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I don''t get him!! Urgh!

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Kristie76

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Apr 24, 2007
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hi all:

First, I'm sorry I have to go on here ranting again about my boyfriend. I just don't get him. As for those who have read my previous posts, you guys know that my bf already has a ring for me for almost 2 months now, but hasn't proposed.
Here's the thing. For the last 1 week, we've talked about the wedding, and surprisingly, he and I had both set a date for our wedding, which is going to be May 3rd. We set out a budget and are starting to plan the wedding. I'm going to reserve a banquet room today and he had gave me the money to put down for deposit. Ok, I'm excited, really excited. BUT, but he still hasn't proposed!!! What the heck!? He has the ring next to our bed, he let me wear it at home, but he hasn't purposed! Urgh!! I've asked him again and he said "soon"! He gets upset if I keep nagging about it. So, I try not to. But I dont get it! What's the point of "surprise me" anymore when we both are planning for the big day?
Can anyone explain to me? My stomach is rolling inside out just thinking about this! I can't even discuss thsi with him because he'll get upset and blame me for "nagging".

Sorry for ranting again. Thanks for listening:)
 

TravelingGal

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Date: 6/19/2007 11:44:54 AM
Author:Kristie76
hi all:

First, I''m sorry I have to go on here ranting again about my boyfriend. I just don''t get him. As for those who have read my previous posts, you guys know that my bf already has a ring for me for almost 2 months now, but hasn''t proposed.
Here''s the thing. For the last 1 week, we''ve talked about the wedding, and surprisingly, he and I had both set a date for our wedding, which is going to be May 3rd. We set out a budget and are starting to plan the wedding. I''m going to reserve a banquet room today and he had gave me the money to put down for deposit. Ok, I''m excited, really excited. BUT, but he still hasn''t proposed!!! What the heck!? He has the ring next to our bed, he let me wear it at home, but he hasn''t purposed! Urgh!! I''ve asked him again and he said ''soon''! He gets upset if I keep nagging about it. So, I try not to. But I dont get it! What''s the point of ''surprise me'' anymore when we both are planning for the big day?
Can anyone explain to me? My stomach is rolling inside out just thinking about this! I can''t even discuss thsi with him because he''ll get upset and blame me for ''nagging''.

Sorry for ranting again. Thanks for listening:)
Well, if that''s how you feel, would you be OK with him just handing you the ring and saying "here." ? My guess that you probably still want to be asked. And if that''s true, my guess is that he may still want to attempt to surprise you. Humor him.
 

aprilcait

Brilliant_Rock
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He probably has something up his sleeve in terms of the proposal (I mean that in a good way... he's planning/planned it all out). You've made HUGE head way by already nailing down a date and diving into planning the wedding, so you know the proposal is coming. I know this is easier said than done, but just sit back and allow him to surprise you. Keep planning the wedding, keep looking forward to it, but just let him propose to you in a manner he feels you deserve (without nagging).
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It's tough waiting now, but it'll be worth it in the end.

(Just edited to move my smiley face to the end of the paragraph... my smiley decided to move to the beginning on the post. Whoops!)
 

Haven

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Kristie, the wait must be so frustrating but the wedding planning part should be fun! Don''t let his stubborn withholding of the ring ruin the joy of preparing to get married! (I know, MUCH easier said than done, I know.)

How would he react if you said something like "You know, I''m just not comfortable making any more plans until we have a real engagement here"? At least that would make it clear that it is important to you that you have a "real" commitment before you move on with the planning. I think guys just don''t understand how important the formal side of the engagement really is to us, I think they figure that we just know that they love us and that should be enough. Aaah, poor men!
 

snlee

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I agree with what others have said. Your bf probably has something planned or is planning something. Try to be patient a little while longer. I know it''s hard but just remember, you''ll only be waiting for a proposal once in your life! Soon you''ll be engaged with the ring on your finger and married in less than a year!
 

