if you had sons and daughters...how would you spread your wealth?

[Sizzle]

I only have one biological child now, and she''s already called dibs on all my diamonds. If I have more children, money would be distributed evenly, but I would only give the bling to my daughters and ask them to pass it on to THEIR daughters or female members of the family so it can always stay in the family (no married-ins, sorry, that''s just how I roll). I would only give it to any future daughters if they love bling. I have seen too many BEAUTIFUL family heirlooms on ebay!

 

[swingirl]

For those who would give all the family heirlooms to daughters only does that include men''s expensive watches, men''s blingy rings, cufflinks, tie tacks, etc?

 

[packrat]

We don''t have much of monetary value, but we would split evenly between the 2 kids. Any jewelry, I''d let London pick some things first that had sentimental value for her, and put it in my will that she was to have those pieces, and then she and my son''s wife, if he has one, can divvie up the rest. My heirloom doll was given to me by gramma, and that will be passed on to London. The Swedish things we have were given to us from Gramma b/c they''re sentimental for me and I have an interest in my Swedish heritage. I hope that as the kids get older, they''ll have a fondness for these same items so they can be passed on and not sold at a garage sale after we''re gone. Trapper will get his dad''s guns/hunting/trapping/fishing things.

 

[Camille]

Date: 3/29/2009 11:37:13 AM
Author: swingirl
For those who would give all the family heirlooms to daughters only does that include men''s expensive watches, men''s blingy rings, cufflinks, tie tacks, etc?

No, in our case, my brother got 2 gold watches from Dad and a diamond tie tack, unfortunately his wife [now ex] made a pendant out of it

w/o consulting him. We [2 sisters] got his pendant & 2 rings + his mother''s stuff [only child alive, DIL''s didn''t get a thing back then, only blood children]

 

[coatimundi_org]

Date: 3/28/2009 4:00:28 PM
Author:Dancing Fire
in old fashion chinese tradition the son(s) inherits 99% of the parents $$$''s.the daughter(s) inherit next to nothing.

Well, I hope the times have changed.

I''d divide it evenly.

 

[bee*]

Date: 3/28/2009 10:41:34 PM
Author: KimberlyH
I''m not a parent yet, but as a child (one of two daughters) I hope my parents spend every last penny on things they enjoy and living a nice life and they leave us with nothing.

ditto. That''s how I''ve always thought as well. My mam has always said not to expect a thing as she wants to enjoy it and why not. They''ve given me enough.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

50/50.

I'm not sure about jewelry. I'd prefer to save that and pass it all onto granddaughters, if I have any and that would be written into my will.

 

[SparklyLibra]

Date: 3/29/2009 8:08:41 AM
Author: Madam Bijoux
Being of sound mind, I would spend every penny on myself before I kick off. Let the crumb-snatchers work for their own money!

LOL! That was too funny!

I''d split it evenly between all of my children.

 

[bebe]

1 son, 1 daughter

will split money evenly (if there''s any left after this economic tank)

jewelry - this is a tough one. My new upgrade is worth more than my other pieces, so I have
wondered how that will be divided evenly.

 

[lulu]

When my mom died (before my dad) she left a specifc hand written will distributing her antiques and jewelry. My 2 brothers and I exchanged things so everyone got what they really wanted. When my dad died all the accounts were in older brother''s name and it was divided equally. My mom left specific jewelry to grandaughters and daughters in law but I received her diamond rings.

Unfortunately younger brother divorced and former sister in law stll has mom''s stuff. It really doesn''t bother me because it will eventually go to their daughters. When my brother remarried I gave new sister in law my mom''s diamond heart necklace because I knew my mom would''ve wanted that.

I have a stepson, stepdaughter, three neices and a nephew. Our will leaves 5% to each of the neices and nephew and balance divided between stepchildren. I''m planning on writing a will like my mom did for the jewelry with my (current) wedding ring going to stepdaughter. It would be easier to do this if I''d stop resetting! Even after I write it down there could be a lot of
scratching out.

