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dilema... PLEASE HELP!!

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xstormcloud7x

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Jan 13, 2010
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hi all, i''m in the process of formulating a proposal to my girlfriend of 6 years, and would like your opinions on something... (i hope this is the correct place for this in the forum?)

i plan on proposing in a garden and then heading over to a restaurant for an engagement dinner with friends and family (though her family is actually mostly international so i''m planning to host a webcast/chat session as a surprise at the dinner). I''ve researched online, and polled a few close friends/family and it seems as if it''s tradition for the groom to be paying for everyone who attends the dinner. is this pretty accurate with all of you too? i''m pretty strapped for cash right now, but i feel like having more of our friends and family would make it a truly joyous occasion for her, so would it be totally out of line to ask people to pay on their own?

i know i''m sounding like a real cheapskate, but i''d very much love to have more people (25 vs like 8?) attend. i mean we all pay our own way for birthday parties (plus birthday person of course), so is this really different from that?

please give your input!
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Prana

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Mar 30, 2009
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Since it is technically a ''party'', so to speak, then you as the host should pay for everyone.

Sounds like you have reaaly thought it out though. Good Luck!!
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Indylady

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Perhaps you could throw a bbq at your house, or even a potluck? I think its somewhat bad form to be the "host" in an occasion such as an engagement celebration without picking up the tab. I''d rather chose a less expensive restaurant or a home cooked meal than asking guests to pay at a nicer restaurant.

You''re right, many birthdays are celebrated and friends go dutch. However, I think an engagement party is more akin to a wedding, and I do think its the hosts responsibility to fund this party. I would also want all of the friends and family possible to be there, so I''d chose a cheaper option and find a way to pay. If its simply impossible, then, its ok to ask guests to pay their own way.
 

JulieN

Super_Ideal_Rock
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there''s NO good way to ask people to pay their own way. if your friends are used to paying their own way because it is not much different from a birthday party, then fine... your friends will probably split the check amongst themselves. However, you should be prepared to pay the whole thing.
 

xstormcloud7x

Rough_Rock
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Jan 13, 2010
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thanks for the advice everyone. i appreciate it! i guess i just have to invite less people...
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PumpkinPie

Ideal_Rock
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Jan 17, 2010
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Date: 3/26/2010 2:44:54 AM
Author: JulieN
there''s NO good way to ask people to pay their own way. if your friends are used to paying their own way because it is not much different from a birthday party, then fine... your friends will probably split the check amongst themselves. However, you should be prepared to pay the whole thing.

I agree with JulieN
 

CourtLynB

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Mar 22, 2010
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Whenever close friends of my BF and I got engaged, they usually held a celebratory "drinks" get together a day or two later. It was at a bar/lounge that was centrally located for all the friends and family in the area. It was after dinner (tho I think one couple had dinner with both sets of parents beforehand) and people paid their own way. I think being in an atmosphere like that, most people wouldn''t except someone else to pick up the tab.

But then they had the true engagment party, which is a whole other thing....
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Mobinvera

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Jan 7, 2010
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I think you should be prepared to pay for everyone, but I suspect that people will actually end up paying for themselves, as well as for the both of you, just like at a birthday.
 

babygirl

Shiny_Rock
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Nov 11, 2008
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120
If you''re strapped for cash, why don''t you invite family only to dinner and then ask friends to meet up with you afterward for drinks? I''ve had several friends who have done that.. I''ve had other friends who have gotten engaged and then rounded up a group of friends to go out to celebrate a few nights after the fact. I think if you ask people to dinner, the expectation might be that you''ll pay- whereas with drinks, unless you''re renting out a bar or something, I think people would expect to pay for their own. Good luck with your proposal!!
 

LilyKat

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Jun 8, 2009
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835
Well, I think it really depends on your social circle. I personally wouldn't expect the groom to pay for something like that - but if you've polled a few of your own close friends, and that is their expectation, I would play it safe.

Is there any way you could fit the 25 people in your home? You could supply drinks and various hors d'oeuvres (buy platters from a supermarket), which would be inexpensive and easy. You could have a friend store the "supplies" if you are worried about ruining the surprise. There's a thread on BWW at the moment about hosting a cocktail party on a budget - something like that would be wonderful.
 

Callisto

Brilliant_Rock
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Mar 11, 2009
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1,152
I agree with those suggesting just meeting for drinks or hosting an hors d''ouvres and drinks night at your house. If I met for drinks after a friend got engaged, I would not expect the host to pick up the bill, but when you''re at a sit down dinner its a bit awkward to split the bill 25 ways.
 
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