I think my engagement is off :'(

[missy]

First, I want to say that he's never been married before. We've both been engaged before, but never married. It'd be a first marriage for both of us.

As far as what happened that night, we both showed our a**es. It was an argument over a cigarette that got very heated. He just so happened to push all of my buttons at the same time and I overreacted. I was just as embarrassed about what he did.

We went about a day and a half without speaking, and he broke the silence this evening. He invited me over to watch a Monday night football game with him earlier, and he was very sweet. He didn't bring up our situation or our status at all tonight but everything felt normal. I guess I will see where it goes. I have a lot of faith in fate, and if it is meant to be it will happen. he may propose in 2 weeks or he may not....of course I want him to, but if he doesn't I'll have to find a way to get over it. I can't lose him, he's truly one of those one in a million guys, he's got it all! Even with his stubbornness and his pride, he's still perfect.

Although he didn't say anything about the issue tonight, is it safe for me to assume that he's forgiven me?? If actions speak louder than words, he definitely acted tonight like nothing ever happened. I'm confused but I'm not about to bring it up and ruin this excellent mood he's in (he even rubbed my back-a rarety!) Not knowing is definitely one of the most helpless and frustrating feelings I've had in a while...

Hmmm, difficult to say. Every couple deals with conflict differently but I am of the opinion that open communication and honesty is key for trust to prevail. However (many) men need time to cool off and recover before approaching a sore topic so it may be best to let things lay for now and revisit the discussion at a later date when you are both feeling better about things. As I wrote before life is full of disagreements and real difficulties so how you deal with them together is key to a lasting and successful relationship. Since you are relatively new in your relationship it may take time to see how to best deal with issues. Without knowing the full facts it seems this was a relatively minor issue in the scheme of things and if you two can use this as a learning experience for future conflict all the better.
Wishing you all the best.

 

[swingirl]

Well, if he has forgiven you --- how will he feel about your cancelling the venue reservation?

 

[liarudd]

i would say that it is not a big deal and like i had thought he is over-reacting............
I would just go with the flow,and if he isnt bringing it up, i wouldnt bring it up either -- moving along ...

as far as the cancelled venue goes - i would just re-book it and not even tell him, they gave you your full deposit back so you didnt lose anything, and im sure they can re-book it with your deposit back so why even tell him to start another fight?

Good luck

 

[mrs jam]

I'm so glad to hear y'all had a good night after the blow-up! I think both of you overreacted in overly dramatic ways after getting upset with one another - him by saying he wanted to postpone the engagement and wedding, and you by upping the ante and considering breaking up with him entirely!

Relationships have a learning curve; even when you know know he's "the one," and vice versus, that doesn't necessarily mean you've got each other figured out. You never really know someone's "fighting style" and how they handle themselves when they're upset with you until they actually do. Like a lot of posters have mentioned, you're both going to irritate the heck out of each other at various points in your lives together! It's a given! You both just need to figure out how to avoid acting like Chicken Littles every time you think the sky might be falling! It's a learning process, I guess, that we all go through with one another. I think all our little experiences that we've had in our prior relationships sometimes rear their little heads when we are in a newer relationship, and our past experiences can sometimes prod us into overreacting. Something tells me y'all are going to be just fine.

As far as saying something stupid while you were drunk, who hasn't? Next time, tell him to throw you over his shoulder and carry you out to the damn car! My husband had to do that once while we were dating after I scraped my face trying to dance with a reluctant tree in front of The Cheesecake Factory. He was probably irritated with me, but his only punishment was refusing to stop at Taco Bell so I could get a midnight burrito supreme.

 

[MrsDrP]

I'm so glad to hear y'all had a good night after the blow-up! I think both of you overreacted in overly dramatic ways after getting upset with one another - him by saying he wanted to postpone the engagement and wedding, and you by upping the ante and considering breaking up with him entirely!

Relationships have a learning curve; even when you know know he's "the one," and vice versus, that doesn't necessarily mean you've got each other figured out. You never really know someone's "fighting style" and how they handle themselves when they're upset with you until they actually do. Like a lot of posters have mentioned, you're both going to irritate the heck out of each other at various points in your lives together! It's a given! You both just need to figure out how to avoid acting like Chicken Littles every time you think the sky might be falling! It's a learning process, I guess, that we all go through with one another. I think all our little experiences that we've had in our prior relationships sometimes rear their little heads when we are in a newer relationship, and our past experiences can sometimes prod us into overreacting. Something tells me y'all are going to be just fine.

