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Is it ok to buy my own ring?

iced_cupcake

Rough_Rock
Joined
May 2, 2010
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I got married four years ago when I was very young and was a student so we got a small pretty engagement ring. Now we are four years married and I decided to get a different set. My husband kindly bought me a beautiful white gold crossover style wedding/eternity ring which I love and had planned on wearing alone. However now I''m finding diamond shoppign quite enjoyable and would love an engagement ring to wear with this. Thing is, hubby is still paying first ring and I''m not askign him for a second. Would it be bad of me to buy myself an ''engagement'' ring? I don''t think he will mind and as it is an upgrade rather than an initial engagement ring (which he paid for at the time) I was hoping some of you could confirm that this is not awful of me.
 

stone-cold11

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Sep 9, 2008
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14,083
depends on him so ask him.
 

Telethia

Rough_Rock
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Apr 12, 2010
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41
I guess it would depend on your financial situation. As for the "etiquette" aspect, I find nothing wrong with purchasing your own ring. I just paid for my own ring set in its entirety. I''m working full time, and my boyfriend is a full time student, working part time. My train of thought is that once I''m married, we''re one financial unit anyway, so what does it matter who pays for it now? To some this may be less romantic, but it works for us.
 

firebird

Rough_Rock
Joined
May 6, 2010
Messages
28
Date: 5/7/2010 11:33:16 AM
Author:iced_cupcake
I got married four years ago when I was very young and was a student so we got a small pretty engagement ring. Now we are four years married and I decided to get a different set. My husband kindly bought me a beautiful white gold crossover style wedding/eternity ring which I love and had planned on wearing alone. However now I''m finding diamond shoppign quite enjoyable and would love an engagement ring to wear with this. Thing is, hubby is still paying first ring and I''m not askign him for a second. Would it be bad of me to buy myself an ''engagement'' ring? I don''t think he will mind and as it is an upgrade rather than an initial engagement ring (which he paid for at the time) I was hoping some of you could confirm that this is not awful of me.

I don''t think it would be awful of you, but I do agree you should talk to your husband about it! Maybe you can involve him in the selection of the ring, so he feels less like you bought it for yourself and more like you chose it together as an upgrade? I''m shopping with my husband for a belated engagement ring, also, and it''s been fun (well, a little stressful for both of us, too, but I think he does enjoy seeing how excited I''m getting about it).
 

Todd Gray

Brilliant_Rock
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There is nothing wrong with purchasing your own ring or upgrade, but as a guy, I would definitely appreciate it if my bride at least talked to me about it before doing so... the fact that he is in the midst of paying off the other ring while you''re buying a new one might cause him to feel unappreciated or inadequate -or- he might be like, "Great! That''s less pressure on me!" sincerely...

When my mother married my step-father (back when Dinosaurs still roamed the earth, I know because I was already born) they opted for simple gold wedding bands instead of a diamond so that they could have two weeks off (without the kids) in Hawaii. Twenty five years later, my mom purchased a one carat diamond from me because she had always wanted one... Up to this point, every time she hinted at wanting a diamond, he would say "I don''t like diamonds, I prefer sapphires... but you have the money, so if you want one, buy one" the reason for his preference for sapphires by the way is that he is color blind and he likes the way that sapphires look, but diamonds don''t offer any visual attraction to him.

I think you''ve already stated the best introduction to the discussion... "I''m finding diamond shopping quite enjoyable and would love an engagement ring to wear with this [beautiful eternity ring you purchased for me, would you mind if I purchased one?]"
 

RaiKai

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
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Date: 5/7/2010 11:33:16 AM
Author:iced_cupcake
I got married four years ago when I was very young and was a student so we got a small pretty engagement ring. Now we are four years married and I decided to get a different set. My husband kindly bought me a beautiful white gold crossover style wedding/eternity ring which I love and had planned on wearing alone. However now I''m finding diamond shoppign quite enjoyable and would love an engagement ring to wear with this. Thing is, hubby is still paying first ring and I''m not askign him for a second. Would it be bad of me to buy myself an ''engagement'' ring? I don''t think he will mind and as it is an upgrade rather than an initial engagement ring (which he paid for at the time) I was hoping some of you could confirm that this is not awful of me.

