Beating the Monday blues... Nightmare Engagement?

[confusedaisy]

Hi Everyone,

It's been so quiet around here as of late so I thought I'd just throw out a fun question to wake everyone up on this Monday morning. I was going to ask about everyone's dream engagement but realized that I'll be happy with almost any way he asks me except.... anything too public- like asking me on a telatron at a baseball game or on the big screen at times square- I would be mortified (one of my biggest fears is being on TV- don't ask me why, I have no clue). So I'll throw the question out- what would be your nightmare engagement?

 

[Grlsbestfrnd]

My nightmare proposal would be if he just threw a ring box at me to catch and said "wanna get married" like it was no big deal. I just really want it to be a sweet proposal with some thought put into it. I know he'd never do that so I don't have to worry about that nightmare proposal coming true.

 

[confusedaisy]

Agree! My bf is a huge joker and since we started talking about this he keeps saying how many silly jokes he'll add into the proposal. Obviously, one or two wouldn't be bad (it's his nature) but I definitely don't want it all to be a huge gag!

 

[maebelle]

We went out with a married couple and an engaged couple on Valentine's weekend. He joked that he should have proposed that night at dinner, as me and the other girls had planned everything, and I would have never seen it coming. We were at a standard sports bar and there is no way I would have wanted to be proposed to in public, on valentines day, at a dinner *I* planned.

Although I think any public proposal would be a nightmare to me!

 

[wwmd8118]

My nightmare proposal may be a dream proposal to someone else, so I want to preface this with saying it definitely depends on the person, and I'm not putting down anyone's proposal! My nightmare proposal would be a big public sporting event proposal, too. When they put those people on the jumbotron thing, I cringe. I don't mind public if it's semi-discreet, like my friend got engaged on the Golden Gate Bridge - there were people walking by but it wasn't like she was on display. I could handle something like that. But I'm starting to think I'll take just about anything at this point, too...

 

[confusedaisy]

My nightmare proposal may be a dream proposal to someone else, so I want to preface this with saying it definitely depends on the person, and I'm not putting down anyone's proposal! My nightmare proposal would be a big public sporting event proposal, too. When they put those people on the jumbotron thing, I cringe. I don't mind public if it's semi-discreet, like my friend got engaged on the Golden Gate Bridge - there were people walking by but it wasn't like she was on display. I could handle something like that. But I'm starting to think I'll take just about anything at this point, too...

I agree- and actually, whenever I'm at a ball game and someone proposes I think its so sweet but then immediately think- if that was me I would die!!!

 

[amc80]

Ultimately, I think any engagement is better than no engagement.

But...

A coworker of mine went to a fairly casual place for Valentine's Day dinner. Her bf put the ring down on the table and said, and I'm not making this up, "So, are you gonna marry me or what?". Yeah. She then cried (happy) and he said "Don't cry in my beer."

Still, better than an empty finger

My nightmare would be something like that. I don't need fanfare or any grand gestures, but I would like to know that he put some thought and time into it.

 

[confusedaisy]

Wow!! Just wow.

A friend of mine recently got engaged- she got home to find an engagement ring waiting for her on the table in the box. I don't remember if he proposed or not but he didn't get down on one knee. She feels ripped off.

But I agree- at the end of the day, she's got her sparkler on her hand.

 

[wwmd8118]

A coworker of mine went to a fairly casual place for Valentine's Day dinner. Her bf put the ring down on the table and said, and I'm not making this up, "So, are you gonna marry me or what?". Yeah. She then cried (happy) and he said "Don't cry in my beer."

Still, better than an empty finger

My nightmare would be something like that. I don't need fanfare or any grand gestures, but I would like to know that he put some thought and time into it.

Oh. My. Gosh. That is ridiculous! Yeah, I think that takes the cake for nightmare proposal.

I have a friend whose (now) husband walked into the kitchen when she was making dinner and handed her the ring and said, "Here you go."

Not exactly my idea of a proposal...but it's true, at the end of the day, she's engaged!

I totally agree that I would just like some thought and time put into it.

 

[MayFlowers]

Wow!! Just wow.

