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Did I just buy my stone? And how will he react?

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AustenNut

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I have done my research and shown my bf stones that I liked. I found a few whose color I liked but that just didn''t excite me. They were a bit too small, or I wasn''t as fond of the shape, or... But I wan''t looking for my e-ring stone, just wanted to give my boy the general idea of what I was looking for so that he could find it. (Though admittedly I looked through hundreds (thousands?) and didn''t find one I was confident would be THE ONE.)

Well, since joining PS I''ve become rather gem obsessed and I happened to do a search on ebay that had NOTHING to do with a light blue sapphire. But all of a sudden I saw it. I loved the color. I loved the cut. Even the size was great. I couldn''t sleep I was so excited about it. The extra pictures they sent me only made me more excited, and I found out that a well-respected PSer used them as well and was even friends with the vendor.

So why didn''t I tell my bf about it? Because I discovered the stone 24 hours before the end of the auction, and got the picts and PS confirmation about 12 hours beforehand. And I know he''s not planning to get the ring until February/March so I didn''t want to say, "I found the most fabulous stone but the auction ends tonight!" So I bought the stone. At what seems to be a VERY good price.

Obviously, I''m a little bit ahead of myself as the stone hasn''t arrived yet. It may not be everything that I''m hoping it will be. But, if it is everything I think it''s going to be, what do I do? Though we haven''t discussed it I''m 99.9% sure that my boyfriend wants to pay for the entirety of the ring. And I''d prefer that he pay for all of it as well.

So do I just show him the stone and say if you want this to be for the e-ring just make a check out to me, though it''s rather unromantic? Or do I just provide the stone and get over the whole who pays for what thing? Just as a bit of background my bf had originally intended to propose without a ring and then have me pick one out before we had our joint ring discussions.

I will also let him know that if he doesn''t want to use the stone that I''ll use it myself (probably turn it into a pendant, or maybe do a RHR).
 

HopeDream

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First off - nice finding the perfect stone! I hope that when it arrives it''s everything you wished for.

See the stone first and decide if it''s what you want, or if it''s just not what you were expecting. If the stone''s not perfect, return it.

If the stone is perfect show it to your boyfriend and see what the thinks. If he doesn''t like it, or had realy hoped to pick one out himself, then pendant or RHR it and wait for your BF to surprise you with a different e-ring.

If he does like it, and doesn''t mind you picked it out, give it to him for your ering, and discuss how he wishes to finance the stone, or if he''d put the stone money into a more blinged out setting or wedding band for you (or perhaps some earrings?).

It sounds like you''re very particular about the stone you want, so your having found it could be quite a relief to your BF.

Stone pics asap please!!!!!
 

AustenNut

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Hey HopeDream,

Thanks for the reply. And to reward you...pictures! These is a small collage I just did from some of the vendor pictures.

You are right that my boyfriend might be very relieved that I found the stone because (if this isn't it) it would probably be a somewhat arduous task. A very respected jeweler who works with good gems a lot thinks that it will be EXTREMELY difficult, and it's rare that I see the color much less the size I want from our favorite PS cutters. But it is out there, so if this stone isn't it, all hope's not loss either.
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But since my boy's not much into shopping (he tends to buy the first thing he sees) this could be a very good thing for him.

ETA: Wow, I really need to learn how to shrink my collages!

Bluesapphcollage2.jpg
 

tyty333

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Wow, very pretty! I hope it does end up being "the one"! I think your boyfriend would be much relieved to know that you found the
perfect stone (when you are sure it is). I would forget about who paid for the stone. If it really matters to him then he can write
you a check but I wouldnt ask for one.

When/if you decide the stone is the right one then you can say something to your BF like "I was thinking it would make a beautiful
engagment ring someday...you know when we get there". That will put the idea into his head (I hope) that he doesnt need to
go out and buy one to surprise you.

Congrats...I hope the stone works out!
 

LaurenThePartier

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Eeeek, AustenNut - it''s gorgeous! It looks HUGE! What''s the carat weight on that lovely sapphire?

I sincerely hope it looks like those pictures, but something tells me it will look better!!!
 

Luckyeshe

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What a beautiful color and size!! Can''t wait to see how he sets it! Ok, so you picked the stone, just make sure he gets a say on the setting!
 

AustenNut

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TyTy, HopeDream, LaurenThePartier, and Luckyeshe: Thanks!

