Family members knowing about proposal plans?

[WeightLifterChick]

For all of you ladies that are either recently engaged or patiently waiting

Did your or do you think your SOs did or will tell family members that he was/is going to propose?

The reason I ask is that I'm getting weird vibes from my mom and my grandmother. As some of you know re: my first thread here, BF of 5+ years and I are taking a trip to Washington, DC, in December. Not only that, but the holidays are coming up

He hasn't dropped totally obvious hints, but I have this strange feeling that something might possibly be in the works. Maybe, maybe not.

The other day, I was (once again, argh!) analyzing the situation with my mom, whether or not it could possibly happen on the trip, etc. In the middle of my lamenting, she goes, "You're going to ruin it!" and I said, "Huh???" to which she replied, "You're going to ruin it. Just stop. Wait and see what happens on the trip."

Just for information's sake, my mom has always been very realistic when it comes to these issues. In the past, when I have mentioned that maybe X instance is when BF would propose, she would always say, "Don't get your hopes up." So I was a bit thrown off by her response above. She then kinda switched the topic.

Today I met mom and grandma for lunch. My grandpa is in the hospital, so we're trying to spend a lot of time together and talk about positive things when we can. My grandma said today, "Oh, let's talk about your wedding plans!" because she knows that BF and I want to get married in a private ceremony on the beach, Caribbean destination, yadda yadda. I said sarcastically, "What wedding? The proposal isn't even coming anytime soon." My grandma said, "Well, you never know..." I mentioned that I had snooped a bit (I'm terrible, I know) and my mom goes, "That's not a good idea, I wouldn't do that."

So, obviously this has me confused a bit. IF (and only if) my mom knew anything about any type of plans, she would have heard them from BF's mom. He would only tell his parents, if he were to tell anyone at all. He knows I am a snoop, so if a ring had been or will be purchased, there's a big chance that it will be sent to his parents' house. But somehow I'm getting weird vibes from my family. I haven't talked to his mom in a couple of weeks, so I wouldn't know if she is acting any different unless I see or talk to her.

How many of you ladies think that your SO would say something to family members about upcoming proposal plans? Did they drop hints or anything, or did you get any weird vibes from family members who knew when you talked about getting engaged, etc?

I know I'm looking way too much into this

But I figured this would be the place to talk about it!

TIA!

 

[Independent Gal]

He might have asked for your family's blessing, so yeah, they could well know something you don't know. Sort of sounds like it to me!

My FI took my dad out when we were visiting and I knew something was up because when they came back my dad opened a new bottle of good scotch, but they didn't call me down to join them. They were toasting!

 

[dps777]

My FF asked my parents for their blessing last week while I was in another room, but they have pretty much been "in the know" during this entire process.

 

[Pandora II]

I had lots of conversations with my mother - mainly along the lines of me saying I was going to have to get used to the idea of him not wanting to get married and her saying that she thought I''d talk him round eventually. I also had similar conversations with his mother - who said she agreed with my reasons for wanting to get married, but knowing her son she would be better off not saying anything.

It was a surprise to everyone, mostly me when he did propose - not because anyone thought we would be together forever, but because he had been very clear with everyone that he did not agree with the instituation of marriage.

That said, I had always told him that if he ever proposed he ought to talk to my father first, as he is very traditional. FI didn''t and my father was a little bit disappointed. When I ask why he hadn''t, he said he couldn''t as my father is the worst keeper of secrets in the world and I would have know within the hour! I told my dad and he looked a bit sheepish and agreed it would have been impossible not to let on.

That said, it strikes me that something is afoot!

 

[NewEnglandLady]

They could very well know something is up--so don''t push it

I didn''t like the whole "ask my father for permission" tradition since I''m a grown woman and expressed that to DH, so I didn''t think he''d ask. We got engaged on a surprise vacation and it turns out he did have a conversation with my father before we left--so my parents knew. His defense is that they needed to know our hotel info. since I couldn''t give it to them!

My parents didn''t drop any hints whatsoever. I thought it was a beach trip, and I packed for one (it was January) and my mom knew, but never once said "hon, pack a sweater just in case". Nope, instead I had to buy some clothes in Paris so I wouldn''t freeze to death, haha. She still finds it hilarious that in the pictures the night we got engaged you can see my bikini top...because I wore it on the plane...because when you live in New England and take a vacation in January, it is supposed to be to a warm beach!

Just let it unravel and try to stop analyzing. Just enjoy this time and enjoy the trip!! If they know, they know, and the good news is that you will know soon enough!

 

[louisvgirl]

Sounds pretty fishy to me. I think..... I think......there could be a chance, but yes. don''t ask anymore.. Just go along with it,, and have a great trip!!

