he wants it to be a surprise...

[mimzy]

i''m very frustrated.

like most of you, i was somewhat involved in the picking out of my ering. but now that that part is behind us, my BF seems almost resentful that it can''t be a surprise engagement, that i''ll see it coming. So now he is saying that i shouldn''t have any expectations other than within like 8-12 months so that he can make it a surprise. I understand that he''s had this ideal scenario in his head where i am completely taken aback and shocked, but we have talked about it so much and for so long and i know that he already has the ring (or will in the next few days) that i can''t help but at least be hopeful. I feel bad that he can''t have that super surprise element, but not quite bad enough to be completely cool with him waiting for so long! How do i make him understand that just because i know it is going to happen that it doesn''t make it any less special or wonderful (and that it CAN still be a surprise as to exactly when), and that waiting that long is not going to make it a better experience?

 

[Stephanie]

Didn't Independent post something like this? She knew the day it was going to happen - even contemplated getting a manicure. But she still said it was magical. There is no replacing the moment that he asks you for your eternal love. Have you told him about the kind of proposal you want public, private? Have you told him some of your favorite PS stories?

 

[mimzy]

stephanie,

i know it will be magical! i just need help convincing him that it will be....even if i might see it coming (i''m not talking specifics, just a few weeks range). When he asked what kind of proposal i would like i told him whatever he is comfortable with (he is pretty shy so i didn''t think he would do a public proposal, but he is very family oriented, so he might want them involved). i really have no expectations about the actual proposal. I just want to start our life together!

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 8/10/2007 10:59:30 AM
Author: mimzy
stephanie,


i know it will be magical! i just need help convincing him that it will be....even if i might see it coming (i''m not talking specifics, just a few weeks range). When he asked what kind of proposal i would like i told him whatever he is comfortable with (he is pretty shy so i didn''t think he would do a public proposal, but he is very family oriented, so he might want them involved). i really have no expectations about the actual proposal. I just want to start our life together!

I would tell him just that. Maybe, with all the shopping you did together for the ring, and talking about the sort of proposal you want, he''s gotten bogged down and has lost the meaning behind all that stuff. Maybe you should take him out somewhere nice for dinner, maybe, and talk to him about how, ultimately, the ring and the manner of the proposal doesn''t mean anything as long as, at the bottom of it all, he''s asking you that question. It sounds to me like he just needs to get focused back on what it''s all about, so tell him how it''s more about starting a life with him that it is about anything else. Sometimes guys need to hear that sappy stuff too.

 

[cherry_vanilla]

Since he will or soon will have the ring, maybe:

A) He''s intentionally throwing you off with the 8-12 month range (though if I was him and that was my plan, I wouldn''t admit to it coming in so soon!) I know this has happened to a few ladies here!
B) He already has it planned out around something that WILL happen in 8-12 months. An anniversary, vacation, graduation/promotion, you mentioned family is important so maybe a reunion or something? And thus he "has" to wait for then for it to be a special surprise.

To me, it doesn''t seem like he''d be telling you it''d be that long JUST so you''d "forget" and it''d be a total surprise by then. That is crazy logic to me, but then again when is anything "logical" in waiting

 

[Stephanie]

Board just freaked out on me...

Gwen you are right on. Mimzy, pour on the sap! Get him thinking about why he wants to marry you and why you want to marry him.. It''ll happen soon! I wanna see that ring...

 

[whenharrymetsally]

Date: 8/10/2007 11:12:47 AM
Author: cherry_vanilla
Since he will or soon will have the ring, maybe:

A) He''s intentionally throwing you off with the 8-12 month range (though if I was him and that was my plan, I wouldn''t admit to it coming in so soon!) I know this has happened to a few ladies here!
B) He already has it planned out around something that WILL happen in 8-12 months. An anniversary, vacation, graduation/promotion, you mentioned family is important so maybe a reunion or something? And thus he ''has'' to wait for then for it to be a special surprise.

To me, it doesn''t seem like he''d be telling you it''d be that long JUST so you''d ''forget'' and it''d be a total surprise by then. That is crazy logic to me, but then again when is anything ''logical'' in waiting

I agree with Cherry_vanilla.

My FI did exactly that! I was involved in choosing the ring and setting and he was a teeny bit upset that he didn''t have the full element of surprise. He had the ring in his possession and would tell me that it could be anytime up to one year (i waited almost exactly 3 months to the day). He is also a VERY VERY private person...but he floored me in all aspects! He proposed when i absolutely did not expect it AND he did a VERY public proposal!!!

Mimzy..hopefully your soon to be FI will realize that even though you know he has or will have the ring and know what the ring looks like..nothing will really prepare you for the moment that he proposes!!!

I hope it happens soon for you!

 

[mimzy]

thanks girls! you''re all so encouraging.

 

[bee*]

Date: 8/10/2007 11:12:47 AM
Author: cherry_vanilla
Since he will or soon will have the ring, maybe:


A) He''s intentionally throwing you off with the 8-12 month range (though if I was him and that was my plan, I wouldn''t admit to it coming in so soon!) I know this has happened to a few ladies here!

B) He already has it planned out around something that WILL happen in 8-12 months. An anniversary, vacation, graduation/promotion, you mentioned family is important so maybe a reunion or something? And thus he ''has'' to wait for then for it to be a special surprise.


To me, it doesn''t seem like he''d be telling you it''d be that long JUST so you''d ''forget'' and it''d be a total surprise by then. That is crazy logic to me, but then again when is anything ''logical'' in waiting

I so agree-I think that he''s trying to put you off the scent by giving you that timeframe.