Guy "in waiting"

[argh&stuff]

Hi all.

I just wanted to add a male perspective to the waiting game. I, too, cannot wait til the day I get to ask the girl of my dreams made real to be my wife forever. And ever.

I can''t think about her and not smile, and the work going into learning about diamonds and the C''s (and good grief, there is a LOT of stuff beyond the C''s I''m supposed to be learning, too!) is more than worth the payoff of having an end product that creates that fabulous smile on her face.

So yeah, I am very much a guy in waiting. It''s hard, saving up the money, keeping the secrets, making decisions about the ring while keeping her likes and dislikes in mind. We''re coming up on our one year anniversary (she does monthly anniversaries. I''ve never dated a woman who''s done that, but she just gets so happy to celebrate every little thing with me. It''s endearing.), and I have been thinking about asking her on that day, April 17. We''ll see.

Are any of you "ladies in waiting" living apart from your guy? My girl and I don''t live together, and we have both decided that we want to stay that way until we are married. I cannot wait to wake up next to her every day, though. There have been times when we''ve fallen asleep watching a movie or whatnot, and I''ve never slept so well in my life. I am at peace with her, and it amazes me.

I can''t think of a better gift God could have bestowed upon me. I can''t wait until we are bound together as one. We''re both a bit old fashioned, and we talk all the time about life together. I want it so badly to be RIGHT now.

I know a lot of you are thinking, "hey, you''re in control of that, though." Yeah, I am, but I''m planning and saving and praying and doing all the things that it takes for the prep work. So, girls, just know that when a man is finally "gotten" by his love, he''ll climb mountains and even research diamonds and hang out in "girly" forums for his girl.

Here''s hoping the love you feel for your man today lasts a lifetime... True love never has to die. I am convinced. I get to marry my best friend! What a blessing!

 

[Mandarine]

awww...aren''t you cute??

You sound very much in love!

My BF and I live a little bit far away so we can only be together on the weekends.....and I just love waking up next to him!!! just thinking about it makes me smile

The hardest part of waiting for me is not being able to kiss him good night and good morning every day!!!!!!!!

Enjoy your love and all your planning!!

 

[gracie007]

gah, you are so nice i do not live with my boyfriend and will not until we get married..that is what i am definelty looking forward too! that was really the nicest post..I think you should print it out and show it to her one day///..

 

[argh&stuff]

I should, Gracie. I''m all the time sending her letters and being "mushy." I was never like this, I mean, never, until I met her. She is my gift my God. And I plan on treasuring her forever.

We''re in our mid-late 20''s (I''ll be 29 in May; she turned 26 in November), and we seem to be outside of the norm with relation to our co-workers. At both of our work places, those who aren''t married but are in relationships live together, and sort of think it odd that we don''t. Firstly, we don''t live near one another and she won''t begin looking for work in my area until we are engaged (by mutual decision so no "pressure" would be put on either of us). More over, we try to keep our values and morals in tact during our relationship, and living together would make that nearly impossible.

I''m SO glad I found this forum/ web site, because I was introduced to a ring that was inspired by my girl''s favorite flower, a tulip. That is definitely what I''m going to go for... and to think, I''d never have known about it otherwise.

 

[Mandarine]

TOO cute!......I love all the mushy stuff

I respect your decisions to not live together. Me and my BF are in the same boat. I won''t start looking for a job by his area until the plans are very solid (by mutual decision also)...it''s hard, but it''s worth the wait

M~

 

[firebirdgold]

Oh that''s so sweet and romantic!! I agree, you need to give that to her sometime.

I don''t live with my guy either, although at least we live in the same town. When I do wake up next to him, I get this warm glow just thinking how lucky I am and how much I look forward to waking up next to him every day for the rest of our lives.

In previous discussions we both agreed that living together before being married was not something we wanted to do. However, he keeps talking about selling his house the second he can next winter (signed something he shouldn''t have). And, well, there''s a bunch of currently unpredictable stuff that will impact our living arragements, so I''m not certain if we will be able to keep to the ideal. But worst case scenario we''d be engaged with only a few months to go, and how bad could that be? (don''t answer, I don''t want to know).

