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My grandfather

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Dreamer_D

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Unfortunately my grandfather is finally losing his 5 year battle with melanoma. He has beaten many odds by lasting this long, as melanoma is basically untreatable once it metasticizes... He was given 6 months to live about 18 months ago, and one month ago we found out the cancer in his lung had finally become more active, and that the cancer had spread to his brain. Then about two days ago he could no longer get out of bed, and it looks like his time will come in a couple of days. He is 78 years old.

Growing up I was very close to my grandfather, as my own father was absent. I have many fond memories of riding with him on his Harley Davidson Motorcycle, which he kept until he was about 70 years old. We also used to go fishing together a lot, and we would catch frogs by the river when I was very little. His favourite joke was the old "pull my finger routine." Every summer I spent about 8 weeks with my grandparents, and we would often go on trips to California or Florida for weeks at a time in their motorhome. In many ways, they are like parents to me.

My grandfather had a difficult life. He was raised very poor and stopped going to school in grade six so that he could start working to support his family. At 16 he lied about his age so he could join the army, and he served our country for the next 35 years.

He and my grandmother were childhood sweethearts, and went on to have three children together. His legacy will live on in his three grandchildren, and his first great-grandchild who is due to be born in February. I wish he could live to meet him or her
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, I know that has been a real motivation for him since we told him I was expecting.

This weekend my family is converging in my home town to see him through these last stages of his life. He wants to die at home and doesn''t want any efforts made to prolong his life, and we plan to honour his wishes. I am just hoping he goes quickly and peacefully. Apparently he is comfortabe now, but his energy is fading very quicly and he cannot eat.

Please help me wish, pray, and hope for a peaceful passing for my grandfather, and for strength and resilience for my grandmother who is becoming a widow. My grandfather deserves a peaceful end to his wonderful life. I love him very much and will miss him terribly.
 

Lynnie

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((((((((HUGS))))))))
You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.
 

neatfreak

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Awww DD, your grandparents and your family will be in our thoughts.
 

cdt1101

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So sorry to hear DD. I am super close to my grandparents as well and know you must be heartbroken right now. Your grandfather and family are in my thoughts and prayers.
 

nycbkgirl

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DD- such an amazing story and life ...with the help of ur newbie u will all get through this tough time..its amazing what babies can do to make u smile and be happy even through tragedies. My prayers are with u.
 

Skippy123

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DD, I am so sorry. Your grandfather sounds like a wonderful man, thank you for sharing a piece of his life story with us. I bet he is very proud of you. I will keep your grandfather in my prayers and you and your family. It sounds like he has such a loving family. Praying for much peace for all at this time.
 

Linda W

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Aw DD, I am so sorry. My prayers to you and your family. Your grandfather sounds like such a wonderful man. Please know he will always be with you, in your heart.

Love, Linda
 

tiffanytwisted

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DD- I am so sorry. It sounds like you have a wonderful grandfather, and he helped raise a wonderful granddaughter! I will pray for you, him, and the rest of your family. I hope he has a peaceful passing.
 

littlelysser

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I''m so sorry DD.

Your family will be in my thoughts and prayers!
 

Lorelei

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DD,

I will be sending out my strongest thoughts and prayers, I am so sorry.
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bee*

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I''m so sorry to hear that. Sending prayers and hugs and I hope that his passing is peaceful.
 

Lauren8211

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((((hugs))))

So sorry to hear. I will keep you all in my thoughts. I hope he passes peacefully.
 

poshpepper

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So sorry to hear about your beloved grandfather.
I am sending prayers and good thoughts to you and your family.
 

Bia

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Dreamer, I''m so sorry to read this. Especially with you expecting and the holidays...I can only imagine how hard this is for you.

Stay strong. I am positive that your grandfather will pass on as a deeply fulfilled, proud and happy man. He''ll do that just by looking at you, and your grandmother, and, of course, the rest of his wonderful family--who have all gathered to be close to him in his last days--what more can you ask for when its your time? You have an opportunity (an amazing one) to tell him how much he meant to your life, and how much he will be missed.

Biggest and warmest hugs to you ((((((HUGS)))))). You are, and will remain, in my thoughts tonight.
 

Festy

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Dreamer, your grandfather sounds like a wonderful man. That is the kind of relationship I wish I could have had with mine (who died when I was 2) but did have with my dad, motorcycle, finger and all! My thoughts are with you and your family.
 

fieryred33143

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DD I''m very sorry for your grandfather and wish you and your family the very best during this hard time.
 

Tacori E-ring

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I am sorry to hear about your grandfather. My thoughts are with you and your family.
 

Dreamer_D

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Thanks everyone for your kind words.... I just heard from my mom that he has taken a very serious turn overnight and she has rushed up to where they live a day earlier than planned (my grandparents live with my aunt and uncle and my two young cousins, they moved in 6 months ago in anticipation of this day). Luckily, my second uncle arrived there yesterday from the US. Hopefully my mom can be with him and see him before he goes. DH and I live on the other side of the country and won''t get there until tomorrow morning. I think it is highly likely that we will not see him before he passes.
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But he is surrounded by his wife and children and two of his grandchildren, he will not be alone when he dies and that is the most important thing of all. Someone was even able to sit with him all night long to help stave off the lonliness and fear that he must surely be feeling on some level, even though he is not fully conscious.

