You are worth it!

[Cookie_tyme]

Ladies, I join your board because, even though I''ve been married for almost 23 years (5 kids), I am also waiting for a diamond ring. Dh and I had no $$ when we married. We lived with his folks for 3 yrs while he got his degree, having our first two kids (surprise!) before he got that degree. Fortunately, his folks were smitten with our babies, so it was fine. Well, life got busy, time flew, more kids, cats, dogs, houses... Now I''d like a sparkly ring, please! And he wants me to have one too. But he''s going to surprise me in some way, and I have no clue when. Thought it was gonna be this Valentine''s Day, but it wasn''t. Candy and a White Barn candle. (I was touched - it''s usually just candy - which is all I give him.) Well, our 23rd anniversary is coming up in March - perhaps...

But this post is not about me - it''s about all of you out there waiting and waiting and waiting! And some of you are living with the guy you are waiting on to propose to you.

Ladies, your Grandma is right. Why buy the milk when you can get the cow for free? None of these guys put off a proposal for more than one year if they were waiting for that wedding night with their beloved. That''s how it used to be.

You gals are worth more that this! Don''t give your body to a man who won''t honor you by committing his life to you for good. You deserve to be treated with honor. And any guy who sleeps with a gal without being married to her is dishonoring her. He''s cheapening her and letting her family and friends down.

Guys want sex. Gals want security. So they''re getting what they want, but you''re not. It''s time to break up, move out, and find a decent man. And knowing that you have high standards will make you all the more attractive to a nice guy. They are out there - nice guys who want a nice wife who''ll be a great life partner and mother to their kids. When their moms find out that this gal won''t put out, she''ll be pushing sonny boy to pick that one! And she''s got his ear more that you know.

Do an experiment - tell your man that you have decided that until you are married, you''re not sleeping with anybody. See what he''s made of. Either he''ll deliver on that ring and set a date, or he''s gonna leave. If he leaves, you know you had a dud. This is the guy you''ll be building your life with, having children with. Find out what he''s made of now.

My heart really goes out to all of you. You are precious and capable and beautiful. Demand the best for yourselves and live by high standards.

 

[Miscka]

Um, I appreciate your sentiment here, but are you really suggesting that we use sex as a bargaining tool? As a bribe?

 

[PostIt]

I think there are many other reasons marriage is delayed these days. Money is probably #1. Life has become expensive, so living apart has become unrealistic. I''m also sure there are plenty of women who want to delay marriage so that they are financially stable and have careers.

 

[bee*]

Date: 2/21/2008 10:42:16 AM
Author: Miscka
Um, I appreciate your sentiment here, but are you really suggesting that we use sex as a bargaining tool? As a bribe?

That''s what it sounds like! Not all girls sleep with their man for security-like men, women can enjoy sex and they might not want to wait until they get married themselves. I''m engaged to D however for me personally, I wouldn''t want to marry someone who I have not had sex with. I''m sure that there are some men who don''t get married as they feel they have no need to as they are being provided with *everything*, however there are a lot more men who don''t get engaged within a year due to college, wanting to get a career etc. It just bugs me when people post that a man isn''t *nice* if he has sex with his gf.

 

[areagirlsbestfriend]

um, with all due respect, I think you''re a little bit off on this one .. and you''re definitely suggesting using sex as a bargaining tool. No, thanks.

I had a baby with my FI and we got engaged three months later. Not for lack of committment, but for lack of funds for the engagement ring we both wanted. We are also living together and are getting married next March. I do not think he is disrespecting me b/c we are not married, but have a child, and are sleeping/living together. Plenty of people may have this opinion, but I also think it''s an outdated. Many time there are other circumstances behind a decision a couple makes.

You''re also really insulting a lot of women who maybe ARE currently living with their guy and do not have a ring yet. No one but these women know what the situation or reason for lack of ring. Of course their worth it - but to suggest that their guy doesn''t respect them? That''s just really ridiculous, and I''m officially offended on their behalf and my own.

Sorry, not trying to start a catfight here. I rarely post on these boards, but I couldn''t keep my mouth shut on this one ...

 

[PostIt]

I have been lurking for months and joined just to reply to the original post because it was so utterly offensive.

 

[sweetjettagirl04]

I don''t think that living with my SO and "giving myself" to him has delayed me getting a ring. Rather, if I started to "withhold" that, I would be punishing myself - and wouldn''t have my sparkly any sooner than originally planned.

