New Timeline for me...

[IloveAsschers13]

Hello Everyone...

So originally, my timeline from my boyfriend was sometime during the school year. (that means he had up until may). BUT last night we were talking about it (actually I brought it up), about how I had been here on PS just noticing how when people get engaged, they are older (

) and also have the money.. yada yada.

SO we decided to extend our timeline for when we are out of college. It just makes more sense and is more practical because we don''t plan on getting married until 2012 or a little bit before, so being engaged that long wouldn''t be to fun, and also I think it wouldn''t take me 4 years to plan a wedding *BUT YOU NEVER KNOW

*

Anyways, it''s a little sad thinking about it but it also makes me think it''s better for us, just because we know one day we will be more ready, and I personally think it will mean more to us if we do it when we are a little older, and completely ready for it. I mean we don''t really have the time to worry about it with school and work..

So I guess I just wanted to let you guys know, and any thoughts feel free to send my way, I love reading posts! Oh yeah and also he bought this ring from ebay (a really good seller too with tons of cheap rings) but anyways he was going to propose with that ring but then give me an asscher halo eventually, because he already has in his possession a .65 asscher from James Allen, but we decided to just keep that and use the other ring until we can set the ring in the setting I will eventually have forever.. And money wise it wouldn''t work out because I want a bigger asscher and then we wouldn''t want to change the setting... But he might still give me the ring as a promise/pretty eye candy to wear and I will DEFINITELY post pictures when I get it. It is beautiful.. Actually I have the ebay picture if anyone is dying

to see it.

Okay that''s all for now!!

 

[blondebunny]

1. How old are you?
2. What do you consider old?
3. How long have ya''ll been together?
4. Engagement isnt about the ring or having money... its the commitment..

After you answer those questions it will give me a better idea of how I want to answer lol..

 

[IloveAsschers13]

We have been together 4 years this past August. I think I meant older in the sense that they are secure in every sense of the word... job, home, family, stability, so more around 25-28? I am only 20, turning 21 in dec. I understand it''s not about money, it''s just something that wouldn''t work out for us getting married right now because of that aspect of our lives.

We love each other very much and have always known we are getting married, but I guess I thought I really wanted that commitment with him, but I know that I have it and I can wait a little bit longer until we are ready to actually get married. I do know what engagement means or I wouldn''t be expecting to be engaged. Oh yeah and he is also 20, our b-days are two days apart.

 

[SailorsSweet<3]

ILA - I think that if you and your SO are both happy waiting a little longer to get engaged then this decision is great. But you shouldnt do it because you feel like you should be older or should be out of college. I dont know your situation as far as what you expect for an e-ring or what kind of wedding you want to have, whos going to pay for it or split costs for it, whether your parents both support you, yada yada... so I know theres a lot that can go into this decision. Again, I think if youre both 100% satisfied and content with waiting until your out of college then its a great decision. How much longer do you two have?

My SO and I were going to wait until I was out of school (which is technically longer than usual because I transferred) All my friends graduated last year with their bachelors and I still have about a year and a half left. We know that both our families are expecting us to get married eventually and that we have their support and my SO has an income and I a part time income so we''ve been slowly saving money for the past year and a half. We talked it over and we decided that we shouldnt wait until I''m graduated to get engaged. We want to enjoy a good few years married but also want to have children young. We figured we wouldnt have much more money saved up when I graduate since I wont have a full time job at any point between now and then, so we might as well get engaged since we''re itching for it and have waited for two years already. It will be more stressful for me to plan a wedding while completely a bachelors degree - but I dont want to feel like school is a bigger priority then my relationship, nor my relationship a bigger priority then school. I''m sorry if that was too much of a rant for you. I know what it feels like to be at an age where engagement could welcome criticism and harsh comments. You and your SO have to do what you know is best for the two of you and your relationship. Hope that helps

 

[IloveAsschers13]

It does. We are both juniors, but I am going into education and at MSU it''s a five year program. I am hoping he can graduate and have a steady job, then we can start saving and do it then. We are not really in the position to save now just because we have to pay for out apt. by ourselves because our parents both are very unreliable and we don''t really want the guilt of them saying man this is expensive.

 

[blondebunny]

I see nothing wrong with being engaged for a long time. Its just another step in your relationship to be excited about IMO...

MY FF and I will be getting married while we are still in school (both in graduate programs though) and neither of us will probably have a stable job yet (well he definitely wont- he is going to med school after) but I might (depending on this stupid economy) so I definitely dont think you have to have a stable job or anything to get married, or engaged... I mean you could spend the 4 years saving money for ya''lls future.

Also, remember alot of people met there SO when they were older (hence getting married when they are older and more stable), so I wouldnt just say they are getting married when they are older because they want to be more stable. I know alot of people who got married when they were younger and didnt think twice and are happy.

