This is so frustrating

[Diamondz24x]

Hey all, i''m new to the board..glad i found a place where i can openly vent about this and not be told i''m crazy. My boyfriend and i will be together 4yrs in august. He''s been talking about marrying me since month 2.. and i think because he was so into it and talked about it so often i really just expected that it would have happened by now. We''ve both fallen on some hard times with jobs..we''ve been in and out of steady work on and off and have wound up living with my mom. We''ve discussed getting engaged and we both want to get married, but there is just no money. My mom says she''ll help if not pay for most of the wedding..but he can''t afford the ring, and i''m afraid it''ll just take forever to save for one if he starts now that he''s been working a few months. i''m 24 and he''s turning 37..so i really want to get the ball rolling. He feels bad proposing without a ring.. feels like it isn''t right.. but at this point as much as i''d love a beautiful ring to show off my engagement..i wanna start a family before he''s in his 40s decides that maybe he''s getting too old to have too many children. I just don''t know what to do.. i''ve managed to put aside about $600.00 would it be stupid to offer up some money to help pay for a ring.. or has anyone heard of outrageous auctions on ebay.. that guy who owns a store in ny but sells some of his rings cheap?? Can they be trusted? i know i know.. i don''t make sense..but i feel so stuck.. i feel like there isnt much i can do.. my friends and his friends who''ve been together half the time we have are all already engaged or married and they just keep asking..so guys when is it happening..?? i don''t know how much longer i can say we''re saving..

 

[Skippy123]

Oh, I am sorry. Hang in there.

I would not buy a ring from ebay; I think it is really risky and it is hard to get your money back if the deal goes bad.
I wish I had words of advise but I don't think it is bad to tell him you have money saved.
Hope this isn't too personal, but is this is 1st marriage?

 

[bee*]

Definitely hang in there. You don''t need a ring or a big wedding to be married, so if the two of you want to get married soon, go ahead and do it and you can always have a blessing or a huge party to celebrate when there''s a bit more cash available. As you''ve stated that things are a bit tough, I wouldn''t spend the $600 on a ring-save it for when you really might need it or put it towards savings so you two can afford your own place. Sit down and discuss with him what he wants to do-does he definitely want to start a family now too? Hope that things improve for you!

 

[Diamondz24x]

no not to personl. it would be the first marriage for both of us. I actually do have my great grandmother''s ring. It is a very small diamond because it was all they could afford and they were married in 1914. It''s yellow gold..but i prefer white gold.. i was thinking of having it dipped.. and having my grandmother tell him he could use it.. this way he''d feel like it was a family thing.. and then it would take some of the pressure of saving.. and we could get a ring i like say using a portion of the money we get from the wedding.. we could pick it out together.. so he''d have time to save some more.. and then i could actually get what i want. But i don''t know if he''d go for it.. seems like he''s embarrassed by the fact that he can''t get me a big ring... so maybe giving me a small one that he didnt even purchase would make him feel like less of a man..even though thats not at all how i feel.. nor do i think other people would judge him for giving me a family ring and waiting til the time is right financially for a bigger ring to be purchased. The ring doesn''t make the wedding or our relationship as a married couple..we do! I just want him to get that.. anyone think thats a bad idea???? How could i make him feel better about it.. and really make him understand that i am ok with it.. and that im not just settling to move things along. I don''t wanna be waiting another 4 yrs.. if we wait till we have money for a 5,000 dollar ring and a 25,000 wedding it will never happen. I just wanna start a family with him and be his bride... i dont need it to cost a fortune...!!! I''d rather save a big chunk of money like that for a house!!! lol..

