The Ring Search

[LOwrestling2001]

Hi all, just found this forum because I am in search of an engagement ring. However, this, like everything else, has so much data/information to learn about, and I''m looking for a starting point. First off, I wanted to get the ring before making the proposal, and I see that a lot of couples are just doing ring shopping together nowadays, can anyone comment on that? I know that it is the purchase of a lifetime, so seeing what the woman wants is nice, but at the same time I want that nice element of surprise, etc etc.

Anyways, I made this post based on the stipulation that I''d get the ring first. My question is, with so many styles to choose from, how does one start their search? Is getting the ring first obsolete these days, and that it is better to search together? I feel like the most difficult part of the search is the ring style/setting because it''s so subjective, as quality of the diamond can be more easily quantified. I know this post is very open ended and sorry about that, I''m just looking to get started on this little adventure. Thanks!

 

[Rhea]

I started the ring search by thinking about budget. Then we took into account the style I like, metal preference, and if we''d had a larger budget we would have considered the size stone that looked good on me.

It''s not unheard of to have the ring be a surprise, but you don''t have to dig too deeply to find posts where the woman has received a ring that she''s not happy with so she''s stressing out about whether or not to tell her partner. I think there is less chance of things going wrong if you discuss it together.

 

[LOwrestling2001]

So what you''re saying is generally in today''s world it''s more common to get the ring as a couple, because what you have to gain from it is worth more than the element of surprise (with a possibility of a less than ideal ring for the rest of your lives)?

 

[Cocosgirl]

Welcome!

I think the first thing you would want to do is figure out what kind of style your FF has in terms of jewelry and her lifestyle. For example, does she work with her hands? Is she creative and artistic or is she simple and chic? I know you want the ring to be a surprise but perhaps you could speak to her female friends or family to find out what kind of ring/stone she wants. This will be of critical importance. Is she a classic round solitare kind of girl? Or does she go for pave sparkle and square cut stones? Ask as many of her closest female friends as possible. Also, doe she like yellow gold, white gold or even platinum?

Would you consider ring shopping with her to get a feel for what she likes?

Then you''ll want to set your budget and begin researching stones and settings that you think she (and YOU!) will like. There are many valued Pricescope vendors who can help you navigate those waters -- Good Old Old, Whiteflash, James Allen, Engagement Rings Direct to name a few.

Ask lots and lots of questions! There are terrific experts on this site who are always happy to help out. Good Luck!

 

[JulieN]

I think there are two factors:

1. How confident do you feel picking out a setting? Has she given you any direction?

2. How would you feel if she did not like it? If you would be offended that she tell you it is not what she had in mind, and would like to return it, then best to pick it out together, IMO.

 

[dockman3]

First of all, welcome to PS! Second, to try to answer some of your questions, yes, the setting is very subjective and I found that part both easy and hard. I just finished buying my gf an engagement ring and it is a total surprise to her. She doesn''t know I have it and we never went shopping together. That doesn''t mean that I didn''t know what I was doing. I asked her a lot of probing questions and showed her some pictures online, or if we walked by a jewelery counter, I would stop and ask her opinion about one or two of the rings. From this, I gleaned enough to know that she wanted a 3 stone ring that was really sparkly in yellow gold that didn''t sit too high on her finger and she didn''t really like the antique pave look or the halo look. She wanted it to be a bit more traditional and timeless, fearing that some of those styles will go out of style eventually. That was enough to get me through the whole process. From there, I just went out to the local jewelers and looked at as many settings as I could. It took 4 stores until I saw the one I wanted. It was love at first sight and I knew the second I saw it that it was the one.

Once I had the setting, it was time to find the center stone. Like you said, it was a bit easier because you could narrow it down pretty quickly objectively, but there is still a lot of subjectivity to picking a diamond. I actually picked one, had it set, took it home and realized I didn''t like how it performed in our lighting at home. I took it back and got a different diamond, which was kind of a pain, but it was worth it. But I must have looked at 20-30 diamonds in person from various stores before I found one I liked that was within my budget.

