Private or Public school...that is the question...

[jewelz617]

I will say that my brothers and I went through the private school system (for 16 years including college) and I can give you the pros and cons:

PROS:
If uniforms are required, it takes a lot of pressure off the kids to have the best outfits. It sort of levels the playing field.

The education in my experience was great. There is a lot of focus on college preparation, being able to write well (papers are a weekly thing) and speech. I found that I placed out of a lot of writing and literature courses as a college freshman.

The college acceptance rates for some of the more competitive schools can be higher for a private school grad. I got accepted at Fordham University and I wasn't a "star" student.

More individual parent/teacher/student attention. These teachers will go above and beyond to make sure the student is not falling through the cracks. Dropout rates are extremely low.

Because the school is privately funded, they can be more lenient about field trips, snow days etc. and that's nice sometimes.

CONS:
When a school is built on academic performance success, it can be very stressful for a student. I went to a Catholic school and was taught by nuns and I still suffer from guilt trips. Sometimes it can be like a pressure cooker, students tend to be a lot more pushy about "How did you do on that exam?" "What is your average in that class?"

The attitude can be very different. There seems to be more emphasis on money status than there is in a public school system. Of course the status issue is going to be found one way or another with most any school you choose.

Socially, it can be isolating. My school was an hour away from my hometown. It was not convenient for me to see my friends and vice versa.

The cost can get very high over the years.

Your child can succeed anywhere! Some children thrive on a private school education, some don't like the structure of it. It's really not a "one is better" issue (not that you were saying that at all), so go with whichever one is going to work best for you and your family.

 

[mrssalvo]

Date: 1/13/2010 7:30:47 AM
Author: steph72276
T

Mrs.S, I have seen Dave talk about this too. Don''t you just love him?

totally LOVE Dave. his message changed our life when we first started following him a few years ago and definitely changed the future for our kids!

 

[snowflakeluvr]

Hi,
I have five children. We sent 1,2,3 to private. #1 went to public at 8th grade to segue way to public high school. She graduated with honors, made dean''s list a time or two in college and graduated from Purdue in December (a semester early!). #2 went to Catholic the whole way through-graduated from Catholic with a state soccer title, honors, awards, now in a state school, has made dean''s list, doing great. #3 Catholic school, moved to Michigan last year to affluent area and we live in an awesome public school system. He does not like his private school(quite large) but is most likely headed to private high school due to size and other issues(some teen depression). I would love if he could handle public here, but I know he needs a smaller environment. We are going to spend huge bucks for this, however, given his struggles, I am doing what''s best for him and he''s a great kid and an exceptional student.
#4 is now in public kindergarten, went to private pre-school. He loves it, I love it and he will stay there at least till big brother graduates from private high school, unless money falls from the sky somehow #5 will go to public kindergarten in 2011...
It''s very personal and also very tied to your finances. We probably have spent over 100 grand already on our first 3 and their private educations. They are very strong students and great kids. but guess what? our first two are incurring college debt as well, we have a big family and our own lives, expenses(we are very good to our kids-the first two got new cars when dad came to the auto industry, we pay rent, buy them stuff) BUT looking back, they would probably have little/no college debt if we had sent them to public. My older two received academic scholarship and everyone tells you that if your child goes private and does well, it "will pay for itself". Well, it does not, because my hubby makes too much money so there are NO BREAKS for kids with high achievement who aren''t in the top , top of the class.
If you live in a good public district, I would really consider it. I went to Catholic till high school then went to a large, very good public, graduated with honors, graduated college, a good kid, if you will. My hubby went to small rural public, graduated with average grades, went to college, excelled(met me), went to grad school post-marriage, excelled academically, and he''s a huge success.
I always say, if you have good, bright kids, they will do well anywhere. I am sure with your background and your parenting skills, your child(ren) is/are going to do well.
This parenting thing is stressful and causes us to question ourselves often. Loving and supporting your child for who they are is a huge part of it. Good luck with your decision. It will work out because you know your child better than anyone else possibly could and you will do what is best for them. I am certain of it

 

[steph72276]

Snowflake, thank you so much for your perspective. The thing you said about bright kids doing well anywhere really hit home..and I think you''re right about that. I know I am extremely lucky to have to make the choice out of 3 great schools, and I can''t really go wrong in any choice. Thanks again!

