I have become a lady in waiting...

[JCarla]

I''ve posted a few time but I have been longtime lurker. I have become an offical lady in waiting since my future sister in law recently told me my bf has been looking and getting prices on rings. I''ve given him an idea of what I want (Katherine Hiegl - pear halo). I want it to be a surprise so I''m trying my hardest not to get involved. I''m hoping he''ll propose sometime soon but we do have a slight issue. My sister got engaged in April and I feel that if we get engaged, I''ll be "stealing her thunder". Is it selfish of me to think about my own engagement and not respect her special time. Should I wait?? My bf doesn''t care and said he will do it whenever he pleases. But I feel like I should tell him to hold out for a while until my sister gets married in 2010!!! We plan on getting married in 2011 but we have to book the hall two years in advance...that means in early 2009,we have to decide on a date. So confused...need advice...

 

[CNYHopeful]

Hey Carla,
Welcome to official LIW status. That is very exciting that your SO is seriously looking into rings and all. I don''t think you should feel guilty about thinking of your plans and future together. I cannot speak directly to your situation, but two of my brothers got married withing 6 weeks of each other this summer. They proposed to their respective wives 4 months apart. Granted, as guys they may not have regarded engagement and marriage in the same light that we ladies do. I think as for them, they are best friends as well as brothers, and their wives felt that it would not take anything away from their special day to be planning their weddings so close together. For your situation, I would suggest pondering a few questions (don''t have to answer them here):

1) how close are you and your sister?
2) Would she feel that you might steal her thunder or would she be excited about going through the planning process and compare notes with you?
3) Would you feel comfortable telling her how happy you are for her and want her to have the most amazing and special day possible but that you had an inkling SO was considering a proposal and you don''t want SO''s potential proposal to take anything away?
4) Sometimes guys will check out prices in the earlier stages. They might look at prices so they can start budgeting, coming up with a plan, and letting go of their attachments to singlehood. That can take some time. It sounds like you both have talked about a location and time frame though, so I suppose that you''ve been talking this through for awhile. Just see how it goes

Hope that helps a little. Best wishes and let us know of any further developments!

 

[misskitty]

Welcome to LIW! I don''t think you and your FF should put off getting engaged until after your sister gets married. She gets a wedding day, not a wedding year, after all. I think it''d actually be pretty hard to steal her thunder just by getting engaged - your FF would have to propose at her wedding or something. After that, you can quietly book your venue and if you feel like your planning is "in the way" of hers, you can hold off on the rest until 2010.

 

[kittybean]

You and your boyfriend should absolutely not put off getting engaged until 2010 just because your sister happens to be engaged! Like the previous poster said, it would not be rude or self-centered or show-stealing unless you announced it at her wedding or he proposed during her first dance or did something equally gauche. You should get engaged whenever you''re going to get engaged.

My very close, almost-sister cousin got engaged six months before I did, and she will be getting married five months before me. Neither of our engagements have taken anything away from the other. If anything, it has only increased our level of excitement and our family''s joy (we are the only girls).

In sum, I don''t think you should be worried about this at all. Enjoy your sister''s engagement, and when the time comes, enjoy your own!

 

[JCarla]

Thank you for your advice...really appreciated. You guys are completely right. List MissKitty said, besides the hall, I won''t be doing any other planning until 2010 anyway (flowers, invitations..). I am her MOH so during that time I can help her with her planning meanwhile, getting ideas for my own wedding. Ya, I shouldn''t be worried about offending her. I''ve decided not to say anything to her about my bf looking for rings. I wanted it to be a surprise for everyone, including myself. Although, we''ve been dating for seven years now so most people are expecting us to engaged soon anyway, so it should be no surprise to anyone a.k.a my sister that we get engaged soon. Thanks girls for your advice

 

[dragonfly411]

Jcarla - welcome to LIW you can now be crazy like us!