But I want it to be a surprise....

[fatafelice]

Okay, this question is for all you current and former LIW out there. My BF and I are in the "discussion" stage of engagement and I hope it will be sometime this year. That would be fine, but I''m worried about the ring! I am a complete control freak about my personal tastes and style. None of my friends or family would dare to buy clothes or jewelry for me! Last Christmas, my BF knew I wanted a gemstone ring, so he wrapped up cash and then took me shopping rather than try to pick it out himself. In addition, I have yet to find a setting that is exactly what I want or love, so it isn''t as if I can just tell him where to go. To make matters worse, he knows nothing about diamonds or quality settings, while I know a lot (thanks PS!). I know that he would want it to be a complete surprise for me -- and I would prefer that as well -- but I don''t want to be dissapointed in the ring when it is all said and done. I would never be able to hide that from him and he would be crushed. Is it shallow to be so concerned about the ring? And even if it isn''t, how can I get what I want while still getting a surprise? Help!

 

[allycat0303]

Fatafelice: I wrote this before "You want him to surprise you with exactly what you want

" What I did for my boyfriend, because he is completely clueless about everything related to diamonds and I am a complete control freak, is I made a word document called "Ally''s ring". It has everything including center stone info (size, color, shape, depth, table, where to purchase), as well as pictures of my setting (and instructions on the modifications I want to my setting, where to purchase, +contact info). He has the file on his desktop, so when he''s ready he''ll use it to buy my ring. I know it sounds so specific, but he was really happy that he had strict guidelines. It''s a huge purchase, and something I want to wear forever, so he (and I

) want to make sure he gets something I like. Plus he can use all the info without me knowing, so I can surprised.

 

[jennyt]

Another option if you want to keep it as suprising as possible is to simply tell him your center stone preferences. Then, he can have that set in a "temporary" setting, and you can pick out your final setting once you are engaged. That might be more fun for you, because you will be able to go out and try on a bunch of settings and see what you like AND you''ll have a beautiful ring in the meantime. For the stone, I would be as specific as possible. I find that most men tend to gratitate toward reallllllllllllyyyyyyyyyy high quality stones (like E, VVS2) without knowing that even an SI1 might be eye-clean and a better value. Or, you might be someone who prefers a more "flawless" stone. There is such a huge price variance when it comes to stones, that I think he would be appreciative if he knew what you liked.

Good luck!!

 

[icekid]

haha, i have done something pretty similar to Ally! i told him exactly where he should go and from whom he should buy the diamond- since i want a cushion, mark at E-rings direct seems the natural choice there. and i absolutely LOVE leon mege rings, so i figure as long as i send my bf to him, there''s really no way that i won''t love it!

(though he does have additional directions too- split shank.. and pave hehe). but the surprise part is REALLY important to him, and to me too... but i do have to wear this thing forever. so i think a friendly shove in the right direction is a great idea

 

[wcitygirl]

FF -- I absolutely know how you feel. My bf and I had this friend who got engaged and I sent him her ring that she sent me thinking he would think that it was heinous (LIKE I DID) and instead, he wrote back: Oh, I really like that one. OMG!!!! At that point I felt like I had to hold some sort of Bad Taste Intervention. Ok, I''m being unfair. It wasn''t that he had bad taste, it was just that it was just so vastly different from mine. Her ring was a Jeff Cooper design -- It''s sort of like a vatche setting, but it has round or square diamonds. I tried to upload it and failed. It''s at jeffcooperdesigns.com. It''s #R3010. It''s great for everyone else, but I just don''t love it. It''s almost the opposite of what I''m looking for. I was hoping for something like the really thin banded pave settings or perhaps something with just thin baguettes on the sides -- something a little antique inspired, but overall timeless. The ring she got was really modern and bulky. THEN, bf says: Ummmm, yeah, I really hate any kind of side stones. "Really less is more in this case." OMG!!! Who is this boy and what have you done with my boyfriend?!?!? To think this is funny, you probably have to know my boyfriend, but that''s very uncharacteristic of him -- he''s a very manly man.

BUT, this was a great thing that happened, we were able to open the dialogue because we both knew what we DIDNT want. So, he knows what I don''t want. But, it was really difficult for me to let go of the control. Right now, I would be ok with just a simple tiffany style and I think that he''ll be able to figure it out.

I just hate that it''s such a dance!! My bf is the same way with the surprise. We talk about it though in very abstract terms and he seems to get it. NO THICK BANDS (I have short fat fingers -- it would be a disaster!)!!!

 

[Blue824]

That is TOTALLY how I felt...I didn''t want to relinquish any control over it. I''m so picky that I pick out all my xmas presents, all my bday presents...even from my aunts and uncles or get gift cards. This xmas after picking out my gift from my bf, I''ve realized I need to let go a bit, because just being handed a gift gets a little boring sometimes (but I sure spend less time returning things!).

