Was I????

[bridezilla!?!?!?!]

I''m a regular poster on this site, but have created a new name to post about this issue I''m having...a few people know that I am on PS and could trace my comments back to them...as I know they lurk on this site. Names and dates have been changed to protect the innocent.

Okay...so here''s my damage...

My friend got married about a year ago. Big old wedding. I went dress shopping with the bride (my friend is the groom) just to be supportive and nice and listened endlessly as they discussed their upcoming nuptuals. He was having some issues with his family and she was generally a totally obssessed bride that talked of nothing but the wedding for months and months. She was all super crafty bride and really got into the spending money and having a dress specially made, blah blah blah. Not really my scene...but I was there and I tried to be positive about all of their choices. Said everything looked great, invites were faboo, etc. And their wedding was an entire weekend event. Drinks on Saturday, Wedding on Sunday, and breakfast/brunch on Monday. We were there for ALL of it. Never once complained.

So, my FI and I set a date for our wedding- which they complained about because it meant the might have to drive in bad weather and was inconvient for them for a host of other reasons.

We sent out the invites - not a single word from the bride about them. Admittedly, they were not as fancy as their invites, but I thought they were heartfelt and sweet. NOTHING. The groom points out what he thought was a mistake in some wording. It was not a mistake, just something he didn''t like.

THEN he tells me that they aren''t going to RSVP. He just tells me that they are coming, but that he won''t RSVP cause that''s a pain.

I am so freaking peeved and hurt.

I was so "there" for the bride when they got married...and she hasn''t said a single word to me about the invites? or asked about planning in MONTHS! And she won''t RSVP? And they complain that our wedding is inconvenient? GRRRRRRR.

Okay...so, am I off the deep end here?

I don''t think I''m being a bridezilla...I''m just really HURT at what they have done/haven''t done.

Thoughts? Suggestions?

 

[bridezilla!?!?!?!]

I guess my question is, should I just really suck it up and shut up?

Say something?

Cause at this point, I''m angry and hurt...

 

[sumbride]

You''re not being a bridezilla... you expect your friends to be excited and interested and not complain to you! I think those are completely reasonable expectations! I wouldn''t say anything to them though. How they choose to act is up to them... and though yes, it hurts you, I sincerely doubt they are doing it to hurt you. Maybe something is going on in their lives that are keeping them distracted? Or maybe they are selfish and inconsiderate? You won''t change them by saying anything though. Just vent away and try to shake it off. Soon other people WILL say something lovely about your invitations and people WILL RSVP and people WILL drive through whatever weather there is because they want to spend your day with YOU!

 

[neatfreak]

I don''t think you''re a bridezilla for thinking those things at all. But I DO think that your "friends" are selfish and inconsiderate! People that act like that aren''t really friends IMO. Craziness. They are probably very insecure and jealous about your relationship, your wedding, something. Because no real friend would act like that about your nuptials under ANY circumstances, but ESPECIALLY when you were uber supportive about theirs.

I say just let it slide though and distance yourselves from these toxic friends. No one needs friends like those, but it probably isn''t worth your time to address their selfishness.

 

[onedrop]

I don''t think you are being a Bridezilla at all! Like Sumbride said, you just want your friends to be just as happy for you as you are for them. And since you aren''t getting that, you are hurt. Perfectly normal feelings IMO. If you are able to just let bygones be bygones, then I wouldn''t say anything about the situation. However, if it''s going to eat away at you, maybe you can just simply state your feelings and let it go at that.

I was in a similar situation, and I chose not to address the issue immediately because I felt it was going to a back-and-forth type of deal and I wanted to enjoy the planning of my wedding and enjoy the days and weeks leading up to it without an on-going war of words. Maybe I was a wimp, but I ended up happy and I don''t regret that decision at all.

Just remember that you only have this one chance to fully enjoy your wedding and the planning of the event. Some people are just going to be clueless and insensitive, but don''t let that hamper the goods feelings surrounding your wedding.

 

[bridezilla!?!?!?!]

Thanks for the advice ladies!

Really, I want to tell them to take their invite and **&#$)~!!, but I will not. Nor will I send a follow-up dis-invite revoking the earlier invite.

I will rise above.

I generally think I agree with you, Neatfreak...that these "friends" are pretty inconsiderate. Which stinks, since I''ve known the guy for over 10 years...but yeah...I guess it is what it is! I''ve seen signs of this lately, but it has gotten especially bad in the last couple years.

And Sumbride - We''ve gotten tons of RSVPs already and lots of sweet comments about our invites...I really like them...

And yeah...you guys confirmed for me...I will just keep my mouth shut and be happy about the folks that WANT to come to the wedding and don''t think of it as an inconvenience!

 

[bridezilla!?!?!?!]

Also, thanks for validating my feelings on this one!

I appreciate the vent!!!

 

[JenStone]

I don''t think you''re being unreasonable. It''s one thing if you were getting married before them and they were just not that enthusiastic about a friend''s wedding. For example, I know which of my friends like hearing about the wedding and which despise any kind of wedding talk, and I steer my conversations with both kinds appropriately.