 

[kalyn]

I am fairly young (24 next week) and don''t have any kids of my own (yet!), so I hope you don''t mind me popping in here. I have two younger brothers, the youngest is currently a junior in high school. Brother #1 is A and Brother #2 is S. All three of us have spent our lives mostly in public school, but in advanced classes like the Target program and for me, a Math/Science Magnet program for high school.

S and I went to a local top private school for a year. He was in Kindergarten, I was finishing middle school. We were completely miserable there, their academics were actually far behind where I had been in my public school, and moving up to the high school level found far more potheads and kids on pills and worse, than I have ever seen in our public schools. I have a very bitter outlook on private schools because of the way I was treated. Since my previous curriculum was so ahead, I was held up as an example and literally had teachers say to our class "Look, if the Public School Child can get a 100, then you should be able to do it too!" And no, we weren''t on scholarship. My dad, uncle, and many cousins all went to that school. I begged to go back to public school and we took S out too.

End story is that all 3 of us have turned out better than almost anyone from that school. All of us scored in the 99% percentile on SATs. I graduated HS with a 3.9, a dual diploma, a magnet seal, and college credits. A just graduated from Clemson in less than 4 years, with a 4.0 and top of the Honors College. S is a goofball but still has around a 3.5.

Sorry, I don''t mean to rant or write a book, but my point is that private school is not "all that." Yes, it can be beneficial for many kids, and if we didn''t have a fantastic public school system, I could have just tried a different one. For my own kids, I will see how their own strengths develop through elementary school and how the schools handle it. I know if we stay in the house I own now, the local schools all have great Target programs, charter schools, and magnet schools, all of which I rotate teach in. And I hope this post doesn''t sound mean or judgmental

, I just wanted to present a different view from the perspective of a former student.

 

[sparklyheart]

Date: 1/13/2010 1:57:59 PM
Author: snowflakeluvr
Hi,
I have five children. We sent 1,2,3 to private. #1 went to public at 8th grade to segue way to public high school. She graduated with honors, made dean''s list a time or two in college and graduated from Purdue in December (a semester early!). #2 went to Catholic the whole way through-graduated from Catholic with a state soccer title, honors, awards, now in a state school, has made dean''s list, doing great. #3 Catholic school, moved to Michigan last year to affluent area and we live in an awesome public school system. He does not like his private school(quite large) but is most likely headed to private high school due to size and other issues(some teen depression). I would love if he could handle public here, but I know he needs a smaller environment. We are going to spend huge bucks for this, however, given his struggles, I am doing what''s best for him and he''s a great kid and an exceptional student.
#4 is now in public kindergarten, went to private pre-school. He loves it, I love it and he will stay there at least till big brother graduates from private high school, unless money falls from the sky somehow #5 will go to public kindergarten in 2011...
It''s very personal and also very tied to your finances. We probably have spent over 100 grand already on our first 3 and their private educations. They are very strong students and great kids. but guess what? our first two are incurring college debt as well, we have a big family and our own lives, expenses(we are very good to our kids-the first two got new cars when dad came to the auto industry, we pay rent, buy them stuff) BUT looking back, they would probably have little/no college debt if we had sent them to public. My older two received academic scholarship and everyone tells you that if your child goes private and does well, it ''will pay for itself''. Well, it does not, because my hubby makes too much money so there are NO BREAKS for kids with high achievement who aren''t in the top , top of the class.
If you live in a good public district, I would really consider it. I went to Catholic till high school then went to a large, very good public, graduated with honors, graduated college, a good kid, if you will. My hubby went to small rural public, graduated with average grades, went to college, excelled(met me), went to grad school post-marriage, excelled academically, and he''s a huge success.
I always say, if you have good, bright kids, they will do well anywhere. I am sure with your background and your parenting skills, your child(ren) is/are going to do well.
This parenting thing is stressful and causes us to question ourselves often. Loving and supporting your child for who they are is a huge part of it. Good luck with your decision. It will work out because you know your child better than anyone else possibly could and you will do what is best for them. I am certain of it

Ditto to this.

I am also speaking as someone who doesn''t have kids.. But I grew up in a very nice school district and never understood why parents drove 30 minuutes to take their kids to private school when we had such a good school system. I completely understand if the district is less than stellar but that doesn''t sound like your situation. Also, one of the greatest things my parents gave me was my college education. Had they sent me to private school, I would be screwed because I was never eligible for college loans due to my parents income.