 

[argh&stuff]

Mandarine,

I can''t tell you the number of times she''s had a hard day, and I''ve thought to myself, "if only she were here." It just about kills me to have only a phone to hold when I know what she needs is me at that moment. We take out time to pray, but still, I wish I could be with her.

And here lately we''ve caught ourselves headed somewhere, but instead we get distracted by "house for sale" signs. It breaks my heart to look over at her in the car, and know where her head is, and where her heart is, and to know that the logistics of where we live is difficult for her. It is for me, too, but I try to be strong for her.

Last weekend was particularly hard for her when she had to leave and head home.. I was so tempted to just do it, but I know I want to do it the right way. She deserves that, and while it''d be fun and great in the moment, I want us to have a story full of "preciousness" as she says, with regard to the day we pledged to become one.

 

[argh&stuff]

Wren,

Have you two become engaged yet? Do you find yourself trying not to bring it up to him? I can tell when I look at her when she''s thinking about it, but refuses to say anything about it.

In the beginning, when we both first realized marriage was where we were headed, she brought it up ALL the time. Honestly, it was a little bit of overkill, and it sort of put me on edge for a while, even though I knew that was where we''d be one day. I wanted to let the relationship flow naturally; she was more like, "heck, we know we want it, so let''s GO!" She''s calmed down a good deal now, but knows it''s just around the corner. I can see it every time she wants to bring it up, but she does good and only mentions something about the actual engagement, say every five days or so.

I don''t mind it at all now, though. It''s funny and cute. And I sort of like trying to mess with her head (but only because I want her to have a surprise, and if she had it her way, she''d know all about the ring, the day I plan to ask, the time of day, where we''ll be, what time it will be, what I''ll say, and all that...)

 

[E B]

How sweet are you?

Definitely print this out and show it to her (after the engagement, of course). She'll treasure it. I know I would!

 

[argh&stuff]

Heehee...

Maybe when I finally get to ask her, and she asks, "how''d you pick such a great ring?" I can whip out a copy of the thread all you awesome people helped me with, and say, "well... I have some friends..."

 

[Kaleigh]

Argh,
Can I just say you are too cute for words. You have gone at this with such enthusiasm and it is so refreshing to see a guy put forth so much effort into choosing the right stone and setting. I knew there was a tullip setting and am glad I told you about it even though I had no clue who sold them etc... Good luck you guys sound like the nicest couple. It''s been a pleasure getting to know you!!!

Lisa

 

[argh&stuff]

Kaliegh,

Um, I''m not as full as much gusto as I was yesterday to look for diamonds. It kind of bogged me down to a degree, and it''s kind of intense trying to decide how to best spend the amount of money I have to work with... But I really can''t reiterate enough how much I appreciate the advice and suggestions and tutorials I''ve found here.

So, instead of looking at diamonds at all tonight, I''m hanging out in a "ladies in waiting" forum, talking about my girl...

How about you? Are you married yet? Engaged? Where''s the thread to your story?

(This is almost as bad as me watching the "lifetime movie network." My buddies would be laughing at me hardcore right now...)

 

[anchor31]

You sound like such a sweet guy with such a great lady! Congratulations!

My boyfriend and I don''t live together and we''re coming up on three years. We are getting engaged before the New Year, but we most probably won''t move in together for another three years do to my school situation, but at least starting in September we''ll no longer be long-distance. We''ll probably get married that summer and then move in together. It''s hard to wait and it''ll be hard to keep waiting, but it''ll be worth it in the end. People always assume since I''m transfering and going back home to a local college that J and I will move in together, but we thought it through and know it''s better this way. We won''t start off our marriage in debts, and that''s very important.

You''re doing a great job trying to find the perfect ring to go with your perfect lady! Good luck and keep us posted!

 

[Blenheim]

I don''t have all that much to add, but it sounds like the two of you make such a cute couple! You''re so sweet.

And while you''re in control of the proposal date and thus responsible for the waiting, it sounds like you''re trying to make it perfect. I''m sure she''ll love it and that the waiting will be worth it.

 

[argh&stuff]

I sure hope so! Not to be crude or anything, but I want to get married and finally get to have some sex!