I know the reasons why I haven''t been proposed to yet - for a few years, my bf was working odd jobs to pay the bills, had some debt to take care of, and wasn''t in the position to buy me a ring, and he didn''t feel "worthy" to ask my dad''s permission for my hand in marriage? What would that look like if he did ask years ago? Where would we be now? I don''t fancy the idea of taking on his debt - and I''m glad he was responsible enough to acknowledge that.

Unfortunately, over the years, standards have changed and money is a big issue that holds people back from being married. Not to be mean to your original living situation, but I wouldn''t want to live in my parents basement if I was newly married - whether I had "been" with my SO or not. Everyone does have their own opinions, however I don''t think that holding out is going to make a relationship better. What if you get married and don''t have any chemistry in that department? There''s nothing that can change that, and I would tend to believe that if your partner isn''t making you happy - someone is bound to stray.

 

[sunnyd]

You have every right to your opinion, but preaching to and insulting those who don''t feel the same way? Please.

 

[sweetjettagirl04]

Let me further clarify -

Everyone has their own opinions to what they think is right, wrong, etc. However, those opinions should not be forced on others - in the way to say that we need to cut off our SO''s in order to get a ring, and if he leaves he wasn''t worth it is a BIG stone to cast. A lot of people on this board will find offense to this statement because it''s almost like WE are being put down for "putting out" and now we should be ashamed of ourselves? So it''s OUR fault we haven''t been proposed to because we have been intimate with our BFs?

This is not the case for any of us on here. Some people wait because of money, some people are waiting to finish their degree, and some might be waiting to see the moon turn purple, who knows? Just, please, don''t judge anyone for their choices in life.

 

[sandia_rose]

Date: 2/21/2008 10:35:38 AM
Author:Cookie_tyme

Ladies, your Grandma is right. Why buy the milk when you can get the cow for free? None of these guys put off a proposal for more than one year if they were waiting for that wedding night with their beloved. That''s how it used to be.

My heart really goes out to all of you. You are precious and capable and beautiful. Demand the best for yourselves and live by high standards.

While I''m not quite this rigid (I''m 39 and I''ll be honest - I can''t go without sex for years on end and would hate to find out that I married a man who I was sexually incompatible with.) there is an element of truth to what you''re saying.

My grandmother was one of those "don''t get the cow for free" kind of women. Granted, this was back in the early 1940s. But she used to always tell me, "A man knows how he feels about you after a year." I''ve posted about her before, but the short form of the story for those of you who missed it is: My grandma grew up in farm country Pennsylvania and was a pretty woman with no shortage of dates for barn dances, church socials, etc. After she passed away, I found some letters she''d gotten from a medical student that was studying at Harvard, so she obviously had no shortage of "catchable" men, either. She was still single at 25, which in those days was a near-sin (her two younger sisters were already married with children). Then she met my grandfather. My grandfather had been a football star in a neighboring town and was working in a factory doing steel work - which was difficult "man''s man" work. So, picture a tall, very muscular, good-looking blond man who easily had his pick of any woman. In fact, when they started dating, my grandmother learned of his "reputation" for being a ladies man. She was a "good girl" and said that all she would do with him was kiss him and dance close at dances. So, they dated for a year and she laid it on him: You''ve been with me for a year and are wasting my time at this point. No ring = relationship is over. Sorry. They had been at a dance, and she walked home alone. The next day, she had been shopping in town and went back home....to see my grandfather at her house, talking to her father. And he had a ring with him. They were married 63 years, until my grandfather passed away. And I will tell you, he treated her like a queen. Their relationship was not without their fights, though. Not to be crude, but my grandmother put up with no sh*t from my grandfather. One night, before my mother was born, he''d gone into town to play poker with his friends and came home drunk...and she locked him out of the house and made him sleep in their shed. She said that she didn''t mind that he went out and had fun, but she didn''t want a drunk husband that was going to keep her awake all night, carrying on. He never did THAT again.