As far as saying something stupid while you were drunk, who hasn't? Next time, tell him to throw you over his shoulder and carry you out to the damn car! My husband had to do that once while we were dating after I scraped my face trying to dance with a reluctant tree in front of The Cheesecake Factory. He was probably irritated with me, but his only punishment was refusing to stop at Taco Bell so I could get a midnight burrito supreme.

That's so funny! I hope you're right about us being just fine....I feel like everything is okay at this particular moment, but it gives me an uneasy feeling that we haven't talked about things yet. I'm a talker, and I'm kind of a control freak in the sense that I like to know how things are going to turn out in my future. We definitely have a plan and a timeline we both agreed on for marriage and having children, so it bothers me that I may have to modify it. Oh well. Thank you for your kind words, they made me feel better!

i would say that it is not a big deal and like i had thought he is over-reacting............
I would just go with the flow,and if he isnt bringing it up, i wouldnt bring it up either -- moving along ...

as far as the cancelled venue goes - i would just re-book it and not even tell him, they gave you your full deposit back so you didnt lose anything, and im sure they can re-book it with your deposit back so why even tell him to start another fight?

Good luck

Well, if he has forgiven you --- how will he feel about your cancelling the venue reservation?

The venue...well, I probably could get it back if I called her today (given that she hasn't already given the date to someone else), but I'm cautious about doing that. We still haven't talked about anything, so I'm not sure if we are still getting engaged next month as originally planned. And I don't want to jinx it by re-booking it. I think I am going to wait until he actually proposes before I book anything else. If that venue isn't available, I'll be pretty upset but I will just have to find somewhere else that can hold all of our guests. I don't think he will be mad.

 

[mrs jam]

That's so funny! I hope you're right about us being just fine....I feel like everything is okay at this particular moment, but it gives me an uneasy feeling that we haven't talked about things yet. I'm a talker, and I'm kind of a control freak in the sense that I like to know how things are going to turn out in my future. We definitely have a plan and a timeline we both agreed on for marriage and having children, so it bothers me that I may have to modify it. Oh well. Thank you for your kind words, they made me feel better!

I know that my advice will be hard to follow, especially since you're a control freak who likes to make sure things are talked out , but I think you need to really try to put yourself under a temporary restraining order mentally right now to stop focusing on the plan/timeline. It will put a damper on your holidays and what's supposed to be a festive and fun time. Honestly, I think he just needs a little time to stop replaying the incident in his head so that he can realize he probably overreacted. Give him some time to get over it, decide he overreacted, and feel silly about his part in the drama. But let him come to that realization on his own; I honestly don't think a lot of guys experience the same intense need to talk about things in order to work through them. I do agree that y'all should have a conversation about resolving not to blow things out of proportion during arguments, disagreements, or hurt feelings, but save that for another day.

Right now, just focus on getting your relationship back on track by being nice to each other. It sounds like that is what he is trying to do. Actions say a lot more about someone's intentions than their words, and I think that just by being your normal selves and having a few more nights like Monday night, that will get your relationship back on track a lot more effectively than just talking about the timeline. I'm willing to bet that if you just relax and enjoy the impending holidays with your SO, he will be the one to bring up the plan and timeline. In my experience, it's best to let the person who is the most upset about an incident have the time they need to resolve things in their own head. Both people have to be ready to talk things out; otherwise, the conversations really won't be too productive. Wishing you the best!

 

[omc111]

That's so funny! I hope you're right about us being just fine....I feel like everything is okay at this particular moment, but it gives me an uneasy feeling that we haven't talked about things yet. I'm a talker, and I'm kind of a control freak in the sense that I like to know how things are going to turn out in my future. We definitely have a plan and a timeline we both agreed on for marriage and having children, so it bothers me that I may have to modify it. Oh well. Thank you for your kind words, they made me feel better!