(Okay, that wasn''t appropriate to post, and I apologize, but I''m SO ready to be a married man. Especially to such a loving woman. Get this... she HATES video games, and doesn''t like it when I play games with my buddies, because it''s "so pointless." However, she surprised the heck out of me this Christmas with an Xbox of my own! And several games!! Talk about sacrificial love...)

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 3/1/2006 10:00:04 PM
Author: argh&stuff
Kaliegh,

Um, I''m not as full as much gusto as I was yesterday to look for diamonds. It kind of bogged me down to a degree, and it''s kind of intense trying to decide how to best spend the amount of money I have to work with... But I really can''t reiterate enough how much I appreciate the advice and suggestions and tutorials I''ve found here.

So, instead of looking at diamonds at all tonight, I''m hanging out in a ''ladies in waiting'' forum, talking about my girl...

How about you? Are you married yet? Engaged? Where''s the thread to your story?

(This is almost as bad as me watching the ''lifetime movie network.'' My buddies would be laughing at me hardcore right now...)

Now I am a sucker for the Life time movies!!! They are great to watch on a Sunday. I''m married almost 20 years. My daughter is 17 and off to college next year and my son is 15. I worked for a fine jewelry store for years, managed the diamond department but got held up one too many times. Found PS and found a home here. There is a thread of my story in the who''s who section but it''s a boring read, Lol!!!

 

[anchor31]

Date: 3/1/2006 10:24:41 PM
Author: argh&stuff
Get this... she HATES video games, and doesn''t like it when I play games with my buddies, because it''s ''so pointless.'' However, she surprised the heck out of me this Christmas with an Xbox of my own! And several games!! Talk about sacrificial love...)

Hmm... That sounds familiar...

I''m not fond of video games myself, but I''m buying him an XBOX as his engagement present! He''s thrilled. Sacrificial love, eh? I see it more like an symbol of my accepting who he is, things that bug me included!

Plus, he wants it, and since I''ll be buying it, he can double my ring budget!!

At first, as much as I didn''t really see the point in spending money on video games because it''s "pointless", to borrow your girlfriend''s expression, he didn''t see the point in buying more than a few hundred bucks on a ring as it is also "pointless". As we discussed all this, we realized what''s important to each of us, and we understood each other better, I think. We really want to make each other happy, so I decided to give the console to him with the guizmos and a game, and he upped his budget to 2k.

 

[Blenheim]

I'm not sure if you lurked much before joining (like me), but quite a few LIW grads have said that while waiting can be excrutiating at times, it is a fond memory in the end. There's something to be said for delayed gratification.

 

[researcher]

Date: 3/1/2006 10:24:41 PM
Author: argh&stuff
I sure hope so! Not to be crude or anything, but I want to get married and finally get to have some sex!


(Okay, that wasn''t appropriate to post, and I apologize, but I''m SO ready to be a married man. Especially to such a loving woman. Get this... she HATES video games, and doesn''t like it when I play games with my buddies, because it''s ''so pointless.'' However, she surprised the heck out of me this Christmas with an Xbox of my own! And several games!! Talk about sacrificial love...)

This post cracks me up. I too am anything BUT a game lover. However, my now hubby (married in August) LOVES video games. And despite my not understanding why he loves them, I know they make him happy. So, I not only buy him games now and again but I give him every Tuesday night from 6-midnight to play "World of Warcraft" with his friends (no joke, they have the headsets so they can talk "live" and everything). He also HAS to play each morning, but always comes back to bed when I wake up (he''s an early riser (4-5AM))

Now, back to living together, my hubby and I did move in together before we were married, but we lived as roommates. Our place has two master suites, so he had his room and I had mine. It was nice to each have our own space, but to be able to spend time together more easily. But, we did not move in together even as roommates until we''d decided to start looking for a ring--and spend the rest of our lives together!

I really respect your choice to wait to move in together until marriage. Had my now hubby and my leases not been up when they were we probably would have waited (my dad is a minister and psychologist and never wanted me to move in with my SO until I was married). But, we felt that we''d committed ourselves to spending our lives together before God and each other--albeit privately--and that the wedding was just a chance to share our commitment with family and friends. Our parents agreed that it was fine, especially considering our living arrangements.

