Best comebacks in awkward situations!

[moderatelypoorstudent]

I just wanted to start a new, and more satisfying (hopefully) thread about dealing with other people''s pesky questions. Sometimes these people are well intentioned, other times not. But I''d love to hear some examples of how you feel you successfully deflected/defused/responded to the situation.

Recently, I was asked if I was engaged and I just said "not yet."
When asked when we''re getting engaged I always say (even though it''s in 3 months now): in a year or so. (I think it''s just easier to never change the answer, haha)
When asked about the ring I wear and why it''s on my left hand: I usually just say: he put it there and so it''s stayed.
When asked when we''re going to hurry up and get married I usually say: we don''t even live in the same state right now, it''d just be silly to be long distance married. (that one works every time btw)

But one I couldn''t come up with a good response for was one of my friends made a weird comment to me (before she got engaged) about how ONE of the two of us better have a "real" ring on her finger by December. I''m sure she just meant to be engaged... but I guess I was annoyed like my ring on my finger wasn''t real or something? it means SOMEthing, just not... the same thing. KWIM?

 

[sunnyd]

I was totally busted the other day looking at wedding dresses online at work by a coworker.
Him: ''You getting married?''
Me: ''No not yet, maybe later.''

Nobody bugs me, so that''s my one story.

 

[absolut_blonde]

Date: 6/5/2008 2:42:29 PM
Author:moderatelypoorstudent
I just wanted to start a new, and more satisfying (hopefully) thread about dealing with other people''s pesky questions. Sometimes these people are well intentioned, other times not. But I''d love to hear some examples of how you feel you successfully deflected/defused/responded to the situation.

Recently, I was asked if I was engaged and I just said ''not yet.''
When asked when we''re getting engaged I always say (even though it''s in 3 months now): in a year or so. (I think it''s just easier to never change the answer, haha)
When asked about the ring I wear and why it''s on my left hand: I usually just say: he put it there and so it''s stayed.
When asked when we''re going to hurry up and get married I usually say: we don''t even live in the same state right now, it''d just be silly to be long distance married. (that one works every time btw)

But one I couldn''t come up with a good response for was one of my friends made a weird comment to me (before she got engaged) about how ONE of the two of us better have a ''real'' ring on her finger by December. I''m sure she just meant to be engaged... but I guess I was annoyed like my ring on my finger wasn''t real or something? it means SOMEthing, just not... the same thing. KWIM?

Eeh. That''s touch. Did she mean it in a friendly, we''re in this together way? Or was it more.. snarky? I think I would''ve just said ''Oh, well, we already have our own timeline chosen'' and changed the topic.

 

[chocolatefudge]

I quite like it when people ask in front of my boyfriend if we are engaged as I hope it''ll give him the kick he needs to do it! I sometimes feel like he thinks he''s not old enough to get married or some other silly reason, and when people ask us about it I hope he will see that it is something that people are expecting and not something out of the ordinary!

My favourite time is at Christmas when we o out for his work''s party. Most of the people he works with are far older than us and many of the wives have been hounding him for the last four years about why we aren''t engaged.If we turn up this year STILL not engaged I think there will be trouble! Ha ha!

 

[Izzy03]

I have mentioned that in a previous post that I work with a "witch", who always has negative comments towards my relationship. Well this one topped my chart.

One of my coworkers was admiring my promise ring (a David Yurman citrine stone with a halo... I think it is beatiful!), and the coworker began to describe the promise ring an ex-boyfriend had given her. Well the "witch" ,who is married, had the nerve to chime in with "promise rings are so stupid.."

I WAS SO SHOCKED I COULDN''T RESPOND!!! What do you say to that?

Doesn''t that seem like she was obviously trying to hurt some feelings? Wow, I hate her.

 

[moderatelypoorstudent]

Date: 6/5/2008 6:36:59 PM
Author: Izzy03
I have mentioned that in a previous post that I work with a ''witch'', who always has negative comments towards my relationship. Well this one topped my chart.


One of my coworkers was admiring my promise ring (a David Yurman citrine stone with a halo... I think it is beatiful!), and the coworker began to describe the promise ring an ex-boyfriend had given her. Well the ''witch'' ,who is married, had the nerve to chime in with ''promise rings are so stupid..''

I WAS SO SHOCKED I COULDN''T RESPOND!!! What do you say to that?


Doesn''t that seem like she was obviously trying to hurt some feelings? Wow, I hate her.

