Just when I thought it couldn''t get any worst....

[iwannaprettyone]

...I am the last of my circle of friends to get engaged, in fact they are all married and most have children. My saving grace has been my bestfriend (who is married to a awesome man) who still makes time for her friends. Well I go to her house last night for a glass of wine and catch up and she drops the "bomb" on me....


...HER AND HUBBY ARE TRYING FOR A BABY! ahhhhh

I am super excited for them, but can't help but feel a little sad at the same time.

I don't want anyone to think I am being selfish, it's just tough is all.

k

 

[diamondfan]

I think it is time like that that test us a bit, times that indicate to us that we are still in one place while our friends have moved over. Not to say we will not get there or that we even want to be over there now, but it just makes one think, and it can be tough. I was the first one in my group to get engaged, get married, buy a home and have children, so I do not know what the other perspective feels like, though I can imagine. It is real and honest to admit how you feel, and I am sure all the things you want for yourself will happen soon! It is great for you to be happy for her and legit to face how you feel at the same time.

 

[iwannaprettyone]

Thank you Diamondfan!

I have not really felt any pressure to get married, but here recently (since the 3 year ani) I have become very ansy. I know it is going to happen for me as my relationship is fantastic and I couldn''t be luckier (plus the BF has been asking about my preference for white gold v. platinum). So it is not a case of IF but WHEN and patience has never been my strong point haha.

I am extremely excited for her and I hope she is big fat and pregnant at my wedding so she can be cute in the empire waist dress

.

 

[bee*]

I know exactly how it feels when you hear that friends are doing things and you feel like you''re still stuck back in one spot. The only way that Im thinking of it is that it will be my turn and I still have it to look forward to. Just think you still have your wedding to plan and to look forward to, you will have the trying for a baby too when the time is right for you. I know exactly how it feels though and it can really suck at the time

 

[iwannaprettyone]

Yep, I am not ready for kiddo''s so that ok with me!

 

[bee*]

Date: 5/23/2007 3:05:26 PM
Author: iwannaprettyone
Yep, I am not ready for kiddo''s so that ok with me!

Im the exact same!! That won''t be for a long while!

 

[zoebartlett]

Date: 5/23/2007 11:57:42 AM
Author:iwannaprettyone
...I am the last of my circle of friends to get engaged, in fact they are all married and most have children. My saving grace has been my bestfriend (who is married to a awesome man) who still makes time for her friends. Well I go to her house last night for a glass of wine and catch up and she drops the ''bomb'' on me....


...HER AND HUBBY ARE TRYING FOR A BABY! ahhhhh

I am super excited for them, but can''t help but feel a little sad at the same time.

I don''t want anyone to think I am being selfish, it''s just tough is all.

k

I know what it''s like to see your friends move forward with mile stones in their lives while you haven''t gotten to that point yet. I''ve been to friends'' houses and it was great to see their kids and I truly looked forward to catching up and hanging out. I did at times though do a lot of uncomfortable smiling and nodding because our conversations revolved around shopping for a dress (if one friend was getting married ) or changing diapers and other baby-related things (for friends who had kids or were pregnant). I often felt like I had nothing to contribute but then I felt guily because of course I was happy for everyone. It just takes time. It doesn''t sound selfish of you at all. I think you''re just recognizing that right now, you might not be in the same place as some of your friends. When it does happen for you, it will be at the right time for both you and your boyfriend.

 

[Pandora II]

Everytime my sister announced she was pregnant my heart somewhat sank - despite the fact I had no wish for a child, but I also had no bf or anything and she''s my younger sister.

Now, I have set the wedding date for next july and as of 2 months ago I have serious broodiness - mind you at 34 it''s probably about time. The thought of having to wait until 2009 is feeling hard right now!

 

[whenharrymetsally]

Date: 5/23/2007 11:57:42 AM
Author:iwannaprettyone
...I am the last of my circle of friends to get engaged, in fact they are all married and most have children. My saving grace has been my bestfriend (who is married to a awesome man) who still makes time for her friends. Well I go to her house last night for a glass of wine and catch up and she drops the ''bomb'' on me....


