I feel like PS is turning me into a brat

[cygnet]

I'm feeling pretty bleh about my engagement these days. Mostly because of all of the ring drama. I just feel like I have to vent.

When G and I bought our diamond, we were really excited. He knew that I was passionate about diamonds and that there was no way he could outdo me when it came to diamond research, so he decided to let me choose the diamond so that I could have exactly what I wanted. I'm not picky or demanding in other aspects of our relationship, so I felt like it's okay for me to have exactly the ring I wanted since I'd be wearing it every single day and he even admits that he really doesn't care what jewelry I'm wearing so long as I'm wearing.

Okay, so that's all fine and dandy, but it has been 3 months since this whole setting thing started, and the whole situation has really worn me down and been an enormous stress on both G and I. Sleepless nights, emotional distress, vendor drama, concern that we'd ever even see our money again, etc. It has been an absolute NIGHTMARE. Way more trouble than any piece of jewelry should ever cause, ever. On top of my frustration with the whole thing, I feel horribly guilty for what I've put G through because of my insistence that we have it custom done because I just wasn't passionate about any of the settings I'd already found, and I wanted it to be something I could wear for the rest of my life. If I had just picked something easy and premade from the beginning, we never would have had this problem. But then I probably wouldn't have been crazy about my ring and I'm not sure a piece of jewelry that significant is something you should only feel "okay" about. After all that, G feels like maybe he should have just chosen something out of the case at a local jewelry store or something for me, because even if it wasn't absolutely perfect, I'd still at least feel emotionally attached to it because it was a gift from him, y'know?

As it is, I've barely even been able to look at my diamond since we got it back. I mean, I louped it to check for damage and I took some photos of the setting, etc, but since it was unmounted I've just had it sitting away and I almost don't even care to look at it anymore. It's not the diamond's fault, so hopefully I'll feel better about it after it is reset and we are happily engaged (someday).

I've decided to work with the amazing and perfect local jeweler down the block from my work, so I can check in whenever I want and I know he'll do a good job because I've seen a lot of his work in local high end stores, etc. I didn't want to just "give up" and pick a setting and just be done with it... well actually I DO want to, but I know I'll regret it in the long run so I'm trying to get it right the second time around. But I feel like such a brat for still choosing the "more work" option after all that G and I have been through. I know he just wants it over with too. I feel really bad because at this point, it's like the whole engagement is about the ring and not about us anymore. I mean, of course it is really about us, we love each other and have a great relationship, but every time we talk about engagement lately, it's about the stupid ring, and I feel awful that what was supposed to be a happy occasion is now tainted and stressful and focused on some tiny piece of carbon and NOT focused on us. Aside from my fixation on having my one nice piece of jewelry be something I won't nitpick, I'm really not a very materialistic person and I feel like this is making me be that way. I mean hellooooooo, first world problems, am I right?! I feel so guilty for even caring!

Sorry for the rant. I'm just feeling really sad about the whole thing right now.

 

[pandabee]

I'm sorry you are so frustrated love. I am sure any lady in your situation would be equally stressed out and tired of fighting, and for what it's worth I think you have dealt with it incredibly well. I think it is definitely difficult to separate out your feelings of frustration re: the ring and drama vs. feelings about actually being *engaged* since you're in the middle of it all still, but I really think that once the ring is done and it's in a setting you like (which it sounds like this local jeweler is 1. the perfect option and 2. does really nice work from what I have seen!) then you guys can move forward and focus on the happy part of being engaged. Another thing about feeling "bleh" I think is just the length of waiting, irregardless of ring issues or not! I think quite a few of us are kind of in that stage (myself included) because there are plenty of other things in life to worry/get excited about and I feel like it kinda cycles through in phases where you are all happy and hopeful and then there are times when you feel like you just want to get over it and get the ring already. So at least part of that I think is attributable to a normal LIW feeling. Don't worry about first world problems...we are on a diamond forum afterall. Have you committed to the local jeweler yet or are you still waiting on some things to fall into place (i.e. refund)?

