Language barrier with her Parents

[nyceguy]

I am getting ready to propose and I''m not sure what to do. My girlfreind''s Father does not speak english and her mother can not keep a secret. The whole family is very traditional and asking for his blessing was what I planned on and think is the right thing to do, but I''m not sure it is feasible without the possibility of ruining the secret. It is more important to me that she is happy and surprised, so I''m thinking of going with her to talk to both of them after I ask her as more of a formality. I''m not sure how this will come across, does anyone have any thoughts?

Her freinds that are capable of translating for me doesn''t seem appropriate since it is a very personal experience. I also thought of writing somehting and having it translated and handing it to him, but then how can he respond?

I am also trying to put together details of how I am going to ask, any input? I reserved a room near nigarar falls with a whirlpool and a view of the falls and am having champagne, roses and chocolate covered strawberries sent up. I know it sounds real cheezy, but I think she will like it and that is all that matters. However, I want to make it more special and not just cliche, so I''m looking for ideas.

Any help would be greatly appreciated!

 

[mimzy]

tough situation! I wouldn''t go the asking after route just because it doesn''t show the same level of respect as asking before does - especially if it is expected in their culture. What language does her father speak? I bet you could either use an online translator or ask one of her friends to teach you how to say "i''d like to marry your daughter, may i have your blessing" (or whatever) and then maybe some expected responses from him. Even though you wouldn''t be able to carry on a conversation you can at least ask and understand his response (although i guess you never really know what they will say!). And i bet her father would appreciate the gesture.

as for the actual proposal, do you know if she would like a public or private one?

 

[nyceguy]

Thanks for the advice!

I keep going back and fourth, because not only is there the question of whether I should ask him, but if I should keep it a secret from him that I am taking her away for a few days, because she isn''t really supposed to go away overnight with me. He and I have a good relationship, but he is very traditional and may not be very comfortable with that idea until we are married. I almost wish I could ask her what I should do, but I really don''t want to ruin the surprise!

 

[pyramid]

I don't know if this would be appropriate, but I was thinking maybe you could get a professional translator, I know a language teacher where I live who does translations for the Court and Customs etc. Is there anyone in the local School or University you could ask. Another thought was rather than a friend of hers, is there another male who could translate for you, sort of keep it men to man, maybe a male cousin of hers, or clergy man of their faith or something. On second thoughts it is rather personal could you get a professional translator to write to him and then if he is in agreement with the proposal you could meet him for drinks. Does she have a grandfather who you could ask advice from.

 

[Hest88]

Can you take her parents out to dinner? And then ask him with her mother translating? You don''t have to tell them in advance why you''re taking them out. If you think they''ll be suspicious you can pretend it''s dinner with you and your GF, but you can just show up alone.

 

[ladyciel]

I suspect any effort (be it learning a bit of the language, written translation, or having a translator present) to communicate directly with her father will earn you points and be appreciated. Perhaps you could combine the approaches. Learn how to ask for his blessing yourself, and then have your translator there to help you carry on the conversation afterwards.

 

[nyceguy]

You are all so great. I really appreciate all the great ideas!

from what I have heard and truly feel I have to make it happen. So I know when he is alone and I can just try to drop by and ask one of their neighbors that speaks Georgian (They speak georgian which is the native language of the republic of Georgia near Turkey) since it is pretty rare that it be taught at a university, and also come prepared with a writen translation of what I want to tell him. I am happy with that, as long as it goes well!

Now I have to iron out the detail of the fun stuff the actual proposal! Any ideas, or details I should think of? I am planning on spending the day doing tours of the Niagara falls and spending the day around that falls, then I have a beautiful room booked at the Marriot overlooking the falls with a whirlpool and fireplace and they wil bring up champagne, roses and chocolate covered strawberries. I was planning on doing it after we get ready for dinner at the hotel restaraunt with a great view of the falls and perhaps set up her camera to take a video of it while she is in the bathroom. I think asking before dinner will make the rest of the night more enjoyable, but I''m not sure how to make it extra special. I want to go that extra mile to make it a day she will never forget.

On a side note, I''m sure you all saw what happened in NY city yesterday and both my girlfreind and I were literally 50yds away from the explosion and everyone stampeded away and it was one of the scariest moments of my life. Thankfully it wasn''t terrorist related but that is what it seemed to be at the time for everyone. The only thing I could think was, why I didn''t propose to her already! As I was dragging her through the crowds of people on 42nd street making her run barefoot, I knew that all I wanted was to spend a few more moments with her. When we finally made it out of the area, there was no one in the world that I would rather have next to me then her at that moment. It was a very powerful eperience!

 

[ladyciel]

I agree about doing it before dinner. That way you have all evening to bask in the glow. It''ll be your first dinner as an engaged couple, etc. As far as making it more special, I think you''re probably your own best resource. You know her the best, you know the history of your relationship, and you know just how much, and why, you want to marry her. Maybe you can pull from your history together for ideas of what she would really really like. I suspect that as long as you shower her with your love and sincerity, the "special" will take care of itself.

 

[Blinginator]

I have a friend who went through a simiiar situation of language barrier problems. He wrote a speech, had a friend translate it and help him read and enunciate it. He then had one of the brother''s of his gf''s family set up a family mtg, and had the gf''s friend take her out somewhere away from the family. He gave the speech perfectly, the family was quite impressed and very happy.