Friends think I''m settling

[larussel03]

I have a few friends who are great but can be pretty superficial. I was excited about potentially using a sapphire to get engaged (and still am--still in the process of looking) especially since my bf and I do not have a lot of money since we recently graduated college. My friend was like "why are you settling for less than what you really want?" What I really want is a nice engagement ring to symbolize the fact that we're going to get married, not neccessarily a blinding diamond. I mean, of course I want the blinding diamond someday, but I feel like I"m being realistic while she thinks I'm "letting him off easy". It's hard to explain to her b/c her bf makes a lot more money, but he's also almost 30 and just got an amazing promotion while bf and I are only 24.

To be honest, I feel it's innappropriate at our age in our financial state to expect that. I dont want to put him in more debt and he's not letting me help pay.

Any thoughts?

 

[MelissaSue]

You should get what you want.. but honestly from your post.. I think your friend might be right.. You say at first that you are excited about using a sapphire, but then as you explain yourself more you say that it is because you can''t afford a diamond and want a diamond someday.. Honestly.. if you HAD the money right now, I''m sure you''d want the diamond.. I mean everyone feels differently about this. To me, I would never have been happy even "settling" for a colored stone ring, but there are LOTS of ladies on here that have BEAUTIFUL colored stone rings for their engagement rings (some that probably cost more than mine diamond ring!)
I think that you need to really think about it. If you are going to secretly wish that you had gotten a diamond e-ring (which I really am getting the STRONG feeling that you will) in a year or two years.. Then wait, or use some credit to buy a diamond. My fiance was unemployed when he bought my ring, he dipped into savings for it.. I''m not saying its the right or wrong thing to do.. I just think that its possible.
You just really need to decide what will make YOU happ.

 

[Bagpuss]

What sort of budget are you two thinking of? Would it be impossible to get a beautiful yet modestly sized diamond ring? There are always alternatives if you look for them. You could use a half carat centre set in a halo design which would give you the look of a bigger diamond. Check out this thread all about halos:
https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/designer-halos-everywhere.30968/

You could always upgrade later on or buy bigger and reset your original diamond as a three stone RHR or pendant.

 

[Lorelei]

Just my opinion here. I totally understand what you are saying as DH and I were your age when we got engaged and couldn't afford very much as we were buying our first house and trying to scrape together some furniture and other essentials. You have to do what you and your boyfriend are most comfortable with. Yes it must be wonderful to get what you want when you first get engaged, but sometimes it is best to be realistic with what your priorites are and what you can afford. Personally I wouldn't go into debt to buy a ring, as in my view credit is best saved for emergencies - however that is entirely up to the individual. The best advice I can give is to initially decide what size and shape diamond you would like and as Bagpuss says look around,also stick around here and get educated, you may find your dream diamond isn't out of reach after all! If for the moment it is, then go with the sapphire, don't let anyone rain on your parade - the ring is given with love whatever is chosen and that is you and your boyfriend's business only. Don't let mean comments spoil it for you. You are young yet and as you start your lives together and your finances improve, there is plenty of time for upgrades and for your HTB to shower you with diamonds

As to letting your boyfriend off easy, that is not the case at all, you sound like a great practical and caring gal to work with your boyfriend and find something you both feel appropriate. My first e-ring was the tiniest diamond you ever saw, I now have more diamonds than I ever dreamt of- but this is the ring that means the most to me. Whatever you choose, diamonds and bigger diamonds will come, but you will find you feel the same way too, whatever you choose for your e-ring.

Hope this helps

 

[larussel03]

Thank you Melissa Sue, Bagpuss and Lorelei for the input. I am so glad that I found this site b/c it''s really educating me and it''s so fun to see all the different e. ring ideas! The other thing I forgot to mention is that bf may be going back to school for a PhD as well, and the reason I want to get engaged so much is that we''ve been together for 4 years and live together and I really want a long engagement to save money (and my dad would like a 2 to 2 1/2 year engagment so that he can help us out with the wedding).

I have 2 diamonds that my dad gave me that are about 1/2 ct, maybe a little smaller, but really really nice. I may set those with a sapphire and maybe do a pave setting. I''ll have to talk to bf and start talking to jewelers to get an idea of how feasible this is price wise

 

[Bagpuss]

Lorelei is absolutely right in everything she says. My own e-ring diamond was about 15 or 20 points. Most ordinary people back then (30 years ago) in the UK just didn''t put so much emphasis on the ering. It was just a symbol. Traditionally, British women often had coloured stone e-rings - a lot of Royalty did too, so you''re in posh company if you go with the sapphire/diamond combo.

