Upgrades...

[Patchee]

How does your Husband of FI (like the March proposal 5 month upgrade thread) feel about you upgrading your Engagement rings?

This really goes for folk that their husband or FI bought the ring for you by themselves.

This question is asked to people who have NOT been married for 25+ years (because then I can understand the reasons for upgrade)

I guess it''s like I would never upgrade my ring in the first year of marriage or before we are yet to be married yet so many are doing it...

 

[tlh]

I don''t see anything wrong with upgrading, at any stage along the way... just like I don''t see anything wrong with selling the e-ring due to a financial hardship. The ring is a piece of jewelry, and no matter what is on the finger, your not replacing the love that was behind it.

Now this is if the guy doesn''t have any issues with the replacement. However, I can see if a guy went out picked the ring, and you don''t like the ring and want it replaced...even if he doesn''t voice it... I''m sure he''d feel a little upset that he didn''t get you something you liked.

There is a thrill in getting someone a gift that they LOVE... shopping and finding the perfect thing they didn''t ask for but knowing you hit a grand slam! It is so much more fun than going, ah, XXX said they wanted XXX from a list they made you... it is such a thrill to know you got it RIGHT! and sometimes it is really disappointing to know that you got it wrong ang they don''t even like it. So I can see how if this happens, a man might be more apprehensive in the future in bestowing any other pieces of jewelry as gifts.

 

[D&T]

Date: 8/20/2009 1:38:50 PM
Author: tlh
I don't see anything wrong with upgrading, at any stage along the way... just like I don't see anything wrong with selling the e-ring due to a financial hardship. The ring is a piece of jewelry, and no matter what is on the finger, your not replacing the love that was behind it.

Now this is if the guy doesn't have any issues with the replacement. However, I can see if a guy went out picked the ring, and you don't like the ring and want it replaced...even if he doesn't voice it... I'm sure he'd feel a little upset that he didn't get you something you liked.

There is a thrill in getting someone a gift that they LOVE... shopping and finding the perfect thing they didn't ask for but knowing you hit a grand slam! It is so much more fun than going, ah, XXX said they wanted XXX from a list they made you... it is such a thrill to know you got it RIGHT! and sometimes it is really disappointing to know that you got it wrong ang they don't even like it. So I can see how if this happens, a man might be more apprehensive in the future in bestowing any other pieces of jewelry as gifts.

this happend to my DH...

I'm not a good liar or can't hide emotions all that well, and DH bought me a pair of studs during our first year of marriage and it was awful... I tried to be soo excited, but he knew it was fake... however I still have it, he has not bought me another piece of jewelry without my input

ever since.

Well if the couple is in agreement with the idea of upgrading, then I don't see that there's anything wrong with that, as for me, I would have waited at least to my first anniversary, but thats just me. To each their own.

 

[Laila619]

Well, before we even were married, I changed my setting 4 times! He got me a white gold setting when he proposed, and it turns out I am allergic to nickel white gold. So we had to exchange the setting, and then I wasn't happy with them for various reasons. Just couldn't find one I really LOVED. My DH was fine with it, and quite patient through it all. Now we've been married 9 months, and I'm on to reset 5. My poor DH, lol.

However, he would not be happy with me ever changing my diamond. That he is really sentimental about.

 

[faina00]

I upgraded in the first 2-3 months so I can understand and would not judge someone else who did the same. Everyone is different, has different background, expectations, etc.

Before we were married he took me shopping for e-rings. I knew exactly what I wanted, I said I want that one, and thats it. It was an antique setting from Varna, and everytime I drove by the billboard, for years even before I had met him, I drooled. Several months went by....he proposed but it was not that ring! He had gone to Philly several times on business, went to a place called Steven Singers (which I was NOT a fan of) and they designed a recreation of that ring for him. But it looked completely different and when I opened the box, I think my face fell. I can not hide emotions, lie, or fake them very well and he could tell right away I wasnt thrilled. I was thrilled to be engaged to him though of course. So his idea, we took back the ring (BTW-one of the micro pave fell out after a couple weeks). He felt bad that he did not listen, he said he was trying to be a hero and get a custom setting for me but that he should have just listened in the first place. I was impressed though that they took the entire thing back even though it was custom, and we received a larger diamond for it. Then we went and bought a setting elsewhere. I decided not to go with the Varna because of the confusion, but start fresh with a Tacori, both are halo antique style. Now he listens to exactly what I want, and we also make jewelry purchases together.

 

[ms.halo]

I asked for an upgrade at 5 years and my hubby was NOT happy. But he did it anyway and then when it was done and he saw how happy I was he was VERY happy. There were a few weeks of drama, though!

 

[Tuckins1]

Not allowed. I can''t do anything to my original ring... He will just have to keep buying me new ones!