A friend of mine recently got engaged- she got home to find an engagement ring waiting for her on the table in the box. I don't remember if he proposed or not but he didn't get down on one knee. She feels ripped off.

But I agree- at the end of the day, she's got her sparkler on her hand.

This! But any engagement where it's very obvious that he put absolutely no thought into it. It's important to me that he put even a little thought into it! I mean I don't expect some over the top proposal. Seriously, I'm going to say yes no matter what. But, if he just tosses me a ring and says "I guess we can get married now" I wouldn't want to even tell anyone I got engaged because it wouldn't feel like he was being serious. Actually, I take that back. If BF threw a ring box at me and said that, I would probably throw it back and tell him to put some more thought into the proposal and try again! HAHAHA!

 

[amc80]

Wow!! Just wow.

A friend of mine recently got engaged- she got home to find an engagement ring waiting for her on the table in the box. I don't remember if he proposed or not but he didn't get down on one knee. She feels ripped off.

But I agree- at the end of the day, she's got her sparkler on her hand.

This! But any engagement where it's very obvious that he put absolutely no thought into it. It's important to me that he put even a little thought into it! I mean I don't expect some over the top proposal. Seriously, I'm going to say yes no matter what. But, if he just tosses me a ring and says "I guess we can get married now" I wouldn't want to even tell anyone I got engaged because it wouldn't feel like he was being serious. Actually, I take that back. If BF threw a ring box at me and said that, I would probably throw it back and tell him to put some more thought into the proposal and try again! HAHAHA!

I think guys forget that regardless of how much you have talked about the wedding, the ring, getting engaged, etc., he still needs to actually ask.

Not "marry me" or "here is your ring" or "I want to spend my life with you." None of those are questions. Otherwise, you're pretty much just saying yes to wearing the ring.

 

[missy]

For me, any public proposal would be a nightmare because I feel that is a very private affair just between you and your SO. For us anyway- I don't want to put anyone's proposal down. After all, if it is from the love of your life that's the important thing KWIM? But, to answer the question I actually never thought about it before my SO proposed (came as a total shock) but he did it in just the most perfect way for me. He waited till it was snowing (our first date was in Central Park right before a snowfall) and suggested we take a walk in the park right around dusk. Which was the same as our very first date. We took a walk in the park around dusk.
He stopped in front of our favorite tree (yeah, we're strange ) and got down on one knee, took the ring box out and said something like I am the love of his life and he cannot imagine life without me and doesn't want to spend another minute without being my husband and me being his wife...something terribly sweet like that. I was in total shock. So much so that I forgot to answer for a minute or so LOL. Anyway, it was the perfect private proposal for us and I will treasure the memory always.

 

[HappyNewLife]

I may be in the minority, but I'd rather not be engaged than be proposed to in such a thoughtless way (the "here you go" and "don't cry in my beer" stories irk me).

I was with a very thoughtless man for 10 years and I am so glad he's now my EX-husband. I've since moved on to a VERY thoughtful, sweet person, PHEW!

 

[amc80]

I may be in the minority, but I'd rather not be engaged than be proposed to in such a thoughtless way (the "here you go" and "don't cry in my beer" stories irk me).

I think it would depend on the situation. If he did it because he was nervous or whatever, then that's different than if he just doesn't value the romance and tradition of a proposal. But, I wouldn't be with someone like that anyway.

 

[suchende]

Honestly? I would be fine with no proposal at all. Deciding to get married is a series of conversations, not one defining moment (for me). The whole proposal thing would be a bit of a farce anyway.

 

[confusedaisy]

Honestly? I would be fine with no proposal at all. Deciding to get married is a series of conversations, not one defining moment (for me). The whole proposal thing would be a bit of a farce anyway.

Even though I agree that deciding to get married is a series of conversations, I also really want the proposal. I mean, sure- we've spoken about getting married 100 times and he's asked me to marry him/be his wife/spend the rest of my life with him about 2 dozen times, the real proposal will be a moment I'll always remember- right along with getting married and having kids. Its something I really want. And even though we'll pick out the ring together, the manner in which he chooses to propose and when will be a surprise to me and I'm very much looking forward to it.

