so much for that idea...

[larussel03]

Warning: senseless babbling ahead...

Looks like I jumped the gun and got excited for absolutely nothing. I dont think bf and I are going to get engaged anytime in the near (or far) future. I know that he doesnt have alot of money (he finished college 2 years ago, I finished 1 year ago, and his company seems to pay pretty badly, while what is really annoying is that I could afford to buy a ring if I were the guy b/c I make more, which somtimes makes me feel guilty), and I made suggestions for alternates to the traditional e ring (sapphire, or even a nice simulated diamond, I found nice looking asha simulated diamonds online, until we could afford a diamond). All I got out of him today was "is this all you ever think about?!?" I mean it''s not but we''ve been together for 4 years now and I really thought that we were going to get engaged this year--he totally acted like we were. I got excited and tried to help him figure out what to get without breaking the bank or going into debt since he''s not the most pro-active person and now I''m totally dissapointed and sad. And it isnt all I talk about either! I hate the way his friends talk about their gf''s pressuring them and I have made a real effort to not be like that.

It doesnt help that work is extremely stressful right now and people are LOVING blaming me for things that aren''t my fault bc they''re intimidated by my boss and the other guy on our team never deals with other teams directly. I mean, my boss and my bosses boss made a point to let me know that they know its not me but now all these other ppl think I''m a freaking moron probably. Thinking about the e ring kinda just gave me a little something to look forward to and cheer me up at work.

I really just want to cry.

Probably b/c I''m stressed and dissapointed and my feelings are hurt. I mean if he''s not ready, he should have just said it from the get go, rather than playing along then pulling the rug out from under me like that...
I prob sound like a big baby but I''ve dreamed of meeting the perfect guy, getting engaged, married etc etc. And it just feels like everything after finding the guy is never going to happen.

 

[goldengirl]

Aw, hun, don''t feel bad. ((hugs)) There''s nothing wrong with being excited to move forward in life with the man you love. ESPECIALLY if he indicated that it could be happening soon.

We all make mistakes and we all mis-read situations. Please note my "Member Since" date. My first post was to the LIW thread, excited and anticipating a proposal "soon." And here I still am... no worse for the wear, I might add, despite my whining.

You two will move along when it is perfect timing for BOTH of you. In the meantime, enjoy the company and the eye candy and keep your chin up!

 

[anchor31]

sweetpea, I understand what you mean when you say you don''t really care about an expensive ring, but your boyfriend still uses that as an excuse. If we don''t care about it, why should they? But I think it''s a male pride thing... You know, "I''m better because I bought a 5000$ engagement ring to my girlfriend" or something. Men...

I think the "Is this all you ever think about?" was unfair, though. So what if you do, really? If he''s been doing/saying things that screams "I''m going to propose!", what are you supposed to think? And if he says/does those things and then waits forever to do it, how can he expect you to not be antsy and try to find out what''s going on in that head of his? Isn''t it normal that you want to start your life with him now that you''re both out of college and have been dating for four years?

Maybe you could tell him that the reason you''re looking forward to becoming engaged/married is because you''re looking forward to starting your life with him. It might get him to understand why you talk about it so much. I also recommend trying to find out what he''s afraid of through what he says when you discuss the issue with him, then make him understand that those fears have no reason to be. A lot of men are afraid of divorce (and we can''t blame ''em, really... Look at those horrible divorce rates!) and making them understand that we have every intention of making our marriage work and be with him forever can be a very good idea...

Don''t give up, sweetpea! We''re here if you need us! *hugs*

 

[larussel03]

Thank you goldengirl and anchor31 so much! I feel a little better having gotten that out (and after completely binging on greasy takeout chinese food...there is something real to the notion of comfort food!) I'm just confused and dissapointed.