 

[SMC]

I know exactly how you feel and I'm guilty of putting my bf through the same situation as well. I'm on my 2nd diamond, 3rd setting and I'm glad that my saga is finally over. My bf received the first ring back in November. It was a 3 stone from Brian Gavin and they had screwed up the setting and some conversations with them made us unwilling to try them again. My bf also wanted a bigger diamond instead of 3 smaller ones so we decided to go the solitaire route. We ended up choosing a wonderful diamond from JA (this was in December). I had chosen a pave setting from them but when I got it, I just didn't like how high the diamond sat and how scratchy pave felt on my fingers. I had also gotten into PS in a more serious way and when you look at rings day in and day out on SMTB, you figure out what you really want. And I wanted Sholdt! So I then proceeded to get my stone unset, returning the old setting, and then commissioning a new one. In between, I took a month break. My ring was FINALLY completed at the end of March.

I kind of wonder if we'd be engaged by now if I had just let my bf pick out any ring and if I hadn't discovered PS. Before PS, I had some inkling that cut was most important, but I didn't know jack about crown/pavilion angles and table sizes. I would also have been perfectly happy with a 1 carat diamond (which is what most of my friends have), but then I probably would have also wanted Tiffany's or Cartier because I thought those were the best. PS has made me annoyingly detail oriented when it comes to rings and settings. I also have an unrealistic expectation of how big diamonds should be. At times, I wish I could unlearn everything I learned from PS.

In the meantime, I know that I've been scary at home because I talk about the ring all the time. I have a little feeling that he's reluctant to give it to me because I haven't been such a wonderful person to live with and he's afraid that I'm going to be like this for the rest of his life. Cygnet, I think your post has made me more aware of how much importance I place on piece of jewelry. I'm going to resolve to stop talking about the ring at home, pay more attention to my bf, and wait patiently for the ring to come to me.

 

[lktx]

I also have an unrealistic expectation of how big diamonds should be.

THIS. Times a million.


Cygnet, so sorry to hear about the unhappiness this situation has caused.

 

[fabulousfindk]

I know exactly what you mean.

SO has more than once asked me, "If you never found Pricescope, you wouldn't know the difference would you?"

The answer is no. I have seen a lot of mall store rings that I could have recognized as poorly made and of poor quality, but I just figured that Kay and Reed's were a lower quality than Tiffany, etc - which, duh. But I had no idea there were other options, online, custom jewelers, etc etc. I'm glad I know now, but it does skew your perspective a LOT.

Plus we're twenty-somethings, I'm in school, and we refuse to use credit cards or go into debt to buy jewelry.

 

[maple2012]

I feel you. When I first started looking at rings and didn't know PS.... I wanted a 1.3 Carat Round Brilliant. Now I have unrealistic expectations of how big a diamond should be too!!!

 

[mandasand]

It's a really crappy situation about your ring. I also obsessed over mine for a year before I got it...I am now glad I waited for the true vintage ring instead of a replica. It's just so special. I love my ring, but the marriage has now become top priority. I think us LIW are all a little obsessive and our SOs know it! It's all about wedding planning now and my fiancé thinks I'm hilarious! My point is, yes the ring is important, but the marriage is the ultimate goal...try and refocus some energy toward that and I bet you'll feel better about the ring!

 

[Chewbacca]

I read The Ring Saga, and I hurt for you as I did! Now I am happy for you to have found a local jeweller you trust! I cannot wait to hear more. I'm sure once the inevitable chatter about the ring turns into HAPPY and EXCITED, things will improve. Times a million.

On the subject of PS diamond size skew, I have also been afflicted! In my circles, what will become our engagement ring will be one of/if not the largest. But here?: melee.

