What would you have done?

[Italiahaircolor]

Hi ladies...I am just posting to get some opinions about an incident that happened today and I am very curious to see how all of you ladies would have handled it.

So, my husband and I are in the middle of a huge remodel on our home. Fun times, I know

. Today, we finally reached paint colors...and we went to visit our local Lowes to grab some swatches and maybe a sample can or two. I was standing in the paint area and there was this lady there blocking the area I needed to reach with her cart, while wrestling with her daughter who simply did not want to get into the child section of the cart. I politely said excuse me and kind of shimmied my way past her cart to reach the paint swatch I needed. She proceeded to say "I cannot move right now"...to which I said nothing, because clearly, she didn''t need to move, I could get what I needed---and she could go on fighting with her kid.

Now, I didn''t think to much about her comment, because...whatever...but then she said to her daughter "come on sweetheart, lets go...we can come back when there are nicer people here" as she was rounding the corner....

What the hell just happened?

I was standing there with my husband...who, God love him, was like "it''s no big deal"...but, I think it is. I think any time anyone is rude it''s a big deal.

I am not a parent. But I have a niece and nephew and I know sometimes it can be frusterating trying to deal with them when they aren''t listening. But, I never snap at other people who are just trying to get their stuff done. Was I suppose to stand there while she worked out her differences with her daughter? Should I have apologized for needing something where she was? I mean, I shop all the time...sometimes I''m in someones way and sometimes they are in mine...usually saying excuse me is an acceptable way of letting someone know you need to squeeze by them to reach something.

I was so embarrassed. The paint department was busy. People turned to look. They probably thought I shoved her cart, or pushed her out of the way, or gave her a nasty look (I promise, for the record, I did NONE of those things!). And, to make matters worse...she said this as she was rounding the corner, so I couldn''t even rebut her comment...

So, I did nothing. I said nothing. And now it''s eatting me up. I hate, hate, hate rude people....so I try my best not to be rude. I say please, thank you, excuse me... And I feel like this woman totally overreacted and I just took it.

I wish I had been ballsy enough to say "no honey, you''ll never be around nice people with a mother like that...sorry"...but I''m a wimp

What would you have done? Taken it? Said something? Was I wrong? Am I crazy?

(P.S: I did have a flash moment where I would have liked to smack her...so hard...but my husband said he wouldn''t have bailed me out, so thank God I didn''t)

 

[nclrgirl]

It is such a shame that this happened to you! It is sad that there are people out there like this woman. I think that you definitely "won" in the class department by not getting into insult throwing with this woman. It sounds like you handled this unpleasant situation in the best way possible.

 

[neatfreak]

Assuming that the situation was as described, I would say that SHE is the rude one! Regardless of whether she is having a hard time with her child or not, she should have been aware of her surroundings and kind when you asked her to move. It isn't your fault that she was fighting with her child in the place you needed to get into.

I have noticed (especially since hubby and I are expecting) that there are two types of parents. One type are the parents who are conscientious of others around them. These parents apologize when their children scream in public and get them out of there ASAP, they teach their children to not run around like crazy monkeys, and they realize that THEY are often the ones in the way of others when they are wrangling kids. I will totally strive to be one of these parents!

Then there are the parents who seem to believe that since they had kids the world revolves around them. They think it's "cute" when their child is singing songs at the top of their lungs in a library or nice restaurant, they don't scold their children when they whip around in a store knocking things over like maniacs, they scowl or make rude comments at you if you ask to get around their child in the supermarket, etc.

The woman you dealt with is clearly type #2. I wouldn't worry about it, I don't think you did anything wrong as long as you were polite!

 

[Kaleigh]

If I saw a Mom wrestling with her kid, having one of those moments, I wouldn't have said excuse me. I think it's one of those times where you just be patient and let them go on, and then get your paint sample.

You did nothing wrong, her reaction was over the top.

But seriously, waiting a few seconds to let them move on, would have been my choice. Saying Excuse me, while they are getting into it, isn't going to envoke a positive response.... Her bad not your's.

If you had said, gosh I am sorry to bother you, but need to get in here and grab a paint sample that would have gone over a lot better. Clearly you did nothing wrong, and am sorry you ran into this.

 

[Elmorton]

You didn''t do anything wrong, and I live in fear of what the world is going to be like in 20 years . Maybe because I''m an only child, but sometimes I really feel like parents shouldn''t take their children shopping until the child is well-behaved enough to handle it (or until parents are calm and mature enough to handle it). I''m sure I''ll sing a different tune when I have kids. Anyway, if you didn''t shove their cart or something, I don''t think you did a thing wrong. What, were you supposed to stand and stare as the child threw a tantrum? To me, that would be more rude.

 

[D2B]

You did nothing wrong and ditto to everything Kaleigh said. I

Trust me, children can wear you down like nothing else

, couple that with sleep deprivation, which can occur even when they get older every now and then, and a shopping trip, it can be a bad mix. Who knows what was going on her.

