Is marriage happy?

[LaraOnline]

Date: 6/25/2008 5:47:39 PM
Author: Aloros
I get the feeling that it''s these debacle-marriages that garner the most attention, so we tend to focus on them the most.

I''m really happily married, it''s so fantastic. To be honest, even if it fell apart now, I think I would still not regret the experience of having been married. Being married has really added a deep sense of acceptance and stability to my romantic life.
Marriage can be life-affirming.

Now, I know you mentioned that your mum and dad had a strong marriage, but I do think that it can be helpful to hang around lots of people that treat each other well, and have happy marriages. I was very sadly cynical - kinda bitterly hopeful - before I got married...Now that I am (finally) happily married, it seems all / most of my friends are as well! When I was single, I hardly knew any married people...it was outside my reality.

Decodelighted has an interesting point when she says it''s kinda like asking ''Are careers rewarding?"
it''s different strokes for different folks...not quite ''you get what you deserve'', because we''re talking a double act here...but it''s partly up to your own efforts.

Also, Elmorton, :''The people I know who have happy marriages have have other solid relationships whether it''s with a parent, friendships, co-workers, etc. When DH and I first started dating, I couldn''t help but notice how much love and respect his friends and family had for him. That''s a good sign. ''

That rings so profoundly true for me!

Also, having children can really test people. Poor mums! (and poor Dads too) It''s hard to have a happy marriage if everyone''s complaining all the time!

 

[LaraOnline]

Date: 6/26/2008 12:49:33 AM
Author: trillionaire

We are happily married for 15 years and my biggest advise is ''ninety percent of the friction of daily life is caused by the wrong tone of voice''

Saima, Houston, USA

I think that is the best relationship advice I have EVER read!!

 

[Rhea]

Date: 6/29/2008 8:31:39 AM
Author: LaraOnline

Date: 6/26/2008 12:49:33 AM

Author: trillionaire


We are happily married for 15 years and my biggest advise is ''ninety percent of the friction of daily life is caused by the wrong tone of voice''


Saima, Houston, USA

I think that is the best relationship advice I have EVER read!!

I agree!

This is actually a source of conflict for DH and I. I grew up in a family that communicated a lot, in both good and bad ways. DH did not, his family rarely speaks about anything beyond the basic greetings. I realised this weekend when we had friends over that DH is quite sensitive to anything that can be perceived as negative. We were talking about jobs and houses with friends. I said something that to me meant that DH and I just had different ways of thinking and he shut down. I didn''t mean to imply that my way of thinking was right and his wrong, but that''s how he took it.

Our relationship can be incredibly difficult because not only to have how I think my tone of voice is at all times but I have to reassure him that I meant a neutral tone of voice if he''s perceived it differently. It''s very hard work.

 

[LaraOnline]

Hey Addy
maybe you''ll have to practise putting a ''smile'' in your voice, all the time...like a telephone receptionist! Might take some effort to aquire the habit, but could add years to our lives, couldn''t it.

Matter of fact, might try it on the kids.

 

[Rhea]

Corporate accounts payable, Nina speaking! Just a moment!
___________

There will be no kids

 

[Sha]

I''ve been married 8 months and really enjoying it so far!

 

[jill_s]

We''ve been married close to five years, and I believe we have a really good foundation. We spend almost our entire dating relationship long-distance, so it forced us to be friends. One very intentional thing we do regularly is make time for "dates". If we''ve had a busy week, we''ll go out to dinner and catch up. Or the other thing we do is take walks most every night in the summer. That''s another great way to connect without interruptions. I believe that making time to invest in each other is what makes marriages happy and healthy...even if it is for just 30 minutes a day.

 

[LaraOnline]

Jill, I wish my man would walk with me. He finds walking boring!!!

They reckon that lots of troubles happen within the first five years of marriage. I''m assuming problems begin to manifest around years four and five...when the kids are young.

Child rearing, and the kind of intense domestic co-operation required, can really turn the water temperature up.

Also, you''ve settled in by then, and no-one''s patting you on the back for getting married / having kids any more. You''re all grown up...unresolved emotional issues might come up around then...?

Financial pressures are hard to take when you''ve got small kids. Plus, you''re getting older...''no more fun for you''!!!

I did hit a bit of a *ahem* ''lull'' after the birth of my second child. Getting out to mummy gym classes helped a lot.