How to be surprised?

[mintve]

OK, so the FF and I were talking and he is a bit afraid that by me doing all my research on PS and learning what ring I want that I will settle for nothing less, so he wants me involved in the actual buying process. That puts him between a rock and a hard place b/c he knows i love surprises and he loves to surprise me. A proposal would be the ultimate surprise, but if I help him choose the ring before hand, it takes some the wind out of his sail.

so, i''ve been thinking of options:

1. he toyed with the idea of "renting a ring" from a pawn shop or jeweler to act as a stand for the proposal, until we have a ring made
2. my mom thought it would be clever to get a plastic ring from chuck e cheese or a vending machine or a CZ ring from macy''s as a stand in
3. i also thought of a simple "promise" ring to stand in the place of the ering, until we get it

OR

would you find one or two settings, tell him where he can get the best deal, then give him the specs of your dream stone and a handful of vendors (I would give him online and B&M, so he has a choice) who will have the best selection. But I would need to be very specific about numbers and certs, etc. and let him get whatever size he can afford? If I go this route I may send one of my goof friends who has an eye for nice jewelry with him.

What are your thoughts? suggestions? experiences?

I suppose I can suggest both "stand in ring" or the "buy the whole ring" idea and leave it up to him...that way whatever he decides, it will be a surprise.

I am just wondering if anyone has any other ideas????

 

[DMBsGirl]

Myself and FF also want to maintain some of the traditional proposal surprise element. For this reason, I have given him pictures of what I want and names of vendors that I know won''t rip him off. The rest is up to him. I won''t know when its been bought or any other details. I actually prefer it this way, I get to have a say but will be totally surprised as well.

 

[sunnyd]

i think both ideas are good! but would you want to have more of a say in what you''re getting? i''m torn in that arena too...at first i wanted to pick out everything with him, but now i kinda want the surprise. i gave my FF guidelines and a couple of options.

i guess it depends on what you want more - the surprise element or the exact ring you want. good luck!!

 

[MoonWater]

I''m in a similar boat as you and this is what we decided to do. We knew the ring would be custom and we agreed on the design and everything. However I''m the one that learned about diamonds and knew exactly what specs I wanted (or at the least, the lowest in quality I would go). I also knew everything I would need to point out in the custom process to get the exact look we were going for. So we decided that I would do the CAD process, make sure everything was to my liking and they would put it on file. It will be up to him to choose the stone (again, within my parameters lol) and give the go ahead to create the ring. I will not see the final product until he proposes therefore leaving a HUGE element of surprise (seriously, I''m actually nervous!)

We actually just completed the CAD process and I''m just waiting. ACK!

 

[Miscka]

my solution to this was a bit unorthodox. I wrote up everything he would need to know, and gave it to him in an envelope for when he is ready. He loooooved the idea, since it will be a big help, and I will have NO idea when it is coming at all. I told him the sooner the better, of course, but the rest is up to him! I am working on the info now, and trying to weed through all I have learned here to summarize. I am really happy with it tho, since I know I will be completely surprised. I love surprises!! I love Moonwaters idea too, if we were going custom I would do that too. Good luck!

 

[mintve]

Miscka-

I love the envelope idea. I think that is what I will do!!! That way, if he decides to get the actual ring for the proposal, he will have all the info! What a great idea!!! I already have loads of info, now I can make it nice and tidy and organized

 

[Deelight]

I would give him parameters for your choice of rock and setting ideas and explicit instructions on how to register on PS he can then get help here picking the stone for you without your help

it takes a little of the pressure off for you worrying about what he may pick. This way the ring and the proposal will be a complete surprise but he is still getting the benefit of research.

 

[somethingshiny]

Here''s how I see it. You have talked about getting married obviously. Anyone who''s talked about getting married and thought it was a good idea, KNOWS they are going to be proposed to sooner or later. So, you pick out your ring. He purchases it when appropriate and holds on to it until time for the "perfect" proposal. It will still be a surprise of when, where, how, etc.

 

[bee*]

Date: 11/21/2007 12:06:24 AM
Author: somethingshiny
Here''s how I see it. You have talked about getting married obviously. Anyone who''s talked about getting married and thought it was a good idea, KNOWS they are going to be proposed to sooner or later. So, you pick out your ring. He purchases it when appropriate and holds on to it until time for the ''perfect'' proposal. It will still be a surprise of when, where, how, etc.

I agree with this-we had numerous talks about getting engaged and married, and we picked our ring together in July and he proposed in October and it was a surprise.

 

[MoonWater]

Date: 11/20/2007 6:25:09 PM
Author: Miscka
my solution to this was a bit unorthodox. I wrote up everything he would need to know, and gave it to him in an envelope for when he is ready. He loooooved the idea, since it will be a big help, and I will have NO idea when it is coming at all. I told him the sooner the better, of course, but the rest is up to him! I am working on the info now, and trying to weed through all I have learned here to summarize. I am really happy with it tho, since I know I will be completely surprised. I love surprises!! I love Moonwaters idea too, if we were going custom I would do that too. Good luck!

Oh man Miscka, I actually tried what you''re doing first. But I am so obsessive when it comes to details about design things that I wrote too much! I mean WAY too much. I knew it would be overwhelming for the poor guy. That''s when I decided I should just do the CAD. I know he''s relieved.