Well done for not saying anything, she is either rude herself, or having a masively bad day, in which case, never get in the way of a sleep deprived, frustrated parent

d2b

 

[phoenixgirl]

It''s one thing for the mom to be frustrated by a wriggly child, that''s understandable, but that doesn''t mean she should use her small child to be rude and passive aggressive. The poor child is going to have no idea that it''s wrong to act that way.

You did the right thing; there''s nothing you could have said (well, ok, just putting myself in the position here; maybe you could have said, "Rough day?" with a sort of fake, condescending smile and nod . . . but who cares about putting a selfish idiot in her place . . . she''s likely not smart enough to pick up on the insincerity anyway).

 

[Independent Gal]

Date: 8/10/2008 11:54:56 PM
Author: Kaleigh
If I saw a Mom wrestling with her kid, having one of those moments, I wouldn''t have said excuse me. I think it''s one of those times where you just be patient and let them go on, and then get your paint sample.


You did nothing wrong, her reaction was over the top.

But seriously, waiting a few seconds to let them move on, would have been my choice. Saying Excuse me, while they are getting into it, isn''t going to envoke a positive response.... Her bad not your''s.


If you had said, gosh I am sorry to bother you, but need to get in here and grab a paint sample that would have gone over a lot better. Clearly you did nothing wrong, and am sorry you ran into this.

Big Ditto. You could have been a little kinder, more patient and understanding, but did nothing seriously wrong. She should have been more polite in her response.

But I would let it go. Doesn''t sound like a big deal in the scheme of things, to me.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Thanks ladies for the advice.

NCL, it is a shame...not that it happened to me...but that it happened at all.

Neatfreak, you are 100% dead on with the two types of parenting. And, in the end, its the children who bear the weight of their parents actions. It''s the kids who go thru life with a sense of entitlement. I believe it only stands to hurt them in the long run.

Kaleigh, prehaps I should clarify....I did wait, not for a long extended period of time...but I certainly wasn''t rushing about like a bull in a china shop either. And you''re right, I probably could have waited longer...been more passive...but I was having a decorating break thru and was excited. And BTW...how was I bothering her? I didn''t push her cart out of the way, or rip a paint sample from her hand...her cart was simply blocking the display...and since I''m guessing her last name wasn''t Loews, I don''t think she held the market on that place. I didn''t even move her cart to get to the samples...all I said was excuse me.

Elmorton, I don''t have a strong fear that the world will, in 20 years time, turn into a battle field. I think that parents make a choice on how to raise their own children...like Neatfreak said...it can go either way...but, as long as there are still parents who are raising their children to be mature, respectful, considerate adults...I hope we''ll be fine. Hope.

D2B, I hope she was just having an off day...I would hate to think someone genuinely walks around doing that on a regular basis. And I do understand about having an stressful day...often times my neices and nephew stay with my DH and I for extended periods of time...and it can be hard, it can wear you down and make you want to snap. But, I like to remind myself "just because I can, doesn''t mean I should"...just because I''m mad or stressed or overwhelmed, doesn''t mean I have the right to take it out on someone else...it doesn''t take a talent to be unkind to someone.

Phoenix, you''re right. The child probably does act like that, because her mother puts up with it. Her mother is willing to stand there in public and reason with her kid, all the while inconviencing other people. What happened to place and time when a mother would just pick her kid up, put her in the cart and apologize for her daughter making a scene?


Independent, seeing as how I didn''t want to get into a real exchange...I don''t go to Loews to make friends...I personally think saying "excuse me" was kind enough.

 

[joflier]

I work in a medical clinic, and do some pediatric work from time to time........all I can say, is that I''d like the pediatric work, if it weren''t for the parents. For some reason parents like to make out everyone else in the world to be the "bad guy" in front of their children. They often will refer to not just myself, but nurses and doctors as mean, rude, pushy, etc.....all in front of the kids! I don''t know if its just to boost their own ego, or just to make themselves look like the hero in various types of situations, trying to get the kid to have a better persepective of them as a parent? Just not sure.

 

[movie zombie]

her decision to bring her child to the store and be into a discussion with said child in front of merchandise was her decision. you did nothing wrong in saying "excuse me" to get to the item of your choice. actually, she was the rude one. you handled the situation very well.

movie zombie

 

[purrfectpear]

She made a big deal out of nothing.

Now you are making a big deal out of nothing.

The reactions you listed as wishing you would have said are indicative of someone who is wayyy too invested in what should have been a 10 second encounter. One that most of us would have forgotten immediately.

Please post back when you have something real to vent about...like when you return and discover the painters have totally botched the job.

(only teasing you, I did the custom home thing - you have a LOT to look forward to

)

 

[CrookedRock]

I think you probably did the right thing. As someone who lets the litte things (in the grand scheme of things) get to her, I 100% understand how this bothers you. I don''t think you could have done anything else. You had every right to say excuse me to get to where you needed to get. She was out of line.

PP~Bottom line is that her bothered her. She can vent about whatever she wants...