 

[wwmd8118]

Honestly? I would be fine with no proposal at all. Deciding to get married is a series of conversations, not one defining moment (for me). The whole proposal thing would be a bit of a farce anyway.

Even though I agree that deciding to get married is a series of conversations, I also really want the proposal. I mean, sure- we've spoken about getting married 100 times and he's asked me to marry him/be his wife/spend the rest of my life with him about 2 dozen times, the real proposal will be a moment I'll always remember- right along with getting married and having kids. Its something I really want. And even though we'll pick out the ring together, the manner in which he chooses to propose and when will be a surprise to me and I'm very much looking forward to it.

I agree...I don't think the fact that you're getting married or going to be proposed to should be a shock - marriage is definitely something that should be discussed and both parties should be on the same page about. BUT, I definitely want a thoughtful proposal and will cherish that when I (hopefully) get it. I feel like that's one of the moments in my life (along with the actual wedding day, giving birth, etc.) that I will always hold on to as an important day. But to each his own - everyone feels differently about the whole process. Some people think the whole thing should be a special surprise while others don't think any of that is necessary. Hopefully we'll all get what we want one of these days!

 

[FuturePsyD]

Honestly, for me, I'd rather NOT be engaged then to be proposed to in a thoughtless, almost insulting way, such as described above with the here you go, don't cry in my beer. I'd like to be engaged, but not THAT bad.

I would have no problem telling my SO that a proposal is once in a lifetime and if he can't put more thought and emotion into it then something empty, cold and insulting, then my current answer is NO. But that's just me.

So, for me, anything that lacks thought, emotion and some form of chivalry (such as getting down on one knee and being asked instead of told that we're getting married) would be a nightmare. I also would hate any type of public proposal, especially one that would be designed to have all eyes on me, such as the jumbotrons, tv, etc. YIKES!

 

[MBKRH]

My sister had a fabulous proposal, IMO. She was visiting her bf in Cali (he was in boot camp for the Navy). He took her up in a bi-plane, and while flying around above Cali and the ocean coast, he proposed. Super sweet, she was young (17) but it's been 8 years and they're so happy together. Kinda irks me that my baby sister landed such a great guy.

Anyway. I don't really know how I'd want him to propose...but I can think of many ways I DON'T want it to happen. lol
I have to agree with anything that lacks thought, and some sort of preparation. That's a big no-no.
Also, I don't want anything over-the-top (jumbotron, big public display, etc...). The "don't cry in my beer" sounds like something my SO would say. God help me if he were to propose and then say that.

 

[DuckLovingVegan]

I would love it if he put some thought into it. My nightmare would be like one girl said being on the toilet and he threw a roll of toilet tissue in the bathroom that said will you marry me. I would also die if he did it at like a sporting event on the mega screen. He knows I don't want a public proposal.

 

[confusedaisy]

Oh- Just thought of another one- if he did it in front of his family or mine. One of my girlfriends opened her ER in front of her whole family at Christmas. For her it was the perfect proposal but I would prefer something more private and for the moment just to be between us.

 

[maebelle]

Oh- Just thought of another one- if he did it in front of his family or mine. One of my girlfriends opened her ER in front of her whole family at Christmas. For her it was the perfect proposal but I would prefer something more private and for the moment just to be between us.

This would also bother me, I hate being the center of attention!

 

[Prana]

My nightmare proposal would have been if my husband dropped my ering into the rocks and water below us. We were sitting on a rocky coast when he proposed, and I had visions of a falling ring for many days afterward. Everytime I'm on a dock or near deep dark water with my rings on, I turn my ering around and hold my hand in a fist so that nothing can fall in the water. Talk about paranoia!

 

[maebelle]

This reminds me of http://www.denverpost.com/breakingnews/ci_17392466 . Saw it on the news, talk about scary!

 

[confusedaisy]

So many things to say!!

1. At least it was the band and not the engagement ring but had it been the engagement ring- I would have been LIVID
2. Pretty funny story since it was just the band and I'm sure they had a laugh while waiting the 45 minutes for the ring to be rescued.
3. 45 minutes is pretty good timing I think! it took about 2 hours for my cell to be rescued from the train tracks and all the MTA person had to do was come downstairs!!
4. NOTE TO SELF:: bf is clumsy which means that I need to tell him not to be anywhere hazardous when he proposes.
5. Wasn't there some crazy story about Megan Fox losing her engagement ring right after her proposal or marriage.