 

[Miscka]

Date: 11/21/2007 9:17:00 AM
Author: MoonWater

Date: 11/20/2007 6:25:09 PM
Author: Miscka
my solution to this was a bit unorthodox. I wrote up everything he would need to know, and gave it to him in an envelope for when he is ready. He loooooved the idea, since it will be a big help, and I will have NO idea when it is coming at all. I told him the sooner the better, of course, but the rest is up to him! I am working on the info now, and trying to weed through all I have learned here to summarize. I am really happy with it tho, since I know I will be completely surprised. I love surprises!! I love Moonwaters idea too, if we were going custom I would do that too. Good luck!

Oh man Miscka, I actually tried what you''re doing first. But I am so obsessive when it comes to details about design things that I wrote too much! I mean WAY too much. I knew it would be overwhelming for the poor guy. That''s when I decided I should just do the CAD. I know he''s relieved.

Uh oh, how much is too much??

Glad I could help, Mintve! I hope it works out well for you.

 

[MoonWater]

Well, I realized it was so hard for me to explain certain details that in my attempt to explain specifically what items i was refering to (ex: metal band of the halo right around the diamond should be thin) I was just rambling. After a while there was probably no way he could sort through every detail well enough. Or maybe he could, but it would have been stressful for him (i''m seriously picky about details and he knows it, he would have been worried sick that it wasn''t right). I ended up with like, five typed pages lol....horrible. I gave up.

 

[Pandora II]

My FI doesn't like the 'idea' of marriage very much (parents messy divorce and complete split up of the 4 brothers between them etc) and had been reinforcing this to me and all our friends for the six months during which he was planning the proposal. He blew me away with a completely surprise proposal that was totally us, that I wanted like crazy, but had given up all hope of.

He proposed with a limited edition Scrabble set - so I have something physical to keep from the occasion. It was also a very romantic moment that was totally about us and not the ring.

Then he gave me an antique sapphire and diamond eternity band a month later as a placeholder while I was designing my own e-ring (I design a lot of jewellery and e-rings for other people so I REALLY wanted to do my own). He loved to see me so absorbed and excited obsessing over all the details:

'A Pandora with a PROJECT, is a happy Pandora' is one of his favourite phrases.

All in all, I got 3 proposals and 2 rings - one chosen by him, and one by me... best of all worlds!

 

[MoonWater]

That''s so cool! I didn''t realize you designed your own ring. I''m assuming he pics are posted somewhere around here?

 

[Pandora II]

Date: 11/23/2007 10:42:07 AM
Author: MoonWater
That''s so cool! I didn''t realize you designed your own ring. I''m assuming he pics are posted somewhere around here?

Not yet - I''m posting them up at Xmas when it comes back from having a few changes done.

I was a professional jewellery designer a few years ago for a big Italian company - sadly most of what I did was nasty big things for the arab market and stuff for QVC.

If anyone knows the ID Bangle that was popular in the US in 2002 - big gold thing where the ends opened up and you could put little lazered gold pieces in with initials, horoscope signs etc etc in. That was one of mine - we sold 60kg of the stuff. My boss was very happy!

I used to stand outside the Faberge and Roberto Coin stands at tradefairs and think why can''t I have a job designing nice things, or at least things where it didn''t have to be under 10g including a 5g clasp. Depressing I tell you!

 

[MoonWater]

I can imagine your frustration with not being able to design pieces that you would like to, however, I still think it''s an awesome job. People all over the world wear things that you design! At least you get to do your own Ering and I can''t wait for you to post pics!

 

[mintve]

Do you think its OK to choose a handful of stones at a few different price ranges and let him know these options so he can them make his selection?

We looked at some settings the other day and he commented that I am very picky and he would be afraid to choose the center stone w/o me. But, he does want to surprise me and part of me really wants the actual ring at the proposal...am I being crazy??? I suppose I will be really suprised no matter what...grrrr....I am such a planner, its so hard for me to just let things happen

 

[Miscka]

Mintve, it sounds like we think alike! I am a super-planner too, which makes poor BF afraid to "mess up", even though I wouldn''t actually care. I think its totally fine to show him stones, could you show him ones with specs you like, so that he can either get those or similar? I made my BF a "wishlist" at WF with stones that I like, and even if they are gone when he gets ready to buy he will see what kinds of #s I like. Did you give him setting options? I am giving 3, and letting him choose the one that he likes the most, and that will be a surprise.

 

[jfus]

I was very much a part of the ring picking process and knew roughly when it would be done.. I badgered my now fiance to no end lol.. so there was no element of surprise when the ring arrived. HE actually sent me a text pic of it last tuesday and tuesday night I had the ring on my finger!

But I was laughing when he pulled the ring box out.. he was laughing as well because I knew all along the what the story was with my ring.. but you know what? It was still a very sweet private moment for both of us.. and afterwards we went to dinner to celebrate!

I wouldn''t change how it happened at all.. I mean we had talked about marriage for a few months now... and bought a house together about 3 months ago.. so it was going to happen!!! And to top it off I got to pick out my DREAM RING from ERD!

 

[mintve]

I have a top setting and a second place setting and I may come up with one more. I also have a feeling he will buy from a B&M, so its even more important that I see the stones b/c i know what looks I prefer in a stone (more fire for instance). I know I am obsessive, but I can''t help it I am afraid he will get bad advvice from a friend. he already asked why we would not by a setting w/ the stone already in it. I told him that the pre-set stone was not as good as one we could get as a loose stone.

Another friend suggested I just give him color and clarity b/c that was all he needed for a good stone, but I know there is more to it than that. If he buys online, then the science will take over, but if he buys in person, then he has to be more careful and judge it more on beauty, specs and his ability to negotiate...