The stone is just under 3 carats and measures 9x7.2mm. The size is actually just a hair larger than I was looking for, but I figure that it will prevent any stone shrinkage syndrome from happening. And Lauren, I too hope that it's even more beautiful in person!

As far as the setting goes my boyfriend knows what I like, so we should be good there. Though if this stone is the one, then I might also play around with the semi-mounts at the jeweler my boyfriend is most likely to use. I'm sure our salesman would be happy to give my boyfriend a hint.
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Ashley21

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What an absolutely beautiful stone! I think if you love it that much, it can''t hurt to ask if he use it. He might even be relieved he doesn''t have to be nervous about picking one out himself. I don''t think I would just ask for a check though. If he wants to pay for it he should offer that. I hope he loves it just as much as you.
 

JustLikeYou

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You know, this actually brings up a point I was *just* about to make a thread about, and that''s buying my own stone, and whether or not it''s a good idea.

I am pretty independent and my BF knows I don''t like taking money or gifts from him, but rather to share things together. I''ve been looking at sapphires recently, because much like you, I am SUPER SUPER picky (and the BF knows this), so I figured I''d start getting the ball rolling on what I like and don''t like.

I''ve found some pretty fantastic stones lately, but nothing that matches me perfectly. I have been in contact with Dana at MasterCutGems about some sapphires that are untraditional and some that might be right for me that he''s cutting, so we''ll see...

But I really want to buy my own stone, and have him pick the setting all on his own and do that whole end of it. But how would I approach that? How would I bring that up, since he doesn''t even really know that I''m looking for stones in the first place? (Neither of us are prepared to get engaged or married yet, I told him to hold off until May when I graduate).

*sigh* So confused.
 

FrekeChild

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I picked out my own stone. He paid for it, but I was the one that did the research and actually hunted it down. I wouldn''t worry about it honestly. It was more important to him that I love it than for him to pick out the wrong thing, and as for worrying about who paid for it...I wouldn''t worry about it. Just be happy you found something you love...

Very pretty btw, and you''re right, that color, size and shape doesn''t come around a lot...
 

Pandora II

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Date: 11/15/2009 1:50:26 PM
Author: FrekeChild
I picked out my own stone. He paid for it, but I was the one that did the research and actually hunted it down. I wouldn''t worry about it honestly. It was more important to him that I love it than for him to pick out the wrong thing, and as for worrying about who paid for it...I wouldn''t worry about it. Just be happy you found something you love...

Very pretty btw, and you''re right, that color, size and shape doesn''t come around a lot...
I did the same...

DH paid
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AustenNut

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Ashley & Freke: Thanks!

If I love it as much as I hope I will, then I''ll ask him how he feels about using it as the e-ring stone and just take it from there. I won''t ask that he pay for it, though I won''t refuse if he offers.

JustLikeYou: I think if you bring up what you just told us, that it would be a good conversation starter for you and your boyfriend. You can tell him that though you''d prefer that any engagement occur after your graduation that you would like to buy your own stone for the ring. Ask him how he feels about it, and tell him that you''re having the discussion now so that you can save and/or search for a stone. If the two of you have had a very fiscally egalitarian policy until now it probably won''t surprise him and he''d probably be pretty receptive.
 

vc10um

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Date: 11/15/2009 10:30:07 PM
Author: AustenNut
Ashley & Freke: Thanks!


If I love it as much as I hope I will, then I''ll ask him how he feels about using it as the e-ring stone and just take it from there. I won''t ask that he pay for it, though I won''t refuse if he offers.


JustLikeYou: I think if you bring up what you just told us, that it would be a good conversation starter for you and your boyfriend. You can tell him that though you''d prefer that any engagement occur after your graduation that you would like to buy your own stone for the ring. Ask him how he feels about it, and tell him that you''re having the discussion now so that you can save and/or search for a stone. If the two of you have had a very fiscally egalitarian policy until now it probably won''t surprise him and he''d probably be pretty receptive.

AN: that sounds like a great plan with your BF. I''m sure if you love the stone as much as I think you will (it''s STUNNING by the way...wow, what a lovely color!!!) he will SEE how much you love it when you tell him about it, and he would love nothing more than to make it into your e-ring.

JLY: I ditto AN''s advice above.
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meresal

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The stone is gorgeous. Congrats on the wonderful find.