 

[ladyciel]

You''re right on about the marriage itself being more important, as well as having money to build your life together. I think it''s become way too common for couples to go into crazy debt over rings and weddings just to keep up with the fairytale image the media and vendors have built up to such a high degree. Definitely put that $600 away as security savings if that''s all you really have right now - rule of thumb is that you should have 2 months worth of expenses saved up in case you lose your job or have some kind of emergency (car accident, etc). A huge part of a marriage is money-related, and many couples fight more over finances and spending than anything else. The wisest choice you can make is to be smart about the decisions going into your marriage as a strong starting point for its future. Perhaps you can use all this as ammo when you try to explain to him why the ring and huge wedding aren''t the most important things to you.

Now, getting back to the ring (much more fun!) - would you appreciate a gemstone engagement ring in place of the more traditional diamond? I''m not sure how you and your BF feel about the idea, but it may be a good compromise between dipping grandma''s ring and splurging/waiting on a bigger diamond. If you aren''t too sentimental, you can always upgrade later in life as money allows.

 

[DivaDiamond007]

I think you need to put off a wedding (and a ring) until you two are on your feet again. You can always get married without a big wedding and ring. Also, you need to plan for marriage and not just a wedding. Are you going to continue living with your mom after marriage? It''s a great way to save money however inconvenient. Good luck to you!

 

[Independent Gal]

I second the gemstone e-ring idea. You can get a stunning and huge ring for a very reasonable cost. Have you had a look at the ring eye-candy folder under ''colored stones'' on this forum? Your BF can get you a GORGEOUS gemstone for only a couple of hundred bucks (or less!) and having it set can cost as little as $100.

If you want a white stone for the symbolism, consider a Danburite, which a few of us are currently excited about! I got a 3.88 ct one for $85 and it makes my heart skip a beat. Plus I get so many compliments on it. It is truly a beautiful stone - glows a bit pink in bright sun, and bright white, like a lamp, in cloudy conditions or at night. A well cut one will be very sparkly and mine has a little fire too. There''s also white zircon, which is firey like a diamond.

Why not have a look at some beautiful gemstones around here and see if you can be tempted. Then you can get a diamond for an aniversary. That''s just what my FF and I were going to do initially!

Some sites with beautiful loose gems are: www.artcutgems.com, www.ajsgems.com but check out our forum first. Explore a little! There may be gems you''ve never heard of that would delight you. Spinels? Heliodors? Danburites? Etc.

 

[Diamondz24x]

thank you all so much for your replies. I just got wonderful news. I took 2 of my grandfather''s rings to the jeweler around the corner to find out if i could use the stones and or metal to make another piece of jewelery because the rings do not fit me and i''d like to keep them with me somehow because they did belong to my grandfather. So i asked if that was possible and what my options would be... to my surprise.. the jeweler said to me.. well that is a very nice diamond you have there.. we can do a number of things with it. My mouth dropped.. i had no idea it was real. I assumed it was CZ because it looks as if it''s about .50cts or so. I was so amazed. I would LOVE to use that diamond as my engagement ring stone!!! It would make it just that much more special to me because of where it came from and it would go into a very special ring that symbolizes something great!!! Then BF can really go ahead and get a great setting for much less than having to buy the diamond as well and we would both feel better.

To answer your questions about where we would live.. we have decided to have an engagement that lasts about 1.5 years or so if we go ahead and start planning now. This way as mom said she would foot a majority of the bill for the wedding, as would other family members.. and we would contribute all we could, and we could then also save up for an apartment of our own as he is now working full time and i am currently going on a number of interviews myself.. so it should give us enough time to get our stuff together, and if we stay here for a few months as newlyweds we are ok with that... We just want to be together!!! That''s most of the reason i didnt want him to sweat spending a fortune on a ring or on a ceremony when we could really put those funds to good use. We''d also like to have a wedding of sorts before people like my grandmother and some of his older family members are no longer with us! His mom passed 8 years ago, and his aunt who was like a second mother passed this year.. so we realize that we want as many of the people who are left here with us to be there to see us get married. So this diamond is really a blessing of sorts. Thank you all again!!!

Krystal

 

[Skippy123]

Wow, wonderful news and such a special ring you will have!!!

Sorry for FI's loss.