My goodness! this lady sounds worse every post!
I''d have said: That''s because no one would get you one.

Hahaha, but then again, if she were a higher up, I''d just have said something like: oh. mmm hmm... and turned away.

As for my friend, I do think she just meant well but she can be just a little shallow at times. And in the end, I''ll always wear my promise ring, just moving it over to the right when we get engaged. Who could dislike a little more bling?

 

[moderatelypoorstudent]

Date: 6/5/2008 5:20:27 PM
Author: chocolatefudge
I quite like it when people ask in front of my boyfriend if we are engaged as I hope it''ll give him the kick he needs to do it! I sometimes feel like he thinks he''s not old enough to get married or some other silly reason, and when people ask us about it I hope he will see that it is something that people are expecting and not something out of the ordinary!


My favourite time is at Christmas when we o out for his work''s party. Most of the people he works with are far older than us and many of the wives have been hounding him for the last four years about why we aren''t engaged.If we turn up this year STILL not engaged I think there will be trouble! Ha ha!

Hahaha, I guess you make a good point. As for others, I bring up SO by name a lot, but I don''t specify that he is my SO. .. I sort of expect them to catch on when I say I''m spending a whole weekend with someone, they''re not just a friend. Hehe.

Sometimes people do bluntly ask: "Do you have a boyfriend?" And I just say: yes I do, he''s great.

If they push on about how long have you been dating and seem sort of obnoxious, I usually pretend I''m surprised and say: "Oh my... more than three years now!! I guess it is serious!!!" (As if I hadn''t a clue before.)

But then usually, I like to turn it around on them: and what about you? (if they''re married, I push on about kids, if they''re single, I push on about hurrying up and meeting someone.)

I really like to give back a little.

 

[thekinglives]

Hello there. I think it can wear you down to
have to think through all possible potential
put-downs, it's a lot of mental energy spent
just to flick off people whose real problem is
rarely really you

I think basing your opinion of yourself in the
middle of your operation (i.e. there is nothing
wrong or suspicious about my ring, my plans etc.)
-- other peoples' rude/disparaging/thoughtless
comments can be met with a simple question, one
that you'd probably like to know the answer
to aswell: why do you say that? (Or: that's
a very unusual reaction to my X).

If the intention is negative nothing knocks a
petty operator off their perch like a simple
reminder that they sound totally out of place
(something a bully is usually critically worried
about in their little quests .

)

HTH

 

[Izzy03]

HAHAHA! Wow moderatelypoorstudent...... you are cracking me up. I wish I was quick enough to think of these things on the spot!

 

[purrfectpear]

Promise rings were a marketing ploy by Keepsake Diamonds in the late 1960''s

It is pretty high school IMO, though I would never look at someone''s ring and say that to them. If they''re happy, I''m happy

I''m not sure what is being "promised"? It was originally touted for those people who were young and "going steady" and too young to be actually thinking about getting engaged yet.
Maybe things and thinking have changed? Seems like adults would just see themselves as being in a significant dating relationship. When you''re ready to "promise" to the other person that they are "the one", then you''re ready to make it an engagement, no

Anyway that''s my opinion, but I do think it would be rude to look at someone''s ring and tell them it was silly.

 

[moderatelypoorstudent]

Date: 6/5/2008 7:30:49 PM
Author: purrfectpear
Promise rings were a marketing ploy by Keepsake Diamonds in the late 1960''s

It is pretty high school IMO, though I would never look at someone''s ring and say that to them. If they''re happy, I''m happy

I''m not sure what is being ''promised''? It was originally touted for those people who were young and ''going steady'' and too young to be actually thinking about getting engaged yet.

Maybe things and thinking have changed? Seems like adults would just see themselves as being in a significant dating relationship. When you''re ready to ''promise'' to the other person that they are ''the one'', then you''re ready to make it an engagement, no

Anyway that''s my opinion, but I do think it would be rude to look at someone''s ring and tell them it was silly.

I didn''t know that bit of history about promise rings, but it certainly is interesting.
Oddly, I hadn''t seen many in high school with promise rings, but a few popped up in college when we were all tight on money.

Sometimes what may seem like a promise ring, is just a nice gift from the BF. And besides, I doubt many of us would turn down bling. haha.

