Question for TTC ladies...

[NakedFinger]

I didnt want to invade your TTC thread, since I am not TTC (yet!

), but I have a question!

My SIL's friend has been TTC for the last year. After trying naturally with no success, they got tested, have implantation problems, and went onto invitro with two railed rounds. She finally got pregnant but it was ectopic and had to be aborted today, and she is devastated. Her other friend, at 28 years old, after trying, found out she went through early menopause and cant conceive.

Her IV friend put it well when she said "You spend half your life trying NOT to get pregnant, and then when you finally want to you cant". Its funny, I always assumed that when I wanted to get pregnant, I would. Simple as that. But the truth is on this forum alone I hear so many problems.

My question is, did you know ahead of time, going into TTC that there were any "obstacles" for you or your DH, or do you find out about things like this after? Lazy ovaries, tilted uterus, early menopause, low sperm count, history of ectopic pregnancy (is that genetic?)miscarriages, etc etc. So much is out there...does it just come as a surprise when TTC proves unsuccessful? Or did you know ahead of time (or can you find out ahead of time) if there will be challenges? I guess I'm wondering because it matters how soon you start to "try" if you know it might take longer?

Sorry for rambling, its just hearing all this has got my jolted.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

I think a lot of it is learning by trial and error. You have issues TTC so they look into why and you find out why. Or if you have medical conditions that could give you problems you might expect to have issues. Supposedly miscarriages are not a genetic thing. I''m a result of conception #9 for my mother, my little brother is #11. My older brother is the result of conception while on fertility treatments. She clearly had an issue with chronic miscarriages. My OBGYN does not think I''ll have the same problems, even though hers were so bad. It''s not necessarily a genetic thing, but I won''t know for sure until I start trying.

 

[neatfreak]

While sadly some women do have problems TTC-they are not the majority. The women who stick around on the TTC forum (and other forums about TTC) are the ones who are having problems unfortunately. The ones who don''t have problems (which is the majority of women) pop in for a few weeks or months, get preggo, and leave.

So while it may SEEM like everyone on the TTC boards here and elsewhere has problems (and thus that everyone has problems) it''s just where you''re looking for info. If you look on a message board about pregnancy you would think that no one had problems because everyone was pregnant KWIM?

So don''t expect to have problems going into it (unless you already know something about your health that leads you to believe you''d have problems) but at the same time it''s good to be proactive if you''ve tried for many months and aren''t getting anywhere. Just remember that not everyone gets pregnant the first month and that unfortunately miscarriages are a part of life for many women. But just because someone has a miscarriage does NOT mean they won''t get pregnant very soon.

 

[mia1181]

You just never know unfortunately until you try.

I''m sure there have been lots of women who have started trying earlier because they assumed there''d be problems and they got KU right away. Meanwhile there have been women who had clockwork regular periods and no indications of any problems and ended up needing fertility treatments in order to concieve. Or you can also find out it''s the husband who has the problem.

One big reason people don''t know until they start trying is that most doctors will not run tests until a woman has been trying for a while with no success. It used to be a year, but I am hearing more and more around six months.

I can also tell you about my situation. I''m not trying yet either but I thought it would be a good idea to get off of birth control and prepare early. I have been recording my fertility signs with the hopes that I would be all ready to go as soon as it was time. Unfortunately I have had some very abnormal cycles. I had two cycles in a row where it looks like I did not ovulate, and the cycle I am on now looks like it will end up being 86 days long by the time I get my period this weekend. So I already know before TTC that things might not be so easy. However, even with this information, my Dr. will not run tests on me until I have been trying unsuccessfully for 4-6 months.

 

[Laila619]

Date: 11/12/2009 11:38:15 AM
Author: mia1181
You just never know unfortunately until you try.

I'm sure there have been lots of women who have started trying earlier because they assumed there'd be problems and they got KU right away. Meanwhile there have been women who had clockwork regular periods and no indications of any problems and ended up needing fertility treatments in order to concieve. Or you can also find out it's the husband who has the problem.

One big reason people don't know until they start trying is that most doctors will not run tests until a woman has been trying for a while with no success. It used to be a year, but I am hearing more and more around six months.

Ditto!

My DH and I have been trying for 7 months and we have both had tests done. We are both thought to be very fertile; his test came back excellent in every area, as did mine (so far).