 

[WeightLifterChick]

LOL from now on, I am on a snooping and over analyzing ban

I'm also not into the "ask for my father's permission" thing, mostly because I'm Cuban and my dad, though I love him dearly, can be a pain in the ass. He would probably make BF go on some quest or something, and BF would run in the other direction

So we're avoiding that route. But if he did tell his parents (the only family he would tell, he is very private), then there is a chance that his mom told my mom, who told my grandmother. Mom and BF's mom are friends, and I know BF's mom has hinted at how she has been wanting us to get married.

Thanks for sharing your stories, ladies. Independent Gal, that's so cool about your dad and FI toasting together! I bet that was a special moment for the both of them.

NewEnglandLady - Your parents did a good job of keeping things under wraps. LOL I know my mom wouldn't have let me leave without insisting that I pack a sweater.

So from now on, the waaayy over analyzing will stop

 

[~*Snow*~]

my FF asked my dad for his blessing right in front of me!! (it was at a very intamite dinner with my parents.) Then my dad asked when? (right in front of me! So typical male!) to which my FF replied "before christmas" So not only does my family know, i now know too!
It''s kind of fun knowing though... the waitting is like every day you wake up with a "what if today is that day!"

 

[largirl]

Ahhh! It totally sounds like your mom knows something!!! The suspense would be absolutely KILLING me!

I don''t agree with the asking the father thing either - it''s my decision, not his! And I am not super close to my dad, either, so it''d be weird. Luckily my BF knows that so there''s no chance he''d do it.

 

[ringster]

WeightLifterChick i would advise you to stop thinking about it (hard as it is to do something like that). it will be a much better experience and next couple of months for you if you do. plus if you stop thinking about it you will have a great time in dec either way - you win both ways whether he does or doesn't cause you will enjoy your time for what it is and not what you think it will be. let him plan and surprise you if that is what he is doing (plus you will be wasting all of his efforts if you start snooping around when he is planning something wonderful for his sweetie)

and i am talking from experience...

i made the mistake one christmas long time ago when i was around 13/14 because i could not stop thinking about what my christmas presents would be. i had this uncontrolable desire to find out what i got!! so what did i do - i went into my parents hiding places and looked at not just my presents but all of the presents they were giving everyone else!! come christmas morning - i had one of the WORST christmas' ever. it was no fun knowing what everyone got and i really really regretted doing it. i vowed never again to do that and i enjoyed the next christmas so much more.

btw - i am really impressed by your handle

 

[WeightLifterChick]

Date: 10/29/2007 11:58:46 PM
Author: ringster
WeightLifterChick i would advise you to stop thinking about it (hard as it is to do something like that). it will be a much better experience and next couple of months for you if you do. plus if you stop thinking about it you will have a great time in dec either way - you win both ways whether he does or doesn''t cause you will enjoy your time for what it is and not what you think it will be. let him plan and surprise you if that is what he is doing (plus you will be wasting all of his efforts if you start snooping around when he is planning something wonderful for his sweetie)

and i am talking from experience...

i made the mistake one christmas long time ago when i was around 13/14 because i could not stop thinking about what my christmas presents would be. i had this uncontrolable desire to find out what i got!! so what did i do - i went into my parents hiding places and looked at not just my presents but all of the presents they were giving everyone else!! come christmas morning - i had one of the WORST christmas'' ever. it was no fun knowing what everyone got and i really really regretted doing it. i vowed never again to do that and i enjoyed the next christmas so much more.

btw - i am really impressed by your handle

Thanks for your post. Your Christmas story really puts things into perspective. I have discovered Christmas gifts before - a few years ago I was home for Christmas from college and staying with my dad. My stupid nosiness got the best of me and I found a couple of my gifts. I felt awful

So far the no snooping or analyzing ban is going well. I''m distracting myself with work, family issues (grandpa still in the hospital, which is taking a toll on my family), trying to cook more often (I can barely boil water!) and going to the gym. The gym is a great stress reliever and distraction

 

[bee*]

D asked my dad out for a drink the night before we left for Barcelona and told him what he was planning to do. I don''t know how my dad managed to keep it a secret before I left but he did. It definitely sounds like your parents are in on something

 

[Stephanie]

Oh.. maybe something is up! Exciting! When in December are you going?!

FI had to call my father's cell in order to ask permission. Also, in order to keep my father quiet, FI had to promise that my parents would be the first to know after it happened. It was so secretive because if my mother would have seen his name on the caller id or had gotten any wind of what was going, the entire south eastern part of the U.S. would have known. I am glad that he was able to pull off asking permission (I'm an only daughter) without me knowing about it. I was very surprised and it made for an interesting phone call the next morning to my mother. I swear, my ear drums are still recovering! But no one else knew - not friends, not my family, not his family - Just my father and FI.

