louisvgirl
Shiny_Rock
- Joined
- Oct 9, 2007
- Messages
- 323
Ok ladies, so I don''t post much, but I''m in some need of advice so here goes.
My FI and I got engaged, back in November. Here''s the kicker: all of my family knows and no one on his side does. He had recently divorced prior to our engagment, but his family has not moved on with the divorce. They truly believe that couples should stay together because of the children. He has 2 kids, 8 and 10. Ex-wife is bitter and has had numerous BF''s but none serious. She has very close contact with my FI mother, and confides and lies to her a whole lot. His mother watches the kids after school so she believes in having a good relationship with her, because of the kids. Needless to say, she takes her side on pretty much everything, and not my FI side. This is very hurtful to my FI since he initiated the divorce, and mother blames him for everything. So when it comes to his mom choosing the ex and him, she would choose the ex! This of course makes me feel bitter towards his mom, but it obviously is not ever noticed. She welcomes me and my parents into their home and everyone is cordial. I''m invited to all family events, vacations, etc. I choose not to go many times for the resentment I feel towards his mother. He knows how I feel. So due to his family not being able to get past "oh these poor kids" and really not accepting the fact that "he has moved on" he had decided not to tell them, unitl ??? We had had many talks about this before we got engaged, and I clearly understood this and accepted it. I knew it would open a whole can of worms by telling them, so I understood and went ahead, and agreed not to pressure him into telling them. Well I haven''t, until now! BTW, we were planning on having a destination wedding and he, yes he, would not want his family nor kids to attend "because he did not want to deal with them", so fine. I agreed. He really just wanted to go away and get married, just the two of us. Which was fine by me, but now my family wants to go and that''s fine, but a different story.
So needless to say, when his kids come to the house, my ring comes off. When I go to his family''s, not often, the ring comes off. (per agreement) Well last week we ran into the ex! In a totally different city. She, like I said, is very bitter. Somehow she spotted the ring and told the kids I had a ring on and proceeded to say nothing but negative things about me and their dad. when he saw the kids the next day, they were very stand-offish with him, and gave him the cold shoulder. He asked what was wrong, and nothing. Finally, he pryed it out of one them and found out what the ex- had said and what she saw. He told her "no, she did not have a ring, She was not wearing a ring." (to his kid) He then told his mother the conversation and of course left out the part about the ring. So I asked him "well what if XXX feels comfortable enough to tell your mom about the conversation, and tells her the ring part" what would you do? "I would say no!", he said. Okay, so that bothered me. It''s almost 7 months now, and I feel that if it comes up, that he might as well fess up. I mean he''s a grown man, and if he lies about this, for his family only to find out, then what?? How does that look on both of us?? It''s only a matter of time before the ex tells his mother, anyways. And when she does, then what? His mom will ask him and then he''s going to deny? At this point??
So ladies, go ahead and tell me I''m wrong, because I agreed with it in the first place. I have not pressured him into telling them, at all, but now I feel it''s only a matter of time, because the ring was spotted, and for hime to deny it?? I don''t know. I''m pretty P''offed right now,, and we are fighting because of this. He is truly afraid of his family and what his kids might say.
My FI and I got engaged, back in November. Here''s the kicker: all of my family knows and no one on his side does. He had recently divorced prior to our engagment, but his family has not moved on with the divorce. They truly believe that couples should stay together because of the children. He has 2 kids, 8 and 10. Ex-wife is bitter and has had numerous BF''s but none serious. She has very close contact with my FI mother, and confides and lies to her a whole lot. His mother watches the kids after school so she believes in having a good relationship with her, because of the kids. Needless to say, she takes her side on pretty much everything, and not my FI side. This is very hurtful to my FI since he initiated the divorce, and mother blames him for everything. So when it comes to his mom choosing the ex and him, she would choose the ex! This of course makes me feel bitter towards his mom, but it obviously is not ever noticed. She welcomes me and my parents into their home and everyone is cordial. I''m invited to all family events, vacations, etc. I choose not to go many times for the resentment I feel towards his mother. He knows how I feel. So due to his family not being able to get past "oh these poor kids" and really not accepting the fact that "he has moved on" he had decided not to tell them, unitl ??? We had had many talks about this before we got engaged, and I clearly understood this and accepted it. I knew it would open a whole can of worms by telling them, so I understood and went ahead, and agreed not to pressure him into telling them. Well I haven''t, until now! BTW, we were planning on having a destination wedding and he, yes he, would not want his family nor kids to attend "because he did not want to deal with them", so fine. I agreed. He really just wanted to go away and get married, just the two of us. Which was fine by me, but now my family wants to go and that''s fine, but a different story.
So needless to say, when his kids come to the house, my ring comes off. When I go to his family''s, not often, the ring comes off. (per agreement) Well last week we ran into the ex! In a totally different city. She, like I said, is very bitter. Somehow she spotted the ring and told the kids I had a ring on and proceeded to say nothing but negative things about me and their dad. when he saw the kids the next day, they were very stand-offish with him, and gave him the cold shoulder. He asked what was wrong, and nothing. Finally, he pryed it out of one them and found out what the ex- had said and what she saw. He told her "no, she did not have a ring, She was not wearing a ring." (to his kid) He then told his mother the conversation and of course left out the part about the ring. So I asked him "well what if XXX feels comfortable enough to tell your mom about the conversation, and tells her the ring part" what would you do? "I would say no!", he said. Okay, so that bothered me. It''s almost 7 months now, and I feel that if it comes up, that he might as well fess up. I mean he''s a grown man, and if he lies about this, for his family only to find out, then what?? How does that look on both of us?? It''s only a matter of time before the ex tells his mother, anyways. And when she does, then what? His mom will ask him and then he''s going to deny? At this point??
So ladies, go ahead and tell me I''m wrong, because I agreed with it in the first place. I have not pressured him into telling them, at all, but now I feel it''s only a matter of time, because the ring was spotted, and for hime to deny it?? I don''t know. I''m pretty P''offed right now,, and we are fighting because of this. He is truly afraid of his family and what his kids might say.
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