings tend to be irrational and unreasonable when they are Hungry, Angry, Lonely, and/or Tired (HALT) so it is no surprise a toddler would be any different. Sounds like he is really hungry and frustrated which is understandable.

For the other types of tantrums (not getting what he wants, when he wants it, how he wants it) I remind myself that this is what she is suppose to be doing. Toddlers push and test boundaries. It is normal. Because of this I will usually ignore them.

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 5/21/2010 7:46:01 PM
Author: Tacori E-ring
Tantrums suck. Human beings tend to be irrational and unreasonable when they are Hungry, Angry, Lonely, and/or Tired (HALT) so it is no surprise a toddler would be any different. Sounds like he is really hungry and frustrated which is understandable.

For the other types of tantrums (not getting what he wants, when he wants it, how he wants it) I remind myself that this is what she is suppose to be doing. Toddlers push and test boundaries. It is normal. Because of this I will usually ignore them.

+1.

You have such a nice way of explaining things... I know you are going back to school.

BUT back in the day, if only I had a book of your quips and wisdom...

You make it real, and so down to earth.. Not preachy...

And a long time ago, you thought no one read your posts....

If they didn''t that was their loss!!!!

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Lisa, you are very kind. Your post means a great deal to me. I cannot take credit. I simply carry the message

HALT is a wonderful reminder to not engage in conversation when you feel one of those four things b/c 99% of the time it will end up in a fight.

 

[Lorelei]

Date: 5/21/2010 8:09:06 PM
Author: Kaleigh

Date: 5/21/2010 7:46:01 PM
Author: Tacori E-ring
Tantrums suck. Human beings tend to be irrational and unreasonable when they are Hungry, Angry, Lonely, and/or Tired (HALT) so it is no surprise a toddler would be any different. Sounds like he is really hungry and frustrated which is understandable.

For the other types of tantrums (not getting what he wants, when he wants it, how he wants it) I remind myself that this is what she is suppose to be doing. Toddlers push and test boundaries. It is normal. Because of this I will usually ignore them.

+1.

You have such a nice way of explaining things... I know you are going back to school.

BUT back in the day, if only I had a book of your quips and wisdom...

You make it real, and so down to earth.. Not preachy...

And a long time ago, you thought no one read your posts....

If they didn''t that was their loss!!!!

I have to ditto this. T you are doing a wonderful job and are an invaluable member of the community, I admire you very much.