 

[WeightLifterChick]

Date: 10/30/2007 2:18:37 PM
Author: Stephanie
Oh.. maybe something is up! Exciting! When in December are you going?!

FI had to call my father''s cell in order to ask permission. Also, in order to keep my father quiet, FI had to promise that my parents would be the first to know after it happened. It was so secretive because if my mother would have seen his name on the caller id or had gotten any wind of what was going, the entire south eastern part of the U.S. would have known. I am glad that he was able to pull off asking permission (I''m an only daughter) without me knowing about it. I was very surprised and it made for an interesting phone call the next morning to my mother. I swear, my ear drums are still recovering! But no one else knew - not friends, not my family, not his family - Just my father and FI.

We''re going December 6-10, staying at the Hyatt Regency on Capitol Hill

LOL your story is so cute. Thankfully, both my mother and grandmother can keep a secret. So if something is up and she has caught wind of it, it''s in the vault until it happens. I''m the only one in the family who is nosy as !@#%

 

[Sassee]

My fiance arranged for my family and his to be waiting for us at his family property after he''d proposed. Because the farm is over an hour away from the city, this required a couple of days planning to ensure that everyone knew to be there at the right time.

I had NO idea. And what amazes me even more, is that my mum was SO good at keeping a secret. She had found out on the Wednesday and didn''t say anything. We got engaged on the Saturday! That''s a long time in mother/daughter world - especially with a pair like us, who talk about anything and everything! In the end, I was totally impressed!

I don''t live with my parents, but the morning of my proposal day, I was visiting my mum, and my boyfriend knew that (I was just about to head down to the farm). The phone started ringing and my mum answered. Its not like I was trying to listen in, but I remember thinking "how strange - she is speaking really weirdly". When she got off the phone, I said "who was that?". She went all funny and said "no-one, it was just your father asking what I wanted for lunch". I thought it was odd, but never put two and two together - turns out it was my fiance checking to see whether I had left their place yet, as he was worried I''d run late and the timings wouldn''t work.

Anyway, I''d defiinitely be suspicious. Sounds like your mum knows something you don''t. But I agree with the other posters - don''t push for information, otherwise you''ll feel disappointed and like you''ve cheated yourself in the end!!

 

[SuLi]

Hi there!

I agree with some of the other posters that you should try and not overanalyze the situation. You should focus on your upcoming trip and what an amazing time you''ll have! DC will be so lovely then, and knowing you from tPF, are you planning on a little shopping to acquire a new bag? If you do get engaged, it will make your awesome trip truly memorable.

When I got engaged, I had no idea it was coming...even though I had a lot of the classic "when is this going to happen" meltdowns. Although he told his parents about 6 months before the proposal, my FI wasn''t sure if my parents would spill the beans, so he asked them for permission the weekend before he was going to propose. In hindsight, I''m truly surprised that my FI keep it a secret from me.

I''m keeping my fingers crossed for you! You''ll have an amazing time!

 

[WeightLifterChick]

Date: 11/1/2007 2:28:47 PM
Author: SuLi
Hi there!

I agree with some of the other posters that you should try and not overanalyze the situation. You should focus on your upcoming trip and what an amazing time you''ll have! DC will be so lovely then, and knowing you from tPF, are you planning on a little shopping to acquire a new bag? If you do get engaged, it will make your awesome trip truly memorable.

When I got engaged, I had no idea it was coming...even though I had a lot of the classic ''when is this going to happen'' meltdowns. Although he told his parents about 6 months before the proposal, my FI wasn''t sure if my parents would spill the beans, so he asked them for permission the weekend before he was going to propose. In hindsight, I''m truly surprised that my FI keep it a secret from me.

I''m keeping my fingers crossed for you! You''ll have an amazing time!

Hi SuLi!

Nope, no new bags for me on the trip. I would love to get some shopping done, but not sure how the BF would react to me dragging him all over the place

I was debating between a 1/2 day shopping or spa treatments. I''m leaning more toward the spa treatments, believe it or not!

Yesterday he did mention having a romantic dinner on one of the nights, at a nice, reservations required, jacket required place. I might have to shoot you an e-mail or PM for restaurant suggestions

We haven''t mapped out a complete day-by-day itinerary or anything. LOL I''m starting to sound like my mom, who plans out her vacations by the hour, it seems

We''re going to come up with a general "what we want to see and do" plan and take it from there, let things happen.

Thanks for sharing your story. Your ring is just gorgeous, and I''m so thrilled for you and FI! Congrats again.

 

[SuLi]

Please feel free to ask me for recommendations in DC...I do love to eat! I sent you a PM at tPF earlier too.