So you just never know. Sometimes 2 people are fertile as individuals, but don't work well together (incompatibilities).

I have a friend who is 23 and her DH is 24. That is super young and you would expect they would have no problems, but they've been trying for a year and can't conceive. Then I knew of a 40 year old woman who got pregnant on the second try. So no one can really predict anything until you actually start trying.

 

[MustangGal]

It''s is a bit of a trial thing. I went off the pill 6 months before TTC, and it still took us 5 months to concieve. I have an uncle that had the compatability problem. This was like 25 years ago, but he and his wife tried for 3 years with no results. They ended up dicorved, and then each had 2 kids with no problems.

 

[Loves Vintage]

I think you should continue to think the way that you always have -- that when you decide you want to get pregnant, you will!

I do not think most doctors would be too keen to start diagnostic testing if you have not been TTC''g for at least 6 months, though some will also suggest waiting longer, and some will suggest testing at a slower rate than others. Sometimes it just takes time.

Everyone is different, and there is no reason to suspect that you will have issues, until you actually try and then see how things go.

 

[Bliss]

NakedFinger, I wish I had an easy answer for you. We had the same dilemma. Right after I hit 30, I told DH that we should start trying the next year if we wanted to have kids. I had no idea what my fertility would be like and I knew that once I hit 3-0, things wouldn't be as easy as when I was in my twenties. Also, I wanted some built in time in case it took a year or more of TTC. Maybe I was on the paranoid side because I had read so much literature about women who waited and then realized what a rollercoaster ride it would be.

The truth is, you never really know. For me, I always felt jinxed in the fertility department simply because my periods were never like clockwork like other ladies (if I had a stressful week, it's be delayed for a while) and I had long cycles. My mom didn't have any issues and I was in perfect health, but I just assumed it would take a long time because it took my friends a long time...But in my heart, I was really hoping we might get lucky. DH, like most guys, assumed it would be no problem but I prepared him mentally for a long road ahead just in case. In our case, we got lucky and got pregnant on our second try, but the first time was (I believe) a chemical pregnancy and that was really devastating.

There isn't any way to tell if you're going to have fertility issues until you try. There are some factors that make it difficult from lifestyle choices (like smoking) to health issues (like amenorrhea, the absence of periods) to just being of a certain age. There are so many stories where women with health issues and of advanced age had no problems, so don't let the statistics discourage you. Just be aware and let your DH know because it could be a long ride and you'll need a partner through it all.

If you are concerned and you're near an age like 35 where time is of the essence and you want to plan in advance, I don't think it would hurt to talk things over with your doctor. Hope that helps! I know it can get stressful trying to plan for the unknown, but hey - the more information you have, the better it is.

 

[lucy.lucy.80]

Sorry to hear about your friends trouble TTC

My DH & I have been trying for 6 months and so far all the tests have come back normal- (My OB ran tests early for no other reason than being proactive)- My mother also never had any issues TTC.

read a statistic in a couple places each month with optimal fertility there is a 20% chance of pregnancy and on average it takes up to 1 year for 80% of couples to get pregnant. With that being said, sometimes it can just take longer than expected. BBT temp charting, checking cervical mucus and stopping brith control a couple months before TTC can offer insight into how the body and horomones function.

 

[swimmer]

Naked Finger,
You could get a copy of Taking Care of Your Fertility, it is sort of the Bible of TTC. It should help you understand what is going on "down there" and give you an indication of you fall within "normal" ranges for your cycle.

Personally, I knew it was going to be ages of TTC, I survived ovarian cancer, my father''s mother had PCOS, (which is hereditarily linked), my cousin tried IVF for 7 years, and I had been told that conception was "unlikely." So really, that it only took 16ish months experimenting with different medications was pretty darn good. Then again, my sister got knocked up her first month trying. I would point out that stressing about it is never a good thing. You hear those stories about people getting pregnant when they stop trying because well, it happens! Relaxing and having fun (rather than the chore that TTC can be) is so so so very key. Good luck Naked Finger, the long and short answer is that no one can know till they try!

 

[oobiecoo]

I often think the same thing... I worried about getting pregnant before, and now I worry about NEVER getting pregnant. I had a small feeling that I *might* have trouble conceiving but never thought there would be such an issue. My mom had some issues and ended up thinking she couldn''t get pregnant so I was a surprise. She also had endometriosis and some other issue later in life so I think genetics has screwed me over a bit.