I think as long as your and your FF are in it together and understand that you arent as stable then your fine, I mean I would marry my FF tomorrow if he wanted to, I dont care if he isnt stable or what not, its nothing that we can work together with.. I mean if I wanted sure I could say no not till you''re done with college and what not, and a doctor will I marry you... But ill be like 30 something by then, and thats just silly to put my happiness on hold just because we arent that stable...I mean you could always come up with a million reasons as to why you arent as stable as you want to be and continue to put it off ya know.. it could take you 10 years to be where you feel comfortable ya know?? Sorry im rambling... BUT you did say you arent ready to be married yet.. but that doesnt mean you arent ready to be engaged right???

And all of this is just my opinion... its just how i feel about the whole topic (had this convo with him and relatives about it...)

 

[IloveAsschers13]

It isn''t a bad thing, it just doesn''t seem practical. I would marry my SO in heartbeat too, that it how much I love him, but i like what I like. I want a nice wedding, a house, a "nest" for when we have kids. I agree with whoever it was in the thread about how a long engagement is not really practical because it is a transition into marriage, and four years is too long for me. And remember I am only twenty so I am not exactly "putting it off".....

 

[misskitty]

First...post the ebay pic! I''m pretty sure everyone on here likes to see ring pics

I''m in a similar situation - not so much with the waiting til we''re older thing, but more like waiting til we''re more settled in our careers. We modified our timeline because of my grad school and his transition into a new career. I know that we don''t need to have a ton of money to get engaged/married, but we''d like things to go a certain way, so we agreed to wait until we can do things "right." It''s a little bit frustrating to know that things are going to happen later than originally planned, but we''re making up for that in other ways (like getting a puppy!).

On the bright side? You guys are both on the same page re: engagement/your future

 

[IloveAsschers13]

Thanks MK for the positivity

Yeah me and my BF got two kittens for our apt! I will post those too...

Oh yeah it''s a 1/2 carat princess, I have no idea any of the specs.. (ha bad ps''er!)

 

[IloveAsschers13]

And this is louie!

 

[IloveAsschers13]

and this is Lucky and Mark!

 

[IloveAsschers13]

a more side view of the ring.. kind of... last one for now!

 

[kittybean]

IloveAsschers, your timeline sounds great! I think the next four years will be a great time to learn and grow together, and you should enjoy it to the fullest. I''m in the "engagement is a transitional phase" camp, so to me, it makes total sense to wait until you are ready to actively prepare for marriage, meaning planning the wedding, premarital counseling, etc. (I know that some people disagree with me, and I certainly respect their view on the matter.) I''m happy that you and your SO were able to make such an important decision as a team--to me, that is a sign of a great match.

The ring is very pretty. I''m happy for you that you get to wear it now!

 

[Haven]

First of all, you are a gal after my own heart--a gorgeous ring AND gorgeous kitties!

Anyway . . .

I think this sounds like a very mature decision to make. I understand the argument that when you know you KNOW so why wait? However, I truly feel that when something is right then there is no reason to rush it--enjoy your time as undergrads, live it up like true college students, and savor this time in your life. If two people are secure in the fact that they will eventually marry, then there is no need to move forward so quickly if you are questioning whether you should.

I just married my fabulous hubby in July, and I must say that it is extraordinarily fun to be married. BUT, I think a large part of the fun is that we are both pretty settled in our careers, we''re financially stable, and we''re done with the serious soul-searching that we did for several years after college. THEREFORE, we are now able to focus on each other, and building our life together, and creating a warm and beautiful home together, all without the distractions of finding our perfect career and worrying about making enough money to finance some of our dreams together. Do you need money and a career to be happy? Of course not. But you do need time to make a happy marriage, and those years of building your independent life do take focus away from your relationship.

What I''m trying to say is that I respect your decision and I think it is very wise. Would I have married my hubby if we were both relatively poor and were still working on our careers? Yes. Of course. But we wouldn''t be able to have so much fun together if that was the case, because we''d be pouring so much into those other aspects of our lives.

(I''m 27 and hubby''s 38, by the way. We started dating in June of 2004, and even though he was no spring chicken even back then, we felt no need to rush things. I could not be happier now.)

Good luck to you and your FF!

 

[IloveAsschers13]

Thanks for the kind responses... keep them coming

On a side note... I just got accepted in this study abroad program going to the Netherlands!!!!! YIPEEEE.. so excited.. it goes to Netherlands, Belgium, and Germany!


woohoo! now off to get my eyebrows done..

 

[TheNextMrsB]

FF and I have gone back and forth quite a bit on whether or not we should wait until we''re finished with school. I am also 20, and I am also a student. My schooling is complicated-I''ll be in school this year, and then I''ll be out for two, and then I''ll be back in school for three. FF is in school for teaching-he''s in his fourth year of school, and he''ll be in school for another two, most likely. Even after he''s graduated, it will be difficult for him to find a job. (We''re in Michigan.) We''re not expecting any type of financial security until I''ve graduated with my BSN in six more years. (Fortunately, nurses are a hot item nowadays.)

