Wedding is Off

[akw94]

Over the last two days, I have learned that my FI, well ex-FI, doesn''t want to get married. It has not been easy but maybe posting this will somehow help my closure. I feel lost, so heart-broken, confused.. so many things all at once. Just can''t stop crying. Had to tell my son that there''s no marriage. Somehow I have to believe that the life that we were to have will never happen.
And he''s gone for 3 more weeks so we''re supposed to talk Wed. to talk more about whether we continue w/us or not, go to therapy or just split. It doesn''t sound like he really wants an us anymore. Says he really hasn''t let me in on his thoughts/doubts over the years, 3 years, and that he never really thought about marriage, not like he has now or is now. He doesn''t feel what he thinks he should feel.
Anyway, that''s my update.

 

[diamondfan]

I am terribly sorry for your situation. I hope you two can at least talk and come to some resolution, whatever it might be. Prayers to you now, try to be strong.

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

Wow--how upsetting. Hope you have family/friends nearby to support you and your son.

kind regards--Sharon

 

[neatfreak]

I am so sorry to hear that! But really, it''s better for you AND your son to have gotten out now rather than in 5 years after more attachment to him.

Happier days are ahead, you just need to take them one at a time for right now.

HUGS!

 

[blushingbride]

So sorry to that Dixie. Sending happy vibes your way and hope that you will be able to make the right decisions for you and your son. Will be thinking of you!

 

[musey]

Ohhh dixie girl, I'm so so sorry. What an upsetting and confusing time it must be

I'm thankful that your son is there to help give you some emotional regulation. Whatever the two of you decide, keep us all updated during your transition--I know we'll all be thinking about you and wondering how you're doing.

Big hugs, dixie!

 

[ephemery1]

Oh Dixie... what a bombshell.

Hang in there... I know it sounds trite, but I do believe things happen the way they are supposed to... even when it's hard to see at the time. You and your son WILL still have the life you were meant to have... it just may play out a bit differently than you expected.

In the meantime, remind yourself this is about your FI's issues, not yours... so not your fault, and not your responsibility to change anything about yourself (or him). Therapy might be a good idea to help you get some closure (even if you end up staying together, to help close this particular painful chapter) and peace of mind... and maybe help him see things from a clearer perspective too.

Keep posting... there are lots of people here who care to help you through this... and you will get through it!! One day at a time for now. Lots of thoughts and prayers....

 

[monarch64]

Dixie, I''m so sorry to hear this. You''re in my thoughts...

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Dixie I am sorry to hear this! I hope this happened for the best.

 

[Skippy123]

I am so sorry; I wish you the best.

 

[xapora]

Dixie, I''m so sorry. This must be so incredibly hard.

Just remember you WILL get through this and whatever happens, you will come out stronger and better. *lots of hugs*

 

[decodelighted]

Oh Dixie ... this is such shocking news. You have every right to be numb & sad & (eventually) ENRAGED!! Yet, I understand what other folks are saying too ... that if this is really how it is, how he feels etc -- then it truly is best to know, rather than continue down a road waiting for this to blow up later.

Date: 7/29/2007 9:32:05 PM
Author:dixie94
Says he really hasn''t let me in on his thoughts/doubts over the years, 3 years, and that he never really thought about marriage, not like he has now or is now. He doesn''t feel what he thinks he should feel.

Oh this just makes me FURIOUS!!

A MONTH away and he "hasn''t thought about it".

And to dump this on you from afar? Where the heck is he? Why couldn''t he tell you this IN PERSON?

I only hope other people being mad & sad for you will help in some small way! You''re such a sweet person - that''s what comes through in your posts. Maybe your future isn''t what you thought it was going to be ... maybe you traded UP & just don''t know it yet.

 

[robbie3982]

Dixie, I''m so sorry

. My thoughts are with you.

 

[JenStone]

I''m so sorry about what happened....wishing you the best through this tough time......

 

[IrishAngel7982]

Dixie, I''m so sorry. Deco echoed my sentiments exactly. Please let me know if there is anything I can help you with.

 

[snlee]

dixie, so sorry to hear about this. You are in my thoughts and I wish you all the best.

 

[Harleigh]

Dixie,

You poor thing...I am so sorry that you are going through this. You and your son deserve so much better, and I''m glad you found out BEFORE the wedding.

Please hang in there...I think everything happens for a reason, and that you will be much better off in the long run, though it cannot even begin to feel that way right now. It will all get easier one day at a time, and things will work out as they should.

You''re in all of our thoughts and prayers...please keep us posted.

Sending hugs your way...

 

[surfgirl]

Hey dixie, sorry to hear about your situation. As much as it sucks right now, it is better to know this before you got married, isn''t it? I think if I was in your shoes right now, I''d get some counseling for myself, and if he wants to give it another try, fine, but do what you need to do for YOU. I know it seems totally crappy but you will get through this and you will be fine. No, better than fine because you''ll be able to find someone who DOES want what you want.

