A shore plan?

[tickintime]

So here is the plan and the questions:

In just a few short (longest of my life) months I am planning on giving a promise ring to my girlfriend. It will not be the typical $699 (Past-Present-Future) special from Zales

. I won''t go into anything because connections are too easily made.

If I had to pin a moment when I fell in love with her it would be down the shore. I am planning on returning to said beach in the beginning half of next year to carry out this plan. I was thinking in the wee hours of the morning (she loves her sleep) telling her I need to do something and go somewhere and she needs to come with me. Being chilly out I will have the heat on in my car so hot she won''t be able to stay awake to see where we are going. Arrive at the destination a little before civil twilight (this is when the sun is just below the horizon and you start to see all those colors...) and drag her out to the water''s edge. It is here that I would say something about the sun rising being the start of a new day, and today is the start of a new "day" in our life with each other by our sides. I am planning on winging it so that it isn''t too forced. She will still be half asleep and groggy at this time and probably will try to call the mental hospital, but that is GREAT! This is when the aforementioned ring comes out and that is where I am stuck...

- Do we do the one knee thing? I am going for maximum effect here and just "handing" it to her, well that''s not me. At the same time I don''t want to cross the line into proposing territory. (REMEMBER this is a promise ring, not an E ring.) I know this may be elaborate and somewhat excessive, but in all honesty that is my personality to a ''T''.
- What would be appropriate to say? I don''t want to sound too staged, but again don''t want to make it too awkward.


I was also planning on getting a hotel room and such for afterwards, because we will both be tired and then we can spend the day (in the middle of Winter) down the shore.

 

[bubbly1126]

If you want to be sure not to cross the line into proposing territory then just make sure that when you present the ring to her that you say that this a promise to be engaged in the future and such. I don't think getting on one knee is necessary nor appropriate for a promise ring, IMHO. As for how to present it, you could just hold the box out, open it, say it's a promise ring, yada yada and take it out and put it on her finger yourself.

When BF got me mine, I knew I was getting one (didn't know what it looked like though) and we had gone to the store to pick it up. I wandered around the store while he spoke to the sales lady and before I knew it, we were leaving. He had informed me that the ring wasn't ready yet and I was so bummed! When we got out in the parking lot, he told me to give him my hand because he wanted to hold it and bam! he slipped the ring on my finger just like that! I was so shocked because I had believed him that it wasn't ready yet! lol.

 

[musey]

I very strongly encourage you to warn her, before revealing the ring, that this is not a proposal. Trust me, if you don''t warn her, the chances of her thinking you''re proposing are quite high.

Something like "I can''t wait to be engaged to you some day, but for now I wanted to give you this as a symbol of how important our relationship is to me." Or something. Just something that makes it very clear that she''s not being proposed to.


The one-knee thing falls into the category of too-proposalish. Maybe sitting together on a beach blanket or something? Just reserve that one=knee experience for later. It may lead to even more confusion on her part.

 

[tickintime]

Thanks for the tips! Looks like I have some more planning/thinking to do. Well, at least it is something to keep the mind busy.

Bubbly how long were you with the BF before the promise ring, if you don''t mind me asking?

 

[bubbly1126]

6 months.

And this month we''re going on 5 years!

 

[tickintime]

I am getting really into this..lol. Not good

I am craving more details (sorry):
You said he had to pick up the ring? Was it special order/custom made?

Hooray Pavlov effect!

EDIT: BTW I love your avatar Bubbly!

 

[bubbly1126]

It wasn't custom or anything. Actually, it was from Zales, but he had to get it specially sized for me since I have such tiny fingers and it didn't come in my size.

And it's not a typical past, present, future ring, either. lol.
ETA: I'm so not bashing a past present future ring at all!! So please don't anyone take it that way!!

Oh, and thanks!!

 

[tickintime]

There is nothing wrong with Zales, we have just had a bad past, so I am not too fond of them. The PPF ring is a nice ring, but at their entry size of 0.50ct TW the stones become really small. (There are 11 of them)

 

[tickintime]

I have nothing in terms of a ring made yet, because it is not going to be custom. Pick a stone and setting and mount. But this thread and similar have me feeling a bit nervous.

https://www.pricescope.com/forum/proposal-ideas/did-you-let-her-choose-her-ring-t69384-30.html

I want it to be a complete surprise and think I will go this route for the P Ring, but intend on having her choose the E ring.