As Lorelei says, a lot of Pricescopers started out with very modest e-rings and have only upgraded the size of their diamonds or bought new rings as they grew older and more affluent. That''s quite normal, so don''t think your first ring has to a 2ct honker, whatever your rather mean-minded girlfriends say.

If you have two nice half carat diamonds already, then I think it would be lovely to use them as side stones with a sapphire centre that you and your bf could choose together. There''s no rule written in stone that says an e-ring has to be a solitaire diamond.

Good luck with whatever you choose.

 

[widget]

larussel....I think your friends are WAY off base! I don''t think choosing a sapphire or colored stone for an Ering is "settling" at all! I don''t think Charles was ''settling'' when he chose a sapphire for Diana''s ering...

Go to the Colored Gemstone Forum and check out the Eyecandy folder...there are PAGES of pics of gorgeous rings there. Here''s a sampling:

widget

 

[Lorelei]

Thanks Miss Bagpuss! I am so glad we were able to help you! As Bagpuss says the large rocks we are sporting now, which is unusual indeed for two Brit ladies, were a long time a'' coming

and that is the case for many of us. That is a great idea with the two diamonds you have and I bet with a sapphire they will make a fantastic ring

Also as Bagpuss says coloured stones have been often chosen by royalty, as did the late Diana, Princess of Wales, so you will indeed be in good company and have a beautiful and unique ring to boot!

 

[WTNLVR]

I have a few friends with sapphire e-rings and my original was a sapphire. These ladies didn''t settle at all. In fact, one just had a copy made of her original e-ring but with better quality stones, even though she could easily afford a huge diamond. It''s really about what you want. Going into debt for a ring is just plain stupid IMO. And how many years would it take to pay off the credit card bill for the ring? You''d be better off saving a bit each month and then buy the ring- you wouldn''t have to pay all that interest over the years. Better off to buy something reasonable now and upgrade-or not- in the future.

 

[MissAva]

First off I think that was a pretty bitchy comment. It is not for others to judge your tastes or prefrences. I would also say that colored stones does not equal cheap! To be honest I have been wanted to get my sister an emerald pendent for years...but the pretty ones are way out of my price range. High quality colored stones can be more then a diamond. Your idea of a three stone sounds really lovely. If however you are not sure you are 100% on board with the colored stone idea you could do something similiar to what HOUMedGal did and use a simulant for your center stone and replace it at a later time if you choose. HouMedGal''s Thread w/ Pictures

 

[Kit]

LA, I think everyone here has given excellent advice. I would also add this: NO one is in a position to tell you that you are settling. Only you can determine that. Just search your heart and then you will know.

Also Matatora''s suggestion I think is good. If you are OK with simulants, why not get a nice setting and a good simulant now, and then save up for a real stone for down the line? Or, you could look into a .5 carat stone and set it off with the other two stones you have now. And, sapphires are really lovely, nothing wrong with an e-ring that doesn''t have a diamond center stone! Really, you do have so many options, just do what YOU feel comfortable doing, and don''t worry about what your friends say, they should be happy for you whatever you decide.

 

[larussel03]

Hi,

Thank you all for your great responses. To be honest, I almost like the idea of a sapphire better bc I love color. I ADORE diamonds as well, but I feel that if I were to get a wedding band with small diamonds in it, it''d look so great next to a sapphire e ring. Especially if I can manage to get one that''s slightly violet!

I''m VERY excited needless to say haha.

 

[Bagpuss]

Why don''t you have a look at the coloured ering thread?

https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/colored-stone-e-rings-eyecandy.29435/

 

[HOUMedGal]

Mat, you make me feel special!!

I wanted to just second what all the ladies have already said...if you want a sapphire in your e-ring, by all means, you should have a sapphire!!! You could make a mighty gorgeous ring with a saph center, those 2 diamonds your dad gave you as sidestones, and maybe a little pave or itty bitty diamond melee....mmmmm, yummy!!! I also wanted to add that my fiance and I are sooo happy that we didn''t go into debt for my e-ring...yes, I want a big sparkly diamond someday, but not until we can pay cash for it!

Best of luck in whatever you decide...I can''t wait to see your e-ring develop into a reality!

 

[MINE!!]

I am not supposed to be online right now.. so I will make it quick.. (supposed to be composing a paper...)

I think that your freind has a lot to learn. Perhaps she should begin by acting her age and realizing what a real friend.. but that is just my .02.