I know that my advice will be hard to follow, especially since you're a control freak who likes to make sure things are talked out , but I think you need to really try to put yourself under a temporary restraining order mentally right now to stop focusing on the plan/timeline. It will put a damper on your holidays and what's supposed to be a festive and fun time. Honestly, I think he just needs a little time to stop replaying the incident in his head so that he can realize he probably overreacted. Give him some time to get over it, decide he overreacted, and feel silly about his part in the drama. But let him come to that realization on his own; I honestly don't think a lot of guys experience the same intense need to talk about things in order to work through them. I do agree that y'all should have a conversation about resolving not to blow things out of proportion during arguments, disagreements, or hurt feelings, but save that for another day.

Right now, just focus on getting your relationship back on track by being nice to each other. It sounds like that is what he is trying to do. Actions say a lot more about someone's intentions than their words, and I think that just by being your normal selves and having a few more nights like Monday night, that will get your relationship back on track a lot more effectively than just talking about the timeline. I'm willing to bet that if you just relax and enjoy the impending holidays with your SO, he will be the one to bring up the plan and timeline. In my experience, it's best to let the person who is the most upset about an incident have the time they need to resolve things in their own head. Both people have to be ready to talk things out; otherwise, the conversations really won't be too productive. Wishing you the best!

This!!

 

[madelise]

Although he didn't say anything about the issue tonight, is it safe for me to assume that he's forgiven me?? If actions speak louder than words, he definitely acted tonight like nothing ever happened. I'm confused but I'm not about to bring it up and ruin this excellent mood he's in (he even rubbed my back-a rarety!) Not knowing is definitely one of the most helpless and frustrating feelings I've had in a while...

Yay, I'm so happy to hear its simmered down. If you haven't talked it out yet, don't assume all is forgiven. We as women love to talk it out so we have assurance over exactly how the other person feels, but men usually like to avoid whatever's bothering them. Let it simmer more, give it a bit til you feel he's being 100% happy and over it (I usually wait a week), then while at dinner (I always do it in public so he doesn't get angry all over again since he's in public), reiterate your apologies so he knows you're sincere, and ask him to talk it out with you. It'll be FINE. People fight all the time. Relationships without fights aren't exactly healthy..Or real

As for the engagement, I think postponing it might be for the best.. I think you guys need a few more fights, since this is your first big one. You learn a lot about each other during arguments.. And since no one else knew of the upcoming engagement, there will be no outside pressures. SO postponed ours after a stress meltdown I had, and in the beginning, it only added MORE stress to my load. I asked him daily, I swear, even hourly, but he was firm on his decision. Proposing is his job to do, so I've been forcing myself to lay low, and KO and behold, HE brought it up. And now, in retrospect, I'm glad we're waiting. If we had followed through our original plans, I'd already be married! (similar situation as yours, he graduated last summer and bought a house in fall). It takes a hell of a load off your chest and I've done so well in school as a reflection. Trust in good time, when he's ready, he'll propose. And don't allow yourselves to so easily say you'll quit on the relationship during a fight. That attitude is very hurtful. If he saw the "escaped a bullet"/"eventually I'll be back" posts, I'd bet he'd be hurt. Don't push him for now, and walk on eggshells about anything that's touchy with him, until he's talked it out with you. I know the obsession of engagement/bling and all that is drilled and embedded into our heads, so you're probably only focused on that, and the idea of it canceling is excruciating.. But it blows over. And if you show him now that all you care about is bling, or getting married, rather than forgetting that to patch your relationship, he might not sit well.


Sorry for another ramble. Good luck to you.. And I hope you didn't feel as if we were trying to step on your toes here. I think we were all trying to give sound advice, and calm you down, and be true support, rather than sugar coat and place blame everywhere.. *hugs*

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

This is far from over, and anxiously await the next installment.

cheer--Sharon

 

[gem_anemone]

From what I remember you said you guys have been dating only 8 months, that means you haven't even had holidays together yet. There's a lot to learn in that first year of dating. Since this first(?) big fight has made both of you think twice about marriage to each other, I personally think you'd do well to wait a bit longer before getting engaged. Maybe you need some more time to work through all the relationship "quirks" that pop up around holidays. If it were me it would be more important for me to know that my relationship was solid than to be blindly moving it forward with it to meet some random deadline I set for myself. It would give you a chance to focus more on each other than on a ring or a wedding. If you can forgive each other and move past what happened, I think your relationship will take on a whole new level.