Anyway, my bf & I have a little while before the ring will be purchased, my boyfriend is slowly learning about diamonds. I teach him random things mid-conversation about color/clarity/size/price. I know he''d never research it on his own, I''m the detail oriented one in the relationship, which is how I found pricescope! Anyway, he has welcomed the information.

When we first talked about how we knew we''d get engaged, he said he''d not want any input from me...and I was like um you won''t buy a ring with out me approving! The 2 extremes. Since that initial reaction we''ve both calmed down. I now know that he would never buy something he wouldn''t think I''d like and he wants to make sure I like it so he does wnat my input. And this is what he''s realized, that I have a lot more knowledge on the matter and he appreciates my input and knowledge. We decided that we will do some shopping together to get a sense of what size looks good on my finger and what styles and other details. I mean, I know what I think looks pretty in a picture, but trying things on might surprise me. After we do our fair share of shopping the ultimate decision will be up to him and I won''t know exactly which ring it is until I open it. It''s a combination that works well for me because I do trust him and I don''t want to take over what should be a special time for him too. This is one event in my life that isn''t just about me

Just find the right sense of balance with him, maybe he does want you involved in the entire process, but I totally understand the control issue...also, there are always upgrades

 

[MelissaSue]

i say.. pick out rings that you like.. show him pics of what..and let him do it on his own!

OR..

Tell him exactly what you want and make sure he gets it.. and let him suprise you with the proposal

I knew what my ring was, where it was coming from and roughly when I was getting it.. and the proposal was still a TOTAL suprise. I really did not want my e-ring itself to be a surprise in itself. I did want the proposal to be a surprise though. And it was!!!!!!!!

 

[goldengirl]

jennyt said what I was going to... give him guidelines on the center stone you want "I''d really love a round, F-H color, VS2 or SI1, honey... and if you could plug the numbers into the cut advisor on PS and it falls under two, it''s a winner!!" or even "Round, about eighty points, I or better, and eyeclean... just make sure the jeweler thinks it''s gorgeous!" (and then of course, give him a couple GOOD jewelers to work with

)... and then he can present it in a temp setting and you can do the shopping together.

That''s actually my ideal scenario. Because I really do want to be *very* involved in the selection, and I want us to shop together and be excited about it, without it ruining the surprise of the proposal.

 

[appletini]

Let him surprise you with the proposal, not the ring! Give him parameters for your center stone. Then either look at settings with him, send him pictures of things you like etc, and give locations where he can find those settings. That way he is pointed in the right direction. Or have him go with one of your friends that you have strict instructions too.

Remember you will be wearing this for the rest of your life so it needs to be what *you* want! Plus he''ll be a lot less nerveous about it if he knows you love it.

 

[palmbaybabe]

What I did was pick out two different rings that I really liked sent him e-mail pics and went to the jeweler and told him what I liked, of course it was easy for me cuz I wanted a simple solitaire. Also I trusted my jeweler completely to pick out the diamond since steve bought it over the phone sight un-seen. We are both very happy with my ring

 

[wcitygirl]

OK, so I think this can go in this topic. Well, I ended up going to the bars on Fri and I ended up drinking...a lot. Well, bf met me out and I ended up talking to this girl forEVER about markets and I just realized that I''m WAYYYY underemployed and I started getting frustrated (mostly w. bf because I wanted to change jobs and he told me to wait because we might be moving). Anyway, frustration + confusion (WHERE is this relationship going) + fixing broken toilet at 3 am with red satin ribbon + mass quantities of alcohol = BIG discussion that I can''t remember.

Anyway, the part I do remember is that he finally admitted that it WAS his intention to propose. Yippee!! BUT. Now, I feel like now it isn''t a surprise and I guess I just feel sort of disappointed that I ruined the surprise. And I think HES disappointed that I ruined the surprise too. Oh well....

 

[fatafelice]

Wow! Everyone has such great ideas that I don''t know which way to go. I''m leaning towards telling him the specs for the center stone (for a temp. setting) and then getting to design the ring myself...I just think working on the design would be half the fun! Plus, this is similar to his original idea: Propose with a hideous sim that I would have to show to people until I found what I wanted! (I think his goal here is to speed up the decision-making process on my end!)

wcitygirl: I myself have not gotten such a definite answer, but my sister is feeling similar dissapointment/jubilation. She has been spending a lot of time looking at antique settings. Well, she saw one that she liked on ebay and pointed it out to her BF (who has been promising "soon" for over a year), but only as an example of what she likes. She put it on her watch list b/c she was curious what it would go for. She forgot about it completely, but about a week later, when she logged into her account, it was there in the "items ended" cateory. And he had won the auction! Now, regardless of the fact that he should have used a different user name to bid on it.... She was so excited to know it was finally coming, and then started crying because she had wanted it to be a surprise! And she won''t tell anyone other than me and her best friend, so she has to wait and pretend that she doesn''t know anything whenever my parents ask her about marriage! It has been nearly a month since he won the auction, and their anniversary is in two weeks, so I have my fingers crossed for her...