 

[bubbly1126]

Are you set on getting her a diamond for her promise ring? I''ve always loved the idea of getting a ring with his/her birthstones.

As for having her choose/against having her choose... have you two had a talk about this? (regardless of what kind of ring. ie engagement, promise) If she gives you the go-ahead on picking a ring yourself then do so. I personally think the guy in that other thread was overreacting. (not saying anything bad about him, after all, we really don''t know the exact story and how it all went down)

 

[tickintime]

Her birthday is June, which is a crappy birthstone (Alexandrite ) alexandrite is a strange one. No offense to those June babies. Mine is Feb so amethyst is not too bad and purple is her favorite color.

I was set on getting diamonds, but "A mind is like a parachute and only works when it is open." So... I am so heart set on a diamond ring because I already know her choice of E ring is far out of reach and won't be attainable for some time. The option of upgrading stones is a big NO GO. I have asked and she was slightly offended, that someone would try to replace the ring I proposed to her with. The E Ring she mentioned was a three stone ring with 2ct center stone and something like 0.5ct side stones. All round cut, no other details so far.

We have talked about marriage, engagement, not so much of promise rings. We are a fairly young couple (going on 5 months) and I know that engagement wouldn't happen for at least another 4 years, which isn't a problem with me. I would wait for an eternity to be with her. But I want to get her something that she can be reminded of every day that it is coming and time is the only obstacle. Something that when she is not having the best day and I can't be there, will shine up and catch her eye and tell her that everything will be alright and that when she comes home, loving arms will be there to greet her each and everyday.

FYI: We both want to marry around 25-26 and have children a few years later. We have discussed this previously.


EDIT: Just reread your post and saw what you were asking. I have never asked her how much input she would want to have on the rings. Maybe I should...

 

[bubbly1126]

Well, you could def leave her out of the loop on the promise ring, since it's really going to be a surprise, right?

As far as engagement ring, i would see where she stands on that, if she wants you to pick it out completely then you'll know... and if she just wants to give you an idea of what she wants and leave the rest up to you then that is great too. It's good to know those kinds of things.

So I'm guessing you're about... 20-21ish? Total guess, I'm bad with math! haha! I think it's great you want to get her a promise ring to show her how much you care and how you'll always be there. You said it wouldn't be about another 4 years til you get engaged? Just be sure that if you get her this promise ring, that is doesn't sort of take the place of a real proposal...

While I LOVE my promise ring, I feel as though our engagement is on the back burner and will be for a while b/c he thinks since I have a promise ring that I already have a promise of marriage so what's pushing the engagement back a couple more years?? (Total guess on how he really feels/thinks... but this is the vibe I'm getting from him... while we talk marriage and children and I know eventually it will happen, I know he doesn't plan to for at least another 2 years.

) By the way, we're 23.

 

[tickintime]

I feel bad for you in the sense that proposal has been moved to the back burner. The 4 year window I mentioned before is something we both discussed. As I said she and I both was to be married with children by 30 so propose at ~25 marriage ~27 kids ~29. That gives us time to take things slow. I would never replace proposing with a promise ring, I promise (hehe) you that.

I am 2 and she is 20. The promise ring has a little more significance than I am willing to go into online, but it is a major thing for me and well she is in the dark about it.

EDIT: those are guesses about ages and timelines, I don't have my calendar marked for when we are having kids....or do I?

 

[bubbly1126]

Eh, don''t feel bad for me! I know eventually it''ll happen. We''ve said we want children 5 years from now and he knows I want to be married for at least 2 years before so hopefully he gets in gear and asks within the next 2 years! So that put us to about 25, too. (Here''s to hoping...)

It''s nice (and reassuring) to know there are guys out there that put so much thought and love into things like this. She''ll be so surprised!!!

 

[tickintime]

Well, knowing where you are heading is a good start, much better than I have going on right now.

I asked last night and she said she would want no part in choosing an engagement ring. Complete surprise!