Good luck moving forward!!

 

[MrsDrP]

I'm not going to try to slow things down or speed them up. I'm going to go on how he feels and how I feel. I don't think there is such a thing as "not being together long enough." When you know, you just know. I dated someone for 2+ years and never even talked about marriage with him, yet I knew I wanted to marry my current SO within a few days.

In my mind, if we know it's right and are both on the same page, there's no need to postpone anything. My fingers are crossed that this all passes and he proposes after my ring comes in next week

 

[gem_anemone]

Didn't you say you already accidentally got engaged to someone and it was called off? I just don't understand the rush that's all, but I wish you the best regardless of what happens!

 

[MissStepcut]

I'm not going to try to slow things down or speed them up. I'm going to go on how he feels and how I feel. I don't think there is such a thing as "not being together long enough." When you know, you just know. I dated someone for 2+ years and never even talked about marriage with him, yet I knew I wanted to marry my current SO within a few days.

In my mind, if we know it's right and are both on the same page, there's no need to postpone anything. My fingers are crossed that this all passes and he proposes after my ring comes in next week

Gosh I just think that's utter nonsense that impatient young people think. Sorry to be blunt, but it's easy to get swept up in the "honeymoon" stage.

The fact you still refer to him as "perfect" seems like a red flag to me.

 

[MrsDrP]

Didn't you say you already accidentally got engaged to someone and it was called off? I just don't understand the rush that's all, but I wish you the best regardless of what happens!

I don't even consider my previous engagement an engagement. I was barely 18, just graduated from high school, and I was seriously manipulated and pressured into saying yes. I never wanted to marry that person, and it was me who eventually had the courage to end things a few months later.

That's another really long story, lol. This time is totally different.

 

[marchesa6989]

i agree with miss stepcut that it is easy to get caught up in the honeymoon stage and fail to really process the implications of what is supposed to be a lifelong commitment. however, timing and age of the relationship may not be an issue depending on the quality of time spent together - some people spend a lot of time together from an earlier stage, whereas others may be dating for over a year and still only catch up once every week, for example.

calling someone perfect could be taken 2 ways - perfect in general, or "perfect for me". the former would of course be flawed logic in that everyone is fallible and makes mistakes, but the latter concept is both acceptable and ideal in that when you find your life partner, they should (hopefully) be a perfect match for you.

i've been following this thread and i guess my input would be to really take some time to think about the relationship dynamic and whether you've worked out the big issues - are you able to talk honestly about everything? how do you manage finances? do you have the same life goals and plans? do you get along with each others families? what's going to happen once you have children - are you going to keep working or be a stay-at-home mom? do you have plans to travel or move elsewhere in the future? how do you resolve conflict, and in the past what topics caused problems?

i know it's been a stressful time, but take it as a chance to reevaluate and make sure that this is really what you want before making that commitment. engagement and marriage is not something to be taken lightly, even though it is often done so in this day and age. just because a man may look perfect on paper and have all the sought-after characteristics - good looking, good job etc, does not mean that he is necessarily IT. just because friends and family tell you how cute you look and perfect you both seem does not mean that it translates across to the actual relationship.

and if that all is fine, then go for it! but as always after a big fight, give it time to heal and fade. pressurising someone else will only cause problems, and (not that i wish this for you) but if he feels like he needs to propose then later changes his mind, breaking an engagement would only be much worse. i know you have a fantastic plan worked out in your head, but life doesn't always go according to our plans. it doesn't mean the end result will be any worse. and who knows what you might learn on your little detour

 

[monarch64]

i agree with miss stepcut that it is easy to get caught up in the honeymoon stage and fail to really process the implications of what is supposed to be a lifelong commitment. however, timing and age of the relationship may not be an issue depending on the quality of time spent together - some people spend a lot of time together from an earlier stage, whereas others may be dating for over a year and still only catch up once every week, for example.

calling someone perfect could be taken 2 ways - perfect in general, or "perfect for me". the former would of course be flawed logic in that everyone is fallible and makes mistakes, but the latter concept is both acceptable and ideal in that when you find your life partner, they should (hopefully) be a perfect match for you.