 

[labbielove]

Dixie
I am so sorry to hear this.
I know it doesn''t help, or make you feel better, but it IS true, that it is for the best now versus years down the road. I have been where you are and I know other folks here have as well, and not that it makes it easier for you, but please keep posting because there are a lot of people who care and can/want to listen.


all that aside I am

as well. "doesn''t feel like he thinks he should"....grrrrr....

hang in there, we are here for you.

 

[bee*]

I am so sorry to hear that dixie. That must be absolutely shocking to find out so close to the wedding. Do what''s right for you and your son when you speak on Wednesday and take care of yourself.

 

[zoebartlett]

Dixie,

I''m so sorry that has happened! As others have said, do what''s right for you and your son. Take care,

Zoe

 

[Lorelei]

Sending you hugs Dixie

 

[Pandora II]

Hi Dixie,

I am so sorry to hear this.

The same thing happened to my best friend a few years ago. She ended up spending her "honeymoon" going on holiday with me where we truly drowned the sorrows!

He also thought he could call the wedding off a month before and that they could still go on dating and living together!

She is now married to a lovely guy and has a beautiful little boy and is so much happier than he ever was with her.

You will get through this, but take your time, surround yourself with friends and allow yourself time to grieve and be angry. You will meet someone else and they will hopefully be someone who deserves you!

 

[akw94]

Thank you so much for all of the support. I feel so devastated right now; I can''t even truly describe it. My life was wiped away w/in days and I never saw it coming. Never had a clue. Honestly, I can''t imagine how I will move fwd and be ok. I know that time heals but it just feels impossible.
We just moved in together too, both signed a lease for a year.. just about 3wks before he left.
Deco, he''s on a work thing and although I asked him about coming back, he said no and didn''t think it would help if I come there. So why would I... just to have my heart broken in person when he''s very clear how he feels. I feel he like he just wiped me out of his life in 2-3 days and I don''t understand.
This feels like such a nightmare and somehow I''m supposed to eat, sleep and go to work, be a mom and still function. I have no idea how. Just no idea how to keep going.

Thanks for everything ladies!

 

[Mandarine]

oh no Dixie

I am so sorry to hear you are going through this. This is just so shocking...I''m sure even more so to you!. You are a strong girl....you don''t see how you will get through this, but you will.

I wish there was something we could do for you. After all this time, I feel like you are a friend and it makes me so sad to hear this news

We are here for you...hugs!!!

M~

 

[Dee*Jay]

Dixie, biggest hugs outgoing to you.

Honestly, better this all comes out now *before* the wedding, rather than having him come home one day after you''re married and saying he shouldn''t have gone through with it.

I hope that you are able to do what''s best for you and your son an that you can move on in the least painful way.

More big hugs.

 

[JenStone]

Oh Dixie my heart goes out to you! I know everyone must be telling you to stay strong, etc but is there any way you can take even one day off and treat yourself to a spa or smthg like that? Or even just take a day to let it sink in....everyone handles situations like this differently but maybe you shouldn''t try to go on right away?

Whatever you decide, whatever happens, please know that our prayers are with you and you can come and vent anytime!

 

[janinegirly]

dixie, first of all, like everyone else here, i am shocked and so sorry that you''re having to go through this. it is just so unbelievable and unfair--and bad behaviour from your ex-FI. you and i were date twins (by a few weeks) and were LIW''s together, so i feel especially sad about this.

it must be very difficult right now to absorb all of this, so just take it day by day, hour by hour and get help from outsiders (to take your son,etc). But it WILL get better. in the meantime allow yourself to feel all that you will feel--you need to get it out of your system!

i''m sorry to be harsh, but i''m quite disgusted with your bf/ex-fi. He watched you go through all the headaches (and thrills) of planning without saying a word. he buried thoughts at your expense. i think it comes down to a case of major cold feet (the moving in together, the wedding getting close all at the same time). Don''t think he just erased you in a couple of days--he cared for you just as you always thought and none of that was a fraud--he is just completely freaking out and obviously was not able to communicate that until it reached this point of no return. so this is all HIM and not YOU. i know it doesn''t help now, but everyone is right--a man with these traits (gets scared and disappears/buries true thoughts) may be nice people, but aren''t good husbands or fathers, so better now than later. but ugh, i know it''s just so painful--please take care of yourself and KEEP venting here and focus on yourself!! do whatever to make it thorough each day--eat icecream, drink wine! and in a few wks / months things will be clearer i promise!!

 

[onedrop]

dixie: I am really saddened to hear that the marriage is off. And I don't mind being the 10th or 11th person to say maybe it was for the best? If he has been keeping his true thoughts and feelings from you all this time, that's pretty scary. I am sorry to be blunt, but he sounds like a real coward to do this a) long distance and b) one month before the wedding. I really hope that during this time you will be kind to yourself and don't blame yourself for his *issues.* Just take things day by day, minute by minute if you have to. Again, I am SO sorry for the outcome. {{{{Hugs}}}}.

 

[KimberlyH]

Dixie, sending big hugs and supportive thoughts your way.