That was my story and the reason I wrote all of it down for you was to give you some ideas of how to go about this whole thing. Many people on this board have bought their jewelery online, and while there are some great deals to be had there, it wasn''t for me and I bought from my local jeweler. You can do it both ways and maybe somebody else will chime in with their story for doing it online. But I also wanted to let you know that she doens''t have to be involved, as long as you pay attention to her answers to some of your probing questions. You can make it a surprise and it isn''t that hard to do, but you''ve got to be patient. Good luck with your search, and if you have any questions, don''t hesitate to post them. I''ve posted quite a few on here myself and there is a huge history on this forum for you to search through. The people here are great and we''ll help you in any way we can. Again, good luck and keep us posted!

 

[LOwrestling2001]

Thanks for all of the responses thus far!

Well, a little bit about her, she''s very easy going, and while she does have style, she is generally not very flashy, and doesn''t wear rings generally (she does wear bracelets and necklaces here and there with her outfits). I feel like, if I''m going to ask her what she thinks about rings and what not, we may as well go do it together, because she will know what I''m doing. As for the proposal, I''m planning on keeping it a big secret, and only two of my closest friends know about it, so basically I feel very alone in this search.

JulieN,
1. I THINK that I have an idea of what setting would look good (in my mind, I am thinking something that is relatively simple that doesn''t stand out too much, but that is still nice). I do not currently have any direction because if it were to be a surprise I wouldn''t want to say anything to her because I know that she''ll just know, at which point we might as well shop together.
2.I wouldn''t necessarily be offended if it wasn''t what she had in mind, but I am a big believer in doing things right the first time around, especially with this, being a once in a live ordeal, so I would definitely want it to be THE ring she wants. I also feel like she''d be happy with anything I gave her, but once again, I want it to be what SHE wants.

I''m basically just one confused dude right now.

 

[Rhea]

We picked out the ring together, but the proposal was still a surprise. I think this is the preferred way of many people who post here. There''s no getting the ring wrong if she''s involved, but then it''s yours to take away and propose as you see fit.

 

[JulieN]

Date: 6/25/2008 3:19:39 PM
Author: LOwrestling2001
Thanks for all of the responses thus far!

Well, a little bit about her, she''s very easy going, and while she does have style, she is generally not very flashy, and doesn''t wear rings generally (she does wear bracelets and necklaces here and there with her outfits). I feel like, if I''m going to ask her what she thinks about rings and what not, we may as well go do it together, because she will know what I''m doing. As for the proposal, I''m planning on keeping it a big secret, and only two of my closest friends know about it, so basically I feel very alone in this search.

JulieN,
1. I THINK that I have an idea of what setting would look good (in my mind, I am thinking something that is relatively simple that doesn''t stand out too much, but that is still nice). I do not currently have any direction because if it were to be a surprise I wouldn''t want to say anything to her because I know that she''ll just know, at which point we might as well shop together.
2.I wouldn''t necessarily be offended if it wasn''t what she had in mind, but I am a big believer in doing things right the first time around, especially with this, being a once in a live ordeal, so I would definitely want it to be THE ring she wants. I also feel like she''d be happy with anything I gave her, but once again, I want it to be what SHE wants.

I''m basically just one confused dude right now.

1. I personally think it can be romantic and fun to shop for rings together! My BF told me he had a of surprise waiting for me when I visit next week, and um, WOW. Knowing that something is coming makes your imagination really whirl. I just tell myself he got me a cockroach so I don''t start any expectations going, because it could be ANYTHING. And you probably don''t want to end up in doctork''s situation where his gf, due to eBay browsing, wants a huge rock and he''s going for a 2 ct. If she has engagement fever, talking to her about her likes but not including her in the process may make a sticky situation.

2. That''s a reasonable answer. You''ll get points from the PS ladies for that.

 

[jarbatz]

If you really want it to be "THE" ring - take her ring shopping and have her show you what she likes! The style that she returns to time and time again is probably "IT". I have several friends that weren''t involved at all and while they love their rings and their hubbies, they admit to wanting this or that or wishing he would''ve gotten something more like.....

Unless you KNOW for sure which style she would like, I wouldn''t spend that kind of money on something that won''t absolutley WOW her.