 

[musey]

I do not have kids (yet), but everyone in my family divides their ''wealth'' equally. Assets like homes and cars are willed unequally, based upon who has the need or would appreciate it the most.

 

[Elmorton]

Estate should be divided evenly. But I think heirlooms are different - should be given to someone who cherishes the emotional value of the item.

One time about a year after my grandpa died, my grandma got the flu and was feeling pretty awful. She started looking through her jewelry box and realized that she had a daughter and three granddaughters, and she had 3 special pieces jewelry - but not a fourth (for me, her youngest granddaughter). So, she went out to the mall and bought a diamond pendant, because she wanted to be "fair."

I really don't like thinking about it. First of all, it was extremely uncomfortable when she showed me the necklace and explained that that's mine when she dies. I'd much rather she spend her money for her and things that make her happy! But more than that, I think it was also hard not feel a little pang of confusion because her other items were loving gifts from my grandpa or marked anniversaries, but my "inheritance" is an impulse-buy - why not just set aside something that's not a jewelry item, but is meaningful to her? But I think the saddest part of my grandma's plan is that my mom has told me privately that the only piece of jewelry that she would like to have someday is the original band that her mother was married with - the new stuff doesn't really have an emotional value to her - but my grandma apparently thinks that we all care about the dollar signs and wants to give jewelry that has the same monetary worth.

I think the bottom line is that I just hope my family doesn't go "huh?" when they receive their inheritances someday...a friend of mine's grandma died last year, and her grandma willed her engagement ring to her youngest son (she had 3 sons), because at age 60, he was still a bachelor. Apparently, the woman was still hoping that he'd find the right woman (which I know IS possible, but my friend said was quite unlikely because he's a bit of a hermit). But my friend, the only granddaughter, was a little miffed - she finds it so sad that her grandmother's ring is just tucked away somewhere with no one appreciating it - and my friend's uncle never even bothered to remove it from the house. Basically, in the final walk-through prior to the estate sale, my friend found it and made sure he had it. After hearing that story, I decided that if I have only sons someday, unless they absolutely love my diamond/have wives I love, my e-ring is going to my goddaughter!

 

[chrono]

Definitely evenly. Jewellery will go to daughters only. If my son has a daughter, then it''ll go to her.

 

[FrekeChild]

Evenly. Unless there were extenuating circumstances.

 

[movie zombie]

i''d let them earn their own.

mz

 

[pennquaker09]

Evenly, that''s the only fair way to do it.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Money goes 50-50. Jewelry goes to the daughter I don't have yet. My e-ring will go to the son I don't have yet should he want it (it is to be returned to the family upon divorce or death). Silver goes to the child who marries first. Husband's tools, watches/cufflinks/tie tacks, etc. go to son. Everything else is for them to split/liquidate as they see fit.

 

[atroop711]

evenly BUT my wedding set goes to my daughters. My uternity will go to my oldest daughter and my engagement ring to my youngest daughter (they have already chosen...LOL). My son won''t get my wedding set but he can have other pieces of jewelry.

 

[tlh]

I would say evenly because otherwise it could create animostiy among the children left if one child received 75% and another only 25%. That said, this topic is interesting because my FIL is going through the same thing.

If his wife were to pass first leaving him the option of dividing the wealth, it would probably be split VERY UNEVENLY, with one son receiving the majority of the inheritance (70% or more), the other two would split the amount evenly between them. The reasoning for this is the other two spend money wastefully. They always come to him w/ their hand out while he is still living and the other asks for nothing. His fear is that they will spend what it took him a lifetime to build in a relatively short period of time.

If he goes first, the wife will split it in thirds among the boys. Though she does play favorites... and I see the story of the prodigal son come into play with her.

The thing is... it is YOUR decision. Just keep in mind - nothing changes the way people act more so than money.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Evenly.

