Question for the guys proposing (and girls if they know)

Written by affguy » May 31st, 2011, 12:13 pm:Advance warning: My way of looking at things is often very different than my partner's, and many people's for that matter, but especially those of the fairer sex.

I had to admit to my girlfriend that I was considering proposing at some point in the approaching future, in part because she was exhibiting flashes of insecurity that I wanted to put at ease, and in part because I wanted some input from her on her likes and dislikes with regard to jewelry. We did a bit of window shopping together, then I set off on my own. Several weeks (and a couple conversations about diamonds) later, I felt compelled to get her input on one particular stone that had lots of potential, but was a bit over-budget, and with a significant imperfection at that. She approved and now knows that I've purchased it, and that it's been sent off to be set (in a ring she knows nothing about besides it being less expensive than some options we were considering, due to the increased stone cost).

Here comes the part that might cause some heartburn, as it probably sounds selfish (and very well may be). Considering the "gives" and "gets" of the whole proposal/wedding/marriage thing, we each get the other's deep committment to love, honor, respect each other, so that's a wash. But here at proposal time, I'm giving up a serious chunk of change (more than I've ever spent on anything besides a house/car) for my partner to have something that is fundamentally "cute, but non essential". My compensation for this outlay, in my opinion, is that initial expression of shock, and the subsequent times I catch her admiring the ring. If I walk away with a sense of satisfaction and a memory of seeing joy on her face, then the expense was worth it. But if she were to go ring shopping with my debit card and schedule the proposal on our Outlook? Sorry, but the $199 heart-shaped ring at Jared's would be as memorable for me.

She gets a ring, I get a memory, we both get each other. There's no game playing, or holding anything over anyone's head, or torturing...I just spent a wheelbarrow of cash on something symbolic but otherwise superfluous (ok, a micro-mini wheelbarrow ) and would like the presentation to be a surprise. I'm not going to make her wait years, but month's are certainly not an unreasonable request.

Written by part gypsy » May 16th, 2012, 12:11 pm:

Written by affguy » May 31st, 2011, 12:13 pm:Advance warning: My way of looking at things is often very different than my partner's, and many people's for that matter, but especially those of the fairer sex.

I had to admit to my girlfriend that I was considering proposing at some point in the approaching future, in part because she was exhibiting flashes of insecurity that I wanted to put at ease, and in part because I wanted some input from her on her likes and dislikes with regard to jewelry. We did a bit of window shopping together, then I set off on my own. Several weeks (and a couple conversations about diamonds) later, I felt compelled to get her input on one particular stone that had lots of potential, but was a bit over-budget, and with a significant imperfection at that. She approved and now knows that I've purchased it, and that it's been sent off to be set (in a ring she knows nothing about besides it being less expensive than some options we were considering, due to the increased stone cost).

Here comes the part that might cause some heartburn, as it probably sounds selfish (and very well may be). Considering the "gives" and "gets" of the whole proposal/wedding/marriage thing, we each get the other's deep committment to love, honor, respect each other, so that's a wash. But here at proposal time, I'm giving up a serious chunk of change (more than I've ever spent on anything besides a house/car) for my partner to have something that is fundamentally "cute, but non essential". My compensation for this outlay, in my opinion, is that initial expression of shock, and the subsequent times I catch her admiring the ring. If I walk away with a sense of satisfaction and a memory of seeing joy on her face, then the expense was worth it. But if she were to go ring shopping with my debit card and schedule the proposal on our Outlook? Sorry, but the $199 heart-shaped ring at Jared's would be as memorable for me.

She gets a ring, I get a memory, we both get each other. There's no game playing, or holding anything over anyone's head, or torturing...I just spent a wheelbarrow of cash on something symbolic but otherwise superfluous (ok, a micro-mini wheelbarrow ) and would like the presentation to be a surprise. I'm not going to make her wait years, but month's are certainly not an unreasonable request.

I'm sure your heart is in the right place, but you are saying the process was initiated because she was exhibiting "flashes of insecurity that I wanted to put at ease". You then say your only reward is getting a big reaction from her, and you are willing to wait months for that. Look at it from her perspective. She's feeling uneasy about your intentions/timeline, you then let her know you picked out a ring, most likely have it, yet wait months to propose? How did that "put her at ease" work out for ya?

Written by maebelle » May 16th, 2012, 5:42 pm:Engaged at least, with a date set. Feb 21st he posted his wedding band in SMTB, it's really cool!

http://www.pricescope.com/forum/show-me-the-ring/new-men-s-bling-tension-set-1-2-ct-emerald-cut-t172032.html

Written by maebelle » May 16th, 2012, 5:42 pm:Engaged at least, with a date set. Feb 21st he posted his wedding band in SMTB, it's really cool!

http://www.pricescope.com/forum/show-me-the-ring/new-men-s-bling-tension-set-1-2-ct-emerald-cut-t172032.html