 

[DiamanteBlu]

To get my EC I traded in a number of pieces. Why - I don''t know - I just should have paid cash and saved everything else. I miss many of those pieces every day.

So . . . I guess that I don''t upgrade anymore. I just get another piece.

 

[LaurenThePartier]

I won''t upgrade my original e-ring, but I did end up buying a smaller ACA for a RHR that I could eventually upgrade when I felt the pull.

I see no problem with anyone else upgrading as long as both parties are ok with the decision.

 

[Bronze8584]

I think my post sparked this thread, and I find it to be a very interesting question. I really do think that it depends on YOUR situation. My FI was in agreement with me and we made the decision TOGETHER. I think the most important thing is that if you know what you want, and you know it is plausible (both financially and emotionally) then voice your thoughts. I do not regret what I did, and my FI loves me and loves that I am happy. He is not very sentimental though...so like I said every person and situation is different!

 

[cozzagirl]

I started out with a white sapphire and white gold ering that I had picked out despite all the advice from MANY jewelers to avoid it since it tends to be difficult to keep clean and sparkly and does not really have much life.

After over a year of being engaged (we aren''t getting married until I am done with grad school - one year to go) and deciding that we want to have children someday, I decided that I wanted to get a new ring. This was mostly because I was so unhappy with the white sapphire being completely lifeless and because I wanted a diamond to pass on to progeny. So, I did a ton of research (on PS of course, haha) and put together the ring myself. I also paid for it myself although the FI plans to give me money for it as well.

Honestly, to me it is just jewelry and certainly not the symbol of our love. We have been together for six years and have been through a lot. We are living in different cities on opposite sides of the country right now as I''m in grad school. He writes me a love letter every week; something has done for the past year and will continue to do until I graduate. To me, the letters - and everything else he does for me - are the true symbol of our love. The ring is just eye candy

 

[Amethyste]

I just paid for my ring myself, and that will be my only ring - forever. My husband knows NOTHING about jewelry... And he also knows that he will probably never be able to plunk down that much cash for a 5+CT diamond. not a problem for him though to do that with a car lol.

I still and will always keep the wedding band that I used when we got married. That will always stay with me. To us though, a ring is just a material representation on our love. It's just a "thing". Eyecandy for me. What matters is how he cares for me and all of the action he does to show his affection.

 

[Camille]

Ditto Blu and Tuckins1, is not about being allowed just sentimental, my e-ring is going to DD when she gets older [she can do whatever she wants with] I don''t wear it that much, just the band. I do save and buy new stuff..........much easier.

 

[blackberry16]

I just reset my original diamond for our fifth year anniversary. I would never have done it if it bothered my husband at all. I hadn''t ever intended to change my ring. He picked out a beautiful, classic setting all by himself and I adored it. But when I came across my new setting I knew that I had found my dream ring. I showed it to my DH and he loved it too. It was actually his suggestion to have my diamond reset. My old setting has some structural issues and we can''t really afford to buy a new setting and keep the old one so we decided to sell. I guess that I am more sentimental about my stone than the setting b/c he spent all the money he had to get me the best diamond he could. I would never upgrade my stone. I want to wear that diamond every day of my life b/c it reminds me how much he loves me.
As far as upgrading right away, I think the woman has the right to say whether she likes setting and shape of the stone but the stats of the stone (weight) should be left up to the man since it has a lot to do with his budget. In the end a girl should not have to hate the style of her ring for her entire life.

 

[Haven]

My husband bought my engagement ring and he feels fine about the prospect of upgrading it in the future. We aren''t the type to be sentimental about objects, so it isn''t a big deal for either of us.

I''m not sure I''ll ever upgrade, though. I like the idea of buying a new ring 20 years from now and passing on my original ring to our first-born.

 

[Patchee]

Thanks everyone so much for your replies. Everyone has great reason for upgrading. Best is when DH is all on board.

I also agree that rings are materialist but secretly I think we ALL love our bling!!

Amathyst - I admire you from a far. Your ring is stunning but reading another post of yours (something like you saved $100 for the last 20 years for your ring) there is something to be said about that. Wear that ring and always love it! And come a day when you don''t you can come to PS and I will be more then happy to take it literally off your hands

!!!

But all aside of the giant beautiful pear .....

Has anyone ever just kept their ER the same but upgraded their wedding band? I feel ok with my ER for life, love my diamond wedding band but I think I will want that as an upgrade.

I think my husband will be upset if I even entertained conversation of upgrading my ER. He had it made custom by his self and I would feel bad changing it. Ahh give it a few year eh?

 

[Amethyste]

Date: 8/21/2009 9:16:39 AM
Author: Patchee
Thanks everyone so much for your replies. Everyone has great reason for upgrading. Best is when DH is all on board.