Am I repeating myself? Sorry! I pulled an all-nighter trying to get a project done for a client!

Anyway, I wish you well. You seem really sweet

 

[Blenheim]

Ok, clueless newbie here, and "Help" isn''t quite helping. How do you edit something? I clicked edit, clicked submit, nothing happened. Repeated the process, nothing.

What I was going to add to the post just above: Even so, I wouldn''t mind if BF proposed tomorrow!

 

[firebirdgold]

Date: 3/1/2006 9:24:30 PM
Author: argh&stuff
Wren,


Have you two become engaged yet? Do you find yourself trying not to bring it up to him? I can tell when I look at her when she's thinking about it, but refuses to say anything about it.

Warning - you really pushed a button- and this is the edited down version! I'm very sorry for hijacking the thread, please ignore. I just had to vent

No we haven't yet. And it is extremely hard not to bring it up. And I must say the insistence on the whole thing (ring and proposal) being a surprise is not a pleasant thing from the other end of the stick.

He 'unofficially' asked me to marry him, and months went by with nothing visible happening that I could see. It's been really hard. Every month or so I'd break and get upset. All I can figure is that he sees us being married as a simple fact like the sun coming up, and he's saving money for the ring, so why on earth am I so impatient? It's not like we can get married before next January! He just doesn't get how hurtful this can be, and how insecure this wait makes me feel.
(I'm also wondering how much impact it had that his younger sister announced her engagement the week he said he was going to tell his parents [last freaking June].)

His completely inconsistent answers on the subject of the budget are also really upsetting. I've gotten very negative reactions to my tentative probes on ring prices. (?? I haven't looked at a single ring more than 1/3 his monthly take home pay, what gives??) He makes it sound like he's struggling with money, and has only saved a $100 a month for the ring. But then he tells me not to worry that a ring is a financial hardship and not to listen to him about money. ARGH!!

Quite frankly he should just be glad I haven't injured him at this point out of sheer frustration and confusion.

The two things that have made the past couple of months bearable was a discussion that (seem to me at anyrate) to set a timetable, and his asking for some information on my taste in rings so he could research it later. He said he needed to concentrate on finishing his ph.d and preparing for his defense in April. And that thinking about planning a wedding was just one thing to many for him to cope with.
(This was really romantic) And that picking a ring and our getting engaged was too important to squeeze into the little spare time he would have and that it deserved his full attention.

Asking for information on rings reassured me that he does mean it.

So I've been very good about not bringing it up lately. I only sent him two ring emails since January, and have restrained myself from mentioning the niwaka ring idea yet. And if wedding talk comes up, well it's not my fault both of our sisters are getting married this summer!

Although I must say, that at this point he'd have to propose in public, in broad daylight, on one knee, with ring and then promptly call his parents and tell them before I'll actually believe he means it officially.

I'm very sorry for hijacking the thread, please ignore. I just had to vent

 

[Blenheim]

It''s on a much smaller scale than an X-Box, but I got my BF Starwars Legos for Christmas. It was kind of weird standing in the Legos store just before Christmas, with all the kiddies running around, trying to figure out which Lego set would be best for a grown man.

 

[argh&stuff]

Uh, Wren, I apologize for touching on a sticky subject.

I can understand where you''re coming from, because my girl explained to me (with tears in her eyes) that when I mention things like marriage, forever, that sort of thing, it gets her expectations up, and makes her think IT is coming. I just love to talk about it, and I too, constantly tell her to be patient.

I can almost promise you that he''s not trying to torture you. Guys see this as their "moment." We get to set up the most fabulous thing we can imagine, work out the kinks, and then sincerely, humbly, and with all our hearts, ask our girl to marry us. It''s hard for a lot of guys to get into that "mushy" mode, and since they know they have to, they figure they might as well do it right.

At the same time, I want to marry her SO badly, I made the slip of asking her one day at her grandpa''s farm if she''d be my wife. She was absolutely thrilled. I didn''t mean to say it, even though we''ve both known for a while it''s where we''re going. At any rate, it broke her heart that I didn''t mean, "this is my official request for your hand in marriage." After a lot of talking, and reassurance, she knows it''s coming, for real, soon.