i've been following this thread and i guess my input would be to really take some time to think about the relationship dynamic and whether you've worked out the big issues - are you able to talk honestly about everything? how do you manage finances? do you have the same life goals and plans? do you get along with each others families? what's going to happen once you have children - are you going to keep working or be a stay-at-home mom? do you have plans to travel or move elsewhere in the future? how do you resolve conflict, and in the past what topics caused problems?

i know it's been a stressful time, but take it as a chance to reevaluate and make sure that this is really what you want before making that commitment. engagement and marriage is not something to be taken lightly, even though it is often done so in this day and age. just because a man may look perfect on paper and have all the sought-after characteristics - good looking, good job etc, does not mean that he is necessarily IT. just because friends and family tell you how cute you look and perfect you both seem does not mean that it translates across to the actual relationship.

and if that all is fine, then go for it! but as always after a big fight, give it time to heal and fade. pressurising someone else will only cause problems, and (not that i wish this for you) but if he feels like he needs to propose then later changes his mind, breaking an engagement would only be much worse. i know you have a fantastic plan worked out in your head, but life doesn't always go according to our plans. it doesn't mean the end result will be any worse. and who knows what you might learn on your little detour

Most of this will fall on deaf ears, and I speak from experience. I always had to learn from my mistakes and no one could tell me what to do whether I could see the forest for the trees or not. I can predict pretty much what's going to happen here, but it's not my life to live and not my mistakes to learn from. MrsDP will make her choices, probably the ones we think aren't great for her, and they will shape her life. She's not taking advice, she's already said this is her venting place.

MrsDP, I will offer you this: if you truly want to remain anonymous, do not post pics of yourself and do not post your first name or any other details about yourself, your life, or your boyfriend's. If that is the only thing you take from this thread you will make this old married broad happy.

 

[mogster]

I'm not going to try to slow things down or speed them up. I'm going to go on how he feels and how I feel. I don't think there is such a thing as "not being together long enough." When you know, you just know. I dated someone for 2+ years and never even talked about marriage with him, yet I knew I wanted to marry my current SO within a few days.

In my mind, if we know it's right and are both on the same page, there's no need to postpone anything. My fingers are crossed that this all passes and he proposes after my ring comes in next week

Gosh I just think that's utter nonsense that impatient young people think. Sorry to be blunt, but it's easy to get swept up in the "honeymoon" stage.

The fact you still refer to him as "perfect" seems like a red flag to me.

My fiance and I were more or less ready to be engaged ten months after we started dating and so I am most certainly not in the position to invalidate anyone's relationship based on length. Knowing that you want to marry someone is a separate issue from being actually ready to marry them. I'd be lying if I said there weren't fights after my fiance and I were engaged that made me raise my eyebrows at our compatibility. But we worked through our fights. We figured out each other's fighting style (as someone mentioned above), we stopped being stubborn, we learned from each other, we compromised, and that has made our relationship so much stronger. And that is the kind of relationship that just inherently takes time to build. You can't have that if you don't work through your fights. It was alarming when you thought it was over and were ready to leave him because he called off the proposal and wedding. If he really is "The One," then it should have just been another bump to smooth out and he would have been worth it. It does sound like he's worth it and that you were really just having a rough week. Good luck!

 

[zipzapgirl]

I read the whole thread and I'm having trouble believing that you would give up on him so easily if you truly loved him. I would expect you to say that your whole world was falling apart, not that you are frustrated and maybe you "dodged a bullet". I understand what the other posters are saying about not having to grovel for a ring, but if you screwed up and you know it, then I'd think that your primary concern would be losing the most important thing in your life. Getting your deposit back on the reception hall you surreptitiously booked wouldn't even register. I know some of the other posters implied this and I might take the heat for saying it so explicitly, but I just can't wrap my head around it. Love is more than going your separate ways when you stop seeing eye to eye.

 

[allycat0303]

I have to agree with zipzapgirl on this one. I understand embarrassing him, but from what you say, it's not really a big deal....(really, you're going to leave the woman you love because she disagreed with you on cigarettes?) I think there must be more going on then just a simple fight. In addition, you seemed to get over it pretty quickly at one point saying "You dodged a bullet". There is more to marriage then a disagreement over *cigarettes*, if he's ready to give up a relationship based on this, what's he going to do when the SERIOUS stuff begins? Illness? The death of family members? Children?