If I could go back and change things, I would have taken charge of my irregular cycles and figured out whether I was ovulating and those kinds of things a few years ago before kids were on the radar. But for now, its an emotional struggle for me when I hear of other people getting pregnant. Hearing about unnecessary abortions or abused children REALLY gets to me as well because there are so many people who would give anything to have a child to love and care for.

I just hope that someday I''ll be blessed with a child of my own.

 

[NakedFinger]

Thank you all for your responses, I read them all and they have given me great insight and relief. Neatfreak- good point on the "where I am reading", I guess when you put it all together in one forum it seems like alot!

I am one of 6 kids, and my mom had the youngest at 42 yrs old, so I can you never can tell!

Swimmer- Congratulations on beating ovarian cancer!

 

[Lanie]

Oobie! I remember searching back on old TTC posts and I always wondered what happened to you! I can''t remember exactly, but I remember having similar issues as you (cycles being weird, etc). If you would rather not post in TTC, that''s understandable. Hope you are doing okay and staying positive!!! *sorry for thread jack*

 

[Sha]

I thought TTC would be relatively simple - just BD without protection, and then bam! You''re pregnant! I didn''t realize that it would involve so much ''effort'' - in terms of timed intercourse, charting cycles, researching ways to increase fertility etc. I know none of those things are necessary to successfully TTC, but they were for us - since our BD schedule was like once or twice a week, and also becauise my cycles were longish and somewhat irregular (I didn''t know this until I started charting). If we had just left it up to Bding only we probably wouldn''t have gotten pregnancy so quickly (within 3 months of serious trying). I had to be proactive about things like charting my cycles, using Opks, timing BD, and making visits to my doc (to get hormone bloodwork done and also later on to get a prescription for Clomid - for late ovulation). All of that helped a lot in our TTC journey.

I think, for a lot of women, TTC isn''t as simple as everyone assumes it''s going to be. It often requires a lot of proactiveness and effort in order to conceive.

 

[Mara]

I have a friend who has been trying for a while with no success (they did have a few fertilized attachments, but they didn't stick). In their case there is an identifiable issue, so they have been working to correct it, also trying things like accupuncture and a cleaner diet etc which some people tend to swear by. I know two gals who were having issues and then tried accupuncture and got preggo.

I have another friend who is 34 and her hub is 35 and they want to TTC in the next year so they both got all checked out ahead of time. It seems like this is not unheard of esp as couples start to look at TTC when they are a little older. The mindset is that time is limited already, so why waste time just trying without knowing anything at first.

For us, we didn't have any known issues, and my previous checkup at the OB had gone fine, I mentioned we were thinking about it and they said things look fine, no real reason to get tests, so we didn't. We conceived on our LITERAL first try, trust me I thought it would take us way longer given that I was 34 and he was 41 and you always just hear 'the stories' about the older you are the longer it will take. It's ironic since we weren't in a rush.

There seems to be no real rhyme or reason to these things. For us we figured well lets try for a little while and if nothing happens then we'll both go get checked. I didn't want to put a lot of pressure on us. Also some people think that 'stress' plays a huge part in why it can be very hard when you focus on it. For us we were on vacation and very relaxed about it, one of my friends is SURE that's why it was so fast. But some people would prefer the pro-active approach to know up front if there are any issues. There's no right and/or wrong, it's whatever works for you and your partner.

So sorry to hear about your friend's lost pregnancy, hopefully she'll have positive news in the future.

 

[Pandora II]

I wasn''t too worried despite being 35 when we started TTC.

- I come from a family where all my female blood relatives have to try not to get KTFU.
- My mother didn''t hit the menopause till 58 and both she and I were ''late bloomers'' - I was 17 before I hit puberty.
- I''ve always had a clockwork 27/28 day cycle that has bounced straight back whenever I stopped BCP so the likelyhood was that I was ovulating.

However DH was an unknown quantity...

Anyway, I started charting a few months before we started TTC, started taking folic acid supplements, stocked up on Pre-Seed and a gazillion HPTs and ate pineapple till I thought I''d turn into one!

We started TTC on July 26th 2008 (wedding night

) and Daisy was conceived on August 26th 2008. So, my hunch was correct, but I was prepared for it to be less easy.