I talked with a girlfriend of mine last night, and she gave me an epiphany that I wanted to share with you ladies. I was going to make my own post topic until I saw this one. She has been talking with men on DateHookup, which is kind of like a free Match, and she had a date last night that she was excited about. She has been e-mailing/online chatting with several guys. One of them really interested her and they exchanged phone numbers. She said that he "gave good phone" and he asked to meet her for coffee, and if they hit it off in person, he''d take her to dinner. So, she left work early to come home, get ready, pick a cute outfit. So I said, "OK...I''m in suspense. How''d it go?" And she said, "It didn''t." Turns out that she was just walking out the door to meet him at the coffeehouse when her phone rang. He said he was running a little late, which she said was fine. And then she said he abruptly said, "Um...do you mind if we make plans for another night instead?" So I said, "And what''d you say?" She said that she said something like, "On second thought, no thank you. I don''t think this is going to work out." She said she kept it to that and didn''t continute the convo past that point. This girlfriend of mine has been through a tough year as far as meeting men. She keeps meeting "duds" and child men and is getting frustrated -- and I''m right there with her. She is 36, model-beautiful, educated, stylish, is originally from Poland so she has a very cool, sexy Euro accent, has a lot of interests, a great job, just bought her own condo, wants marriage and kids, etc. She does NOT come across as desperate, either. I have told her often that if we weren''t so straight, I''D date her, because she really is something special. Anyway, she said, "Bridge, a year ago, I would have made plans with him. And I''ve realized that if I did that and got into a relationship with him, that would have set the tone for him to do that again and again. If a man isn''t excited and jazzed about meeting me and getting to know me, screw him. He doesn''t deserve to. He probably was blowing me off to go play beer-pong with his buds. Oh well. His loss."

Wow. I thought about that for a while. We talked about my situation, too. She knows my BF and said, "I like him, but he sounds confused." I decided, with that, that I will let things calm down and see where it goes. I will go on the trip with my BF - because I need a vacation. I will keep it light and not discuss any relationship stuff unless he brings it up. On one hand, he doesn''t want to break up, and I honestly don''t, either. He knows what I want. About the "live with me for a month" idea, I told him last night when we (briefly - and coincidentally, after I talked to the aforementioned girlfriend) talked that I AM NOT going to audition for him. Sure, I''d like to spend more time together, but I am not doing it at his convenience. If I feel like staying over, I will. If I don''t, then I will go back to my house. I have proven enough to him at this point, so the ball is in his court. He did talk last night about putting an addition on his house to make more room and discussed the logistics in detail, and that is progress. But I put my foot down and he knows what it is going to take to keep me. I am going to take it easy and see if any of this sinks in with him. My girlfriend was cute. She said, "If you need moral support on this, CALL ME. You''re a wonderful woman, and any man worth anything - confused or not - is going to trip over himself to win you. You shouldn''t have to prove anything to anyone. If he can''t come to the realization that you are awesome, screw him. If you get ready to walk, likewise, CALL ME and we will go out for drinks. I will keep you from calling him or trying to go back on what you decided."

Gee. Funny. I don''t feel so much like a headcase today........

Bridget in Connecticut.

 

[princesss]

I would have screamed if my BF had proposed after a year. At the 1 year mark we were 19 and had no clue what we wanted out of life. After 3 years, we still don''t. We do know we want our lives to be together, but things get in the way sometimes. More things than just being intimate can wreck a relationship. I would actually say that''s about the furthest thing down the list of relationship wreckers than I could think of. Would my guy have stayed with me if I had said no way? Yup. Did I want to say no way? Heck no.

So according to you I''m cheapened and a dishonourable person because I made the informed decision to become intimate before I get married? Lovely. Thank you so much for coming here and insulting me and my BF. He is a nice guy. He''s a great guy.

I think your intention when you came on here was probably good. I doubt you came here to simply insult us and leave. But please understand that none of us here try to push our morality onto other posters. I''m sure you see yourself as offering support, but don''t tell us that we''ve debased ourselves by making a decision that fits our lifestyle. We''re giving you that respect. If you want to talk about how you and your husband waited, and it was the best thing ever, and you would recommend it, great. Just don''t insult us.

 

[sandia_rose]

Date: 2/21/2008 10:50:50 AM
Author: areagirlsbestfriend

I had a baby with my FI and we got engaged three months later. Not for lack of committment, but for lack of funds for the engagement ring we both wanted. We are also living together and are getting married next March. I do not think he is disrespecting me b/c we are not married, but have a child, and are sleeping/living together. Plenty of people may have this opinion, but I also think it''s an outdated. Many time there are other circumstances behind a decision a couple makes.