It is not awful of you! There are lots of women these days who even pay towards their original engagement ring - particularly amongst couples who live together and share finances already.

I would just suggest involving your husband in the process, even if you are paying for it "yourself" (though, it sort of all ends up coming from the same place anyway when you are married).

I did not have an engagement ring at the time we got engaged and married. While we could afford one and did consider getting one, I just opted not to have one at the time for various reasons including the timing, the current and possible future financial situation (including paying for our wedding which we decided to have only a couple months later), and I had no idea what I would want either! We did get wedding rings of course (and split costs for those and all other wedding things).

I thought I would be alright with just my wedding ring - and it is a lovely small sapphire and diamond pave crossover ring - but I realized after the wedding when I was wearing it everyday that I really wanted something more traditional - an engagement ring and a wedding band, and I also had some comfort issues with the ring. And I was more than willing to pay for it myself as I am currently the breadwinner while DH returned to school - plus I had a tax return coming! I talked to DH about it, and while he obviously had some sentimentality towards my original ring, was quite understanding and supportive. He just wanted to be involved in the process, so while I purchased online, I still would involve him by sharing my ideas, showing pictures of what I liked and hearing his thoughts on it and so on. He had some specific requests too for my new ring - as in he still wanted sapphires, diamonds and white gold (easy enough as I did too!) and such.

DH was quite excited about the process though too and was always asking if they were ready yet (they were custom made) or when they would be shipped!

I had my ring made with surprise stones to add some sentimentality to them (representing our birthdays, and our wedding month anniversary) and then waited to put them on as DH really wanted to put them on me (that was a long wait once I opened the FedEx package before I got home from work!). So, there are lots of ways to bring sentimentality into a new ring even if it is an upgrade or a new ring altogether, and you are paying for it.
 

Dreamer_D

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Since you are married then, technically you are both actually paying off the eternity ring presently, and you would both be paying for the new ring together, no?
4.gif
I am not sure how you do your finances, every couple is different, and it is of course a private matter. If it were it me I would wait until one jewelry purchase was paid off before buying the next. And then if I wanted a ring and hubby thought it was a good use of our money, then I would buy it!
 

Black Jade

Brilliant_Rock
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1,242
Don''t think you will get anybody who will say anything other than, have a discussion with him about it.

He might not mind, but he may be concerned about the finances (as some have stated) and he may also be one of those men who really want their wife to wear their original engagement ring (and wedding band). If so, it''s a little thing to accomodate him with. My husband is very attached to the engagement ring that he bought at the very sentimental/emotional time in our life when we got engaged. he is not the only man I know who is like that, so better check.

There''s always RHR, in that case, as well as other lovely jewelry.
 

yssie

Super_Ideal_Rock
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ditto.. talk about it with him.


I'll just be honest and say that unless they've chosen to pay in installments to build credit or something such, financing jewellery is something I would strongly advise friends and family against, let alone buying more jewellery while they're still paying off the first.
 

PumpkinPie

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Date: 5/7/2010 4:12:09 PM
Author: yssie
ditto.. talk about it with him.

I''ll just be honest and say that unless they''ve chosen to pay in installments to build credit or something such, financing jewellery is something I would strongly advise friends and family against, let alone buying more jewellery while they''re still paying off the first.

I agree completely with yssie - but the actual idea itself (buying your own ring) is not a bad thing! :)
 

CharmyPoo

Ideal_Rock
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7,007
Agreed - you should talk to him. I think some guys wil care and others won''t at all.
 

kenny

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Of course it is okay to buy your own ring but...
- it won't be an engagement ring since he didn't use it to propose
- the new ring was your idea not his
- you are paying for it so it was not even a gift from him
- since your finances are apparently separate he is not even paying for part of it.

It is unusual to hear of a couple in which he is still paying for the first ring while you have the money for a new one for yourself.
Perhaps the money should go to pay off the first ring so you, I mean he, can stop throwing money away on interest.