Second, there are some wonderful yummy sapphire out there and there is bound to be a color that you are attracted to.. you may even be attracted to a few and be a little suprised.

I would post this in the Colored stones and tell people what stone you are looking for and about what color... even shape or size... and people are going to come up with a few they have seen and will probably post some yummy eye candy with it. THat is a great place to start and people love to hunt for eye candy... Good Luck!

BTW.. I LOVE my colored e-ring.. to me.. a diamond is not as .... colorful

Not to say that I don''t drool over the diamonds... but I love love love love the uniqueness and individuality of the color.

Good luck!!

 

[Mara]

I don't think you are settling as much as thinking about what is realistic and compromising...which is part of marriage in my opinion...you can't always have what you want when money is involved or it's tight and it's not just you involved anymore. Alot of women here got engaged or married with small e-rings...I think that nowadays people who get married later in life aka in their 30's or 40's (whereas in the old days it was more like early 20's!) most of the time end up having more $$ to spend and therefore get larger rings or diamonds than in the past, but many people still get engaged or married with smaller rings or sometimes just a plain band! You don't have to have a diamond or even a ring to get engaged or married. That's just a superfluous (yet fun) part of the equation.

Sure you may want a big diamond but it's also something to look forward to. I am not a huge huge colored stone person but I do find some of them attractive and think if you love sapphires, then flanking a beautiful one with diamonds is certainly a beautiful look...especially on something like a pave or Tacori band kind of like Tacori E-Ring's ring..that's a stunning look.

Plus the way I figure it is if you can't have what you entirely want now, it does not mean that it won't come later when things are better and if you make sacrifices now to make your future life with hubby better and not incur debt etc...then that just pays off later and when things ARE flush and happy you can say...hey honey for 5th year or 10th year anniversary, I really want that diamond I didn't get. Then your e-ring can become a great right hand ring!

There are so many possibilities, I definitely do not think it's settling as much as it is taking stock of what is realistic and then adjusting expectations accordingly. Unfortunately we can't all have everything we want all the time, and if we could...it probably wouldn't be as fun as waiting and dreaming about something later.

Also, I don't think that what your friend told you makes her a bad friend or anything like that, she's just probably very in-tune with your feelings and knows what you really do 'dream' about since we tend to share our hopes with our friends, so as a friend she probably feels comfortable being honest with you, in essence what she did say ends up really think about what you want so that you CAN do what ultimately makes you happy in the end. And I'm sure she will love whatever you choose and ooh and ahh over it, like any friend would!!

 

[HOUMedGal]

Date: 10/23/2005 7:32:05 PM
Author: Mara

Also, I don''t think that what your friend told you makes her a bad friend or anything like that, she''s just probably very in-tune with your feelings and knows what you really do ''dream'' about since we tend to share our hopes with our friends, so as a friend she probably feels comfortable being honest with you, in essence what she did say ends up really think about what you want so that you CAN do what ultimately makes you happy in the end. And I''m sure she will love whatever you choose and ooh and ahh over it, like any friend would!!

Very wise, Mrs. M!!!

I agree, your friend probably just knows, as you said earlier, that you ULTIMATELY want a nice sparkly diamond, so she''s just trying to make sure that you''re gonna be happy. And if a sapphire makes you happy, just make sure she knows that you are happy and fulfilled in your decision; if she''s a true friend, then knowing that you''re happy should make HER happy as well!

Do you guys ever use a word so much, in speech or in writing, that it starts sounding weird? Yeah, I just did that with the word "happy". hehe

 

[partgypsy]

Mara- Amen.

Getting engaged is not a "contest" of who can wring the most from their fiance in terms of a ring. And even if you end up having a sapphire as your engagement ring, it does not mean you''ll never get a diamond ring in the future. As many have said before, many people had a small diamond or no traditional ring when they got engaged. Only later were they able to celebrate their commitment with a larger diamond.
I don''t think you are settling. You are realistic, and considerate of your (future) husband yours finances.

My story: When I got married, neither of us had money. I loved emeralds, not so into diamonds. So we had a beautiful ring made of a small emerald cut emerald and 4 point diamonds on each side. But to me it could have been the queen''s jewels how much I treasured it.
9 years later we had an anniversary band made of diamonds. I love it and now usually wear next to my wedding ring. I think I treasure it all more because it reminds me of how much we have been through.

 

[omc]

What it boils down to is that you have to decide what YOU want. Giving your friend the benefit of the doubt, I'd say that she knows what you want and is telling you to not settle for less than what YOU want. Here are my thoughts on the matter...

