What''s Changed?

Honestly, not a lot has changed. Instead of planning a wedding, we are looking forward to attending other''s weddings. We are saving for a home and trying to start a family. We fight about the same I''d say which really isn''t that much. We can get on each other''s nerves the same as before. My last name is different though which took a little bit of getting used to. The biggest difference is that we are both aware that we are in it for the long run. Now instead of saying "When we''re married" it''s "when we have a home" "when we are 80" "when we have kids" etc etc

We fight much less (mostly b/c we pretty much just fought about not being married before:-)

We dated for 8 years and being married somehow feels more permanent, more comfortable, and more exciting than when we were dating.

We love it!!!

Not too much, actually. These past 6 months have been really stressful for us though, with trying to find and buy our house (so glad that is OVER!). But other than that not too much is different, even though it feels really good to know he''s my husband.

We didn't live together before we were married, so once we got married we moved in together. We have loved every single second of it!

We fight less (we didn't fight that much before, but now we argue even less) and we are just generally happier because we get to come home to each other at the end of the day. As much as we were completely in love and felt like family before, now that we're married it feels like we are an even more solid *unit*. I didn't think it was possible, but we became even *closer* and felt even more like family once we got married. We are partners. It has been so wonderful to be able to call him my husband and know we are finally married this last year. Other than that, it's hard to really explain the difference - it just FEELS different!

The only other thing that I can think of that has changed is I think about us having kids more often than I used to.

What''s changed? Other than the vacancy status of my uterus and the size of my a$$??? Not much

My last name. A ring on my husband's finger, and an extra ring on mine.

And that's it Oh wait, also, now my MIL has stopped bugging us to get married, and has moved on to bugging us to have our first child!

I thought we lived married life before we got married, and as it turns out, I was right.

On the surface, we already lived together, shared bank accounts, etc.

Deeper than that, emotionally, I have always felt like he was my "husband"/"life partner". My level of commitment to him is the same as before we were married, and the same goes for him. I don't even get giddy about calling him my husband, because in my mind, that's what he always was (if that makes any sense ..)

According to my husband (I believe I posted this in another thread somewhere), he said it was like before he felt we were 99% complete, and now he feels like we're 100% complete.

ETA: I know getting married is a huge part of our lives. However, the huge thing to me was really when I said yes to being my now-husband's girlfriend. We have been unofficially dating for about 2 months, and I just knew that when we became GF/BF, that would be the last time I'd be anyones girlfriend (because I knew he was the man I would be with forever). So, from that point, in my head, he has been my "husband".

I love the feeling of permanency that has come along with being married.  We can look far into the future and plan it together.  We can talk about absolutely anything.  I think that before we were married, it was harder to talk about children and "our money."  Even though we tried to address both of those things before we got married, it was much more hypothetical and therefore not as easily discussed.  Now that we really have "our money," and now that we have agreed that we want to have children together (someday), it''s so much easier to talk about those things.  I really like the openness we have in our relationship now, and I think it has everything to do with actually being married.

My feelings about children have changed, too.  Although we''re not planning on kids yet, it is a huge relief knowing that we would happily accept a "surprise" if one came our way.  For me, knowing that having a child would be a happy event for us and for our families takes a huge weight off my shoulders--one I didn''t really realize was there for so many years. 

Oh, and seeing a ring on his finger was a nice change, too .

Yeah, not much at all.

We lived together before we were married. Now hubs wears a ring, I wear two. He''s my husband, and we file our taxes together.

We fight the same as before we were married.
It treats me the same as ever.

If I noticed anything, it''s the way we oogle over children now. Maybe because more of our friends have children in CO. We''re totally not ready for my "vacancy status of my uterus" (thanks HH, that was classic!) to change, but it''s def. something we''re thinking about.

At least twice a day I get overwhelmed with feelings of gratitude, awe, and love toward my husband. I can't really describe it, but I get this very full feeling in my chest and stomach, and I'm suddenly overwhelmed with how much I love him, and how lucky I am to spend my life with him. I get close to tears sometimes when I'm experiencing this.