Unlike a lot of ladies here, I''m not fired-up about the original post, because some of it has a shread of truth to it....

I''ll give you a flipside on this one - from personal experience. When I was 32, I was dating this guy. Now, I second bee''s opinion that it''s perfectly fine in this day and age for a woman to have sex if she feels like it. I never bought into the double-standard at all. I respect myself and I do what I want to do, not what a man wants me to do. If I want to have sex, I do...but there have been plenty of times in my earlier life where I went home alone because I didn''t want to get intimate with the guy. Right after my divorce, I had a relationship with my best friend''s cousin that was - to be totally blunt - a boink-buddy relationship. We were both upfront with each other about the whole thing, and having the attention of a man without strings helped me get over a very painful divorce. I never was or felt like I was disrespected because I had sex without commitment, and it gave me the space/time I needed to figure out my own mind and emotions without getting involved in another dating relationship so soon. I wouldn''t date for nearly 2 years after my divorce. That being said.....

I had had a sinus infection, and no one told me that antibiotics can affect the effectiveness of the pill. Well, at least at the time, it wasn''t something that was widely known. And I had been on the pill since I was a teenager - very conscientious, never missing any, etc. Whaddya know? I found myself at 32 with an unplanned pregnancy and a boyfriend I had only been seeing 4-5 months. At the time, I had a professional job where I traveled all over the place 2-3 weeks out of the month, I had just bought my first home, I had a ton of girlfriends I hung out with. Marriage and a baby were the farthest things from my mind.

I decided that I''d have the baby and figure it out later. I wasn''t in a position of neediness and could have afforded to raise the child on my own, without any help from this boyfriend. I made it clear that I wasn''t expecting to be taken care of by anyone and saw nothing wrong with doing things my way. Oh, but that''s not what people thought AND SAID! From the time I announced my pregnancy to after I had my son, my boyfriend and I got BOMBARDED for all these well-meaning people, insinuating that we "should" get married and that he was disrepsecting me by not "doing the right thing." His own mother would not give me the time of day until I had an engagement ring on my finger. Friends of mine asked me why I didn''t insist that he "make things right." I was not a pregnant 16 year old high school girl, for gosh-sakes, I was a 32 YEAR OLD PROFESSIONAL, INDEPENDENT WOMAN!

The thing is, I was never 100% sure I wanted to marry this guy, and I will admit now - to anyone reading this - that IT WAS A MISTAKE. We were married a few short years before I filed for divorce. The marriage looked wonderful from the outside, but it was hell. Oh..but he respected me by marrying me (insert sarcastic sigh here)!! And looking back on it, I got exactly what I deserved for not listening to my instincts and doing what everyone else thought I should do. Having a child out of "wedlock" was not disrespectful, but marrying someone I really didn''t want to and then subjecting myself and my son to the fall-out -- THAT WAS disrespectful.

Bridget in Connecticut.

 

[Mediterranean]

Date: 2/21/2008 10:35:38 AM
Author:Cookie_tyme

Ladies, your Grandma is right. Why buy the milk when you can get the cow for free?

....Conversely, why should *I* buy the whole PIG if all I want is a little sausage?


I think your heart may be in the right place, and I''m sure you''re sharing with us what has worked out for you, but everyone''s different, and, as they say, "different strokes, for different folks"

My fiance and I are not farm animals, and sex isn''t some kind of bargaining chip. Sex before marriage, and living together before marriage are intensely personal decisions. They''re decisions for which no one wants to be judged, nor made to feel bad or wrong about. I''m sure plenty of people had lots of judgmental things to say when you and your husband had two children while you two were, effectively, homeless and crashing with the kids'' grandparents. But the things people say didn''t(and still don''t) matter to you because you lived your lives the way that was right for you.


The women on this board are sophisticated, intelligent, mature and loving individuals. Their treasure lies NOT between their legs, but between their EARS and behind their ribcages and the men who love them are smart enough to know that.

Their guys aren''t "stringing them along" because they''re "cows" who gave out their "milk" for "free." They''re probably hard-working young men who want to save up enough money for a home so that the LIW''s don''t have to live with anyone''s parents for long enough to have two kids in Mom and Dad''s house, and so that our LIWs don''t have to wait 23 years for a ring.

