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Relationship highs, economy lows (intro post)

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blacksand

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Just thought I''d introduce myself. My boyfriend and I have been together about 9 months. Not the longest time, I know, but it’s felt like forever since the first day. He is 31, I am 29, we’ve both had plenty of time to determine what we really want it life, and this is it. It’s the healthiest, happiest relationship I’ve ever been in, and it’s amazing how naturally it comes. In my past relationships, things would be difficult, and I thought it was normal. I believed relationships were work, and I worked diligently at them, only to be disappointed in the long run. With my current boyfriend, although things are not always perfect, I am shocked at how easy it comes. We’re on the same page, we compromise, we put each other first…I never feel like I’m “working on the relationship” on my own. We are a great team.



We’ve discussed marriage, kids, the works, and it’s definitely what we both want. At this point, it’s a question of when. I have been secretly hoping for a proposal on our anniversary, but I don’t know if it will happen. There are a few obstacles here: first, my boyfriend was laid off from his IT job several months ago. Unfortunately, IT jobs are being outsourced en masse in this economy, and he’s just not finding anything now. Most local employers are telling him he’s overqualified, and most jobs he would be qualified for are being outsourced. I know that until he finds something and establishes himself, there will be no proposal. I am working hard to pay off some debts of my own at the moment, so this is probably for the best. The other potential hurdle for him is that he has been married before. No kids, no ties to his ex, nice clean break, but still, I know he worries. He wants to marry me, and has said as much many times, but I still think he has some anxiety. I can understand this. I can only imagine what it would be like to make a lifelong commitment to someone you truly love, only to be left in the dust a few years later when something better comes along for your partner. He has picked himself up and moved on in the almost four years since then, but I know he wants to be completely sure that forever really is forever this time around. I think that’s wise, and I’m willing to give him the time that he needs, and do whatever I can to reassure him that I am NOT going anywhere.



I suppose that’s why I’m joining, really…I do very much want this engagement to happen, as soon as we are ready for it, but I don’t want him to feel any more pressure than I know he already does. I am still hoping that this will be the year for us, but we''ll see. It would be wonderful to have people to talk to when I am feeling impatient. I like people who don''t think I''m crazy!
 

LilyKat

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Jun 8, 2009
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Hi Blacksand!

You sound like a smart and level-headed person in a great relationship. I was engaged after 9 months of dating, so you won''t get the "only 9 months" lecture from me
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It''s a shame about the job situation, but it sounds like you are handling it very well by using the time to pay off your debts.

Maybe you could use some of this time to decide what ring you''d like when it happens? Nothing like advance planning...
 

LadyJane83

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Mar 17, 2010
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Welcome!

It is wonderful to find someone that you get along with so well. I know what you mean about the previous relationships. I''ve had ones where we were totally mismatched, and one where we were very competitive with each other and constantly played games and tried to get the "upper hand." Not healthy. I am now in a very healthy and honest relationship, and it was such a relief to figure out that relationships don''t have to be constant "drama."

I''m sorry about the job situation, and I hope something comes up soon. At this stage in the game, I think it''s important to just periodically check in with each other to make sure you are on the same page, and keep the lines of communication open.

It sounds like you are a very caring and understanding gf, and you have a great positive attitude!
 

blacksand

Brilliant_Rock
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Mar 31, 2010
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Thanks LilyKat and LadyJane! I must admit I''m not always quite as level-headed as I may sound, but I try! I really don''t mean to be overly sappy about how wonderful it is to meet the right man...I honestly find it fascinating, even on a theoretical level. I just had no idea what it supposed to feel like until I met him. From day one with him, it was like "Oh. This is what a good relationship feels like. Who knew?" I never bought into the whole "when you meet the one, you just know" concept. So color me impressed. It''s actually true.

We do touch base from time to time to make sure we''re still on the same page. We talked last night about moving in together once he found a job. I''ve told him I''d prefer to be engaged, or at least have a game plan for engagement, before moving in together (just my personal preference). He knows. Then he [randomly] asked if I would have his sister in my bridal party, and how I felt about late June or early July. I said we should probably narrow down the year first, but you know.... We just don''t know yet, but I''m so glad we both want it, anyway!

I have some vague ideas about my someday ring...yellow gold, not too big (I don''t want a doorknob!), probably princess cut with a few tiny princess cut sidestones. But I''m not the most knowledgable person where it comes to jewelry, so I need to start spending more time here, I guess!
 

KittyGolightly

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Mar 11, 2010
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515
Sounds like you''ve got a great guy there. Once he lands a job, I''m sure it won''t be long before he asks.
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misskitty

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Aug 20, 2008
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Welcome! Good luck to your SO, I''m an IT professional as well, and I know how tough it as out there. Lots of good job karma to him
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blacksand

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Mar 31, 2010
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889
Thanks for the warm welcome.

Some days are more stressful than others. I do hope he''ll find something soon so we can really start moving forward. I do worry a lot, but I know if I''m stressed, it''s a million times worse for him, so I try to be strong and supportive for his sake. Then I come vent on the internet when he''s not around.
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He has a few prospects now, including a job working with a former coworker of his who strongly encouraged him to apply. Hopefully having that "in" will give him an edge. No one has called for an interview yet, though. We''re waiting by the phone. Hopefully after Passover/Easter he''ll get some calls back.
 

blacksand

Brilliant_Rock
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Mar 31, 2010
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889
He has a phone interview on Tuesday for a job back at his old company (with a different department). I''m not sure why they''re not having him come in in person (he lives 10 min. away). I guess it''s either a preliminary screening or they''re just not too worried because they already know him. Either way, it''s something. He''s seems excited. So here''s hoping.
 

blacksand

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Mar 31, 2010
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So he had two phone interviews this week! He feels they both went well, and he got one call back already, with a live interview scheduled for Tuesday! They must be interested to call back so quickly. I''m thrilled...a little nervous about how he would handle working in Philadelphia if he got this job...but we''ll cross that bridge when and if we get to it.

Anyway, I don''t know if that dust you have works for non-engagement wishes, but I could really use some over here! He said today "I just want to get my life back on track, so we can start working on our life." I just about called these companies he''s interviewing for to tell them they should hire him because he''s amazing and I love him...but I exercised a little restraint.
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For now.

So...employment dust, please!
 

blacksand

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Mar 31, 2010
Messages
889
Thanks vpw! He''ll need it for sure. But this interview is looking really promising. It could finally put us on track.

He went to the mall today to get his watch fixed and he told me a jeweler was trying to sell him an engagement ring while he was waiting. He had a flier about a diamond event and her business card. He made it out like this jeweler was just harassing him, but when I asked how exactly the jeweler even knew he was in a relationship, he said, "Well...okay...I was kind of near the engagement rings....I was kind of...looking at them." When I smiled at that, he got all flustered and reminded me that we''re not buying one now. "I know," I told him, "you''ve got more important things to worry about now." "Right," he said. "So it isn''t going to happen this month."

"This month? As in...it could still happen this year?"

"We''ll see." he answered, and then proceeded to ask me exactly what kind of ring I would want, which I happily divulged, although I''m sure he didn''t understand much of what I was talking about.

I know this is all basically us daydreaming at this point. I know he needs to get settled in a new job and we both need to save up some money and get our game plan together first. But still. Wow. To think that this could really happen this year is unbelievable. And spectacularly awesome.
 
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