It does not take a ring to be "engaged". If you have an understanding with this man and plan on being married when the time is right for you two, then you are ENGAGED! with or without a ring. If you want a diamond ring, and you're not getting married for another two and half years, then WAIT! save up and get what you want... don't settle for less because you are impatient for a piece of jewelry. If you are wanting the ring now because you want to be able to have "proof" on your finger that you are taken, then I hate to break it to you, but a colored ring is going to be just as confusing as no ring at all to those who don't know you.

If you want a colored stone, then get a colored stone. It will be beautiful and those who know you will say that it is "you". But if you are just wanting to hurry up and get a little flash on your finger so that you can tell people you're getting married, then I have to say emphatically that you need to be patient.


PS - Anyone who thinks in terms of "letting a guy off" is sorely mistaken about marriage. People who approach engagement rings and budgets etc as a me vs. him game instead of being on the same team as the man or woman they want to marry... well, those people jsut scare me.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I LOVE sapphire and diamond e-rings. I think they are so classy. I also think your friends sound very snotty. If this is what is best for you and you love the idea don''t listen to them. I think going broke for a ring is crazy. Besides a diamond upgrade in a few years gives you something to look forward to and you can move your sapphire e-ring as a RHR.

 

[omc]

I also agree that going into debt over the ring is ridiculous. especially if it''s a looooong engagement. It shows a woman''s priorties for the future if she is more concerned about getting her dream ring now than saving and putting herself and husband in a good financial postion for the years to come...

 

[goldengirl]

Date: 10/23/2005 9:55:48 AM
Author: MelissaSue
or use some credit to buy a diamond.

I agree with everything everybody said here, except for this. (Sorry, MS.)

Please don''t go into debt over an engagement ring. For one, erings are optional, for two, it''s not necessary, since you can get a nice colored stone, a reasonable, smaller diamond, or even a fabulous sim on a small budget.

Otherwise, stellar advice/encouragement, all!

 

[researcher]

I just have to say that your friends are pretty superficial--but so are many of mine and that doesn't make them bad people. That being said, I say go for the sapphire ring! I have a friend whose dad is EXTREMELY well off (you'd know his name if you heard it) and her fiance proposed to her with a 1ct saphire with .5ct each diamond side stones. And you know what? She wears her ring proudly, and around people with HUGE diamond rings! Could her boy have gotten her something more expensive? Yes. He has plenty of money himself. But my friend is very athletic and didn't want to worry about her ring all the time. So, he proposed with the sapphire ring and gave her a 5ct sapphire and pave diamond pendant for their 5-year anniversary

IMO she's a very lucky girl!

I guess my point is going with a colored stone does not in any way mean you're settling! People who can afford anything choose small colored gemstones all the time. I would never go into debt for jewelry. Dip into savings? Yeah, we did that. But I would never do anything out of my means and don't think you should either.

My advice is to tell your friends that you really do want the sapphire, that you're not settling. And if you are wanting diamonds, get a wedding band with them!

 

[Roz]

Hi,

I just wanted to say that I know this is another era, but my Mum has a square sapphire ering surrounded by diamonds. Obviously my father bought it 35+ years ago, but it''s worth much more than most engagement rings by today''s standards (well, $15,000 is probably slightly above average right?). But the result for me is that as I browse for erings I just don''t really like the standard diamond solitaires that I see. I feel that there should be something more. (It''s just my mind set, I am used to seeing this stunning, interesting ring over the fourth finger of my Mum''s left hand and I want something interesting too).

They just bought what they really loved. The moral of this (too long) story is to go with what you love. You wear it every day, not your pals.

If you love the sapphire then go for it. You have 2 hands you can get a diamond for your other hand if you like, and there''s always eternity rings later on, or indeed people here "upgrade" - so why not? It will be your marriage, do it your way.

 

[monarch64]

Sweetpea, I''ve seen a few sapphire, emerald, and ruby engagement rings and I have to tell you that every time I see one, I think to myself, wow that is one special ring and how cool is it that the person opted for something different! I''m more interested in seeing someone''s colored stone e-ring than if it were a diamond because they''re so few and far between compared to diamond e-rings. I''ve never once seen a colored e-ring and wondered if it was a fake, btw. When my husband first asked what kind of e-ring I would like, my immediate answer was "a big old emerald!" Seriously! However, he was in the traditional camp and I didn''t end up getting an emerald, but of course I''m happy with my diamond. I just remember thinking how cool it would be to have something different, but then again, I''m the kind of person who likes to stand out in a crowd. I would have rather enjoyed generating some interest and controversy over choosing something outside of the norm, hee hee. Alas, my husband did not feel the same, and I left the decision up to him anyway. I guess you could say I "settled" for my diamond! LOL! Shame on your friend(s) for making you second-guess yourself. I think you are right for considering your long-term goals and I don''t see anything wrong with waiting to get your dream diamond in the future. If you go into debt over a diamond first, it will be that many more years before you can get a gorgeous sapphire RHR!