For whatever reason, I didn't get these spells before we were married.

Otherwise, we just spend a lot more time together and I love it. And now I have a different last name.

Date: 5/12/2010 8:35:34 PM
Author: Haven
At least twice a day I get overwhelmed with feelings of gratitude, awe, and love toward my husband. I can''t really describe it, but I get this very full feeling in my chest and stomach, and I''m suddenly overwhelmed with how much I love him, and how lucky I am to spend my life with him. I get close to tears sometimes when I''m experiencing this.

For whatever reason, I didn''t get these spells before we were married.

Otherwise, we just spend a lot more time together and I love it. And now I have a different last name.

Aw, this happens to me too (but also happened before we were married). I do usually tear up a bit too

after we got married, my husband actually became part of my dreams. I dreamed very little about him before we were married (and we lived together 7 years, mind you), but now that''s changed. so now we''re also partners in the dream world.

Before wedding: Chop Wood, Carry Water.
After wedding: Chop Wood, Carry Water.

Honestly, we already were committed to one another. And that commitment and the dynamics of our lives together are independent of our marital status. While at times we do sort of have this flash of realization "we're married" it's not like things are different than they were before. DH often mentions he does feel a little more stability now...and I get that...but it is not that we were unstable before either. Maybe it is a little more identifiable to a feeling of *family* but we really presented ourselves that way before. It's just a little bit more "we are in this together" ("for eternity" as DH likes to add!) vibe - it's not something that was not present before, it's just more present (or we are more aware of it) now. . These are really subtle things that I can't really state have changed us, or our relationship, just a slight enhancement on things that were already there before we got married.

All the dynamics of our relationship are still there and still the same. We are still very close friends, lovers, partners, teammates and so on. It has never been hard for us to talk about anything. Well, it might be hard for us personally, but it is not hard to talk together. It was not hard for us to talk about the big and small issues before, and it still is not. We have always been very open with one another. And we spend as much time together now as we did before.

Like Haven mentioned, I do at times get overwhelmed with feelings of gratitude, love and awe toward my husband and feel so *blessed* to be sharing my life with him. And DH says the same. This happened before we were married too...but it is a little more real. Again, a slight enhancement on what was already there.

Your specific questions:

1. Do you treat each other differently?

No. We were respectful, compassionate, loving, patient, honest, open and so on before...or we would not have gotten married.

2. Talk to each other differently?

No. See above.

3. Do you fight more/less?

I can't say we tend to really fight. There are times we certainly disagree on issues - no more or less than before but it is not very often. And we just sit down and talk about it. We've never bickered or sniped or anything though. We attack the problems, not the people, and respect one another in the process.

4. How do you think about your future differently than you did when you were engaged or dating?

We really don't. If we did not have strong views of our future before we were married, we would not have got married, you know? We talked about our goals, dreams, fears and all of that before, and still do.

5. Have the household expectations changed?

No. Not at all. He still does most of the housework while I still bring home most of the bacon. Ha.

About 5 extra pounds.

I cook more.

Seriously, nothing about our relationship has dramatically changed but i know within myself that i feel alot more content and happy now that we are married.

Oh, and i use every chance i have to say the word husband/hubby.

I'll be honest: we fight a lot more. We lived together before we got engaged, and there was a real period of adjustment for a while when we first moved in together. We settled into our new condo and things became really great again. We were happy and things were great. We didn't FEEL any different after the wedding though. Being husband and wife felt just the same as it did when we were simply dating. Like I said though, we fight more. I think that's because we're both extremely stubborn and neither one of us wants to back down. It's something we really need to work on. Plus, when we had our separate apartments, we could come and go as we pleased if we got on each other's nerves, but now we're often "stuck" in tight quarters.

I'm sorry to be such a downer! Things aren't peachy at the moment, and I know that's probably affecting this post.