 

[MrsDrP]

I'm not giving up on my relationship. I say a few things out of hurt and anger....so what? It's called venting and we all do it. It doesn't mean that I meant those things.

And yes-we are compatibile on almost every level I can think of. Goals, children, family, finances, working, etc. if we weren't, marriage would have never even been brought up.

Everything between us is fine now. It's as of nothing ever happened...we are moving forward.

I almost wish I had never posted this. I never meant for it to get this much attention. I would have probably been better off writing a letter to myself than getting replies from people that imply that we are naive and rushing things. But again, those are your opinions, which are only based on the limited information you have.

I'm happy, I'm looking forward to the next month and I can't wait to spend my life with this wonderful man. It's that simple

Hopefully in a week or two, I'll be posting a new thread announcing my engagement!!

Thanks for all of the thoughtful words and good advice. Some of the things I have read on here were super harsh and thus went in one ear and out the other. But there were a lot of wonderful things said that I copied and pasted and will try to live by in my marriage.

 

[marchesa6989]

well, i'm happy that things are working out for both of you enjoy the holiday season and this time together. make new and good memories. and hopefully both of us will have ring threads in the next few weeks

 

[MrsDrP]

well, i'm happy that things are working out for both of you enjoy the holiday season and this time together. make new and good memories. and hopefully both of us will have ring threads in the next few weeks

You too? Awesome! I'll keep my eyes open!

 

[mr_purple]

*I recant my statement. Thank you MissStepCut for the enlightenment. I was unaware of current statistics.

That being said, I hope everything works out for the best. I know my lady is itching for that little wallet breaker herself now...lol

 

[MissStepcut]

I think the women who have stated that things may be "too soon" are the ones who have given sound advice on your initial dilemma. And perhaps that advice is coming from those who have a solid background with relationships.

It's difficult hearing what we don't want to hear, regardless of if it has any validity or not. That age old argument of "when you know, you just know" is a little lack luster in this day and age when over 50% of marriages end in divorce.

That being said, I hope everything works out for the best. I know my lady is itching for that little wallet breaker herself now...lol

That's actually not true, that over 50% of marriages end in divorce. And if you only look at marriages when the bride was over 25, and both people are college-educated, the divorce rate in that demographic plummets. Just some food for thought.

 

[madelise]

I'm not giving up on my relationship. I say a few things out of hurt and anger....so what? It's called venting and we all do it. It doesn't mean that I meant those things.

And yes-we are compatibile on almost every level I can think of. Goals, children, family, finances, working, etc. if we weren't, marriage would have never even been brought up.

Everything between us is fine now. It's as of nothing ever happened...we are moving forward.

I almost wish I had never posted this. I never meant for it to get this much attention. I would have probably been better off writing a letter to myself than getting replies from people that imply that we are naive and rushing things. But again, those are your opinions, which are only based on the limited information you have.

I'm happy, I'm looking forward to the next month and I can't wait to spend my life with this wonderful man. It's that simple

Hopefully in a week or two, I'll be posting a new thread announcing my engagement!!

Thanks for all of the thoughtful words and good advice. Some of the things I have read on here were super harsh and thus went in one ear and out the other. But there were a lot of wonderful things said that I copied and pasted and will try to live by in my marriage.

...WOW.

 

[maplefemme]

I'm not giving up on my relationship. I say a few things out of hurt and anger....so what? It's called venting and we all do it. It doesn't mean that I meant those things.

And yes-we are compatibile on almost every level I can think of. Goals, children, family, finances, working, etc. if we weren't, marriage would have never even been brought up.

Everything between us is fine now. It's as of nothing ever happened...we are moving forward.

I almost wish I had never posted this. I never meant for it to get this much attention. I would have probably been better off writing a letter to myself than getting replies from people that imply that we are naive and rushing things. But again, those are your opinions, which are only based on the limited information you have.

I'm happy, I'm looking forward to the next month and I can't wait to spend my life with this wonderful man. It's that simple

Hopefully in a week or two, I'll be posting a new thread announcing my engagement!!