Re: How he will react. I''m completely basing my opinion off the fact, that you have not discussed anything with him previously, and he may be very taken aback that you would go ahead and buy it without talking to him first.

If "I" were a guy I would be very surprised and probably quite a bit irritated that my girlfriend was in such a rush she had to buy the stone herself before talking with me.

Just my .02

But, I don''t know your BF, so who knows.
 

katomm

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Wow, what an amazing stone!!!!
 

janinegirly

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Nice stone and great find by the sounds of it!!

Regarding your bf, that one I'm a little more iffy on. How much have you discussed who will be buying the stone or how much input you both expected you to have? If this has been discussed heavily and he knew you were "stone searching with intent to buy", then he might be happy you found something so things can move forward. If not, he may very well feel you jumped the gun and basically bought your own e-ring without any input/effort/awareness from him. So I'd tread carefully with how you tell him. Giving input for what you like is different from actually buying it without telling him and informing him you would like him to pay you back, etc. I may be missing some pieces to the chain of events, so excuse my assumptions if so.

For me personally, I preferred to have my DH do all the work since that to me reflects his contribution to the whole engagement process and is very meaningful on a symbolic level. Ring was him, wedding was me! But I'm quite tradational that way and thankfully, my Dh has decent taste.
 

JustLikeYou

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Date: 11/15/2009 10:30:07 PM
Author: AustenNut
Ashley & Freke: Thanks!

If I love it as much as I hope I will, then I''ll ask him how he feels about using it as the e-ring stone and just take it from there. I won''t ask that he pay for it, though I won''t refuse if he offers.

JustLikeYou: I think if you bring up what you just told us, that it would be a good conversation starter for you and your boyfriend. You can tell him that though you''d prefer that any engagement occur after your graduation that you would like to buy your own stone for the ring. Ask him how he feels about it, and tell him that you''re having the discussion now so that you can save and/or search for a stone. If the two of you have had a very fiscally egalitarian policy until now it probably won''t surprise him and he''d probably be pretty receptive.

Thanks. Yeah, we''re mutual in the feeling that we want to be 50/50 as much as possible... (though that''s mostly my doing haha). He does like to treat me to nice things with his own money, but he respects the fact that I like to be independent and want to support myself as much as I can. I''ve never wanted to feel like I''m taking advantage of someone, and by having him buy the whole ring would make me feel that way, so I''d rather buy the stone myself. I think I''ll wait to christmas break from school though to bring it up so there''s no stress on my part from final exams and such.

Oh, by the way, very pretty stone. I can''t wait to see it when you get it in the mail! ;-)
 

AustenNut

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VC10m, Lilyfoot, Meresal, Katomm, Janinegirly, and JustLikeYou: Thanks for the compliments!

Lilyfoot: The stone''s still in Thailand. It''s being sent to the lab to get certified before being sent to me so I have to be patient.
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Meresal & Janinegirly: Thank you both for your feedback. In terms of what my boyfriend and I had discussed beforehand, his original plan was to propose and have me pick out the stone and setting entirely. We did not discuss financing, though it was assumed to be entirely his affair. We''ve actually gone into jewelry stores and looked at settings and even sapphires that were called in. He also knows that I search gem websites A LOT. I''ve been been buying stones that I''ve turned into jewelry for myself, and he''s well aware of that. He wasn''t aware that I was searching for my e-ring stone because I wasn''t. I can''t remember the search terms that I used on ebay but it certainly wasn''t blue sapphire. I still have no idea how that stone pulled up in my search results, though I''m quite happy it did.

I''ve decided I won''t ask him to pay me back, though if he wants to I will accept. I don''t know if he''ll consider that I''m "rushing." Over the course of our relationship he''s generally been the one to want us to take the next step and thankfully he''s quite gung-ho about getting married. Since he''s given a fairly definite timeline though, I am ahead of it and don''t know entirely how he''d feel about that (though I know the timeline is because I told him not to go into any debt for the ring which is why he''s using the refund for it). Ugh, who knows. But when he finds out what a good deal it was it will probably also help matters, and the fact that it will reduce his shopping time (he tends to like the first thing he sees and doesn''t fully comprehend the idea of shopping around) while ensuring my pleasure with the ring.