Everyone's responses are really interesting, we're getting married in September and I often wonder how much everything will change. Originally we were planning to buy our first house together right after the wedding - strangely enough that was actually a big part of why I wanted a long engagement, as I really wanted that to be the big "we're married" change.. FI won't be done with his PhD for at least a year though, and we don't plan to stay out here in Cali after he's done, so it doesn't make sense for us to buy a house right now. So we've compromised, and I get to completely reorganize, redecorate, and refurnish the apt (thank goodness! )

Other than that, though, I don't see the way we interact with each other changing much - though obviously we'll have to wait and see. I hope it doesn't change, anyway!  

Tigerlily,

I''m sorry that my previous post was negative. I didn''t mean for it to come out that way; I think I was in a bad mood yesterday (and stressed in general) and I didn''t think before I posted. Of course being married is wonderful. I turn to him before anyone else when wanting to talk about my day, my thoughts on a particular subject, etc. He''s my best friend. As I said yesterday, not much has really changed though. I know some people feel different once they''re pronounced husband and wife but we didn''t.

I feel that I am much more secure in my relationship with DH.  We have the same last name now and I didn''t think it would be a big deal, but it is.

Like Haven, I get spellbound by the depth of my love for him. I hug him and tell him how happy he makes me and he does the same every so often.

I love being married to him.  We lived together for a year before our wedding and I definitely see a huge change in us since we got married.

Honestly, nothing. At least nothing between DH and I. We lived together for over 2 years before getting married and things are pretty much the same. Luckily things were great before, and they're still fantastic now! I'm glad we lived together before getting married, because I think we would've had a much bigger adjustment and more potential for conflict if we had moved in together right after the wedding.

I do think I get a little more respect from people by saying "my husband" rather than my boyfriend or something, but I might be imagining that since I just like saying "my husband"

Other than the jewelry, nothing has changed. I didn''t change my name, and am not going to. We didn''t merge our bank accounts, and aren''t going to. I don''t like being called "Mrs." anything, and I don''t like saying the words "husband" or "wife" in reference to ourselves (although maybe I''ll change my mind when I get used to it -- for now it just feels alien and vaguely annoying).

We lived together before, and we don''t live together now (have signed an agreement to buy our condo, but we haven''t closed yet and won''t move in for at least another six weeks), so for a while yet we''re still kinda doing the long-distance thing. But I don''t think there''ll be much difference when we do move back together.

This probably sounds like kind of a downer post, and I''m not really sure why I feel such ambivalence after being married for less than a week. I think it''s because I hoard my independence jealously and now I''ve officially given some of that up and even though it''s what I wanted to do, and I''m happy with him, in my heart of hearts I''m still a little grudging about that.

Eh, I''ll get over it.

Honestly, not much has changed. I have a new ring on my finger and DH has one on his but day to day life hasn''t changed much. I do think that I feel closer to DH now since he''s my husband. And although he was always very physically affectionate, he''s been even more so since we got married.

what's changed? nothing. of course.

People ask you this all the time...

How's married life?
What's it like being married now?

To all, I have the same answer...

"It's exactly the same as living in sin, except now we have nicer plates."

That pretty much sums it up. New last name, new rings for both of us, but if you've lived together, you'll find that everything is pretty much the same (minus the wedding coordinating breakdowns).

We lived togethether for about 7 years before we were married (together for eight) and a lot has changed for us since the wedding.

Finances. Living together meant expenses were split 50/50, however everything is more joint now that we're married.

The house. We bought a house together this year and we're loving it.

Starting a family. It's right around the corner and I'm really excited about it!

I look back on the years we lived together very fondly and did have an adjustment period when we were first married, but now that we're on to all of the "next steps", I'm loving it!

ETA: Zoe, I don't think your post came off as being negative. I know you can be annoyed with your husband and still love him, haha. D and I had a huge fight this week over a vacation for crying out loud.
Liane, I went through a serious transition after getting married. I really dug my heals in about continuing to pay for my half, legally added my maiden name as a second middle name because I couldn't let go and had a serious aversion to the term 'wife". It lasted a few months, then I made the decision to stop because I was afraid it was affecting my relationship and I didn't want my issues to result in my husband thinking I didn't like being his wife--looking back I think the transition was just tougher for me for some reason.

