How do you make yourself stick to things?

[lumpkin]

Lately I have become aware of a very disturbing personal trend. I start a lot of things and don''t finish them. I think I''ve always had a tendency to quit before finishing some things, but usually because I wanted to try so many things that some naturally just became less of a priority. I finished a lot of things, too. But lately I can''t stick to ANYTHING! Can''t stick to Weight Watchers, can''t stick to my little personal goals and even stuff that I REALLY want to do. I''m very frustrated and disappointed in myself, and I''m trying to determine if this is a character flaw that has become more apparent and if so, how do I change it. Can we truly change our character or do we just learn to adapt?

I''ve been taking stock of a lot of little projects -- I have a throw quilt I haven''t finished quilting, scrapbooking stuff, cleaning my office, painting the dressing area in our bedroom.... One thing I will say is that I don''t like to be interrupted and I don''t transition well. When I start on something if I have to stop I lose my momentum and it''s very hard to get started on it again (dressing room painting job -- started, not finished). Also, there are so many things that I know if I''m doing one thing, other things are not getting done and I get overwhelmed with what to do first, so sometimes I stall out. This is a wall I need to push through and I welcome suggestions! I''m really not a slacker, but lately I feel like one and it''s toally bumming me out. (Yes, I''ve tried lists, I have one on the refridgerator right now.) WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!!! AAAAAACCCCCCCKKKKKK!

It''s okay, you can be moderately brutal, LOL!

 

[Lorelei]

I think start small then build up Lump! Too many projects and jobs make it easier to get overwhelmed and not finish anything, be firm with yourself that you finish a task before you go onto the next one, try to allocate some daily time when you work on the task until it is done. You might have to be firm with yourself and it can take work, but it can be done! Some things come easier to some than others and you are probably brilliant in other areas, so don't be too hard on yourself! Also prioritize - finishing the bedroom painting in a timely manner is going to have more of a positive effect on yours and your families' life than the quilt, so work on these type of things first.

 

[justjulia]

Ditto. Start small--like the painting--just concentrate on one wall at a time. I''m renovating an older house, and am learning to tackle a zillion little half done jobs. You HAVE to forgive yourself and just set reasonable little goals.

I''m the kind that jumps and and starts things all around and has them in different stages. My husband, on the other hand, takes his sweet time prepping, but then gets one job done at a time. His method drives me nuts!! First, he finds his socks, then shoes, then cap, then sets up a radio, finds the perfect classical music, finds his tools, thinks, tinkers, goes to the bathroom, etc etc--I go insane watching!! But, he gets it done, which I guess beats my system.

 

[jas]

I am the same way and use the 15 minutes at a time method. I prioritize and set a timer. I work hard for 15 minutes. After that I either stop or go for another 15. Knowing there is a finite end point for some reason makes things easier. I don''t finish big projects in a day, but I don''t burn out, either. If I''m feeling scattered, I will go from project to project for 15 minutes. Take a break once an hour.

I learned this from a system I found on another site. I don''t think I am allowed to link it, but I can give the name, yes?

 

[Lorelei]

* quick threadjack* thanks for your lovely words on the other thread Jas * blush!*

 

[lumpkin]

I like the prioritizing and starting small. I do try to do that for my boys -- start them out small and build confidence and set them up for success. I also like the idea of breaking the projects down into smaller pieces, like concentrating on one wall at a time.

You guys might laugh, but I found a book on graphology -- or handwriting analysis. So naturally, I started analyzing my handwriting. I noticed that my baseline ascends and then dips back down ever so slightly. There was an example like it in the book and the author said it''s the baseline of a "classic quitter -- a sad baseline" and it freaked me out. (Fortunately I don''t have any other tell tale horrible traits, but then, I think this book is for beginners and very basic -- maybe I have hidden horrors not identified in this book, LOL.) Anyway, it got me thinking about all the stuff around here that I haven''t finished and I really began some soul searching. I escape way too much on line, so at this point I''m going to get off the computer and go start some laundry.

 

[Mara]

awww lumpkin don''t be so hard on yourself! we are who we are!

i tend to get ''obsessed'' with things and then fall out of love with them after a while. i overdose on something then i go to the total other end of the extreme and don''t want anything to do with it. i do it with foods i love, hobbies i am into...it''s a trend with me for sure. there ARE some things that have ''stuck''....like my love of gardening and the internet, my job/career path, luckily for me, my darling husband...hehee.

i just figure it''s an ebb and flow kind of thing. i like variety as greg likes to call it, i get bored with the same thing all the time. so i can do ''routine'' for a while but then i have to have something new to do or add to it as i get bored. like i can eat the same breakfast for 3 weeks straight but then i am so over it, i want something usually entirely different so that i don''t get reminded of that old boring breakfast at all. hehee.

so because i tend to get obsessed with things then lose interest, i also have a lot of projects that i started yet never finished. but i also have a lot of finished projects due to being in that stage of the obsessive part. so i guess maybe i''m a blend. i just figure why try to really change who i am...i don''t think that being this way is bad one way or the other. i have important people in my life, hobbies, i like my work, i love my life...overall i like variety and routine as well. kind of a blend of all things.

i guess you could work on changing yourself if you were really bothered by the fact that you don''t finish everything you work on and feel like you''d somehow be a better person if you did finish projects, but i''d probably more likely just accept that is how i am and not be so hard on myself for being like that.

maybe try to finish one project out of 5 or something to improve on myself but i don''t think you have to try to do a total 180 just to prove the handwriting thing was wrong. hehee.