Don't get me wrong.
Separate finances are your own business.
By all means buy yourself a diamond ring by all means and feel free to buy one that looks just like an engagement ring and wear it on your ring finger.
But the ring will not carry the usual meaning related to the relationship.
Nothing wrong with that.
Actually, I like people who think for themselves and do their own thing, but an engagement ring means a specific thing and this new ring will be wonderful but it won't be an engagement ring.
 

zhuzhu

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Mar 15, 2006
Messages
2,503
I agree that it is your FI''s opinion/feeling that counts here, not ours.

However, I also don''t think the definition of engagement ring needs to be so strictly defined. As long as you and him come to agree on a WISE decision regarding the replacement (ie: sell the old one and use the $ towards the new one, or return the old one so no more payment is owed on it).

Best of luck to you!
 

swingirl

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Messages
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Date: 5/7/2010 11:33:16 AM
Author:iced_cupcake
I got married four years ago when I was very young and was a student so we got a small pretty engagement ring. Now we are four years married and I decided to get a different set. My husband kindly bought me a beautiful white gold crossover style wedding/eternity ring which I love and had planned on wearing alone. However now I''m finding diamond shoppign quite enjoyable and would love an engagement ring to wear with this. Thing is, hubby is still paying first ring and I''m not askign him for a second. Would it be bad of me to buy myself an ''engagement'' ring? I don''t think he will mind and as it is an upgrade rather than an initial engagement ring (which he paid for at the time) I was hoping some of you could confirm that this is not awful of me.
You mean your husband is still paying off your original engagement ring from 4 years ago?
 

Black Jade

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Aug 21, 2008
Messages
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Kenny summed it all up very accurately, IMO.

But if its fine with your husband, do what you want.

The fact that replacement rings and upgrades and anniversary presents or push presents in the form of a ring are in fact not engagement rings doesn''t really matter in the grand scheme of things, so long as the relationship remains intact and no one''s feelings or pride or hurt (and so long as the budget remains in good shape, also.) Though I do think something to think about is WHY the replacement. If hubby senses or thinks he senses that what he chose/could afford is not good enough because of some need to keep up with the joneses (or the girlfriends), there are going to be problems. And it is so not worth it. So I guess we are back to the beginning, where you are checking it out with him before action.
 

marcy

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Talk to him and see what he thinks. I don''t it''s bad to buy your own ring.
 

HVVS

Brilliant_Rock
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816
You mean your husband is still paying off your original engagement ring from 4 years ago?

Believe it or not, everyone does not pay cash for an e-ring. Pricescope is rather in the minority, there.
 

yssie

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Date: 5/8/2010 12:00:14 PM
Author: HVVS


You mean your husband is still paying off your original engagement ring from 4 years ago?

Believe it or not, everyone does not pay cash for an e-ring. Pricescope is rather in the minority, there.
I don't know... absolutely noone I know would ever do anything but. Financing is for houses, maybe cars, definitely not luxuries and non-necessities. Granted, the people I know make a tiny subset of everyone thinking about engagement, but I can't believe PSers are in quite that much of a minority.
 

Lisa Loves Shiny

Ideal_Rock
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Oh dear I think the OP was asking about the emotional aspect of a new E-ring. Certainly we are not going to place value judgements on her financial decisions are we? I think it would be fine to choose an upgraded E-Ring but do like the idea of making sure hubby does not have hurt feelings over it. My DH loves both of my other "Engagement" rings. In fact when I wear a few rings at a time he will on occasion (a smile and wink to me) ask his friends if they like the beautiful diamonds he has bought me. It is all good fun, and really a ring is a just a ring. It is the committment between both of you that is special.
 

NeverEndingUpgrade

Brilliant_Rock
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Messages
1,823
There is nothing wrong with buying your own ring. I bought my own upgrade. And I paid it out using some assets I cashed in and the remainder I put on an interest-free layaway. It is paid off now and I am happy I took the plunge.
 

swingirl

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Date: 5/8/2010 7:09:20 PM
Author: LisaRN
Oh dear I think the OP was asking about the emotional aspect of a new E-ring. Certainly we are not going to place value judgements on her financial decisions are we? I think it would be fine to choose an upgraded E-Ring but do like the idea of making sure hubby does not have hurt feelings over it. My DH loves both of my other 'Engagement' rings. In fact when I wear a few rings at a time he will on occasion (a smile and wink to me) ask his friends if they like the beautiful diamonds he has bought me. It is all good fun, and really a ring is a just a ring. It is the committment between both of you that is special.
There is no value judgment being made here merely a question to clarify, which the OP has not answered. Her original question is about buying her own ring and hurting her DH's feelings since he is still paying off the first ering. Thing is how will DH feel about making payments on a ring that no longer exits. I would suggest paying the first ring off before buying another. My opinion doesn't have anything to do with finances, it has to do with possibly hurting someone's feelings.
 