I am not technically a newlywed anymore but feel like answering anyways We lived together for 18 months before marriage, have been married now a little over three years, have an 18 month old.

I felt a greater sense of peace and calm after we were married. My security and satisfaction with our relationship gradually increased in the six months to a year after our wedding. Both of us noticed this. We were always a fairly happy couple with low levels of conflict, but our love and satisfaction has increased during the first years of our marriage, and the sex has gotten better too, I think in reflection of our greater intimacy and security. We enjoy parenting together a fair bit, too, and that is certainly something new since marriage

ETA And lest it all sound like rainbows, we also snipe at one another more and have sex less often

My hubs and I lived together for 2 years before we got married. Things between the two of us have gotten stronger, which has a lot to do with J's family being really horrible to us during the wedding planning, at the wedding itself, and after the wedding. So, mostly what's changed is that they're not really in our lives anymore, but he and I are closer and my family and J are also closer. Additionally, we've moved to a new home and we both absolutely love it; it really feels like *our* home, not just where we happen to live. It's lovely and wonderful to have our stuff in our home, just for us. All we need is a kitty and it'll be complete.

Totally not a newlywed, but I do remember back 9 years well enough Pretty much nothing was different except I finally, halleluja, ditched my dad's last name, I was the very last person to have that name in the extended family except him, and I really didn't want that connection at all. So that was great.

Other than that? Exactly the same. We'd been together, totally committed and living happily in sin with our cats, since 1996. We finally got married because we were buying commercial property together and, after that, filing taxes jointly made sense. So we got married. Basically it was just a piece of paper, utterly meaningless without a commitment and since we already had that, it was no change at all except for ppwk.

The funny thing is, he almost always refers to me as his "girlfriend" even after nearly a decade of being married. He thinks "wife" sounds, ah, boring, and GF sounds sexy, so I'm still his girlfriend, lol. I don't care one way or the other.

Oh and yes, you get nagged about when you're going to have a kid immediately after marriage, instead of when you're going to finally get married. After 9 years the immediate family has laid off a bit on that one, though.

As of yet... nothing, really, other than calling each other husband and wife, which I freely admit to doing more than necessary because it gives me the fuzzies to say and hear

We still talk the way we did whilst engaged, about the same sorts of things. We keep basically the same schedules, our jobs and apt are the same, our cats are the same. We're keeping our finances totally separate for now and the forseeable future. It's just peaceful without the stress of the looming wedding! I think I'm still waiting for the other shoe to drop, or something...

I'm not sure what I expected - I couldn't think of any reason anything "big" would change, but I assumed it would anyway. The next big "family" thing will be a house, and that's not for some time - a year, at least, most probably two, so we'd better enjoy the quiet, because we've got a good amount of it coming up..

It's been almost a year, and looking back, it really wasn't the most fun year. We don't ever really fight, but we had a lot of tense moments. Certainly, a big part was the fact that I was finishing law school, trying to find a job, and prepping for/taking the bar. Not recommended in the first year of marriage. I was super stressed, and it took a toll on both of us. Unfortunately, my DH was always quick to blame problems on "being married now," while I asserted that it would have been exactly the same if we were still dating or engaged. The truth is probably somewhere in between.

Some parts are fantastic, though, like how we feel like a "legitimate" couple wherever we go. There's a certain security in saying "my husband" that I just love. In a way, I feel guilty about this because I k ow that not everyone can have this luxury, but I have absolutely noticed that people give our relationship a higher level of respect now.

I'm not a newlywed either, but wanted to answer nevertheless. We didn't move in together until a month AFTER the wedding (we couldn't find a house), so a lot changed for us after we got married. It was a lot of fun buying things for our house and setting it up together. There was a an initial awkward period of adjustment where had to get used to the idea of 'being married' and being together constanstly, as well as negotiating household duties, but after that awkwardness dissipated we started having lots of fun being together.