Living together before marriage - good or bad thing?

[purplediamond]

hi freke, what graduate school are you studying at? what type of therapy are you planning on practicing?

 

[musey]

Date: 7/16/2009 9:02:00 PM
Author: purplediamond
hi musey-are you a sociology major? psychology?

Nope! Not even close, my degree was in theatre. Like I said, I just happened to have taken one sociology class that was particularly relevant to this subject. Why do you ask?

 

[purplediamond]

I guess I should read a little more carefully

I have some friends who have been interested in the sociology field, but don''t really know what they could do with a sociology degree if they were to major in the field.........

 

[cindygenit]

Statistics are just that... statistics. It should have no bearing on your relationship!

Personally, moving in was the best decision we ever made. I am so happy to see him at home when I come home from work. There is always someone to talk to about my day and vice versa. I think moving in together means that when we do get married, we will already know each other''s habits and the transition from being single to married is not so big anymore.

We have been together almost 3 years, engaged for 6 1/2 months, and living together for 3 months.

 

[daydreamer]

I haven''t read the whole thread but I don''t think you should put too much weight in the types of studies you refer to. Others, or at least the one this article refers to, http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2009/02/01/LVOP15BS54.DTL show the opposite, that living together before marriage is beneficial should you get married.

Everyone needs to do what is right for their relationship.

 

[FrekeChild]

Date: 7/16/2009 9:03:44 PM
Author: purplediamond
hi freke, what graduate school are you studying at? what type of therapy are you planning on practicing?

No graduate school for me. I''m classified as an undergrad (even though I have more than 200 credit hours). I have an associates degree and a half in culinary arts, and some 27 years of divorce/marriage/relationship law lectures under my belt as well. And as soon as I''m done with this BLEEPING degree I''m DONE.

So the only therapy I am qualified or ever will be qualified for is food therapy.

(I have to confess though that I was going to try to go to grad school to pursue a doctorate, and I was going to pursue relationship/family therapy--due to daddy-o--but I was younger and more idealistic then, and didn''t have 200+ credits either. Now I''m too old and grumpy

.)

 

[princesss]

Date: 7/17/2009 1:35:20 AM
Author: FrekeChild

Date: 7/16/2009 9:03:44 PM
Author: purplediamond
hi freke, what graduate school are you studying at? what type of therapy are you planning on practicing?

No graduate school for me. I''m classified as an undergrad (even though I have more than 200 credit hours). I have an associates degree and a half in culinary arts, and some 27 years of divorce/marriage/relationship law lectures under my belt as well. And as soon as I''m done with this BLEEPING degree I''m DONE.

So the only therapy I am qualified or ever will be qualified for is food therapy.

(I have to confess though that I was going to try to go to grad school to pursue a doctorate, and I was going to pursue relationship/family therapy--due to daddy-o--but I was younger and more idealistic then, and didn''t have 200+ credits either. Now I''m too old and grumpy

.)

Ummmm, you''re pretty dang good at retail therapy!

 

[Patchee]

It truly is one persons means of what they expect to do while dating, inbetween (engagement) and then within marriage.

I feel there is no right or no wrong. Statistics are just ONE persons opinion. Then someone else will study it and boom - there is another persons opinion on the subject. That does not mean we as individuals have to live by that.

Heck, I am catholic and go to church etc. however, no book or priest is going to tell me what''s going to happen should I go to heaven or hell because NO ONE on earth knows what happens to us after we pass away. We are preached it, we read it, that''s all. Yes, this in yet another form of a persons opinion that we follow.

I for one would never wait on living together, sex etc. before getting married. Compatibility is key to the whole marriage and how does one know that this person is right for them without engaging in normal and healthy activities with their potential hudband/wife before you walk the isle?

Someone said (so many posts I cannot remember who) that people who live together feel pressure of marriage or feel like since they are living together they automatically need to, want to, have to marry. This is not true. Living with my now husband for 5.5 years prior in HIS HOUSE I felt going into the living situation if I don''t want to stay here with him I am free to leave, and same vice versa for him.

You live together and "date" within your home together. If it works out you get married, if not, you leave. It is that simple.... but ONLY if you keep it simple.