 

[princesss]

Yeah, I tried on a ring yesterday and was told "Oh, it's half a carat" and I thought "Oh, no wonder it looks small." Hi, I'm 26 and trying to get into grad school! I don't need a 4 carat stone with pave everywhere. I think the problem is, too, it's hard to get a sense of what smaller stones will look like because everybody wants to sell you something and so they're putting bigger rings on your finger.

Honestly, my friend I was with (who is looking at getting a 1.25 ct stone) loved the .5ct on me. And for our age group/area, it would be standard verging on big. So I just need to calm. it. down.

Whoooo, sorry to threadjack! Anyways, I think that this will pass, especially once you've got your stone set and on your finger. Until then, *big hugs*

 

[cygnet]

Hi guys, thanks for all your support! Sorry to post and run like that, it's been a busy, busy week. I'll try to write a real response to this tonight or tomorrow, I just wanted to say thanks for being friends

 

[pandabee]

I totally agree with you ladies on having a skewed view of the world...I feel like judgy mcjudgerson sometimes when I scope out my classmates rings...even though we are in grad school (almost done!!!!) some of the girls have fiances who have been out of school for quite a while so most of them have decent size rings (0.5-1+) as well as some of the pharmacists I have worked with, especially those who got married after they graduated

Lots of hugs and dust for you cygnet! Hope you always feel safe and welcome to vent away here

 

[meredeth11]

hi,i am so sorry to hear about the unhappiness that happened on you.But things had happened, you just need to face it and handle it with a good mood.This tangled emotions will make things more difficult.

 

[Adrienne2006]

Sorry to hear about your ring issues. I am 100% with you in that I feel PS has turned me into a brat. At first I was hoping for whatever random 1ct because well that's what my mom has and i always thought hers was large. (dad said he paid like 2500 26 years ago). I didn't know the 4cs could have such a effect on price. And to get the quality that I'm interested in itll be like 6k (all family members think is insane). When talking to him about the budget well I feel like a flipping gold digger and I don't like it nor should I because in relation to his salary it is actually inexpensive, we're young and should be saving though...But to me its a forever ring one I want to pass down. Then there's settings... I hate 96% of the ones I've seen in person ...

Then I look at PS diamonds and start thinking 1 is tiny then I see the price on a 1.5 and feel just terrible. I get sad/feeling bratty and wish i would have let my bf pick out the ring himself ( we've already been living together 4 years) so I'm really missing out on a surprise I pick out all my gifts, I hate that about myself. I'm not a brat just really risk adverse so I want to get the best for the money and I want to love my ring. I HATE writing him a guide with HCA calculators,angles, vendors when other guys probably just buy something that 'speaks' to them and probably costs a lot less. I feel like I completely sucked the specialness of it out, but it would be so sad if he got ripped off. I guess it wouldn't be really fun if we learned about PS after buying a subpar diamond and seeing what we could have got for same $. In an ideal world he would have found PS not me and I wouldn't even know what stats meant. Please don't feel alone we LIW just want to help, it'll be worth it in the end.

 

[Chewbacca]

cygnet, update time?

 

[cygnet]

hi ladies *sheepish wave*

I've been really bad about internetting lately. I haven't been on PS in weeks! Thanks for asking for an update though Chewbacca--- I am glad you care <3

I've been kind of up and down about the ring thing, though over the last few months, I haven't really gotten any of my excitement back. In the updates thread, you guys are coincidentally having a discussion about depression. I say coincidentally because I also struggle with depression. It's hard for me to be able to identify whether my lack of enthusiasm about this ring is due to being burned out due to a bad experience, just completely losing interest, or if it's just due to my lack of enthusiasm about everything in general. I've been a little bit up and down, had a high point a few weeks ago when I went to LA to meet with a fellow PSer and adopt her foster dog (yay!!!) but other then that, I've been feeling pretty meh. In addition, the ring refund check was made out in my name, so I put the money in my account, but I had to spend a large chunk of it to go on my dog-fetching adventure. My Rustydog is a service dog in training, and I felt that adopting him was too good of an opportunity to pass up, as buying a service dog from an agency can cost tens of thousands of dollars, so I feel that I made the right decision in the long run, even though it was an expensive trip in the short term. Rusty himself was also worth it-- we are BFFs now!

