Dealing with stress

[Smurfysmiles]

Ok, so I think I am getting to the point where I am getting sick from my stress and I know ways to cope with normal stress but have any of you ever had it this bad? I'm to the point where my stomach just hurts all the time from it.

These are the issues I'm dealing with right now:
-Me and Fi don't have jobs because of the economy, not even petsmart will hire us, it's ridiculous! We're out there every day putting out our resumes and talking to people and basically busting our butts and not getting anything in return. We were able to breath a sigh of relief when we could actually buy food because my parents sent us a gift card for target the other day.

-My sister announced today officially that she is getting divorced. She and her now ex have been married 20 years, or since I was 4, so I've obviously grown attached to the brother in law like a real brother and I'm having trouble accepting that we are losing a family member. Also I'm having problems trying to decide how to go about planning a wedding while all of this is happening in my family. I'm really trying so hard to be respectful of all parties. *side note: the financial situation isn't affecting the wedding, my awesome dad saved up money for each of his daughter's weddings a long time ago and we are using that money for it.

-I'm in a new city where I don't really know anybody except fi's best friend and my sister who lives half an hour away. I get really lonely and as often as I talk to my friends online and on the phone it still isn't the same.

-I feel guilty because we can't make the rent without getting outside financial help and our rent is fairly costy because originally I had been promised a job that would give us more than enough money to get by with our bills and have extra money. The choice of our apartment had been based on this fact alone- that we would have enough with my job to get by and still have about 1200 left over extra each month. I know it's not my fault I lost my job but it's really hard not to feel that way.

-My parents health is still declining. They're getting older and we don't know for sure that my mom's cancer has gone away yet. Also my dad is constantly at the risk of another heart attack because a lot of these things that are affecting me are affecting him as well.

-I haven't smoked for a whole month now, yet I still feel like I'm having the irritable, cranky withdrawel symptoms from it.

I feel like crying

So if any of you have been in this deep with your stress, please please let me know how you dealt with it. Sometimes I snap at fi because i'm stressed out (and immediately apologize after) i try really hard not to do it and he knows how stressed i am and i know he is too. And I can't help but feel this is affecting my job search too because I don't feel confident and who wants to hire someone who isn't confident, ugh.

 

[Skippy123]

Surfy, I am so sorry; it sounds like you are going through a lot right now with your parents healthy

, no jobs, and your sister. I will keep you and your family in my prayers at this time and sending you a huge hug. Lots of prayers outgoing.

During difficult times for me I know just getting outside and going for a walk can be quite cathartic and also is good thinking time for me on how to handle difficult situations. I wish I had better advice but I think just sitting down with your FI and being good to each other during the difficult time and leaning on each other can help. Sending good thoughts your way that things look up soon.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

thanks skippy, anything helps

 

[Harriet]

Can you swim? I find it extremely calming. This time last year was the worst period of my life.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

i agree with you harriet
we have an outdoor heated pool where we live but its only warm when its like 60 and above so i gotta wait for another warm night in colorado
we do have a hot tub too though which is fun, but i can only be in it for like 30 minutes at a time until i start to feel sick

 

[marcy]

Smurysmiles, I am so sorry to hear about so many bad things going on in your life. Having a great deal of stress is certainly understandable. Things I''ve done over the years is keep busy - such as crafts, watching favorite movies or reading. I thinking working out or doing some deep house cleaning gives you a sense of accomplishment and might help. Sometimes watching a movie that I know will make me cry helps get some of my pent up emotions out. Hugs to you. Good luck to you and your FI finding jobs.

 

[zoebartlett]

I''m sorry you''re going through such a difficult time, Smurfy. I hope something comes along your way soon!

When I''m stressed, which is often these days, I find that it helps to zone out for a while. It may not be the most productive way to handle things, but sometimes you just need a break, you know? Like Marcy, I find that watching movies (new ones and/or favorites) helps. Reading is a great way to escape, whether it''s a novel or a trashy magazine. Just something to keep my mind occupied with things other than whatever difficult situation I''m in. Taking a walk often helps too. I especially like to go on walks when it''s brisk outside.

 

[diamondringlover]

I am sorry you are going thru so much, I do understand about stress, mine is so bad I get hives

I deal with mine one day at a time and a little wine (well alot lol) helps me and I was walking to help with mine, but now I have a heel spur and walking about kills me, but I keep plugging along. You need to just try to take a day at a time, jobs are very hard to come by, I know my son moved to Chicago 5 months ago (another stress factor for me) and I am still having to help him finacially, just keep applying for about everything, if nothing else you might be able to get a Christmas temp job to tide you over, good luck.