Re: "It''s nice (and reassuring) to know there are guys out there that put so much thought and love into things like this. She''ll be so surprised!!!" I thought of this last night:

If men were the earth, then women are the plants (flowers if you will). The earth is nothing but a giant ball without plants and plants cannot exist without the nutrients from the earth.

Without a woman''s love a man is nothing more than another creature in the food chain. To receive a woman''s love she must be given the utmost care and attention (as you would fine china).

^It sounded better in my head last night.

You are not the first person I have heard say something along those lines. If this is the general consensus, maybe love is a dying emotion. I look at the divorce rates, children born out of wedlock and/or with no father, teen pregnancies, etc and can''t help but to shake my head in disbelief. To act as I do towards the one I love ingrained into my being, I know no other way. When it comes, it comes naturally and without reservation. Feeling the emotion I do towards someone so dear and knowing they feel it in return is the greatest happiness I could ever know.

 

[bubbly1126]

Date: 11/5/2007 6:32:41 AM
Author: tickintime
Well, knowing where you are heading is a good start, much better than I have going on right now.

I asked last night and she said she would want no part in choosing an engagement ring. Complete surprise!

Re: ''It''s nice (and reassuring) to know there are guys out there that put so much thought and love into things like this. She''ll be so surprised!!!'' I thought of this last night:

If men were the earth, then women are the plants (flowers if you will). The earth is nothing but a giant ball without plants and plants cannot exist without the nutrients from the earth.

Without a woman''s love a man is nothing more than another creature in the food chain. To receive a woman''s love she must be given the utmost care and attention (as you would fine china).

^It sounded better in my head last night.

You are not the first person I have heard say something along those lines. If this is the general consensus, maybe love is a dying emotion. I look at the divorce rates, children born out of wedlock and/or with no father, teen pregnancies, etc and can''t help but to shake my head in disbelief. To act as I do towards the one I love ingrained into my being, I know no other way. When it comes, it comes naturally and without reservation. Feeling the emotion I do towards someone so dear and knowing they feel it in return is the greatest happiness I could ever know.

I feel this way too. I wonder if ''forever'' is really ever forever anymore? To me, it is and marriage is very sacred [to me]. All you can really do is hope and pray that you find someone that has the same beliefs as you and sticks by them (and of course, vice versa) I guess it''s just that it''s made to be so easy to get a divorce and so people always see that as a way out. What if there were no divorces? (except for cases like abuse, etc.) What would you [the people] do then? Stick it out and work it out? Oh heavens, no! Work it out? Those words aren''t even in my vocabulary! [sense my sarcasm?]

(NOTE: to those on here who have been divorced, I am in no way putting you down or saying your way is wrong, so please don''t anyone take offense. this of course is my opinion only and how I view things. doesn''t say that your choice wasn''t right for you. so again, please don''t take offense!)

That was totally off topic..... so anyway, sounds like you have a good heart and I''m sure whatever you pick out, she will love because it came from you.

 

[tickintime]

Bubbly,

Thanks for the advise, tips, etc... Much appreciated.

I think that right here and right now are not the best time for any of this. I was on edge when I wrote it, but you can read about it in this post.

https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/an-open-letter.71963/

Steel said something along the lines of full-stop. I don''t have a park gear in this car.

Only a brake petal and it can''t be held forever. We will work on what needs to be worked on and just enjoy the time spent with each other. I rather enjoy the no obligations relationship that we have right now. It is there always, yet not too intrusive (as we are both relatively young.) [NO I am not falling into the "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free" mindset!] There is no doubt in my mind that if you lined up every woman on earth and gave me a choice, I would pick her time and time again! As they say: Everything that is worth anything is worth fighting (working) for.

On a side note we are going up to NYC in the middle of Dec. I signed us up for a PhotoTrek Tour. Linky! That is from 1:30-5 but I am looking for ideas for the rest of the day. I will be posting this is the hangout as well.

Thanks again!

 

[stebbo]

Date: 11/4/2007 8:57:21 PM
Author: tickintime

I am 2 and she is 20.

The cradle-snatcher!

Nothing else I can add sorry, musey got in first and she always says what I think.