Consider buying something online or having something custom made....even though she may see it online or in pictures it will still be 10x more beautiful when you present it to her in real life (on your knee, hopefully!). And the element of surprise will still be preserved in how you choose to propose!

And having something custom made also makes you feel like it was made JUST for her from you!

 

[Bob Brucker]

This is a good topic ...

Not trying to add to your confusion but here are a couple of my thoughts..
For practically any other piece of jewelry (or anything you have made for that matter) it''s probably a safe enough bet and she will love it...

but for the wedding ring, I have to lean towards picking it out or designing it together... this might be the only thing you will "have" to get 100% right and their are no good solid reasons for taking any chances... So we frown on the whole idea...

that being said, we have had some people insist and it has turned out successfully... and taking such a chance to have a ring made makes for a pretty interesting ring story (and quite an exciting experience) on the other hand, getting it wrong is also going to make a signifigant impact on the ring story as well haha

But, it''s not the end of the world if you try and it turns out to be the exact wrong thing...

One option you might want to consider is to ask your goldsmith to make a simple mounting for the diamond with the idea that she will be able to design the ring exactly how she likes it.. Than you have done everything right with no chance of making any mistakes I''m sure most diamond dealers have an exchange program designed specifically for guys in your shoes as well.

Hope this helps.

 

[AggieTexan]

Here are my thoughts...(I cut and pasted this from a post I made in a similar discussion yesterday.)

I think you can get "live" input from your gf and still retain the element of surprise you''re looking for. Why don''t you go together to a B&M and try on different styles of rings? I ditto what so many have said above...what you like may not look good on your gf''s hand, or you may find that something you never would have considered is perfect. The two of you could decide together on the shape of stone, color of metal, and different setting styles that look good, and then you could cut her out of the decision making process. That to me seems like a reasonable way to make sure your big purchase is something that will make her heart sing the way you make her heart sing.

But what do I know...I''ve been married over 20 years and my DH is of the opinion (and always has been) that when it comes to diamonds he wants to be certain of the design before plunking down any hard earned cash!

We purchased a new ring for our 20th anniversary in 2007. I originally thought I wanted a Princess shape of about 1.5 carats. Once we started shopping and looking at stones the one we fell in love with was an almost 2.5 carat RB. I wanted a split shank setting, but with the stone we selected something totally different was what we decided together was the best look.

I never knew when the ring was completed, and I was completely shocked and not expecting it in the least when I received it. My delight was not diminished in any way by knowing what the ring would look like. The big surprises came when I got an eternity band a couple months later on our actual anniversary, and then got my original diamond back mounted in a pendant for Christmas.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Buy her a diamond and set it in a simple classic solitaire... many can be found for around $250 - $450... Then propose as a surprise like you want, but tell her that you can shop together for her dream setting. Win-win situation.

One more win, she gets to really take her time picking a setting. Sometimes preferences prior to wearing a ring will change after wearing one for a while.

 

[LOwrestling2001]

wait does this mean, u just get the diamond reset into a different setting if she pleases? this sounds like a really good idea, except originally i wanted to go with a platinum setting, but i''m afraid that if i get a white gold (cheaper) setting, she will be just as happy with it and won''t want a platinum one, ok now that i typed that out it doesn''t seem to make sense, but I guess I''m worried she will just be super happy with the white gold, but couldve been happier with platinum? (actually to be honest i don''t think she cares at all, but i platinum is just sick).

 

[Dreamer_D]

Date: 6/26/2008 3:56:04 PM
Author: LOwrestling2001
wait does this mean, u just get the diamond reset into a different setting if she pleases? this sounds like a really good idea, except originally i wanted to go with a platinum setting, but i''m afraid that if i get a white gold (cheaper) setting, she will be just as happy with it and won''t want a platinum one, ok now that i typed that out it doesn''t seem to make sense, but I guess I''m worried she will just be super happy with the white gold, but couldve been happier with platinum? (actually to be honest i don''t think she cares at all, but i platinum is just sick).

There''s pluses and minuses to both platinum and white gold... do a search and you will see people who prefer one or the other for lots of different reasons. If the point is to let her choose her dream setting, then getting a very inexpensive but high quality setting should be all that matters, and that means getting WG.