 

[Logan Sapphire]

When we started to think about TTC, I used an ovulation predictor machine and noticed that I wasn''t ovulating. Brought it up to my dr, who ran tests and diagnosed me with PCOS. She said I could try on my own or go to an RE (I was 30 or 31 then)- we chose to go to the RE. During the initial workup, he ordered an semen analysis for my husband, and it came back with pretty bad results. So we knew going into officially TTC we had issues.

I always had a feeling that it would be hard for me to conceive...don''t know why...just always felt that way. I''m also a huge advocate of adoption so when we found out we both had issues that supposedly required IVF, I was quite ok with not having bio children. We did try IUI for 4 months before we moved to adoption. And 3 months after we brought our daughter home, I found out I was pregnant. I was very upset because I don''t want to be pregnant, but I''ve come to grips with the pregnancy.

The main thing I wanted to say was to just listen to your body- you know it best. Maybe 4 months after I stopped the pill, my periods were still coming irregularly. I brought that up to my OB at the time, who dismissed it. I knew something wasn''t right though, so I switched drs and was then diagnosed with PCOS.

 

[Bliss]

You know, that's a really important point. Timing. I feel like women don't get the information they need enough to make those decisions. People say to women in their twenties, "Career first! Family time is for later." And there's even an undercurrent of pride when women eschew starting a family for the high powered career path. I daresay there's even a whiff of disdain among some of the intellectual elite for the women who decided to have families early instead of career building.

For the women who are reproductively challenged or may miss their best shot at the baby window, I think that does a great deal of harm. It's often not seen as an option in our places of higher learning. In college, it was all about building the career and climbing as far as one could go. In biology class, we didn't learn about fertility in the sense that one should make it a priority if that's one's choice later in life. Nary a word or line was written in our textbooks about how fertility declines with age and with certain lifestyle choices that could be avoided.

I'm not saying that all women should have babies as early as possible. Absolutely not! I just wish that so much heartbreak could have been avoided for the people I know in my life. So many women have NO idea how long the process could take, how difficult it could be... what they are doing lifestyle wise to harm their fertility and eggs... we should know more about our bodies and learn more about them.

I wish women would be given *all* angles to the reproductive story. It sure would save a lot of heartbreak. I live in NY, where there are SO many reproductively challenged women who would die twice over for the ability to have a child. They are in their mid-late thirties to forties. You can't NOT meet them, they are everywhere.

It's really amazing that women are so powerful these days and can do what we want. That is an incredible thing. That is a very good thing. But I just wish younger women would get the information they need so that they can make more educated and calculated choices. When we first started thinking about TTC, our older friends were already struggling with fertility issues. It took a toll on one couple and strained their relationship, which later ended. Others are struggling, many of them silently. It is heartbreaking.

No one told me that it would be harder later on to have kids. Had I known the risks of waiting, I would have started much earlier. But I was all about the career and busting my butt to achieve my dreams. Looking back, I don't regret it ONLY because we are pregnant now. And we're in our early thirties. I guess we just happened to be lucky.

But if we had run into problems conceiving, I would have sincerely regretted my misinformed life decisions to put it off until the nebulous "later" category. I would have bitterly bemoaned my career and all that came with it because suddenly, my priorities changed and the "things" I valued before are no longer important.

I would trade my so-called "success" in a heartbeat for this child. No hesitation, no questions asked. It just isn't worth the sacrifice....to me, personally. To others, it's a calculated risk - but either way, we should be informed. And we should celebrate our decisions either way... in an informed way. I know in my life, when I counsel young women, I'm going to be honest about it when they ask me how I balanced career and family. Sometimes it's a crapshoot. Sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesn't. But the things that are truly important to you, you have to take very seriously and make it a priority. They should get the whole truth, and we shouldn't be afraid to talk about it openly. That, to me, empowers women.

 

[fisherofmengirly]

As all the others have said, there''s typically no way to know in advance. Unless you''ve been diagnosed with something like endometriosis, which can mean a more difficult time conceiving. But for the most part, it''s not something you can predict. Irregular cycles may mean something, but may not.

Yeah, don''t let the long timers on the TTC thread scare ya. We''re a rareity, and even then, it''s usually just a matter of time...

Get all the knowledge you can; not all women (and I don''t think even *most*) women ovulate on day 14 of their cycle exactly. Things a lot of people never think about or realize...

Good luck to you when your time comes!!