 

[Anna0499]

People with veiled comments are always jealous! To OP: I don''t know about the type of relationship you have with your friend but I would give her the benefit of the doubt and think she was just joking and had no ill will towards your promise ring. I''m sure she meant "real ring" to mean "engagement ring" because you both want to be engaged, not because she thinks anything is wrong with your promise ring. That''s how I would take it if my friend said that to me anyway. I have a promise/birthday gift ring that is a beautiful aquamarine with a diamond halo and diamonds in the band. It was much cheaper than my eventual engagment ring will be but it''s reserving the spot for now. We won''t be getting married for at least 2-3 years so neither of us see a point in spending a couple tens of thousands of dollars right now while I''m still in school. Also, I never wanted a long engagement (less than a year). Anyways, this is getting off topic and marketting ploy or not, I appreciate the gesture and when so many girls are fretting about when their SOs will commit I''m glad I don''t have to worry about it.

 

[Linda W]

purrfectpear: I had to giggle when you brought up the subject of rings in the 60''s. I used to wear one that my highschool boyfriend gave me. It was a beautiful amethyst one. I always wore it, to show people that we were "going steady". Thanks for the memory.

Linda

 

[purrfectpear]

Yep I remember when every girl dreamed of a promise ring that consisted of an overpriced teeny tiny single melee stone.

Wowee, their first diamond. And the jewelry industry was only too happy to convince us that the $90 chip was "proof of his love"

About 0% of those promises became marriages.

While we''re walking down memory lane, do young girls still wear his class ring with adhesive tape on the shank

 

[Linda W]

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. YEP!!! I DID THAT TOO. Or I wore the huge knuckle buster on a chain around my neck, but that might be before your time ha ha ha ha ha.



Linda

 

[Po10472]

I''d think of it this way - relationships are essentially a 3-stage process - Dating, engagement, marriage.

Promise ring - would signify the dating phase and says ''i''m taken and we''re serious about each other''

Engagement ring - we are planning to commit to spending our lives together and we''re planning to get married

Wedding ring - is a sign of unification and commitment, the agreement is binding.

Soooooooooo, if anyone says anything else to you about a promise ring and they''re negative about it............just say,

"oh its a promise ring, y''know, he''s a sure thing and I''m on to a promise at any time

!!!!"

See them blush and feel stupid. - its totally none of their beezwax, does my head in when people are so forward. People are always asking DH and I about when we''re having kids and again my response is...........when we''re ready!!!! straight to the point and often shocks them cos they''re not expecting a blunt response from their blunt question.

 

[thekinglives]

I'd go along with that, Anna, jealousy can be
an awful insidious beast. I'd also agree that a
true friend would have no intention of talking
down to you OP (just realised I missed the
more specific point of the question!). Maybe
there is a tug of jealousy there but the general
response from your friend should indicate if it
was a moment of bad-phrasing or of selfish
weakness, or worse.

I *had* one 'friendship' whose true authenticity
remained mysteriously hidden until I married.
This manifested itself in a sequence of almost
imperceptible comments that made me feel all
wrong. When I confronted her in terms of 'how
do you feel about how things are going with
your own boyfriend -- I've noticed that you
don't seem all that happy with my arrangement'
she disappeared from my radar like a thief
in the night, which of course was no loss.

Since my first comment didn't apparently
warrant a thank-you, this is for ladies
-in-waiting who might face a similar issue.

 

[moderatelypoorstudent]

Date: 6/6/2008 4:31:44 AM
Author: thekinglives
I''d go along with that, Anna, jealousy can be

an awful insidious beast. I''d also agree that a

true friend would have no intention of talking

down to you OP (just realised I missed the

more specific point of the question!). Maybe

there is a tug of jealousy there but the general

response from your friend should indicate if it

was a moment of bad-phrasing or of selfish

weakness, or worse.


I *had* one ''friendship'' whose true authenticity

remained mysteriously hidden until I married.

This manifested itself in a sequence of almost

imperceptible comments that made me feel all

wrong. When I confronted her in terms of ''how

do you feel about how things are going with

your own boyfriend -- I''ve noticed that you

don''t seem all that happy with my arrangement''

she disappeared from my radar like a thief

in the night, which of course was no loss.


Since my first comment didn''t apparently

warrant a thank-you, this is for ladies

-in-waiting who might face a similar issue.

Oh! Didn''t mean to forget to say thank you. I think you have some very sound advice. And I appreciate your contribution to the post. Thanks theking. I think being polite and tactful is always a good thing... not that there aren''t times I wish I didn''t have to be.

but your post probably works best for real life.