My handbag collection will go to a daughter if I have one, or granddaughter or DIL.

My jewelry will go to whomever "claims" it. As in "oh, Mom, that is sooo mine!"

 

[DivaDiamond007]

What a timely question, DF!

DH and I just had our wills done and we are dividing everything equally among our children - jewelry and all. We don''t really have anything to leave to our son now, but we hope to own a home in the future, I have quite a bit of jewelry and also a collection of Coach handbags that I''d like to believe are worth something. DH has some junky old cars and too many DVDs to count.

I''ve already told my parents that they can leave my sister anything that they have because I don''t want to be involved in it. The only thing I''ve ever wanted from my mother is her mother''s wedding rings and I somehow doubt that I''ll ever get them. They just bought their "retirement" home and I''m not interested ever living in it so I figured my sister would have more use for it than me. I doubt my parents have any money or investments to leave to either of us.

DH''s parents have some money and we''re told by his mom that their estate will be divided evenly among their six children. Their house would be sold, her Longaberger collection to be divided equally and her jewelry divided among their two daughters.

 

[swimmer]

Date: 3/29/2009 12:20:38 PM
Author: coatimundi

Date: 3/28/2009 4:00:28 PM

Author:Dancing Fire

in old fashion chinese tradition the son(s) inherits 99% of the parents $$$''s.the daughter(s) inherit next to nothing.

Well, I hope the times have changed.


I''d divide it evenly.

Yeah, One Child Policy did change that.

DF, didn''t you tell us very recently that you save nothing?

 

[CrookedRock]

This is an ongoing discussion in our family... My Mother is remarried and he has an only child daughter. The first thing she said when she found out they were married (they eloped) was about her inheritance. It made me sick. Our parents married each other in their 40''s.
In my eyes my parents are young (when I refer to parents I refer to my Mother and her hubby whom I adore). Mom''s 51 and he''s 55. I hope they spend every darn penny they have. Isn''t that what you work so hard for?? Unlike my step sis, I am waiting for nothing.

That being said there are wills in case of an unfortunate happening. My Mom set hers up so that it goes 90% to me and 10% to my brother. Not bc she likes me more, but bc my brother has a lot of isues and if he had all that money in his hands... I can''t even imagine how much would go up in smoke or his nose... literally! We''ve both agreed that it''s for the best. I also agreed if that were to ever happen the 40% that belongs to him would be put aside to used as I see fit for him... ie rent, rehab? etc...

So yes I think 50/50 is fair and the right thing to do. It just so happens that we have to do it a little bit different...

 

[AdiS]

Date: 3/29/2009 8:08:41 AM
Author: Madam Bijoux
Being of sound mind, I would spend every penny on myself before I kick off. Let the crumb-snatchers work for their own money!

Hahaha, now that''s a lady after my own heart!

Seriously though, imagine what would happen if you leave, say, 80% to one of your kids and 20% to the other. You''d create a crack in their relationship forever, even if they don''t care about the money at all. I think if you''re going to leave anything to your children, it has to be divided evenly.

 

[AdiS]

Date: 3/30/2009 10:54:10 AM
Author: CrookedRock
This is an ongoing discussion in our family... My Mother is remarried and he has an only child daughter. The first thing she said when she found out they were married (they eloped) was about her inheritance. It made me sick. Our parents married each other in their 40''s.
In my eyes my parents are young (when I refer to parents I refer to my Mother and her hubby whom I adore). Mom''s 51 and he''s 55. I hope they spend every darn penny they have. Isn''t that what you work so hard for?? Unlike my step sis, I am waiting for nothing.

That being said there are wills in case of an unfortunate happening. My Mom set hers up so that it goes 90% to me and 10% to my brother. Not bc she likes me more, but bc my brother has a lot of isues and if he had all that money in his hands... I can''t even imagine how much would go up in smoke or his nose... literally! We''ve both agreed that it''s for the best. I also agreed if that were to ever happen the 40% that belongs to him would be put aside to used as I see fit for him... ie rent, rehab? etc...