However, you helped them during their wedding planning process and you were enthusiastic about their day, even when it wasn''t your style.

Can you think of any reason, however small, that might have made them act this way? I mean, refusing to RSVP because it''s a "pain" is just plain rude.

Best of luck to you and I hope things get sorted out!

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Ummm...I am not sure what you CAN say. This seems to be about them not you. Not RSVPing is rude. They should know better. Complaining about your wedding is rude. We travel for 100% of the weddings we go to. We don''t mind at all (even when it means driving to Ohio in the winter

or missing a family x-mas dinner b/c that couple got married the sat. before x-mas) That''s life. No one MAKES you go and I certainly wouldn''t want a guest to feel obligated. I rather they just not come. Commenting on your invites.....so very rude. Even if there was a mistake I think it is distasteful to point it out.

I think you are just realizing what sort of friends these people are.

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 7/31/2007 2:05:47 PM
Author: bridezilla!?!?!?!
I guess my question is, should I just really suck it up and shut up? Say something?

I still don''t *quite* understand the question. But I''ll try ...

NO -- I don''t think you''re a Bridezilla for being hurt & angry
NO -- I don''t think you should "say something"
NO -- I don''t think not saying something is "sucking it up" ... they don''t "owe" you anything and they''re not outright torturing you with their lack of enthusiasm & effort. They''re just being inconsiderate & selfish & lazy. Not complaining isn''t "sucking it up" ... it''s recognizing that you can''t control other people''s behavior.

What is your goal? To not be angry & hurt anymore? I doubt anything you do or say to them is going to change YOUR feelings ...because, chances are they''ll just get defensive and argue and you''ll be ANGRIER & MORE HURT. People don''t like to be called on their own bad behavior ... especially when you''re asking something of them. By inviting them to your wedding you''re asking for something. Their attention, their presense etc. They don''t HAVE to give you anything. No matter what you did for them. Sure: it would be FAIR for them to treat you as you''ve treated them ... but it''s not something you can DEMAND from other people.

My guess: they''re sick to death of wedding stuff after the year of planning theirs and your festivities are feeling like a chore. A debt they have to "pay back" etc etc. Not that they SHOULD feel this way & act on their feelings ... but ... ulimately what can you do ... SHAME them into enthusiasm, joy, action. Not very likely.

 

[bridezilla!?!?!?!]

I guess I'm not sure what the question is either...perhaps it was a cry for validation of my total annoyedness!

I totally get that I can't control what they do...and really, I can't say why you are being such jack-a$$es about my wedding...although I really really really really want to. Not sure what it would accomplish.

Jen - Honestly, I cannot come up with a single reason why they are acting this way. I don't know if part of it is because my friend is a guy - and he thinks like a guy and doesn't get why this whole RSVP thing and all that is important. but then again, considering that they just got married...he should know. UGH.

btw, deco, love the new avatar! And really, you may be right...perhaps I have I feel like they owe me some wedding excitement - that doesn't sound right, but you know what I mean. We have invited many other people who have just sent in the their RSVP and that is more than enough! Maybe I've got a bit of the whole quid pro quo thing going...I was a super guest/wedding supporter and I suppose I wrongly expected the same from them. Feh.

Tacori - I guess I was really hurt when he said it'd be inconvenient then went on and on about how all weddings are inconvenient, blah blah blah. And I suppose I see his point...but WHY OH WHY would you say that to the bride?

Makes me sad that these folks aren't the friends I thought they were.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Date: 7/31/2007 5:59:39 PM
Author: bridezilla!?!?!?!

Tacori - I guess I was really hurt when he said it''d be inconvenient then went on and on about how all weddings are inconvenient, blah blah blah. And I suppose I see his point...but WHY OH WHY would you say that to the bride?


Makes me sad that these folks aren''t the friends I thought they were.

I agree with you that they should not have told you that no matter how they feel. That was my point. DH and I *like* going to weddings even if they are often inconvenient. You are obviously upset, to set up a whole new account to vent about this. I just don''t see a resolution.

 

[rainbowtrout]

I don''t know--if they are good enough friends, you could just say "Hey, why''d you say that? It bothered me!" and have everything be OK at the end of the day. But I''m not sure if that''s what the situation is here? Personally I like to think many things can be helped by talking, but I know this is sometimes a failing of mine--some things just *shouldn''t* be "talked out"

 

[bridezilla!?!?!?!]

I thought about talking about it with them...but I don't think it would have a good resolution. And I'm friends with the guy, not so much his wife. It might make me feel better, but I'm sure it'd strain things. I don't think it'd be worth it.

Really, and truly, I think I wanted honest input about their behavior and if I was just being overly sensitive.
(My Fi is great, but things don't really upset him - which is normally great and one of my favorite things about him) He wasn't really bothered by it...kind of just said it was kinda rude and moved on.

But I was still upset. So I guess I just wanted to know if I was overreacting and if it was no big thing.

It appears it is a bit of both! They are acting ultra-crummy and I am expecting too much.

Alright.

Back to my REAL PS self I go!