...HER AND HUBBY ARE TRYING FOR A BABY! ahhhhh

I am super excited for them, but can''t help but feel a little sad at the same time.

I don''t want anyone to think I am being selfish, it''s just tough is all.

k

iwannaprettyone:

I completely and absolutely understand your feelings. I do not think you are being selfish at all. i think its human nature....

My b/f and I are also the VERY last of our group of friends to get married. We are both in our mid 30''s and not only are we the last couple not to be married, we are one of the last few couples not to have children and we''ve been together for 8 1/2 years. Most of our friends are on their 2nd and 3rd child now and I am also finding it difficult to be around them. Not that i don''t love them to death or not that i''m not happy for them, but i understand and know how you feel when you say you feel sad.

I know its tough, but don''t feel too sad about it! Just think how wonderful it will be for you when it is your turn!

 

[ladyciel]

I haven''t been there yet, but I have to imagine the most difficult part of it is feeling that gap between those who "know" and have "been there" and those who haven''t. Like a friend who had her first kiss before you, and even though she didn''t mean to flaunt it, it was hard to not hear "I''m above you" underwritten in every discussion about it. "Well, I guess you have to have done it to really understand....", "It''s so great, I''m so happy, I wish I could explain it!", "Oh, honey, it''ll be your turn eventually! And then I can help you with all of my experience!" Like seeing and hearing everything about it through their eyes is somehow going to take the shine off before you get to the same place. I guess all that is a long way of saying that no, you aren''t crazy for feeling the way you do. I would only call it selfish if you attempted to prevent it from happening or guilted her for it or something.

You specifically commented that she still makes time for her friends, which makes me think one of your concerns is that may change as the baby enters the picture. Goodness knows she''ll end up really busy. I hope you two can keep your connection strong and do whatever it takes to make time for your friendship! If her hubby is as great as you say he his, perhaps he''ll be the type of dad willing to take the baby for an afternoon while you two catch up?

 

[iwannaprettyone]

I think my biggest issue is I know when it comes time for my engagement, my wedding, my first born it will be received by the "circle" with a "been there, done that" type effect, not in a mean way, but that is just how it is.

I guess i can take some salvage in being the first to graduate university and buy a house lol, you can do that easily with out an SO and kids draining the cash out of you....*no offense mom''s*

...I have decided to keep trucking along working on my master''s degree and have some faith that my turn will come (and I always have my mom)!

Thank you for the support, I am grateful I found this board with, undoubtably, the nicest people on the web!

HAVE A FAB DAY!

K

 

[FireGoddess]

I know how you feel, and I would be lying if I said that it won''t change the dynamic of your relationship at all. But it will be fine as long as you don''t take her lack of time personally...find creative ways to do things together. Can take a walk in the park with the baby, once in awhile leave the baby with dad so you can have a girl''s night, etc.

 

[Groovy Chick]

Hey babe, all I can say is that it tends to be human nature to compare oneself to the people in our nearest proximity. Take a look at what you have got (as you did in your last post) and think about how lucky you are compared to some people! As for your friends having a "been there done that" attitude... not necessarily! I got married in July 2005 and in a way I envy my best friend who is not married but still has that magical day ahead of her to enjoy! I''d give anything to relive my wedding lol!

My husband and I aren''t planning to have children and so I can relate to the feeling when female friends announce they''re preggers. I mentally cross them off the list of "Friends available at the drop of a hat who stay out late and party with us and have plenty of disposable income and time to do cool things with us" to the list of "Friends we''ll have over to dinner twice a year". They''ll always be your friends but it wouldn''t hurt to make some new friends who don''t have children. You can never have too many friends!

Like someone posted earlier, things will happen in your life when they are ready to happen and when the time is right for you. We can''t all get married on the same day! So chin up and enjoy the anticipation! It''s the best part!