Imdanny

Ideal_Rock
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I'm not sure I understood everything you wrote- but if you're asking us if we think it's OK if you buy a ring to replace a ring he is still paying for- I would think you would want to talk to him about that. I think that might as the previous poster said hurt someone's feelings. I wouldn't want to be still paying for a ring that wasn't wanted anymore. Maybe you should pay off the ring for him if you are going to buy a new ring. Just a thought.
 

HVVS

Brilliant_Rock
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Messages
816
I don''t know... absolutely noone I know would ever do anything but. Financing is for houses, maybe cars, definitely not luxuries and non-necessities. Granted, the people I know make a tiny subset of everyone thinking about engagement, but I can''t believe PSers are in quite that much of a minority.

Nobody I know is upgrading her e-ring 4 times to a 2.7+ ct in a 2-year engagement before even married. Most are paying for their own college educations, or saving for a down payment on a home, or helping other family members who have lost jobs, have children, and are having difficulty paying for basic necessities like health insurance and food for a family. Just maybe you are more fortunate than most. This board sounds like a real collection of princesses at times. Now, get off your high horses, all of you, and stop being so critical of all the others who do not have your financial backing and a FI who is willing to cater to every desire for an upgrade.
I''ve paid cash for my last 4 vehicles. To me, it might make more sense to finance a diamond ring that will last at least 15 to 20 years, than finance a vehicle that will depreciate to half in 2 years, have 35k miles per year put on it, rust in 4 years, and be into major repairs before I could ever get it paid off. And mortgages: Depending on where they bought and when, some people are 25% or more "underwater" or "upside down" on their homes.
I get a little tired of sanctimonious 20-somethings telling everyone how the world works. Someday, ladies, you will be 30 or 50, might be divorced, might have a money problem, might have a cheating spouse, might be over the age limit to catch a trophy sugar daddy, and you just might have to eat those words. I am just sayin'': Life will not always roll YOUR way.
 

Bosie

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Would love to hear from the OP what has happened.
 

february2003bride

Ideal_Rock
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Messages
3,551
It''s no one''s business how your DH paid for your ring and how you plan to pay for this one. Regarding your question, when the time is right, tell DH that you would love a more traditional e-ring and would it possibly be something that you two pick out together? That way your DH still feels like he had input. Good luck and please post pictures someday!
 

onedrop

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Date: 5/9/2010 11:01:22 AM
Author: HVVS
I don''t know... absolutely noone I know would ever do anything but. Financing is for houses, maybe cars, definitely not luxuries and non-necessities. Granted, the people I know make a tiny subset of everyone thinking about engagement, but I can''t believe PSers are in quite that much of a minority.




I get a little tired of sanctimonious 20-somethings telling everyone how the world works. Someday, ladies, you will be 30 or 50, might be divorced, might have a money problem, might have a cheating spouse, might be over the age limit to catch a trophy sugar daddy, and you just might have to eat those words. I am just sayin'': Life will not always roll YOUR way.

This is kind of a harsh statement, no? I think people were just stating opinions and experiences and I didn''t read anything that was "sanctimonious." In a way I agree with your point HHVS in that I am not so sure that *everyone* pays cash for engagement rings and such in the real world. However I also don''t think that other posters in relating their experience are trying to sit in judgement of others.

To the original poster''s question, I think any decision made regarding the upgrade should probably be made with your husband''s input. I think if I were in his place I might feel a bit put out because I''d feel like what I was able to buy wasn''t good enough. This may not be the case, but I definitely think your husband''s feelings need to be considered. JMO.
 