I also agree that rings are materialist but secretly I think we ALL love our bling!!

Amathyst - I admire you from a far. Your ring is stunning but reading another post of yours (something like you saved $100 for the last 20 years for your ring) there is something to be said about that. Wear that ring and always love it! And come a day when you don''t you can come to PS and I will be more then happy to take it literally off your hands

!!!

But all aside of the giant beautiful pear .....

Has anyone ever just kept their ER the same but upgraded their wedding band? I feel ok with my ER for life, love my diamond wedding band but I think I will want that as an upgrade.

I think my husband will be upset if I even entertained conversation of upgrading my ER. He had it made custom by his self and I would feel bad changing it. Ahh give it a few year eh?

Oh wow Patchee! I am really touched by your kind words... THank you so much. When I was saving, I never thought I could do it. i kept putting money into the account with the idea of getting a ring but then it was just putting money into the bank for "something"... Then I came across my dream pear and I knew it was it

I think having different bands to go with your ER is a perfect way to change looks for a modest premium. And I think it wouldn''t upset your hubby

 

[MakingTheGrade]

I've was engaged 18 months, and recently got married. I've hinted about resetting my diamond someday after a few years of wear and tear. My hubby made a sad puppy face, but mostly as a play for sympathy kisses I'm sure. I don't think he'd really mind. He picked out the ring and diamond himself, and did a great job! But it didn't take him long to do, and his theory behind picking the setting was to pick something simple and classic that was safe and unobjectionable, haha. So I don't think he'll mind if I reset it sometime down the line. I'm not in a hurry because I don't have anything specific in mind..

Never changing my diamond though We're both too sentimental for that.

I don't know about changing your wedding band as in selling it, but a lot of people get anniversary band upgrades I hear I myself just have 2 bands that I interchange.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

I''m a sap about my e-ring because I consider it a very generous gift.

I would love to have a few more rings, though, and plan to buy one every 5 years or so in the future. My e-ring will always be my favorite ring, because it''s the one that DH bought for me, but all future rings will probably just be personal projects--no reason to discuss those details with the hubby so I can just watch his eyes glaze over. The next project will either be a chunky eternity band or a OEC/transitional RHR.

 

[mommy2nk]

My husband and I have been married 4 years and I have loved the style of my ring, however over the last few years my ring has been falling apart. It is bent on the bottom and we just discovered a crack in the setting. Basically the jeweler did a horrible job on my setting. Fortunately not so on my diamond, it is a beautiful diamond. I will be resetting my ring in the next couple of years. I need my ring now to last until we come up with the money. I have thought about possibly trading up in size with the diamond, but I am not 100% committed to it. My hubby is totally fine with the setting upgrade, although I haven''t even approached him about the diamond upgrade...LOL


Chris

 

[amyjokerette]

My husband didnt want to at first... but he saw how much i wanyed to change and over time he gave me the go-ahead... now he loves the new setting and is happy we upgraded.

 

[Clairitek]

I''m not 100% crazy in love with my mounting. I was at first but the more I look at and the more I am exposed to fine craftsmanship on this site the more I want to do a reset. Though, I''ve only been married for 2 months yesterday so I suppose I should wait a bit. Plus, the money that would be used for such a venture is earmarked for home improvement and other things. I''m hoping in 5 years or so I''ll do a reset. I don''t think I could ever part with my stone though. I do really want a nice sized RB one day or an amazing antique cut stone. I figure thats the sort of thing I can hope for around the 20 year mark.

 

[litebrite]

I love my diamond and setting, I don''t think I would want to upgrade, but rather get new rings. I am very open to a nicer wedding band. Besides, my setting is a bezel and it suits my clumsiness really well.

I will say that after finding asschers on PS< I pointed one out to my husband and he said he would never buy me an asscher because he thinks they are ugly. So if I want one of those, either as a diamond or colored gem, I will be buying it myself. He also thinks the same thing about the PT Cruiser though, go fig.

 

[luv2sparkle]

I traded in my first ring at about 5 years. I HATED that ring from day one. First, we were 20 and clueless. Hubby was making a lot of money for the first time ever and was buying himself all kinds of expensive toys. He asked me to marry him without a ring and said he WANTED to buy me one. I really wasnt that into
jewelry then but by Feb of the next year when everyone I knew continually asked me about it, I gave him an ultimatium. Buy me a ring or cancel the engagement.
I felt like I wasnt a priority and I was tired of answering the question if he was too cheap to buy me one. His mom was furious! We went downtown LA and I picked the cheapest one available. The setting was lopsided. It was about .25 center and cost 250.00. At 5 years I traded it in to Zales for 1000.00. I dont think
that diamond was better quality but it was .75. I wore that for 20+ years. At 28 years of marriage I got a 1.7 and 1 year latter traded that up for a 2.57. Last upgrade but I have never for one second been sorry I traded in the first ring.

