my freind doesnot want to marry ever but I want to marry?how could i make him agree to marry?

[shallah86]

hi everyone,
i would like to have advice from u guys that i m in realtion with a guy he is super coll we love each other and he is so possasive about me and he does what i want same here i do what he wants but still he doesnt want to marry, he says he will remain single, he works both outside and at home and sometimes becomes so tired and frustrated but still he is scare of being married. what will I do know?

 

[sajc]

Hi,

Well, I think you need to know what his reasons are for not wanting to get married, if you want to try to do something about it... Is it Legal? Religious? Philosphical? Or, dare I say it, are you not the right person for him? Has he actually told you that "he does not want to marry ever"?

SAJC

 

[shallah86]

he is confused but very much scare of marriage, he loves me but no marraige he said to me that i cant marry anyone i i would marry u will b the only girl i will marry
but i want to marry him he has all the qualities which a woman wants
how could i make him agree on this point that we should marry

 

[sajc]

What is he scared of? Why can't he marry anyone? What reason does he have for not marrying? I don't think you can force him, or convince him... if he doesnt want to marry, then that's his choice. If it were me, though, I would be wondering why he doesnt want to marry... If it's money, religion, or even that he feels he's just not ready yet, or something like that, then fine. If he's worried about being 'tied down' to only one girl, well then there's a problem there. It seems strange that he's said he used the word *never*. Although, I don't know either of you, or the situation, so you'll have to be the judge of the meaning of that.

Either way, you'll have to approach it delicately, and not argue about it or make it into an issue. If you make it into an issue between you, then he'll never want to discuss it. I think you should just try to talk to him calmly and maybe let him know that you're hurt by the fact that he doesn't want to marry you.


SAJC

 

[sera]

Sorry you''re going through these difficulties in your relationship. I would do as sajc suggested... talk to him about why he doesn''t want to marry. I would ask him where he sees this relationship going.

I would be a bit concerned about the possessiveness... saying he won''t marry you but you can''t marry anyone else? Possessiveness seems to me to be more an issue of control than love, so I would be really concerned about that.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

I don''t think this is a battle you want to fight. I know it''s very upsetting for you, but in his defense, he has been very clear that he does not want to be married and will not consider it. Nothing you say is going to change that. If marriage is important to you, he is not that man for you. I think the faster you get out of this relationship, the better for both of you.

 

[sera]

I forgot to address what NEL did...

In regards to the question in your title, "how could i make him agree to marry?" You can''t. It ultimately has to be his decision. You can ask him why, you can tell him how you feel, but you can''t make him want to.

If you both are not agreeing on a HUGE aspect of your relationship, both are not going to be getting what they want out of the relationship... you can''t be walking in opposite directions and walk together.

You''ve got some difficult things to deal with and it seems none of the decisions will be easy, but I do hope you make the decision that is right for you.

 

[captainobvious]

Just hold out on him till he gives in.

No but seriously, Just let him know that this is something important to you. If your desire for your life is to be a married woman and he is not willing to do that, than let him know that perhaps he is not the right man for you, and try to move on.
If, however, you truly love this man and enjoy being with him, is there a reason that you feel you "must" be married? Is it a religious issue for you?
I guess you will have to decide whether you feel that being with this man for the rest of your life without the "married" title is better than not being with him at all.

Perhaps he''s just not keen on the whole traditional ceremony and all that goes with it. Or maybe its just not the right time for him. Or maybe he just doesnt recognize any benefit from it. I guess you really should dig into that to see exactly "why" he feels the way he does.
Keep your chin up