Oh boy... so many thoughts happening in half a second!

 

[dragonfly411]

I think for me it would be:

1) If he just handed me a ring
2) If he asked me at a restaurant. That's not meant to be offensive, I just am more outdoors type and I love being in nature and I'd like to think we could be outside in the fresh air when he does it.
3) At a family event.

 

[TwinkleStar]

No public/family proposals, which leads me to...

No proposals at other people's weddings! Awkward! Do people even do this anymore? It just seems like you're stealing someone else's day.

 

[FuturePsyD]

I think for me it would be:

1) If he just handed me a ring
2) If he asked me at a restaurant. That's not meant to be offensive, I just am more outdoors type and I love being in nature and I'd like to think we could be outside in the fresh air when he does it.
3) At a family event.

Completely agree! I'm so glad my bf and I talked about "dream" proposals several times throughout our relationship. One of the proposal plans he was contemplating, was taking me to Chicago, where he is from, and proposing to me at the restaurant that is at the top of the Hancock Building. Beautiful proposal idea, but NOT perfect for my shy personality! I have heard of some lovely proposals given what a beautiful restaurant it is with sweeping views of Chicago, etc. But I would be mortified if he got down on one knee, or even not, in the middle of a fancy restaurant with people watching.

So, at this point, he knows I definitely want something outdoors, romantic, private and relaxed. A special moment in a beautiful location between the two of us!

 

[PrincessNatalie]

I think for me it would be:

1) If he just handed me a ring
2) If he asked me at a restaurant. That's not meant to be offensive, I just am more outdoors type and I love being in nature and I'd like to think we could be outside in the fresh air when he does it.
3) At a family event.

Completely agree! I'm so glad my bf and I talked about "dream" proposals several times throughout our relationship. One of the proposal plans he was contemplating, was taking me to Chicago, where he is from, and proposing to me at the restaurant that is at the top of the Hancock Building. Beautiful proposal idea, but NOT perfect for my shy personality! I have heard of some lovely proposals given what a beautiful restaurant it is with sweeping views of Chicago, etc. But I would be mortified if he got down on one knee, or even not, in the middle of a fancy restaurant with people watching.

So, at this point, he knows I definitely want something outdoors, romantic, private and relaxed. A special moment in a beautiful location between the two of us!

Hugely shy introvert here who got a restaurant proposal (Poppies on the beach in koh samui on New Years) and it was freaking amazing, you don't notice anyone but him anyway and a packed restaurant applauding after I said yes was priceless lol. Before hand I would have said I wouldn't have liked it, but I was on such a high that I loved it. Could not eat very much afterwards though .

And it was lovely having all these lovely people coming up to congratulate us afterward and even down on the beach when we were letting off fireworks and things after the dinner happy friendly people would come and congratulate us and say how happy we looked, and how sweet he was.

Plus it meant that there was a waiter walking past who FI asked to take a photo of us and then got down on one knee (to the shock of me and the waiter and the whole resturant lol), now I have a before, during and after photo of the whole thing!

I wouldn't change it for the world

 

[blacksand]

I kind of feel like I have no right to be picky about the proposal. I already picked out my own ring and there's just about nothing surprising about the upcoming proposal. I'm not about to tell him how or how not to propose when he's already doing so much just to try to please me. If he puts thought and effort into it, even if it's not the proposal I would have planned, I know I will love it. In theory, I hate the idea of a sporting event Jumbotron proposal, but you know what? If my boyfriend did that, it would be amazing, because it would be my awesome boyfriend saying that he wants to marry me. I guess I'm a lot more excited about being engaged to this amazing man than I am about the proposal itself.

All that said, my boyfriend isn't really the super romantic type, and he's also outrageously bad at keeping secrets, so I expect there will be very few surprises involved. Most likely he will take me to the park or something simple like that, and that will be perfect.

As an aside: I'd love a proposal at a family event. It would be wonderful to have all the people I love in one place. But I know the boyfriend would be too shy for something like that, and I'm okay with that.