Stephanie

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May 25, 2007
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Again, I have to agree with everyone else. But I completely understand the torture... And I know that it''s easy for us to say take it easy and hard for you to not want that ring now! It will be so worth waiting for though.

And now you have something to keep your mind off the actual proposal - the wedding plans! Just keep yourself busy and it will happen before you know it. (I know that looking at wedding stuff when you don''t have a ring on your finger is hard, but at least he is already planning it with you.) He''s just trying to make you tough it out. When you least expect it, he will ask.

Just find something else to talk about - I actually started listening to NPR, reading, and watching the news more just to keep my mind busy!
 

elaineh

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May 13, 2007
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kristie, i know exactly how you feel and how frustrating it is! my bf has had the ring for a couple of weeks now, but i still don''t have the ring on my finger.
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i''m waiting for him to talk to my parents and his parents, but he keeps backing out. argh! we''re not as far along as you are...we''re not planning for the wedding nor do we have a date. but some times i just feel like giving up. just forget it....i hate waiting!
 

Kristie76

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Apr 24, 2007
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thank you all for the support, again:) *hugs*
I had told him that it''s torturning for me to wait for him, at the same time trying to get myself into planning a good wedding without a ring. I went to reserve a banquet room yesterday and I had to try to cover my hand. I didn''t want people to think "where''s the ring". it''s quite embarrass!
I''m trying to not think about it, as many have suggested. But it''s also very hard to not think about it, because I''m thinking about how to plan the wedding all the time. So, the ring goes together with the planning.
I''m not trying to stereotype anyone, but come one guys, why the wait...especially if your woman is miserable waiting! I just dont get them
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TravelingGal

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I don''t quite understand why you can''t plan a good wedding without a ring. Isn''t the point the fact that you know someone wants to marry you, and you already KNOW this (since you guys are planning the wedding).


I do understand that people do look at a woman''s hand as soon as she says she''s engaged. But in this day and age, it''s more common to find people are doing things "differently." A lot of women are old fashioned I guess and the ring somehow greenlights going forward with wedding planning. I think it''s being a bit paranoid to try and cover your hand while being at a wedding venue. I am sure those people see women all the time without rings. I went and signed up for our venue without a ring and it wasn''t a big deal. The next time I met with the coordinator, I had a ring. I doubt she noticed either time.


I realize people are wired differently and this is really bugging you. If you feel you can''t meet with wedding people without a ring anymore, I would suggest you take a twist tie and wear it around your ring finger in the sun for a day or two. Then maybe people will see the ring tanline and figure you aren''t wearing the ring for the moment.

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JenStone

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Kristie, I thought about you this morning when I burst out to my boyfriend: "Okay it''s been almost two weeks - where''s my proposal?!?" (I swear it sounded so much better in my head
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He then explained how he''s planning something special and needs the time to set everything into place, etc. And of course I had to keep bugging him about it until he started getting annoyed.
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Anyway, just wanted to let you know that I was thinking about you and I really can''t imagine what you''re going through right now...I''m dying after just two weeks!
 

Pandora II

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Re the ring - I didn''t see mine until I''d been engaged nearly 6 months. If people asked, I just said I was a gemnut and wanted the fun of designing my own so it was being made.

I did get a placeholder eternity ring - but found people just weren''t sure if it was an e-ring or not.
 

aljdewey

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Date: 6/20/2007 4:19:20 PM
Author: TravelingGal

I do understand that people do look at a woman''s hand as soon as she says she''s engaged. But in this day and age, it''s more common to find people are doing things ''differently.'' A lot of women are old fashioned I guess and the ring somehow greenlights going forward with wedding planning. I think it''s being a bit paranoid to try and cover your hand while being at a wedding venue. I am sure those people see women all the time without rings. I went and signed up for our venue without a ring and it wasn''t a big deal. The next time I met with the coordinator, I had a ring. I doubt she noticed either time.

Gotta agree with T/Gal here.