 

[aljdewey]

Date: 10/23/2005 9:48:02 AM
Author:*~Sweetpea~*
I have a few friends who are great but can be pretty superficial. I was excited about potentially using a sapphire to get engaged (and still am--still in the process of looking) especially since my bf and I do not have a lot of money since we recently graduated college. My friend was like ''why are you settling for less than what you really want?'' What I really want is a nice engagement ring to symbolize the fact that we''re going to get married, not neccessarily a blinding diamond. I mean, of course I want the blinding diamond someday, but I feel like I''m being realistic while she thinks I''m ''letting him off easy''. It''s hard to explain to her b/c her bf makes a lot more money, but he''s also almost 30 and just got an amazing promotion while bf and I are only 24.

To be honest, I feel it''s innappropriate at our age in our financial state to expect that. I dont want to put him in more debt and he''s not letting me help pay.

Any thoughts?

Sweetpea.....you are VERY levelheaded, and your approach is commendable. I think you are COMPLETELY on the right track, and I don''t think you should let anyone sway you otherwise.

It sounds to ME like your friend wants you to get what SHE thinks you *should* want.....and that''s not right. Even giving her the benefit of the doubt that she knows you want a diamond ''someday'', she isn''t listening to what you''re saying NOW....that you are excited about using the sapphire, and that you really want a nice e-ring (not "I have to have a diamond ring right now). It''s *SHE* who seems to be hung up on what kind of stone it is.

Setlling, by the way, isn''t necessarily a bad thing when it applies to material things. Part of the reason that so many folks are in financial trouble today stems from the same thinking of "I have to have precisely what I want when I want it, whether or not I can actually afford it." Those same people are declaring bankruptcy left and right. These folks don''t appreciate the value of working toward getting something, and how much more one appreciates the things that it took patience and planning to get.

Someday, when you can afford a diamond you love, you can move your sapphire to your right hand. You''ll look at that ring throughout your married years and SMILE at what it symbolizes....how far you''ve come together, and how you worked together to improve your financial life, etc.

I could almost give your friend the benefit of the doubt.....ALMOST, until she said she thinks you''re ''letting him off easy". Are you kidding me???? Letting him off easy? If this is how she really thinks, that''s a sign right there. This girl must be single because she doesn''t seem to have a grasp of what a real relationship is about. AMEN to what P/gypsy said......it''s not about "what can I wring out of him", and it certainly shouldn''t be about whether or not he "got off easy". How ridiculous!

Finally, agree with Researcher - dipping into savings is one thing, but I''d really discourage buying a ring on credit. It''s hard enough to build a life and become financially stable without adding the pressure of paying for the ring you financed onto the mix.

 

[cpster]

I happen to think saphires with diamond halos are gorgeous. If it''s really what you want you are not settling at all. Go for it!

 

[blueroses]

I think your friend is being a brat and projecting her own issues on to you!!! If you love the idea of a sapphire, then that should be it! Princess Diana had a sapphire engagement ring, it''s nothing to sneeze at! Jeesh!!!

There are so many lovely colored e-rings on PS (MINE, Mrsflutter, etc.) and HOUMedgal''s sim in the permenant setting is also fab.

So much great advice already has been given, so I have nothing to add except you are NOT settling unless YOU feel that way! Do what you and your FI want, and that is all that matters--and as you''ve said before, it''s the symbolism, not the monetary value, of the ring that really gives it its worth!

 

[onedrop]

All of the posts above have made very good points. I wanted to echo what someone else said (forgive my bad memory as to who) said about engagement rings with gemstones rather than diamonds in the center. Using a sapphire or any other colored stone is a very unique thing in my opinion. I have seen some breathtaking rings with sapphires as cetner stones in egnagement rings, both on PS and in real life. I especially love the last one on the first line of photos that Widget posted. Oh my!

In the end I think you are doing the right thing in getting something fabulous that is within your budget. It says alot about you and your future fiance to be so levelheaded about the whole engagement ring thing!

 

[Mara]

Haha and this is yet another revisited OLD thread!!! Gosh there''s an epidemic going on!!