Oh, yeah...in case you''re wondering if my man will ever propose to my free-milk-giving self? That''s my engagement ring in my avatar. Oh, yeah, and it''s 3.12 carats of diamond goodness set in platinum plus we own our own home already, so, uh....my "milkshake" looks like it was worth something, after all

To the LIW''s: at least you know your man wants you for your heart, not your hoo-ha.




I am so...

 

[sunnyd]

Date: 2/21/2008 12:28:09 PM
Author: Mediterranean

Date: 2/21/2008 10:35:38 AM
Author:Cookie_tyme

Ladies, your Grandma is right. Why buy the milk when you can get the cow for free?

....Conversely, why should *I* buy the whole PIG if all I want is a little sausage?


I think your heart may be in the right place, and I''m sure you''re sharing with us what has worked out for you, but everyone''s different, and, as they say, ''different strokes, for different folks''

My fiance and I are not farm animals, and sex isn''t some kind of bargaining chip. Sex before marriage, and living together before marriage are intensely personal decisions. They''re decisions for which no one wants to be judged, nor made to feel bad or wrong about. I''m sure plenty of people had lots of judgmental things to say when you and your husband had two children while you two were, effectively, homeless and crashing with the kids'' grandparents. But the things people say didn''t(and still don''t) matter to you because you lived your lives the way that was right for you.


The women on this board are sophisticated, intelligent, mature and loving individuals. Their treasure lies NOT between their legs, but between their EARS and behind their ribcages and the men who love them are smart enough to know that.

Their guys aren''t ''stringing them along'' because they''re ''cows'' who gave out their ''milk'' for ''free.'' They''re probably hard-working young men who want to save up enough money for a home so that the LIW''s don''t have to live with anyone''s parents for long enough to have two kids in Mom and Dad''s house, and so that our LIWs don''t have to wait 23 years for a ring.

Oh, yeah...in case you''re wondering if my man will ever propose to my free-milk-giving self? That''s my engagement ring in my avatar. Oh, yeah, and it''s 3.12 carats of diamond goodness set in platinum plus we own our own home already, so, uh....my ''milkshake'' looks like it was worth something, after all

To the LIW''s: at least you know your man wants you for your heart, not your hoo-ha.




I am so...

Med, you are awesome.

 

[jng2b]

Jesus, this is the most offensive post I''ve ever read on this board. I highly DISAGREE with waiting until marriage to have sex. Sexual incompatibility is a huge issue - why on earth would you risk marrying someone that you haven''t had sex with? I''m glad that you are happy with your outdated, impractical morals, but you are seriously a horrible, judgmental person for writing such a "holier-than-thou" post on this board.

And by the way, (and I''m a girl) if my FI came to me and told me that he didn''t want to have sex with me until the wedding, I''d have a HUGE problem with this! Your standards for women are so outdated and sexist. Do you think that women don''t enjoy sex? Do you think we only sleep with our men because THEY want us to? Maybe in your relationship, you use sex as a bargaining tool, and you only sleep with your husband because it is the "wifely" thing to do. However, now it is 2008, and women (GASP!) are allowed to make their own choices! Including sleeping with whomever they choose! I''ve slept with several people, and I don''t regret a thing. Thank god that I had and realized what I wanted out of a partner - otherwise I''d be married to a jerk and I''d be having a sexless, unfulfilling marriage.

You really made me sick. I can''t believe there are people out there that still have such a misguided view of a woman''s place in her relationship with her husband. God only help your daughters (and your sons) - they''ll be in my thoughs. I really hope they don''t apply your ridiculous and judgmental moral standards to their future relationships, or they will be in for some problems down the road.

 

[bee*]

Date: 2/21/2008 12:28:09 PM
Author: Mediterranean

Date: 2/21/2008 10:35:38 AM

Author:Cookie_tyme



Ladies, your Grandma is right. Why buy the milk when you can get the cow for free?

....Conversely, why should *I* buy the whole PIG if all I want is a little sausage?

I think I just peed a little bit when I read that!! That''s one of the funniest lines I''ve ever read on here.


I know that you didn''t mean any malice by posting what you did Cookie_tyme, in fact you probably meant the complete opposite, but this is 2008, and women can decide what they do with their own lives, that includes having sex and living with a SO if they so wish. The whole if your man doesn''t know after a year-I personally think that timelines like this are stupid! After a year, there was no way in hell I was ready for marriage or had even given it any thought. I had just left school and was looking forward to starting college. The great thing about this board is that people support each other without pushing their personal beliefs on others and this post seems to have crossed the boundary.