So yes I think 50/50 is fair and the right thing to do. It just so happens that we have to do it a little bit different...

See, now that''s one of the cases where dividing unevenly could actually mend a relationship, not brake it. Good decision, really!

 

[Ellen]

Really interesting to read all these responses. I think I'll add a bit, in reference to some things that have been said, since I have some personal experience.

As I stated, I personally will leave my 3 boys equal amounts, as that's what makes me feel best. And normally one would "think" that equal is a given. But I watched my dad decide very differently, and while I didn't "agree" with his decision, I understood it. Background, I have 1 older brother and 1 older sister. They both live out of town, and had a somewhat strained relationship with my dad. He and I were very close, he lived right down the street, and I took care of him and his affairs until he died.

When he knew he was dying, he asked me to go get his will, and to bring it to the hospital and read it to him. He had left all money to the other two, and the house and other non monetary items to me. I thought that was odd, but hey, it's his decision. The weird thing was, he was livid, and said that's not what he wanted. All I could think was, well, you wrote it dad....I didn't say that, but here's a thought. Maybe wills should be read over periodically? Not sure what happened there, as he was in his right mind until he died.

So, he wanted to change it, and he suggested I distribute the money as I saw fit. I was like, oh no way, you are not getting me to do that, you decide. So he did. And it wasn't even, and by most standards, not fair at all. My sister got a very small percentage. Why? Because she has never known the value of a dollar, even now at 57. She would have totally blown whatever he gave her, and she did within a few short years. Plus she had "borrowed" several thousand dollars in the past, that she never paid back. My brother got double what she got. Why? I think basically because he's very religous, and dad thought he'd give it all to the church. Dad had scrimped and saved for what he had, I think he wanted to know it was not going to just be given away... I got the rest, and the non monetary items. Dad said one reason was so I would have money to send the boys to college if they wanted.

Let me say first of all, I felt like crap. And I warned my brother ahead of reading the will that it wasn't fair and how sorry I was. To make a long story shorter, the three of us were not at the reading of the will, since I knew ahead of time, I opted not to go. My sister and I are not close, I figured sh!t was going to hit the fan. And from what I hear, yes, she was mad. But, the funny thing is, she got over it, pretty quick. And my brother never showed any anger towards me. Part of that I think is because he's one of the most forgiving people I know, and part of it was, he simply understood why dad did what he did. He said as much.

While one tends to think evenly is fair, who's to say that's "right"? It's the givers money, they could leave it all to the trashman if they wanted. Or they can divvy it up however they want. They have their reasons. Was my dad "right"? To him he was. But that kind of begs the question, whose feelings matter more, the person giving, or receiving? I don't know....

At any rate, because I didn't feel right about the whole thing, when I sold the mobile home my dad owened at a private hunting club he'd belonged to, I took the money and split it in half. I gave half to my brother, and put the other half away for my sister without telling her. It was to be emergency money, which we have finally arrived at. She has no job, no money and her car finally died. So my hubby and I are in the process of buying her a used one. She may very well be mad I did not give her the money at the time, but I did what was best for her in the longrun. I knew this day would come.

Anyway, that's a long way of saying, there may be reasons for why money is left the way it is. I don't know that there is any one "right" answer. And it doesn't necessarily mean broken relationships when it's not even.

 

[fieryred33143]

I would divide evenly or based on need.

My mother, on the other hand, has already told me on numerous occasions that she is leaving me everything. All of her money, properties, investments will be in my name. I haven''t talked to her about it because I don''t like to talk to my mom about what to do in the event of her passing. It is too devestating to deal with. I think she knows that giving it all to me doesn''t mean my brothers don''t get anything. She knows I''ll turn around and give everything to them. Why she wants to do it this way, I really don''t know.