DiamanteBlu

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Jul 12, 2005
Messages
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Date: 5/7/2010 11:33:16 AM
Author:iced_cupcake
I got married four years ago when I was very young and was a student so we got a small pretty engagement ring. Now we are four years married and I decided to get a different set. My husband kindly bought me a beautiful white gold crossover style wedding/eternity ring which I love and had planned on wearing alone. However now I''m finding diamond shoppign quite enjoyable and would love an engagement ring to wear with this. Thing is, hubby is still paying first ring and I''m not askign him for a second. Would it be bad of me to buy myself an ''engagement'' ring? I don''t think he will mind and as it is an upgrade rather than an initial engagement ring (which he paid for at the time) I was hoping some of you could confirm that this is not awful of me.

Nope, it is not awful of you. If you want to upgrade and he is ok with it, I say, go for it! The only opinions that matter are yours and his.
 

kenny

Super_Ideal_Rock
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33,227
I agree it is nobody's business.
BUT... read the title of the thread.
She's asked for our opinions of what is okay.

Giving an opinion, when it is requested, isn't judgmental is a negative sense.
We are not bossing her around, being nosey or arrogant.
Every opinion from one extreme to the other is equally valid since after all they are only opinions.

When you ask a bunch of anonymous strangers on the Internet for their opinions that is exactly what you will get.
I do not understand how anyone can get upset by responses here.
 

Yimmers

Brilliant_Rock
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Apr 29, 2008
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Date: 5/7/2010 11:33:16 AM
Author:iced_cupcake
I got married four years ago when I was very young and was a student so we got a small pretty engagement ring. Now we are four years married and I decided to get a different set. My husband kindly bought me a beautiful white gold crossover style wedding/eternity ring which I love and had planned on wearing alone. However now I''m finding diamond shoppign quite enjoyable and would love an engagement ring to wear with this. Thing is, hubby is still paying first ring and I''m not askign him for a second. Would it be bad of me to buy myself an ''engagement'' ring? I don''t think he will mind and as it is an upgrade rather than an initial engagement ring (which he paid for at the time) I was hoping some of you could confirm that this is not awful of me.


Guys and gals,

Just a clarification here. She is asking about buying a second ring to wear with the one her husband is paying for. "..would love an engagement ring to wear with this." Some of you are asking about how her husband would feel if she bought a new ring to replace the one he''s given to her. That doesn''t appear to be the case from her original post.

Ms. Iced Cupcake, if you want to buy yourself a ring, by all means, do it if you have the financial capacity to do so, but as people have said, please talk to your husband about it first.
 

NeverEndingUpgrade

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Oct 3, 2007
Messages
1,823
Date: 5/9/2010 11:01:22 AM
Author: HVVS

I don''t know... absolutely noone I know would ever do anything but. Financing is for houses, maybe cars, definitely not luxuries and non-necessities. Granted, the people I know make a tiny subset of everyone thinking about engagement, but I can''t believe PSers are in quite that much of a minority.

Nobody I know is upgrading her e-ring 4 times to a 2.7+ ct in a 2-year engagement before even married. Most are paying for their own college educations, or saving for a down payment on a home, or helping other family members who have lost jobs, have children, and are having difficulty paying for basic necessities like health insurance and food for a family. Just maybe you are more fortunate than most. This board sounds like a real collection of princesses at times. Now, get off your high horses, all of you, and stop being so critical of all the others who do not have your financial backing and a FI who is willing to cater to every desire for an upgrade.
I''ve paid cash for my last 4 vehicles. To me, it might make more sense to finance a diamond ring that will last at least 15 to 20 years, than finance a vehicle that will depreciate to half in 2 years, have 35k miles per year put on it, rust in 4 years, and be into major repairs before I could ever get it paid off. And mortgages: Depending on where they bought and when, some people are 25% or more ''underwater'' or ''upside down'' on their homes.
I get a little tired of sanctimonious 20-somethings telling everyone how the world works. Someday, ladies, you will be 30 or 50, might be divorced, might have a money problem, might have a cheating spouse, might be over the age limit to catch a trophy sugar daddy, and you just might have to eat those words. I am just sayin'': Life will not always roll YOUR way.
Which is precisely why we should invest in diamonds!
3.gif
 
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