I forgot to mention that another thing to make my day extra yucky (besides the no ring talk this morning and the stressful workday and coworkers thinking I'm an idiot) is that on the train on the way home, this crazy lady kept yelling at me calling me names and stuff. Everyone felt bad for me, this woman was probably schitsophrenic (spelling) or something, but it was so embarassing. Kept calling me an ugly b$#%h and stuff. Now I know that I'm not ugly, or a b$%#h, and that she probably didnt even really "see" me and she surely did this to other people at random who sat in the seat facing her, but that just kinda made the self esteem for the day go down even more.

 

[anchor31]

Oh dear... *hugs sweetpea again* I''m sure you''re not ugly and you certainly aren''t a bitch. It''s horrible when that sort of thing happens to us.

I''m a borderline agoraphobe and those people scare me. I know it''s not their fault, but they scare me.

Good idea on the comfort food! I hope things get better for you tomorrow. Have a good night''s sleep. Read a book passage/listen to a song that makes you feel good. Sound of Music''s "Favorite things" always does the trick for me.

Lots of love,
anchor

 

[MissAva]

*hugs* Four years is not forever it does not mean that it can never happen. But this does remind me of an article I read on MSN recently. I will try and find it to post.

 

[caligal]

Oh I am so sorry! Seriously, maybe the woman on the train had turretts. You know what- I bet if you polled the LIW MANY of us have been accused of "obsessing about the ring," and have been asked "is that all you think about?" You know I never comment to my fella that he is obsessed about technology, or when he shows me a new amped up speaker system do I say "is new gadgets all you ever think about?" Yep, we''ve pretty much been thinking about getting married since we were 5 and put the pillow case over our head and pretended we were a bride! Whoops- was that just me?

Sounds like you just had a lot of bad things happen all at once which is very overwhelming! Do you have a day/1/2 day/hour to take off work and do something fun? I don''t think you are wrong at all for wanting to marry your guy after 4 years, and I think if he knew it hurt you by what he said he''d be upset. You might want to approach it that way if it is still bothering you. I find my fella responds to the hurt much more- and really behind the frustration and anger the hurt is usually behind these things for me. I wish you much luck- and hugs from me!!!

 

[Caribou]

I''m sorry, sweatpea. If my BF said to me ''is that all you''d think about!?!?'' I''d punch him. Shame on him for saying that when he''s brought up the subject as well. Seriously, it''s not like the guy has never had any experience with women before (female family members) he''s gotta know by now that it''s important for us at some point.

Guys suck!

Anywho, it obviously is important to you and you shouldn''t feel or be made to feel bad about that. You should talk to him about it and if he still has that ''is that all you''d think about!?!?'' attitude than tell him yes and it needs to be talked about. 4 years is long enough, I''m guessing you are pretty young early-mid 20''s, you''re in the relationship too and have a right to know where it''s going. I also think alot of guys would be geeked if their woman suggested what you suggested about a different stone, saves them the stress of looking for that ''perfect diamond'' and the stress of the money that goes along with it.

 

[squeaksluv]

Sweet pea, I''m so sorry that had to happen to you. How awful! I had a friend of mine attacked on the subway train by a crazy person. The woman kept screaming she wanted money and she knew my friend had some. Even tried to get the engagement ring off of her finger. Luckily it was during rush hour and some people called the cops who came and took the nut away.

And I know exactly what you mean about jumping the gun and getting excited for nothing. I am SO guilty of that as well. In fact I had a long talk with my bf to find out just what was going on. Got good news in that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me but bad news in that I have no idea as to when it will be, sounded to me like maybe months/years from now.

I think you should talk to your bf and let him know how important he is to you and how much you love him and that has nothing to do with a huge ering. That sometimes it just helps to know that there is a future. Good luck with everything!!! Big hugs to you!!!

 

[snuga]

Sweetpea, hang in there! I''m sure it will happen. You never know, this behaviour may all be part of his *plan*...

Keep your spirits up and all us LIW and others are always here to sympathize!! WE''RE ALL IN THE SAME SHOES!