Quick question

[Rockchick]

Hello LIW

I was wondering if anyone ever considered to pay/help pay for the e-ring, either to speed up the process or get a bigger/better diamond or even an upgrade? Is that a big no-no

in the US?

I still am so surprised that a lot of the girls have diamonds over 1 ct with high colors and clarity, and are still so young. Than again, this is PS, and probably not a good reflection of the ‘real world’.. (or is it?)

I’m very curious about this, since e-rings are not very common here in Holland, so I can’t ask anyone.

For me, if my FI really, really couldn’t afford the ring I want, I would definitely help pay for it. But, than again, since e-rings are not that common here, a ‘smaller’ (0.75-0.99) stone is HUGE here.

 

[MissAva]

I had thought about it myself because I have more disposable income then my SO. However he was vehemently opposed to any contribution from me. ( I asked when I was 19 and didn’t know better. Oops) He said that I am not asking to marry myself rather he is trying to lure me...he is such a goof. But I could tell that it hurt his male pride for me to have unintentionally implied that he could not provide for me. He wants the engagement ring to be his gift to me and I think that is very sweet. I think a lot of how your SO would take it has to do with his personality and where ya’ll are in life and what sort of backgrounds ya’ll come from. Good Luck!

 

[allycat0303]

Hey Rockchick,

I think it depends on what works for you. Originally I wanted a 1.7 carat ring (also huge in Canada) in a Leon Merge setting. I used to say, I wanted a big rock and I wouldn't mind buying some of it myself! My boyfriend didn't mind. We ended up choosing a smaller stone 1.3 and a less expensive setting, so he will pay for it himself. If the 1.3 had been too expensive, but i really wanted it, then I would have paid for some of it. I think if you want something that is beyond is beyond his means, then there is nothing wrong with pitching in. If your boyfriend doesn't mind that's great, if he does then let him pay for everything. It all depends on what works in your particular relationship.

 

[MINE!!]

IMO I do not see anything wrong with it. I would let him pay the majority of it and them pay for a little of it. If you have the means and you beleive that he would not mind.. THen I would!

 

[Rockchick]

see, i never even thought about him not wanting the girl to pay for it, because of male pride or anything like that. that''s actually pretty cute!

hmmm, see that sucks, living in a country where that sort a stuff is not a tradition. I asked some guy friends about e-rings, and their response was something like "well, why do I have to pay (big time) for something that she wants"... The girls don''t care either, which makes it very hard for me to convince my FI to even think about an upgrade... *sigh* why can''t they just work with me..

teehee, i''m even at the point where I stalk every american lady tourist in the city to see what kind of ring she has

..no just kidding... sort of...

 

[royalasschergirl]

Well here's the approach I took -- since i am getting a pretty big stone (for me!) a 2.63, and i knew we were way over budget, i decided its really a joint effort anyway. What I mean is, we put it on his home equity line since the interest is tax deductible, so it was a great way to do it. Well now he's moved in with me and instead of helping me pay the bills ( i paid them all myself before he moved in, so its totally manageable) he pays down his equity line. It will be paid off by the time we marry in April of 2006. Basically, any debt that he has I will assume when we marry, therefore i may as well help him take that amount down as much as possible. So while i didn't help pay for the ring, I am definitely helping the big picture by him paying down the equity line with his income.

 

[rfath]

My fiance flipped when I offered to help pay. Similar response when I told him that I didn''t need a diamond ring. At the same time, he was also really afraid that I wanted something huge and elaborate that he wouldn''t be able to afford immediately, but he wouldn''t talk about it with me. The only solution was to do the research myself and (diplomatically) show him what I wanted and how much it would cost. He didn''t LIKE that situation at first, but now I think he appreciated that help. Big difference in price between a 1.5 D/VVS1 and 0.85 J/SI1!

 

[lauriem226]

I never offered because I knew DBF would not accept it. It''s a male pride thing. Plus, I knew that he could easily afford what I wanted.

Although... I did offer to let him put the ring on my American Express so that we could get the points for it. [$$)]

My ring is .9 carat, however everyone I know that has gotten engaged in the last few years has gotten at least a 1ct center stone. I guess in my geographical area (Boston, Mass) 1 carat is considered "standard".

 

[Blue824]

Well, our discussions haven''t gone too indepth about this, but I did bring it up since he is supporting himself through grad school, money is definitely tight. When it has been mentioned it is a HUGE no. He also wants to have all the money upfront. I think my finger is going to be lonely for quite a while

I personally see no problem with it, because I view it as a joint thing, but you definitely hit on it saying ''male pride'' because that''s what he feels.

As for average, my friends all have at least a carat. One has almost 2, but it is a 3 stone, however....some of them have gotten really ehhh ones from mall stores and non cert. stones that arent that great. They''re more caught up in the numbers of the ring.

 

[Rockchick]

thank you so much for responding...

 

[velouriaL]

I would totally help pay for it... I mean, once you''re married, it''s all community property anyway, no?
I didn''t chip in on my ring, but I sort of secretly feel like I did because I was all, "I''ll get dinner (or movie tickets or drinks or whatever) tonight..." when I knew he was saving.

 

[goldengirl]

velouria, so sneaky!! I''d totally do that if I thought that the money he saved from me picking up his turn at dinner would actually go towards that fund...

Would I chip in? You bet. I would prefer him to pay for it, because I want it to be a gift, not a joint purchase... but if it was joint purchase or no purchase, I''m happy to whip out my checkbook.