 

[sandia_rose]

Date: 2/21/2008 12:58:49 PM
Author: bee*

Date: 2/21/2008 12:28:09 PM
Author: Mediterranean




....Conversely, why should *I* buy the whole PIG if all I want is a little sausage?

I think I just peed a little bit when I read that!! That's one of the funniest lines I've ever read on here.

I didn't quite pee, but I did laugh out loud, right here in my office! I took a sip of coffee, was scrolling down the posts and I saw that! Coffee damn near came out my nose! Thanks for the laugh, Mediterranean!

You know, this reminds me of a conversation I was having with my mother when I was a teenager. My mom was a product of the 50s and 60s, when women were expected to be Good Girls. My mom frankly got the short end of the stick - my father was a jerk who basically controlled her and died to leave her to support three little kids and pay a mountain of debt with just a high school education.

Anyway, we were discussing the double standard and she said something like:

In my day, women were supposed to be Good Girls and be virgins until marriage. But, it was OK and encouraged that men go out and sow their wild oats, get experience, etc. What I want to know is this: If it's OK for men to go out and get experience but women must stay virgins, then who are they getting experience with?

Yeah, good question!

This is somewhat resentful in tone, given the hand she was dealt, but my mom also had another saying that just came to mind here, too:

When I was a young girl, people would constantly tell me, "Oh, Sandy! That's not something a Nice Girl does!" or, "Be a Good Girl and you'll get a Nice Man." Well, I was a Good Girl and a Nice Girl, and I'm gonna tell you one thing I learned: Be Yourself. Don't Be a Good Girl. Because Good Girls are doormats and doormats get sh*t.

Bridget in Connecticut.

 

[gwendolyn]

I guess it's just me, but I just thought the OP was funny (unintentionally so, but still funny). I mean, who waltzes into an internet forum, makes broad generalizations about why people aren't engaged yet, and proceeds to lecture them about how they should live their lives, when everyone's basically complete strangers to one another? Who does that?! It's just so horribly one-dimensional, like what you'd see on a crappy TV sitcom. Why take it seriously?

Good, thoughtful advice comes from people explaining their personal situations in depth so those of us on the outside have *some* idea what things are like for us, but even still, we acknowledge that there's a finite amount of information people outside of a relationship can know about it. Not only did the OP paint us all with the same brush when we are in VASTLY different situations, but she also presented an outdated one-size-fits-all solution for us. A solution which I've already mentally balled up and thrown in the bin.

 

[decodelighted]

It''s like Grandma stumbled into a NOW rally

... c''mon gals ... who would be so furious in person at their well-meaning but a bit behind-the-times Grammy. This advice is AS OLD AS TIME, not some new offensive high-horse BS. Geez ... people are entitled to their own opinions. Balanced, mature individuals can cherry-pick wisdom and be confident about their own values without letting their heads spin around and vomiting fire all over the place.

INTENTIONS, ladies. It''s the INTENTION that matters. And I think the OP genuinely thought she could save some heartbreak & time by schooling us on the method that worked for HER.

 

[areagirlsbestfriend]

It''s like Grandma stumbled into a NOW rally

lol - I like that .. maybe her intentions were good, but she obviously didn''t do her research .. read any of these boards and she''d know she''s diving into a pack of independent, self sufficient women. Obviously her comments are going to stir up some emotions.

I think what MOST Liws are waiting for, though, is exactly what the OP is (still) waiting for .. that dear sparkly. Most LIWS here aren''t sitting around twiddling their thumbs waiting for their guy to make up his mind about marriage .. they''re just waiting for him to be able to buy the rock. It''s not a matter if "if" .. it''s a matter of "when."

 

[MissErin]

Date: 2/21/2008 1:21:56 PM
Author: gwendolyn
I guess it''s just me, but I just thought the OP was funny (unintentionally so, but still funny). I mean, who waltzes into an internet forum, makes broad generalizations about why people aren''t engaged yet, and proceeds to lecture them about how they should live their lives, when everyone''s basically complete strangers to one another? Who does that?! It''s just so horribly one-dimensional, like what you''d see on a crappy TV sitcom. Why take it seriously?