Honestly, I don''t think there''s anything more that catches a vendor''s attention than the DEPOSIT. They don''t get paid with your ring.
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If you''re putting a deposit, I''m sure they don''t a whit what you''re wearing....or not.
 

Independent Gal

Ideal_Rock
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Nov 12, 2006
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5,471
Unless the vendor is a PS''er, of course! and then they would be totally checking out the bling, very first thing. Haha!
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I''m sure T''Gal and alj are right that no one would really care. What business is it of theirs anyway, so long as they get your BUSINESS!

Still, I hear ya! My guy has the ring too, and has for about 6 weeks now, although in my case I told him to put the breaks on until I was over my little freak-out (which I think I am! yay!). And I confess I was too shy to go into a bridal store I walked by without a ring on my hand.
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Kristie76

Rough_Rock
Joined
Apr 24, 2007
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33
Thanks all for your input and support.
JenStone, thanks for thinking about me. Yes, it''s frustrating..the longer you wait. But I know it''s on the way..just dont know when, and not knowing when is the key that drives me insane. But I keep telling myself..ok, I already have the ring, just not wearing it.. LOL. Kinda telling myself into thinking..he already proposed!
Well, hang in there...I know it''s easy to say than done..and I''m sure we all go through phases of wanting it ..and then lost interest because of the wait..and then back to wanting it badly. But hey...we are all humans...
One thing though, I will make sure my bf will have a big kick on his butt for letting me wait so long when he finally give me that ring...
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Becky P

Shiny_Rock
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Sep 7, 2006
Messages
272
Hey! First of all, at least you know he has the ring! My guy will not tell me anything, I''m sure I won''t be involved in the ring looking or buying, and I''ll never know when he has the ring. So, first, thank your lucky stars that you know for sure that he actually has a ring and is going to propose in the near future!

Secondly, lots of women just say that the "ring is being sized" if anyone notices that they don''t have a ring yet.

Third, my brother and his fiance (who are getting married in 2 weeks!!!) had at least half of their wedding planned before they were officially engaged. They talked about it, decided they wanted to get married, and knew they wanted to get married on 7-7-07 (their 3rd anniversary). So, in order to be sure they had the best selection of vendors, they just booked them all quickly. I think over the course of a week and a half, they booked ceremony location, reception location, photographer, DJ and caterer. Then, they finished saving up for the ring, went and bought it, and they''ve been able to actually enjoy their engagement rather than worry about all the little piddly wedding details. In my opinion, this was the best way to plan everything!!! Way in advance, and then just relax and enjoy the time together!

Good luck! It''ll happen soon! In the meantime, just relax and realize that you''re one of the lucky girls who actually knows that their bf has a ring and will be proposing soon!!!
 

designchica

Shiny_Rock
Joined
May 30, 2007
Messages
260
If he''s already bought the ring, my guess is that he is not questioning whether you are really the one for him. He knows that already, that''s why he bought the ring! He probably just wants you to be caught off gaurd and maybe he wants to try to plan something really special for a romantic proposal.
 

pyramid

Ideal_Rock
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Kristie

I remember reading on a wedding forum years ago about this girl who had the same thing as you but worse he kept her waiting a year with him having the ring until he proposed. She got her own back though, not long after the proposal she bought him a music system which she knew he had said he would like, they lived together, so she then put it to her parents house for storage in the box, and then told him she had bought it and even showed him the receipt as proof, then she said she was going to give it to him when she wanted because she wanted to surprise him. I can''t remember how long she waited it was less than a year, maybe four months or so, but she kept mentioning it and when he said well can I get it now, she reminded him about the wait she had for the engagement ring. She did say though that he covered it up well and more than she did, so I think it is still worse for girls.
 

fabcrab

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Sep 2, 2006
Messages
507
I''m sorry you''re going through this!! Please try to hang in there...it''s going to happen sooner than you think. It may take your mind off the whole proposal thing if you hold off planning the wedding any further. Guys can be impossible to understand sometimes. Who knows, maybe he''s planning an elaborate proposal
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