 

[Pandora II]

Poor you - I do sympathise.

One of the big parts of my bipolar disorder is that I have so many half finished novels, jumpers, paintings, curtains etc etc etc not to mention careers and relationships

I get really into something and then I'm either distracted or I get depressed and decide it's rubbish! If I can finish something in 3 days it has a better chance than if it takes 3 weeks to do!

I try to keep a list of them and then when I'm in project mood I attempt to go back and complete things rather than starting something new.

FI is also 'rewarding' me when I finish things in the hope of training me better. I get something nice or dinner etc in return for a complete project!

 

[lumpkin]

I'm back for a short break. Jas, I like the 15 minute thing. I actually did that when my older son was little. I'd play with him for 15 minutes, then do a chore, then come back for 15 minutes. I had forgotten about that! Great reminder.

Mara, you impress me as someone who gets things done, so I'm glad you replied. I like variety, too, and I do the same thing with food. One week I'll eat a banana and oatmeal for breakfast and the next week, yuck! And I also get obsessed with something for awhile and then lose interest -- really there is a positive to this. I have tried so many different things and I'm not going to look back on my life and say, "Gee, I wish I'd had the guts to try this or that." I just need to find a happy medium between doggedly adhering to a routine that doesn't work for the sake of sticking to it and being so completely flighty that important things don't get accomplished. I know that happy medium exists so I'll just seek that. I'm not really sure if my handwriting has always been like that or not -- it could just be a reflection of how I'm feeling, and I have been feeling like I'm not getting anything done. I'll have to see if I can find old samples of my handwriting when I was working.

I'm thinking that since I really don't like transitions, I'm just going to have to plan ahead a little bit and do for myself what I do for my kids. Make a plan with contingencies for interruptions and thinking ahead for strategies to handle being derailed. I'm going to put all of your suggestions to use -- plan the task, break it down, set a specific amount of time to work on it, and plot my progress (need to see the progress, LOL! I like little rewards of feedback!). I also need to find some sort of internal satisfaction for completing tasks I find distasteful.

ETA: Pandora, I missed your reply! Yes, rewards are great. As far as the bipolar things and unfinished projects, I actually take meds for adult ADD. It has helped a lot for being able to focus on having multiple tasks to do at once. Before I started taking them I would start picking up things in the family room and while putting something away get distracted by what I found where I was putting it and go to another task, then on my way to another room I might go through the kitchen and discover dishes in the sink and start to do those, then one of my kids would ask for help with something and I'd leave off with that task, go help them and then get distracted wherever they were. You get the idea. That has improved a WHOLE lot, and when I go a week without my meds because I don't think I "need" them anymore, I can sure tell a difference by the end of the week.

Unfortunately, I don't think my tendency to abandon projects has anything to do with ADD, though. I think I just need to push through that wall of ... laziness?...apathy?...boredom?



Thanks! Sometimes I just need a sounding board and you guys provided some great ideas.

 

[Mara]

lol well i think i do tend to get a lot of things done, i can be quite focused when i put my mind to it. but alas sometimes when i am in the middle of the falling out of love with stage....stuff doesn''t get completed. a good example is when i was into the home decor and painting thing , nesting, whatever. i painted a room, then was over it for a while. then painted 2 rooms because we were having guests and i get into home decor/obsession/nesting mode when we have visitors coming, and then i painted swatches of the 3rd room and so far nothing has been done with that 3rd room and the swatches are still on the wall. we don''t really USE that room right now which is maybe why i am okay with it the way it is but yeah i wish i could finish it, find the motivation, whatever! i am sure the next time we have a visitor from out of town i will find that motivation and do the last room. now if i could only figure out what artwork i want in our master bedroom, we have only lived there 4 years and have nothing on the walls in there. i also have committment issues. hehee.

 

[lumpkin]

Mara at least you got the room done! I''m having trouble completing A ROOM. But, my kids have lots of activities, we just started going to church again which takes up a lot of our Sundays, going to the lake, birthdays, etc. If I had a solid weekend it would be done. I need to learn to do these projects BETWEEN all the other stuff, which is all about transitioning. I had thought summer would be better because my day wouldn''t have been broken up taking kids to school at various times of the day, but there really are just as many breaks in the day during the summer. Probably by the time they are both old enough to drive themselves everywhere I will have this mastered, LOL!

 

[piccolascimmia]

For me, I agree with all the good advice above (breaking things into smaller tasks, setting time limits, one thing at a time, etc). But also (I hate to sound like the enabler here), I've learned that its OK not to finish some projects - to let go of the tasks that work their way to the bottom of the list. If they never rise to the top again, maybe its just time to get rid of them. Sometimes I only find out after starting something that its not important or not what I thought it would be.

Not to say that I don't start and stop plenty of my own 'important' tasks, but sometimes I only want to finish them for the sake of finishing it and checking it off the list, not because I actually need/want the finished product.

Hope that helps, it has helped me stop sweating the less important things that I can't/won't finish, anyway