I totally feel the same way!! When I read the post I literally just laughed at the ridiculous nature of the simplistic generalization. She put a statement out there that most of us would NEVER agree with for our own personal reasons. I read it and seriously thought it was funny because it was so one sided. Girls, please don''t feel like you need to waste your time and emotions on a post like this. It''s not worth the energy. Just look at it as something taken to an extreme and try to find the humor in it. But, if you do want to react, post your thoughts and wash your hands of the topic. You ladies are soooooooooooo much better then this humorous post. All the lovely ladies on here have every right to live and love they way they choose. Hopefully this will become funny to others like it did to Gwen and myself.

As for my response to the OP... "haha Thanks for the tip!! haha"

 

[Pandora II]

Personally I''d rather marry a man who loves me for my personality, my brains and our compatibility - not because he''s desperate to sleep with me! In fact I can''t think of a WORSE reason to get married.

I can see that a man might think less of you if you sleep with him on a first date, but frankly if he thought less of me because I had slept with him before marriage, or had slept with other people before I met him, I''d wonder what issues he had.

As for mothers wanting their sons to marry virgins... um, if it was my son I''d like him to marry the girl who makes him happy - and really her virginity or otherwise is none of my business.

If people choose not to be intimate before marriage that''s fine. Personally, having slept with a few different people I know that loving someone doesn''t mean that you will be compatible sexually - and not being compatible can be miserable for one, other or both people.

I prefer to find out before not after marriage.

PS Mediterranean - that was priceless!

 

[CrookedRock]

I have to say I laughed too... It def comes off as preaching, but it is such ridicilous post that I couldn''t waste my time responding. We all know it isn''t true, so who cares... And honestly. I have been dating my BF since I was 17, had he proposed then I would have gone running for the hills.

 

[Delster]

Date: 2/21/2008 1:32:40 PM
Author: decodelighted
It's like Grandma stumbled into a NOW rally

... c'mon gals ... who would be so furious in person at their well-meaning but a bit behind-the-times Grammy. This advice is AS OLD AS TIME, not some new offensive high-horse BS. Geez ... people are entitled to their own opinions. Balanced, mature individuals can cherry-pick wisdom and be confident about their own values without letting their heads spin around and vomiting fire all over the place.

INTENTIONS, ladies. It's the INTENTION that matters. And I think the OP genuinely thought she could save some heartbreak & time by schooling us on the method that worked for HER.

Deco, actually it was the intention behind the OP's advice that irked me when I read this thread. I believe the central core of the advice is sound isasmuch as it is telling women to value and cherish themselves entirely and to find men who will do the same. Many of the women on this board have chosen not to sleep with their partners before marriage and nobody flames them. The OP here, however, is advocating not sleeping with your partner before marriage as a form of manipulation that will enable you to find out if your man is "a dud". It's not a decision made in order to stay true to one's beliefs or faith or self-worth. The intention behind the advice is to show us all how to engage in blatant manipulation. I consider that abusive and would never do that to my partner.

Mediterranean - you're hilarious!

 

[louisvgirl]

Well in that case, MMMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.....oh and BTW....I got the ring.......

 

[Angel7]

Do an experiment - tell your man that you have decided that until you are married, you''re not sleeping with anybody. See what he''s made of. Either he''ll deliver on that ring and set a date, or he''s gonna leave. If he leaves, you know you had a dud. This is the guy you''ll be building your life with, having children with. Find out what he''s made of now.

So don''t have sex before marriage but hold out on sex to get the ring and force him to propose? Hmm..I''m into marrying for love and partnership and not to tease someone with the promise of sex.

Do you wish you would have taken your own advice since you are still waiting for a ring?

 

[tberube]

Basically what you''re saying is that marriage is all about sex. I strongly disagree with that. If a man feels I''m cheap because I slept with him, then he is not for me. What a double standard...he was in that bed, too.

 

[TravelingGal]

Mom? Is that you? When did you learn how to speak English??

 

[Angel7]

Date: 2/21/2008 2:12:43 PM
Author: louisvgirl
Well in that case, MMMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.....oh and BTW....I got the ring.......

HA HA!! You are too funny!

This one''s for you Louisvgirl and for all of us I''m sure!

 

[Angel7]

Date: 2/21/2008 2:20:26 PM
Author: TravelingGal
Mom? Is that you? When did you learn how to speak English??

You guys are killing me on here! That one made me laugh a bit too loud that the guy from the cube next to me had to come and check on me!