 

[Italiahaircolor]

PP, thanks for your in put...I think. While you may forget being insulted easily, I don''t. Hence my rant...oh well.

 

[purrfectpear]

True that, but my mottos are "Don''t sweat the small stuff" and "It''s all small stuff".

Much less drama that way.

My alternate motto is "Don''t pet the sweaty stuff"

 

[diamondsrock]

Date: 8/11/2008 8:37:20 AM
Author: Independent Gal

Date: 8/10/2008 11:54:56 PM
Author: Kaleigh
If I saw a Mom wrestling with her kid, having one of those moments, I wouldn't have said excuse me. I think it's one of those times where you just be patient and let them go on, and then get your paint sample.


You did nothing wrong, her reaction was over the top.

But seriously, waiting a few seconds to let them move on, would have been my choice. Saying Excuse me, while they are getting into it, isn't going to envoke a positive response.... Her bad not your's.


If you had said, gosh I am sorry to bother you, but need to get in here and grab a paint sample that would have gone over a lot better. Clearly you did nothing wrong, and am sorry you ran into this.

Big Ditto. You could have been a little kinder, more patient and understanding, but did nothing seriously wrong. She should have been more polite in her response.

But I would let it go. Doesn't sound like a big deal in the scheme of things, to me.

I disagree that she should have tiptoed around this situation. Honestly, she had to get an item and the woman was blocking the way. What is wrong with saying excuse me? I'm not trying to criticize anyone, but honestly, what could be more simple, direct and polite than that?

I agree to the two kinds of parents camp theory as well as the previous poster. Some people get so wrapped up in their kids that they forget there are other people in the store, mall, supermarket, library, etc... I think it's a good lesson for your child to learn to be respectful of other people around you. This woman isn't teaching that to her child by any means. In fact, she is teaching her child that everyone needs to bow down to their needs. She should have said, oh, I'm sorry, and then moved out of the way like I would have. Instead she painted you as the bad guy to her daughter. Real mature!

Edit to add - I get upset over these types of things, too, so it's not just you. Probably because I try so hard to be polite when I'm out in public. Usually I get upset then let it go soon after. Sometimes, depending on what mood I am in, it may not bother me at all. But catch me on an off day and this is the type of thing that irks me real bad.

 

[cara]

Date: 8/11/2008 2:56:11 AM
Author: Elmorton
Maybe because I''m an only child, but sometimes I really feel like parents shouldn''t take their children shopping until the child is well-behaved enough to handle it (or until parents are calm and mature enough to handle it).

Some parents don''t have the option of not going shopping with their little one... Sometimes they have to make do. Of course they have a responsibility to be as calm and mature as possible about it and have reasonable expectations of their little one. But sometimes other humans have to make do when encountering the young of our species out and about in normal life... Kind of like being on an airplane with a crying baby. Meltdowns happen, and "just leave them at home until they can fly quietly" might be a business traveler''s dream but is highly unrealistic.

The mom was certainly rude to call you mean to her darling daughter, but I guess my read is that you might might have been a little more patient if the mom was dealing with a meltdown. Did you wait only 10 sec? Or 30 sec? 1 min? 2 min? Somewhere in there is the fuzzy line of acceptable amount of waiting for mom to deal with her meltdown child before getting on with your pressing renovations. But as you did not shove her cart or say anything that required a response from her, her little comment was unwarrented.

But it is also probably way more that it is worth for you to be worrying about it now, or me to be posting anything about it... yada yada

 

[Haven]

I would have waited a few minutes the woman had her child under control, and if it took longer than a few minutes I would have said something along the lines of "I see you have your hands full, but can I squeeze by?" with a big, empathetic smile on my face.

I try to give people the benefit of the doubt, and I definitely don''t allow other people (especially strangers) to negatively affect my mood. That is so not worth it.

And if you had said something then you would have been just as rude as she was. It''s such an unbecoming thing to be nasty to others in public. (And for the record, I live in a town where people are often rude to each other because there''s a big sense of entitlement virus going around here. I just smile, hum my favorite song, and go along on my merry way. Perhaps it''s a self-defense mechanism I developed as a result of teaching adolescents.)

 

[VegasAngel]

I think what you did is fine. You said excuse me, a lot people cant manage to say that for anything.

She was just having a hard time & was taking it out on you.

"The paint department was busy. People turned to look. They probably thought I shoved her cart, or pushed her out of the way, or gave her a nasty look (I promise, for the record, I did NONE of those things!). And, to make matters worse...she said this as she was rounding the corner, so I couldn''t even rebut her comment..."

Look at it this way maybe you werent the first person who had to navigate around her. They were probably glad she was gone, lol.

 

[pennquaker09]

I think what you did was just fine.

Sometimes we just have to resign ourselves to the fact that some people are rude. I say excuse me very liberally, just to let people know I respect their space, but I get rude reactions quite a bit. It bothers me, but I just go on with my business because there are just some things that are beyond my control.

SMILE, it''s okay!!