We want to get engaged, and therefore, we are getting engaged next year. He''s absolutely certain that we will be engaged within the year. To be honest, we have no idea when we''ll be able to get married. Too many things are up in the air right now to make any plans. However, we want to be engaged to each other, and so that''s what we''re going to do. We could easily be engaged for four years, and we''re ok with that. I''m certain people will criticize our choices, but I really don''t care. For us, being engaged isn''t about planning a wedding; it''s about making a commitment to each other, and we feel like now (well, in the near future) is the right time to make that commitment.

If you want to wait, then wait. I agree that your decision is probably wise, and it could very well be the best option, but I don''t think getting engaged now would cause you any harm, either. Just make sure that you''re doing what''s best for you and not what everyone else may think is best.

 

[NYCsparkle]

I think it''s great that you are waiting to be out of school....it''s a VERY mature decision to make. your relationship at 20 is way different than at 26-30...even if you are with the same person. you will both get a chance to grow as adults and see where life takes you both....your views about home, kids, and jobs changes so much as you get out into the "real" world having a "real" job. good luck to you both and that is a GORGEOUS ring

 

[Amanda.Rx]

WOAH!!

This is so similar to my situation, it''s scary! You can read the last 2 posts I started...

My boyfriend and I are 22 & 23, both still in school, but want to get engaged. We got swept into the excitement of looking at rings... looked and looked and looked. I think he may have actually bought one (but I''m not totally sure).

I am going to visit him in Germany for Christmas, and I had a STRONG feeling that he would propose then. We, too, won''t be able to get married until 2011 (late) or 2012 due to finishing school, residencies, etc.

We were going to have a 4 year engagement, and just this week, I talked to him about it, and we''ve decided to wait too for the same reasons! I was very dissapointed after the conversation, but I feel a lot better about the decision!

... WOW... I''m so glad there''s someone else in my boat!

 

[IloveAsschers13]

AmandaRx, I did see your post, AFTER i posted mine and then I didn''t want to do a threadjack... but I know exactly what you mean! I felt like everything we said was the same kind of thing.. we want to have security, know what we want to do...

TNMB, where are you in Michigan? I go to Michigan State, and my boyfriend just transferred here this year and now we live together..

 

[TheNextMrsB]

Right now I''m at Oakland University which is in Rochester/Rochester Hills/Auburn Hills, but I''m really from the Detroit area. I started out at Wayne State, but I transferred to be closer to FF.

 

[IloveAsschers13]

That''s crazy- I am from the Detroit area too! Now my boyfriend just transferred to state to be closer to me!

 

[ComplicatedPink]

Total lurker here but I really felt the need to crawl out of my cave for this one. I''m also 20 and I''m from MI (Detroit area- I go to EMU)! I think part of the reason why I don''t post is because I know my time table is realllllllllllllyyyyyyyyyy long lol. I completely understand where you''re coming from being torn between wanting to express the comittment of an engagement but also wanting that time of engagment to be for working on the relationship and planning a wedding. Like others have said, if I could get married tomorrow I would, but I also know it would be better for us personally if we had a bit more stability. BF will be done with his bachelors at the end of this year but he''s not sure if he wants to get his MBA or go to work and I understand that. It may extend our timeline but thats a part of life at this age, figuring out who you are and what you want to do with your life. Events like this will help us grow together and learn how to make decisions and solve our problems as a couple later on in life. I think that if you two are making the choice that is right for you as a couple. I just keep trying to tell myself to enjoy this time being a GF because I''ll (hopefully) have years to be his wife

 

[Lauren8211]

Date: 10/3/2008 10:54:19 AM
Author: ComplicatedPink
Total lurker here but I really felt the need to crawl out of my cave for this one. I''m also 20 and I''m from MI (Detroit area- I go to EMU)! I think part of the reason why I don''t post is because I know my time table is realllllllllllllyyyyyyyyyy long lol. I completely understand where you''re coming from being torn between wanting to express the comittment of an engagement but also wanting that time of engagment to be for working on the relationship and planning a wedding. Like others have said, if I could get married tomorrow I would, but I also know it would be better for us personally if we had a bit more stability. BF will be done with his bachelors at the end of this year but he''s not sure if he wants to get his MBA or go to work and I understand that. It may extend our timeline but thats a part of life at this age, figuring out who you are and what you want to do with your life. Events like this will help us grow together and learn how to make decisions and solve our problems as a couple later on in life. I think that if you two are making the choice that is right for you as a couple. I just keep trying to tell myself to enjoy this time being a GF because I''ll (hopefully) have years to be his wife

I''m an EMU Student, also!

 

[ComplicatedPink]

I''m on the lookout for someone with extraordinarily good taste in jewelry

End Threadjack>

 

[bee*]

I agree with Haven-I think that you''re making a very smart, mature decision. I''m getting married to D next June, one month before our ten year anniversary. We were together through school, college and now four years on from college (and with me going back), we have our own money, house etc. I''m delighted to be getting married now that we have all these things behind us and with our own money etc.

 

[misskitty]

Beautiful ring! I''m a fan. Thanks for posting the pics