Anyway, I was pretty sure I was going to go with the jeweler I found down the street. I am still quite enamored with his work (honestly, some of the best I've ever seen, PS included!) but he's not exactly a timely fellow and at this point, I care more about just getting engaged already than I do about having the perfect ring at the time of the proposal. This jeweler created my boss' ring, which is absolutely amazing, but it took him a year and a half to do it even though it shouldn't have taken more than a few weeks. After being told that he was on the hunt for the right sidestones and then having the search be pushed back again and again and again, I've decided that it just isn't worth the effort for me at this time. I still really want him to make a ring for me in the future, but I don't have the patience for another potential custom ring fiasco-- I know it would be perfect, but I'm not willing to deal with the potential drama of it being a year later and still not being engaged and just wanting him to finish the damn thing already. So anyway, that's not happening.

Fortunately, due to my job, I'm able to purchase some really nice settings at a tremendous discount and I think I'm just going to buy one and call it good. I've had my eye on a Jeff Cooper setting for a quite a while and I think we're ready to take the leap and order the setting soon. Looks like it'll be a good match for the Octavia in terms of aesthetics, and it'll be half the price of what we were originally budgeting. Guess I can have both my ring and my dog after all. I'll upload pics in a minute.

 

[cygnet]

There's a matching little carre cut half eternity band that I think would be really nice.

 

[cygnet]

Here's a silly little mockup I made with Octavia instead.... I think the setting looks way different when combined with a step cut stone. I like it!

 

[mary poppins]

The Octavia and that setting look fabulous together. What would the time frame be for that ring?

 

[pandabee]

I like the Jeff Cooper setting you picked out with your Octavia! It adds a lot of interest and contrast without taking away from Octavia. In case you haven't kept up though, it seems like the baguette halo idea has really taken off!! I have to think you helped bring that idea back someone has a sapphire with a baguette halo [URL='https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/my-e-ring.188960/']https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/my-e-ring.188960/[/URL] and a few other people are debating trying to add a baguette halo (to a much different shaped stone though) [URL='https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/timeless-designs-by-jacob-bryan-ring-visit.189126/']https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/timeless-designs-by-jacob-bryan-ring-visit.189126/[/URL]

Sounds like your job is going well! Good to hear about your new puppy though, I saw the pictures and OH MY GOSH is he adorable.

 

[madelise]

Yay, I'm so glad everything is turning around for you again!! ;3 New furbaby, now new bling.. Soon to be new fiancé!!!!! It's a beautiful setting and I can't wait til it's on your finger!

 

[Chewbacca]

Ooo the setting does transform with a step cut! I like! I love! I can't wait to see!

 

[cygnet]

Aww thanks guys! <3

I'm pretty excited! I think once ordered, it'll be about 4-6 weeks, but you never really know. We won't order it immediately though because we have our big trip to the East coast coming up, and we don't want to spend a bunch of money right before leaving. We have wedding presents to buy for his brother and new SIL!

Oh, and I completely forgot to address the whole side discussion about size-- YEP, I totally understand about the size thing. My size is 7.25-- not huge, but bigger than average, and so many posters on PS have itty bitty fingers and huge diamonds, and it gives me a size complex as well. My diamond is totally spectacular(!), but on my finger, it definitely looks small compared to what I see on this site. Smaller, especially, because of my finger size. But then I feel ridiculous and shallow for even thinking about it-- it's just a diamond, and 1.23 carats is much larger than the average! Just not the PS average (well, I think DF wrote a post on the PS average a while back and how it's around 1ct, but that's definitely not what we see the most of here). I don't want to be a brat or a size queen but PS has totally changed my perception of what the typical engagement ring looks at. At least my job now exposes me to a lot more engagement rings on a daily basis and that's kind of helped me normalize my view of what the average diamond really looks like... so maybe mine will look big next time I try it on Either way, it's a beautiful stone and I'm lucky to have it, and I'm going to try not to let PS sway me any further....