You''re already paying for the public school in your taxes (unless that is different by state? I''m unsure.) so why pay for both if you don''t have to? Save the money for their college education! I agree with what others have said about at least trying out the public school. He can still be surrounded by religion at home and at church even if he isn''t surrounded at school.

It sounds like you guys are very good and supportive parents so I have no doubt he will do well wherever you decide to place him..

 

[steph72276]

Thanks for all the advice and input from everyone. My husband and I talked it over, and we have decided that we are going to try out the public school for K and see how it goes. And I''m taking the advice and putting the difference we would have spent in his college fund. Thanks again for everyone''s perspective, it was all really helpful!

 

[Porridge]

That sounds like a good decision Steph!

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Tough decision. I went to public school up until 9th grade. Since we moved and the public school system in our new neighborhood was NOT good my parents sent me to a nonreligious private school. It was really the best thing for me. I was always a shy kid and tried to blend in which was impossible to do with class size as little as 8. It really brought me out of my shell. Also it REALLY prepared me for college. My high school was much more difficult than the public college I went to. It truly was a prep school (for Ivy) and I worked REALLY hard. Maybe too hard. My high school tuition was higher than college (which was hard to stomach for my parents) but I believe Catholic schools are not as rough on the wallet (could be wrong though). I do want to say sometimes I think there is MORE drinking and drugs than in public. Some of these kids come from families with A LOT of money and there was a ton of stress put on us on a young age (compared to my siblings who went to public high school). Don''t think you can shield your kid from peer pressure but I know you are a good, sensible mom so I am sure Andrew will make smart choices.

 

[Mara]

I would send him to the public elementary and save the private aspects for later. You can make sure they get the religious aspects at your home and church. Private is so expensive though and if your elementary is academically great, that is wonderful.

I went to public elementary, religious private middle and junior and public high. I have to say that the private middle and junior were not any 'better' academically and I feel like my parents just wasted their money on it. Also we weren't religious at home so it was kind of silly to send me to a religious school when we didn't practice at home at ALL. Also the junior private was so not great academically that I ended up doing summer school for 2 years to catch up with the AP classes anyway at the public high school.

We have a great public elementary within walking distance for us too, so if we are still here in 5 years that is where our kid will go. But middle is not great, so at that point we'll have to consider the options.

 

[Clairitek]

I went to a private school for K-2 because my parents weren''t excited about the public school in my hometown initially. Then in 3rd grade my parents couldn''t afford the tuition anymore and stuck me in public school. I remember feeling like I was ahead academically, but totally behind socially. I was just unsocialized, I guess, from spending the previous 3 years with the same 20 kids (my private school was really small). Then later in life (high school) I was in an art class at the local art museum with a girl who had gone through 9 yers of school at the same school I had one been in. She was so socially inept and didn''t really pick up on social cues. I was really grateful at that moment for my public school education and experiences. Given the issues I had with sensitivity and shyness growing up I think private school would have made going off to college and adulthood that much more difficult had I not been exposed to more like you are in a public school. I realize that this is purely anecdotal evidence and only one incident I am talking to but I definitely feel that when it comes to socialization, you can''t beat a good public school. My husband and I plan on sending our kids to public school provided we live in a good school district and our child doesn''t have special needs that can''t be met by our local school district.

I liked fiery''s idea about saving the tuition money now and putting it into a 529. I''m sure college or any higher education will be pricey for your son and baby on the way.

 

[swimmer]

Steph, it sounds like you are making a sound decision based on your personal situation and external factors. K is so adorable and that look in his eyes...he will be a star anywhere.

Just adding my two cents here as a teacher and administrator. For parents who are looking around at their options, please feel free to call the school you are considering and go on a tour. This is not unusual even at public schools. I always wonder when I hear "the elementary schools are good but the middle isn''t" and wonder what that info is based upon. Test scores don''t give much information as now some schools are "failing" under NCLB because they can''t improve anymore. Statistically it would be impossible to continue to improve, but improvement must be reported every year or a school is "failing." Yeah...ignore the test scores. What are the programs like for talented and gifted, the resources for including sped students, how do they build community, what does the library look like. Some statistics that you can find on the DOE website are attendance and suspensions. Those are actually pretty interesting figures. Attendance is directly correlated with performance, an well, suspensions? It lets you know about the drug/violence level. Go to a school committee meeting, what are the concerns being addressed (or watch them on cable access tv if it airs). Even elementary schools have guidance counselors, how do they describe the vision of the school system, what are their biggest concerns, do they send their children there?