When DH first heard I want to trade it in he was upset and basically told me to be happy with what I had and I was ungrateful. When I sat him down one day after
being tired of hearing the comments and explained it to him how I felt about the ring, he felt so bad he was dragging me to jewelry stores to look for a new one.
I did have a hard time trading in the 1.7. He gave it to me with such love and pride. The plan had always been that I would keep that stone unless I inheirited some long promised funds. When we did, I upgraded over the 2 ct mark. The 1.7 fit our budget but a windfall allowed a little more.

 

[cindygenit]

I think my FI would be SO disappointed if i ever asked him for an e-ring upgrade.

Will probably ask for a new ring though with a bigger rock . He said he would do that for me in the future.

 

[arjunajane]

Date: 8/20/2009 7:05:33 PM
Author: Tuckins1
Not allowed. I can''t do anything to my original ring... He will just have to keep buying me new ones!

ditto, and I wouldn''t want to.
My upgrades are secondary to my original ering, which I still wear sometimes -
but of course it was pre-PS and before cut education.

Regardless, it was purchased with alot of effort and meaning, and Fi is pretty sentimental about it (as am I).

 

[Still_Waiting]

Here's my experience...

My FI is extremely sentimental (still has a chocolate bunny I gave him our first Easter together-I was so disappointed not to help him eat it, lol). He was frustrated that he hadn't been able to save up money this past year and really didn't want to wait any longer. So, he took the cash he had and bought the best he could get with it. After he proposed, he handed it to me, apologized it wasn't bigger, said it'd be a "starter" ring, and then apologized again for even mentioning the whole mess. LOL I reminded him I would have accepted ANYTHING and that I loved it. And it's true. I do love it.

About a week or so later, he brought it up again. He mentioned it'd be sad to change the diamond (this is more what I'd expect from him because he keeps everything). I just started thinking about all the gorgeous RHRs I could get.

Fast forward to last night, nearly a month (yes, just a month) since we got engaged. He brought it up again. He said, "Well, I guess we could always just get a bigger diamond, but keep the same setting." I mentioned that we could always save the original diamond and I could have it put into a necklace. He seemed to like that idea. And I totally score with that deal, too!

All that said, who knows what we'll actually end up doing. Honestly, I'd rather get married before getting an upgrade. So, we'll see.

As long as everybody is in agreement, it just comes down to some carbon and metal, right? Its size, shape, condition means nothing. It's the love behind it that it truly represents. Beyond that, what does it really matter?

EDIT: I should probably mention that my diamond is .25 and uncerted. But whenever I ask FI about the story, I just melt, imagining him inspecting each rock the salesguy lined up for him. (He knew I was hoping for an ideal cut stone.) It turns out, mine was actually pulled from a set of diamond studs. I didn't even know jewelry stores did that! And then, he wasn't even charged for the, albeit, simple, setting. It was just meant to be!

 

[Prana]

I got engaged in April, and should have my new setting in 6 weeks. My FI spent a lot of time trying to find the perfect setting, but he was hellbent in buying everything online, so he never saw it in person. Well, when it came, he hated it. Said it was too thick of a band, didn''t like the shape of the crown, and thought that it had bad craftsmanship. I''ve been having a VERY hard time finding wedding bands that look good with it. Plus, it is uncomfortable.

Which leads me to last Friday, when I found myself in my local (and very talented) jewelers, watching him draw what would become my new solitaire setting! Also changing the metal from white gold to palladium, which I am very excited about as well!

 

[ilovethiswebsite]

Time to time I daydream about sporting a bigger diamond *one day* but my hubby and I are way to sentimental to ever upgrade. If I want more bling, I will buy a RHR or some larger diamond studs. The only way I would ever change my ering stone is if something happened to it (stolen, loss, chipped) in which case I would consider an upgrade then

. Hopefully that would never happen though - cause that would make me very very sad.

 

[AdiS]

Date: 9/1/2009 1:14:18 AM
Author: arjunajane

Date: 8/20/2009 7:05:33 PM
Author: Tuckins1
Not allowed. I can''t do anything to my original ring... He will just have to keep buying me new ones!

ditto, and I wouldn''t want to.
My upgrades are secondary to my original ering, which I still wear sometimes -
but of course it was pre-PS and before cut education.

Regardless, it was purchased with alot of effort and meaning, and Fi is pretty sentimental about it (as am I).

Same here. I don''t wear my original e-ring much, but I still love it. DH doesn''t mind though. He says "Keep changing the rings as much as you want, as long as you keep the man."

I''d never part with my w-band though, it stays with me forever.