....now having said that, I'm off to SMTB to ogle some eye candy.... Oh, PS....

 

[BriBee]

Cygnet, I'm so happy that things are looking up and your Octavia will have a gorgeous home! I also wanted to comment on what you were saying about size because I totally relate to you. I've been on PS for a while now and it definitely skews your idea of what a "big" size is. Sometimes I have to take breaks when I feel my diamond obsession growing. It's so easy to want more pieces or bigger stones when you're constantly drooling over the amazing collections you find here.
But what also helps for me is to focus on my real life peer group. When I do that, my stone is probably one of the biggest. And once in a while I even get a little embarrassed when people mention how "huge" my stone is (1.72 asscher...definitely a good size, but by PS standards, still pretty modest). I'll even find myself making excuses by saying stuff like "Ya it's kind of big, but it's a really low color!"
So my advice would be that whenever you're feeling like a "size queen" try and focus on the other rings you see day to day and usually that helps (at least for me). When I do this, I realize that if I went much bigger, I'd probably just end up feeling a little awkward because it would be so out of the norm for my group. But we're also still young, and maybe once we're older and more established we can rock bigger bling too!
And the good news is that you have an Octavia which is so rare and unique that aside from PS you'll probably never see another one IRL! Now I think THAT is really really cool!

 

[luvsdmb]

I've been married for almost two years and I am still going through the same exact thing. It sucks and I feel guilty as hell too, if I could go back and start over I would wear a plain band and not even have a diamond. I feel stupid at this point about rings, and think when I'm dead and gone who even cares what type of ring I will have had. (I know thats morbid as crap, but it's how my mind has been going with all these dumb decisions with my ring) I will probably catch some hell from the PS ladies on here for this post, but just being honest.
(I'm also a little extra grouchy today, so your post just hit me that right way to vent a little)

p.s. tomorrow I will love rings and diamonds and all that stuff again

 

[princessfeedme]

Hi Cygnet,

I've been following your unfortunate hiccups and it led me to this thread. I'm glad that you're ordering a new ring! I saved this picture from a long time ago but don't remember if it belongs to a PS-er.



I hope it helps you visualize it better and motivate you to finalize things because it'll be even MORE fabulous with an Octavia! Best of luck!

 

[Circe]

Hi Cygnet,

I've been following your unfortunate hiccups and it led me to this thread. I'm glad that you're ordering a new ring! I saved this picture from a long time ago but don't remember if it belongs to a PS-er.

I hope it helps you visualize it better and motivate you to finalize things because it'll be even MORE fabulous with an Octavia! Best of luck!

LadyAmethyst___ and some numbers (sorry, I suck with numbers). I believe she started the Royal Jewels thread and that the ring is a ... Jeff Cooper, maybe? I love that set, too.

 

[princessfeedme]

Hi Circe You're absolutely right! It belongs to LadyAmythyst69 and it's stunning. Her whole set is perfectly paired. [URL='https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/my-crisscut-band-my-asscher-finally.72784/']https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/my-crisscut-band-my-asscher-finally.72784/[/URL]

 

[pandabee]

omg Cygnet this is so bizarre but I had a dream that I logged onto preloved and saw that you were selling your beloved Octavia!!!! I was so sad then I realized it was a dream...right?? Hope everything is on track!!! <3 <3

 

[cygnet]

Oh my gosh!!! I just saw this! Thanks ladies for your kind words and I'm super excited to look at that thread! Princessfeedme, thanks so much for posting that!

Don't worry pandabee, I haven't sold it! It's been sent to Jeff Cooper and I'm awaiting its return in hopefully about 2 weeks! SO excited! Aaaahh!

 

[cygnet]

Ohmigod. Drool. I've just looked at those photos and the setting is PERFECT for an asscher. I'm even more excited now.