 

[LitigatorChick]

Date: 7/16/2009 4:52:25 PM
Author: newsboysgrl777

Date: 7/16/2009 11:19:42 AM
Author: LitigatorChick
I can just speak from my personal experience - nothing more. I read all of Black Jade''s post with interest. Here are my thoughts:

- A lot of women love sex more than perhaps they are willing to admit. I generally have a higher sex drive than most men and love it. LOVE!!!

Okay, I''ve only read the first page of this thread...and this is a total deviation from it, but I have a question for litigator - HOW do you have so much sex drive? I WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISH I had even SOME, let alone a LOT!! Is it just different for every woman? (Also, I wrote about this on the abstaining before marriage thread, but I''m on an anti-depressant and birth control...both of which can cause a lack of interest sexually, but I''d LOVE to know if there is ANYTHING that will bring it back?! :''( ) Again, sorry for the deviation...this thread (as far as I''ve read) really is quite interesting.

Hey Newsboysgrl. I think it has a lot with confidence. Knowing what I like and asking for it. Right now, BF aren''t having "sex" (in the Bill Clinton definition of the word), but everything else is ok. This is great, cause it gives us both a chance to experiment and lovingly direct each other. Also, I think a girl needs to figure out her own buttons: no matter how skilled a man is, they always need direction!!!

 

[NuggetBrain]

Moving in with my FI was the best thing ever. We had been dating for 6 years when I moved in, so it was the next logical step for us to marriage anyways.

 

[musey]

Date: 7/17/2009 12:59:54 AM
Author: daydreamer
I haven''t read the whole thread but I don''t think you should put too much weight in the types of studies you refer to. Others, or at least the one this article refers to, http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2009/02/01/LVOP15BS54.DTL show the opposite, that living together before marriage is beneficial should you get married.

Everyone needs to do what is right for their relationship.

Daydreamer, that''s a great article. Thanks for the read.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Date: 7/17/2009 9:50:34 AM
Author: LitigatorChick

Date: 7/16/2009 4:52:25 PM

Author: newsboysgrl777

Date: 7/16/2009 11:19:42 AM

Author: LitigatorChick

I can just speak from my personal experience - nothing more. I read all of Black Jade''s post with interest. Here are my thoughts:


- A lot of women love sex more than perhaps they are willing to admit. I generally have a higher sex drive than most men and love it. LOVE!!!

Okay, I''ve only read the first page of this thread...and this is a total deviation from it, but I have a question for litigator - HOW do you have so much sex drive? I WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISH I had even SOME, let alone a LOT!! Is it just different for every woman? (Also, I wrote about this on the abstaining before marriage thread, but I''m on an anti-depressant and birth control...both of which can cause a lack of interest sexually, but I''d LOVE to know if there is ANYTHING that will bring it back?! :''( ) Again, sorry for the deviation...this thread (as far as I''ve read) really is quite interesting.

Hey Newsboysgrl. I think it has a lot with confidence. Knowing what I like and asking for it. Right now, BF aren''t having ''sex'' (in the Bill Clinton definition of the word), but everything else is ok. This is great, cause it gives us both a chance to experiment and lovingly direct each other. Also, I think a girl needs to figure out her own buttons: no matter how skilled a man is, they always need direction!!!

Jus to continue the threadjack for a minute... Newsboysgirl, if there''s ANYTHING that encourages more sex, it''s sex!!! The hormonal by products of sex are addictive and the more you have it the more you want it. That''s not to say you''ll become a nympho from sex with your husband, but you can''t crave something unless you know what to crave. And you won''t know what to crave if you''re not experiencing it enough to know what you''re missing when you don''t have it!

So in the meantime, while you and hubby are working out the kinks (LOL...total pun intended), think about what YOU like. Fantasize a bit and write it in a journal. Then you can either read it aloud to DH or let him read it (incase you''re too embarrassed to tell him to his face). Also, if you''re ok with it (some people are not), consider a little "self love" to keep those happy hormones flowing between the times when you and DH can be together.

 

[DMBFiredancer]

its been good for me.
living together since 2003 - personally i dont think i could marry someone unless i was sure i could LIVE with them first. i wouldnt want to end up marrying someone who would drive me nuts as a roommate, if that makes sense