I am at peace with this outcome, and I am okay with possibly not seeing him again before he dies. In many ways, the family has been slowly grieving his loss for the past two years. This diagnosis has been very hard for him. He is a wonderful, funny, talented, intelligent man, but he is not a very resilient man. Depression, worry, anxiety, and the resurgence of his old nemesis--alcohol addiction--really got the better of him in the last three years. I wish more than anything that he had been able to remain strong and his true self during his final years. Unfortunately, because of this decline, we have not been as close these past 3 years as we once were. The loss of his emotional and energetic presence during those years is something I have mourned long and hard. In many ways, I grieve for the loss of that time much more than I mourn his impending physical passing now.

Again, thank you for your support, it is wonderful to have a place to share.
 

fleur-de-lis

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Oh, Dreamer_Daschle, the story of your relationship with your grandfather reminds me so much of my own. It''s a very blessed sisterhood to belong to, those lucky people who have been given the gift of wonderful grandparents, isn''t it? I too spent summers at my grandparents'' house, having them dote on us little ones and hearing the tale of how they met when they were in the second grade, continued to "keep company" even after my grandmother had to leave school early during the height of the depression after her father died suddenly, and how they went on to be a couple for 75 (!!!) years. The love and responsible stewardship of the best members of that generation... Dreamer, I hear ya, and totally get it. Reading your post here brought tears to my eyes [esp. the part about "pull my finger", LOL, it seems like our grandfathers were cut from the same cloth; my grandpa favored making his leather shaving strap into a loop, joking "put your nose in there", and snapping it closed with such a loud snap (and never with a nose actually in it, of course) that all the kids would jump back and start giggling].

Praying for grace, peace, and tenderness for this great man and your whole family right now. ((((D_D))))

f-d-l
 

joflier

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I''m so sorry dreamer......Sounds like a very special man in your life. Your in my thoughts.
 

robbie3982

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DD, I''m so sorry to hear about your grandfather
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. You, your grandfather and your family will be in my prayers.
 

Blenheim

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DD, i''m so sorry. I''ll be thinking of you and your family.
 

mela lu

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Heya Dreamer. Thinking of you today. I hope everything is going ''ok'' with the family. Well, as good as such a time can go I suppose.
Your story was beautiful, and got me thinking...what about honoring your grandfather by incorporating his name (or version of) into your baby''s name?!

...just a thought since you two were so close. Anyways, thinking of you my friend.
 

AmberGretchen

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Oh dreamer, so sorry to hear about this. Your grandfather sounds like he was an amazing human being, and I''m sure he feels blessed to have his wonderful family around him now, including his lovely and accomplished granddaughter.

I will hope and pray for a peaceful and painless passing for your grandfather, and for healing and peace for you and your family.
 

Dreamer_D

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Thank you all for your support and kind words, it means a lot to me.

As we expected, my grandfather passed at 2:30 am on Saturday, November 22. He was at home, and since it was her turn to stay up with him, my mother was by his side holding his hand when he died. His passing was as peaceful as such things can be, and most importantly, he was only ill and bed-ridden for three days before he died. His biggest fear was being incapacitated and bedridden for a long period of time, so this was truly the best situation for him.

I didn''t get to see him before he died, as we arrived at 11am on Saturday, but all his children were there and in his last moments of lucidity on Thursday he was able to communicate with them and tell them all that he was in no pain, and they were able to tell him that they loved him.

The rest of the weekend my family spent time together, laughing and reminiscing about my grandfather. We had family dinners and played board games and told jokes. This was what he would have wanted, he was adamantly against anything too serious and stately and did not want a funeral. Next summer arond his birthday we are going to hold a big party to celebrate his life and send him off in style.
 

Dreamer_D

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Date: 11/25/2008 3:08:16 PM
Author: mela lu

Your story was beautiful, and got me thinking...what about honoring your grandfather by incorporating his name (or version of) into your baby''s name?!
I thought about this and my family discussed it, but unfortunately my grandfather has a rather terrible name to be honest! He never liked it, and we couldn''t think of any good versions of it that were not silly! So I think he will just have to live on in memory and in genes passed on to his great-grandchild, I simply can''t saddle my kid with such a name!
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honey22

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DD I''m so sorry to hear about the passing of your grandfather. My thoughts are with you and your family.

Grandparents are special creatures, they are truly angels on earth. I dread the time I no longer have my grandmother as I truly can''t imagine life without her in it. She has been such a big part of my life and our family/

May you always have fond and loving memories of him. They say as one soul leaves this earth, and another enters it. Maybe you will recognise a little twinkle in the eyes of your new baby?

*hugs*
 

nycbkgirl

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O DD its sounds like he was in a happy place knowing his kids were there by his side and loving him..I can imagine all the funny and interesting stories that were shared in his memory..you are as strong as they come and glad you are taking this in a positive way and reflecting on the great life lived!
Suggestion- if u did want to incorporate his name with the baby how about using his first initial. In our culture we don''t usually give the exact name passing on to the baby but just use the first initial to come up with a name...again just a suggestion ;-)
Our thoughts are with u!
 

asscherisme

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I am so sorry about your grandfather. I have been there with both my grandfathers and its a really hard thing. Like you I was really close to them. I carry them with me every day and I know you will too. My thoughts are with you, your grandfather, and your family.
 
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