And another reason I didn''t tell him (besides auction ending in 24 hrs when I found it) was that he had a big set of professional tests the next morning. Maybe I''m just making justifications here, or maybe he''ll be fine with it. But I won''t mention it to him until the stone arrives and I know that I would love it as an e-ring stone. And if he decides that I was too pushy or it doesn''t feel right then I''ll turn the stone into a pendant (or possibly a RHR). But thanks for bringing up the stickier point of view!
 

MeowMeow

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AustenNut- Hope you don''t mind me butting in a bit. I Just wanted to share with you that I did something very similar. I also bought my own stone first too. I found it at a gemstone show, fell in love with it and had to sheepishly show it to my fiance! Luckily he didn''t mind at all! He just paid me what I spent on it and told me thank you for letting him avoid doing it himself! lol

Perhaps yours wll have a similar reaction?
 

Indylady

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How about opening the box together, so its a special moment for the two of you. You''ll probably make the final call on if you want it as a stone for your e-ring after you see it, so why not open it together, and then then if you like it, ask him what he thinks of making it the stone for your e-ring. I think it will be a special if he gets to see the excitement on your face of opening the package.
 

AustenNut

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The stone is up in Anchorage with some clearance delay, according to Fed Ex. Doesn''t look like it''s going to arrive here by 9:30AM tomorrow as estimated.
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Hopefully the delay is something weather related, and won''t actually become a problem.

MeowMeow: Thanks for relating your story. Makes me feel better and hope that everything will turn out similarly to your situation.

Szh07: That''s actually a really nice idea. I haven''t told my boyfriend yet that I''ve bought this stone but maybe I''ll clue him in and we''ll open it together. I''ll have to think on this since if I make sure we open it together then it might seem like I orchestrated the whole purchasing thing. Which I guess I sort of did, but it really was just happenstance, and I wonder if that will come across if I have a more planned receipt of it. Does that make any sense? I definitely need to think on this, and this Anchorage delay will probably buy me at least an extra day of thinking time. Any thoughts on this from other ladies?
 

MeowMeow

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AustenNut: Of course! I wish you luck too! When I bought my stone I basically ran to where he works and was pretty much like "IFoundMyStoneDon''tKillMeItsSoPrettyCanIKeepIt?!!!?? " It might be better though if you just shared with him that you found your stone for a good price and you couldn''t pass it up since it was timed and you didn''t want him to spend too much?

I may be biased but it doesn''t seem orchestrated of you at all, to me it sounds like you just saw a good oppertunity and grabbed it :D
 

AustenNut

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Just wanted to say that the stone is in my city! Fed Ex left a slip on my door for me to sign. Well, it''s now signed so when I come home tomorrow I should have a package waiting for me!!! When my boyfriend left tonight he saw the slip on the door and I told him that I was expecting a package. Since my introduction to PS he''s gotten used to pretty things arriving in small packages. I''ll probably just open the package when I get home, but he''ll arrive about a half hour or so after that which should still be plenty of time for me to be exuberantly joyful about the stone if it''s as good as I think it is. At that point I might mention turning it into my e-ring stone, if that''s what I''d like to do. I''ll be sure to keep everyone informed!
 

lilyfoot

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Date: 12/1/2009 11:13:26 PM
Author: AustenNut
Just wanted to say that the stone is in my city! Fed Ex left a slip on my door for me to sign. Well, it''s now signed so when I come home tomorrow I should have a package waiting for me!!! When my boyfriend left tonight he saw the slip on the door and I told him that I was expecting a package. Since my introduction to PS he''s gotten used to pretty things arriving in small packages. I''ll probably just open the package when I get home, but he''ll arrive about a half hour or so after that which should still be plenty of time for me to be exuberantly joyful about the stone if it''s as good as I think it is. At that point I might mention turning it into my e-ring stone, if that''s what I''d like to do. I''ll be sure to keep everyone informed!
Sounds like a plan! I hope the stone works out for you!

Defiinitely keep us updated
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vc10um

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Oooo! AustenNut!!! I''m keeping my fingers crossed that it''s as beautiful in person as in the pictures!!!

(And then they''ll still be crossed for your conversation with your FF!!!)
 

jewelz617

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There is definitely nothing wrong with going after what you want. And at a great price too! If you know your guy is definitely 100% planning to propose and you don''t think you are jumping the gun, be honest. Tell him you found THE stone you want in your ring and that it was too fabulous a price to pass up. Maybe wait til he can see it in person before you tell him so he can appreciate how beautiful it is. I''m sure he wants you to have exactly what you want!
 
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