Ultimately, several people (snowflakelvr etc) have said the same key sentiment. Clever well-adjusted kids thrive anywhere. But yes, do look into the school community that your child will attend, don''t just listen to old gossip, that old principal might be long gone. I have seen schools change rapidly for the better and for the worse in as few as two years. There are awesome teachers in every building and ones that really should be working elsewhere. I''m sure that every workplace has both.

A note on private to public transitions as my public district has been getting students lately whose parents can no longer afford private tuition. I see that independent schools have some really great kids coming out, kids are not really prepared for the structure of public school, (no leaving the campus, no smoking areas, just procedural rules), I''m not sure if this is good or bad, but they seem to be shocked by our honor code and other rules that make a larger school work. The kids coming from Catholic school seem to fall into two categories, those who have limited social skills and say things like "I''m in high school to learn, not to make friends..." Oh dear. Or they ditch the uniform and think that they have arrived on the set for the OC. Seriously, public school is not like a Brittney video, we don''t have a dress code, but "be decent and comfortable" works for most of the kids. It is the kids from religious private schools that concern me most, not the "chapel talk" kind of schools, but the more sheltered approach at life. They don''t have the filter or the emotional equipment to deal with so much that is daily life. And this is coming to a school that has no cuts for athletic teams and students can check out laptops for personal use during the day.

One last point, if your child has developmental delays, do remember that private schools are not required to provide special services for them. Public schools are. Some private schools now have re-branded themselves as geared for the learning disabled/dyslexic/etc. Their teachers are not required to have special training or even masters degrees in their specialty. I have seen parents who felt guilted into sending their profoundly delayed student to private schools only to have the child languish with incomplete intervention, whose needs would have been addressed in even the worst of public schools. Public schools tend to focus resources on those students who need it most, those at the top or bottom (to be blunt) it is those students in the middle, who do ok, but not great, who need their parents to be advocates. Of course all students need their parents to ask every single day, "what did you learn in history? How did that science test go? What papers or projects are coming up? Can I take you to the library? May I look over that paper to check for typos?"

I''ve been a teacher for 10 years and an administrator for 5, can''t wait to be a mom and see it from the other side! Thanks for reading this ramble, I hope it helped someone dealing with these issues of school placement.

 

[steph72276]

Thanks for all the additional info. Thanks for your perspective as a teacher/admin. swimmer. I''ve taught both at public schools and private, but I''ve been out of the loop for several years now, staying at home with my little one. I am calling the public school to do a tour and the PTA meeting idea is great also. Thanks again!

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Steph, I'm coming in late to this discussion, but I have a few thoughts as a parent and teacher. I really don't think it matters in elementary school especially if you have a good public school. However, I think middle and high school are critical to look at. Things had declined so much at our public middle and high schools that we wouldn't let our youngest go there. The dress, bad language, and behavior that was allowed was just unacceptable to us (and lots of drugs and alcohol outside of school). Unfortunately, we didn't have the option of a good Christian school nearby either, so we chose a public charter school. Now we have the same decision to make again as she goes to high school. So I'd encourage you to not only visit the elementary school but also the local middle and high school and see if you can visualize your child in those environments.

 

[steph72276]

Date: 1/18/2010 2:26:01 PM
Author: diamondseeker2006
Steph, I''m coming in late to this discussion, but I have a few thoughts as a parent and teacher. I really don''t think it matters in elementary school especially if you have a good public school. However, I think middle and high school are critical to look at. Things had declined so much at our public middle and high schools that we wouldn''t let our youngest go there. The dress, bad language, and behavior that was allowed was just unacceptable to us (and lots of drugs and alcohol outside of school). Unfortunately, we didn''t have the option of a good Christian school nearby either, so we chose a public charter school. Now we have the same decision to make again as she goes to high school. So I''d encourage you to not only visit the elementary school but also the local middle and high school and see if you can visualize your child in those environments.

Thanks, DS. I will be sure to do that. Right now, both the middle and high schools have great reputations, but like you said, they could decline pretty quickly, so if we stick with the public elementary school through 5th grade, we will check out the middle school before sending him there. That''s a really good point. Thanks