 

[Smurfysmiles]

FI''s car broke down today so not only do we have to shell out another 150 to have it inspected, we also have to pay aout 400 for what the guy suggested it might be. also now we have no way to get to job interviews or to drop off resumes UGGGGGGGH
I bought some stress reducing tea today with kava in it. Is it possible to get so stressed out that you are just tired all the time? I laid on the couch to watch tv today and I was asleep for like 4 hours!!!!! And I just gotten up for the day about 3 hours before and had a full 8 hours of sleep. Lamesauce. At least I get to make pies with fi on wednesday night

 

[Deelight]

Date: 11/25/2008 3:48:49 AM
Author: Smurfysmiles
FI''s car broke down today so not only do we have to shell out another 150 to have it inspected, we also have to pay aout 400 for what the guy suggested it might be. also now we have no way to get to job interviews or to drop off resumes UGGGGGGGH

I bought some stress reducing tea today with kava in it. Is it possible to get so stressed out that you are just tired all the time? I laid on the couch to watch tv today and I was asleep for like 4 hours!!!!! And I just gotten up for the day about 3 hours before and had a full 8 hours of sleep. Lamesauce. At least I get to make pies with fi on wednesday night

YUP without a doubt, I have suffered on and off with anxiety and depression since I was 12 but it wasn''t diagnosed until I was 16 (it is always there but there are points in my life when I am able to better cope with it then others) but the things that I find that helps me most are.

[*] Exercise, the more I do the better I feel and the more energy I have.
[*] Eat good food, avoid the junk.
[*] Breathing, when I am at my wits end and am the point of completely snapping, losing it, emotionally unstable, can''t sleep because my mind is a minefield that won''t stop I use this. I find that if I concentrate on my breathing and keep it controlled (take long deep, slow breaths) I can help control myself and my emotions - visualization helps as well I picture a beach with waves crashing and regulate my breathing with that as the waves come in (deep breath in) I visualize the wave filling my head and collecting all the negativity and as the wave goes out to sea (deep breath out) all the negativity goes along with it.

I am sorry you and your FI are going through this, I hope things get better really soon .

 

[laughwithme]

Oh my gosh, Smurfy, I am so so sorry for everything going on with you.

I have definitely had my share of being not only stressed but slightly depressed to the point where I want to cry at everything. For one, you need to realize that everything is cyclical - when it rains, it pours. Right now, it seems to be pouring for you. You need to understand that all of this will clear off....the car troubles, the job seeking, etc. I am most certainly hoping for the health of your parents, too.

Have you tried yoga? You don''t need to do all those crazy poses. I can''t do them and I quit the classes because I felt so non-flexible compared to the other women. But, the breathing and relaxation benefit is incredible. Look up 3 or 4 basic poses online - basically, it''s just trying to regulate your breathing in a quiet, solitary setting. It truly does improve your well-being and immune system.

Other ideas... some say that fish oil improves the mood. It does improve your heart and circulation, so its worth a try. But ultimately, I think issues need to be tackled one by one. A big one for me is keeping things clean - car, apartment, closet, etc. If things aren''t clean, you begin "letting go" and at least for me, that gets me down and stressed. Make a list (literally, on paper) of every single thing big and small that is stressing you - it may be something as simple as "changing the cat''s litter box." Set goals for those things and draw HUGE lines through them when they are done. You may have a daily, weekly, and monthly list.

Also, possibly consider a therapist. They can teach you coping mechanisms for situations in life that cannot be changed, such as the health of a loved one. They know psychology and human behavior very well and know what sort of things may and may not work to adjust your level of stress.

Keep us updated.

 

[matildawong]

Hi Smurfy,

I''m so sorry you are going through so much right now. I can relate to some of what you said. Sometimes I feel like stress is just eating away at me. I would probably roll my eyes if someone suggested this to me before (or maybe not!) but I don''t know if you have a gym membership.. I''ve held on to mine even though we''re paycheck to paycheck and just barely making rent, too. But I started a Cycling or Spinning class and it is SUPER hard but it does wonders for my irritable/nervous/stress case self. I feel AMAZING after and it usually stays with me for a few days.

Anyway, hang in there. You can always vent in here to us, too.