I''m thinking that my own life is chaotic enough, but to think about pursuing a PhD, I''d be all the more bogged down, and I think it''s very "sweet" that your guy wants to have the time to really think through all the details that lead up to the big question.

It''s sort of like the proposal is the guy''s version of the wedding. We want everything "just so."

 

[argh&stuff]

Haha, Blen...

My girl still jokes that the day she bought my xbox and games, the checker said, "wow, you''re about to make some little boy happy!" I don''t believe it for a minute, though.

**
I know my girl''s doing the thing where she''s trying to "help" me save up for the ring, too. She''s by nature a very frugal person, so getting me an xbox was completely unexpected. Furthermore, when I mentioned that I needed to get new dress shoes for work, she piped up that there was a sale going on at Shoe Carnival, and she''d be happy to get me a pair. (Not that she doesn''t get me anything ever; she''s extremely generous with her time as well as with buying gifts. I just found it humorous that she "jumped" on it as fast as she did.)

I wish I''d been saving up before I ever met her; if I had, I''d be able to just "get ''er done."

 

[sunkist]

Date: 3/1/2006 11:13:42 PM
Author: argh&stuff

to just ''get ''er done.''

Argh, are you my BF?!?! Hahaha! There''s so many things about you that remind me of my BF, and after THIS one I just had to say something!

I always roll my eyes

when my sweetie says that

 

[firebirdgold]

I apologize again for going off like that. Knowing that the proposal is so important to him calmed me down and chased away most of the insecurities, yet the lingering hurt from before probably won''t go away until he does finally propose.

It helps to see it from the guy''s perspective, particularly how an unofficial question can just slip out. And it''s really nice to hear a good explanation of ''boy soon''!

You are so sweet, and your girl is very lucky.

If I may make a suggestion? My bf corrupted me early on and now I own a gamecube, a ds, several pc games, and get updates on the new Zelda game coming out in (horrors) the fall. We both know what we''ll be getting the other person for christmas next year!
He ''turned'' me by playing non violent but highly competitive gamecube games together with me. I don''t know if the Xbox has anything similar, but Monkey Ball was the turning point with us. I''m sure Xbox has some multiperson games that are cute, short, and non-violent. We still play games together, it''s one of our favorite activities!

The couple that games together, stays together

 

[argh&stuff]

Sunkist,

I did have the passing thought before I ever posted on here that my girl''s probably been lurking around getting ideas for rings on here...

"get ''er done" bothers her so much... she says it''s "redneck." I think it''s hilarious and I like to get her goin'' sometimes....

 

[argh&stuff]

Wren,

She got me a racing game that she really likes. It took her roughly three hours of playing to finally "win" by making the last standing possible before being eliminated. If you could only see her when she says, "hey! Look, I won again! I got 8th this time!" (Mind you, there are only nine cars.)

Gah, I love her!!

 

[Blenheim]

Date: 3/1/2006 11:13:42 PM
Author: argh&stuff

My girl still jokes that the day she bought my xbox and games, the checker said, ''wow, you''re about to make some little boy happy!'' I don''t believe it for a minute, though.

I''m not sure if I believe it either. I feel like tons of college guys love their xboxes, and they''re not quite little boys. (I''m not assuming you''re in college, but I am and so I always hear them talking about it.) At the same time, the clerk could be assuming that if a woman''s buying an xbox, it must be for her kid. Regardless, it does make for a good story.

 

[ilovesparkles]

OK so you are officially the sweetest man on the planet! WOW I have no idea how enthused or unenthused my BF will be eventually, all I know is that I am obsessed and about a year too early. We live apart, very far apart, 1600+ miles actually. And it can be very difficult. But the living apart ideal when together in the same town is something that I have fought with for myself. On the one hand I would want to spend every possible second with him, on the other there are just so many reasons to live separately, And frankly, one of the biggest scare factors for me is plain statistics and the much higher divorce rate among couples the live together before marriage. As superficial as some people might think that is, it still scares me. Any ways I think it is comemorable all that you have done and continue to do Im sure And if I may ask where have you found tulip settings because I also adore them

Amanda