Thanks for all of the thoughtful words and good advice. Some of the things I have read on here were super harsh and thus went in one ear and out the other. But there were a lot of wonderful things said that I copied and pasted and will try to live by in my marriage.

...WOW.

I share that sentiment...

 

[MrsDrP]

I'm not giving up on my relationship. I say a few things out of hurt and anger....so what? It's called venting and we all do it. It doesn't mean that I meant those things.

And yes-we are compatibile on almost every level I can think of. Goals, children, family, finances, working, etc. if we weren't, marriage would have never even been brought up.

Everything between us is fine now. It's as of nothing ever happened...we are moving forward.

I almost wish I had never posted this. I never meant for it to get this much attention. I would have probably been better off writing a letter to myself than getting replies from people that imply that we are naive and rushing things. But again, those are your opinions, which are only based on the limited information you have.

I'm happy, I'm looking forward to the next month and I can't wait to spend my life with this wonderful man. It's that simple

Hopefully in a week or two, I'll be posting a new thread announcing my engagement!!

Thanks for all of the thoughtful words and good advice. Some of the things I have read on here were super harsh and thus went in one ear and out the other. But there were a lot of wonderful things said that I copied and pasted and will try to live by in my marriage.

...WOW.

I share that sentiment...

Are these comments really necessary? Seriously, why? Keep your little cocky comments to yourself.

 

[blackkatya]

All I can think is that this sounds so much like me with my first engagement. I was young and stubborn...and in no way ready to get married, despite how much I insisted I was. We fought, we made up...but then we just crashed and burned, 6 months before the wedding.

OP, you and your happiness are more important than any timeline. I understand you love this man. I really do. But using this incident as a way for you two to slow down, talk, work things out, and become TRULY ready, not just on a perfect timeline--that could be something that could make your relationship and marriage even stronger.

I'm not saying this in order to criticize you, or gloat, or call you immature. I'm saying it because it's what I should have done back then to keep that relationship. And while things worked out for the best for both of us, it resulted in a lot of hurt feelings.

 

[MrsDrP]

All I can think is that this sounds so much like me with my first engagement. I was young and stubborn...and in no way ready to get married, despite how much I insisted I was. We fought, we made up...but then we just crashed and burned, 6 months before the wedding.

OP, you and your happiness are more important than any timeline. I understand you love this man. I really do. But using this incident as a way for you two to slow down, talk, work things out, and become TRULY ready, not just on a perfect timeline--that could be something that could make your relationship and marriage even stronger.

I'm not saying this in order to criticize you, or gloat, or call you immature. I'm saying it because it's what I should have done back then to keep that relationship. And while things worked out for the best for both of us, it resulted in a lot of hurt feelings.

I'm sorry that that happened to you. I know what you mean, and I am definitely taking all of these things into consideration.

IF (and this is still a big IF) he does propose next month, we still have to go through at least 6 months of pre-marital counseling. I think the exercises and retreats we do there will be helpful to us too.

I'm glad everything worked out for you in the long run.

 

[maplefemme]

I'm not giving up on my relationship. I say a few things out of hurt and anger....so what? It's called venting and we all do it. It doesn't mean that I meant those things.

And yes-we are compatibile on almost every level I can think of. Goals, children, family, finances, working, etc. if we weren't, marriage would have never even been brought up.

Everything between us is fine now. It's as of nothing ever happened...we are moving forward.

I almost wish I had never posted this. I never meant for it to get this much attention. I would have probably been better off writing a letter to myself than getting replies from people that imply that we are naive and rushing things. But again, those are your opinions, which are only based on the limited information you have.

I'm happy, I'm looking forward to the next month and I can't wait to spend my life with this wonderful man. It's that simple

Hopefully in a week or two, I'll be posting a new thread announcing my engagement!!

Thanks for all of the thoughtful words and good advice. Some of the things I have read on here were super harsh and thus went in one ear and out the other. But there were a lot of wonderful things said that I copied and pasted and will try to live by in my marriage.

...WOW.

I share that sentiment...

Are these comments really necessary? Seriously, why? Keep your little cocky comments to yourself.

You make great assumptions on my meaning, if you'd care to read my previous post I was actually supportive of trying to constructively help you, however, you're clearly emotional and don't always mean what you say, as you say, so I'll digress and wish you luck.