ARRRGHHHH FRUSTRATED!!!!!

[AMALEEKEL]

Ok, some of you might remember me, I posted quite often about 6 months ago. I finally had to go away for awhile. I was driving myself crazy. I know that no proposal is in the near future. Every so often I peek in for a minute--Congrats to those of you who have gotten engaged in the last few months!!!

Well, I had a strange email today from Classmates.com saying a friend from high school was trying to look me up. I found her email address...and emailed her. It''s great to hear from old friends...but everytime I do, whoever it is, seems to be engaged!!!
What the heck is MY problem? I know that time isn''t the most important factor...but I feel like if we have been together over 4 YEARS that should be enough time for him to have decided whether he wants to marry me or not.
Oh, in my 6 month absence from PS, my BF got a great job. An almost 10K raise. Together our salaries would make a fine living...so money is really not an excuse either..
I love him so much, and am just so frustrated. HELP. I can''t talk about it to him anymore. I think he has learned to tune it out....
I need some encouragement. I really just don''t understand anymore...
Thanks girls...

 

[allycat0303]

Hi!

UGH. High school classmates that get engaged. I ran into one of my old friends and she had been dating her boyfriend for 2 years, and she showed me her ring. Her next question was "Oh my god, you''ve been with your boyfriend for nine years and you aren''t engaged?" I wasn''t keen on getting engaged at the time but it sure made me feel bad! I was happy for her but I couldn''t help but feel I was missing the boat or something, probably because she''s the exact same age as me. I think the feeling is completely normal, I''m kind of thankful I don''t keep in touch with any high school classmates because I''m sure there are soooo many more of my friends that are married or engaged.

 

[Shay]

Hey Amaleekel, I know how you feel. My boyfriends sister who is younger than me (and went to the same school) is married and has a baby! And we see her all the time so you can imagine that pressure.

If your man won''t talk about it then you have a problem. If you can''t communicate what you both want in the relationship then how can you ever reach a place where you are both happy?

Personally I agree that 4 years is more than long enough to know, but according to my guy friends it isnt about the time at all. Apparently for them it just happens and suddenly they are ready, could be after 6 months or 6 years!

If you think that he may never propose then I would suggest telling him that YOUR life plans include marriage, and if his don''t then he needs to tell you so that you can move on. Life is too short to spend it waiting for someone to make decisions that shape your life. I also wouldn''t want to marry someone who had to be dragged kicking and screaming into it. I want someone who is dying to spend the rest of his life with me and wants the whole world to know. Of course this rarely happens (just ask all the other Ladies in Waiting right?

).

I like to think about myself in 5 years time looking back at this situation and try imagine how it will fit into my big picture.
Are you prepared to still be waiting in 5 years but still have him by your side? Are you prepared to be without him in 5 years and be married to someone else?

I really hope things work out for you, I DO understand how much it can hurt but remember: "this too shall pass"

 

[ammayernyc]

I''m right there with you, sista''!

My bf and I went to a wedding this weekend for a friend of mine from college. My bf asked me when they met, and when I replied, ''oh, a month before we did'' he just nodded and didn''t say anything else. Then I got a little tipsy and started asking him things like, ''if we get married would you do this or that'' and of course, he replied with his usual ''I don''t know.'' Like a broken record he is!

It''s all just a vicious cycle! The longer he waits, the more I start to doubt me and our relationship. The more I doubt the more I eat. The more I eat, the more I think that he''s not proposing b/c of me. And so on and so forth. Depressing!

One of my best friends is getting married in a couple of weeks and her fiance proposed after only 9 months! Argh....!!!!

 

[jorman]

Date: 5/30/2005 9:51:06 PM
Author:AMALEEKEL
Ok, some of you might remember me, I posted quite often about 6 months ago. I finally had to go away for awhile. I was driving myself crazy. I know that no proposal is in the near future. Every so often I peek in for a minute--Congrats to those of you who have gotten engaged in the last few months!!!


Well, I had a strange email today from Classmates.com saying a friend from high school was trying to look me up. I found her email address...and emailed her. It''s great to hear from old friends...but everytime I do, whoever it is, seems to be engaged!!!

What the heck is MY problem? I know that time isn''t the most important factor...but I feel like if we have been together over 4 YEARS that should be enough time for him to have decided whether he wants to marry me or not.

Oh, in my 6 month absence from PS, my BF got a great job. An almost 10K raise. Together our salaries would make a fine living...so money is really not an excuse either..

I love him so much, and am just so frustrated. HELP. I can''t talk about it to him anymore. I think he has learned to tune it out....

I need some encouragement. I really just don''t understand anymore...

Thanks girls...

Amaleekel,

I know exactly what you mean. ALL of my friends, and I mean all of them (and we are only 25) are married. It is so frustrating. The worst part is they won''t leave me alone with the, "When are YOU getting engaged?" questions. It is so much pressure all the time. We have only been dating 2.5 years (on June 20th) and they act like there is something wrong because I wasn''t engaged and married within 6-8months like most of them. I wish they would understand that every relationship is different and the same situations don''t work for everyone. It drives me NUTS!

We have a wonderful, wonderful relationship- the best I have ever had. I love him and he loves me and we are open and honest with each other. We are a couple and we are friends, and we are taking our time. ARGHHHHHHHH!
We talk about engagement and marriage and we have a plan and still the pressure never ends. I know everyone sees we are happy and just wants the fairy tail ending, but COME ON! It is our lives and let us live it!

I wouldn''t worry about the 4 years. How old were you when you started dating? Were you in college?
I agree that with guys it is not about timing. (that is a girl thing) With them it is something that clicks and BAM- they have to do it. It makes sense. Everything feels right. Don''t fret- your time will come. I think with guys pressure from outsiders and us it makes it worse. They want to do it when they want to, not because everyone around them is telling them to. Does that make sense? I think it takes the fun out of it or something...

 

[nytemist]

Hey AMALEEKEL,

I completely understand you frame of mind. This coming weekend I''m in the wedding of yet another friend that I grew up with from my neighborhood. Of the close group of about 10-12 freinds, 9 are married and I''ve been in now 6 of them. Most have been together for a shorter time than my BF and I (almost 4.5 years). I try not to let it get to me, but it''s nearly impossible at times. BF offered to come to the wedding with me, but I said no. If he is there, it will just remind me of how I''m not worthy yet and all my freinds will crush him with questions as to why he hasn''t proposed yet. Since these are friends from way back, they won''t mince any words. Although he has been bringing up the topic again, (after I told myself to drop the subject of our future altogether) he wants to go to get ''ideas'' for our wedding. It''s way hard to keep calm and keep from exploding. My solution has been to really throw myself into work, school and time with freinds. But sometimes... I want to scream.

I do agree... four years is more than enough time. Guys make up their minds fairly quickly about things they really want.

 

[aljdewey]

Date: 5/31/2005 11:58:52 AM
Author: jorman

ALL of my friends, and I mean all of them (and we are only 25) are married. It is so frustrating. The worst part is they won''t leave me alone with the, ''When are YOU getting engaged?'' questions.

A suggested reply: "When we''re ready."

Any further comments from the peanut galleries "well, who''s ready/what are you waiting for/etc." should be met with "I appreciate your interest and concern, but those things are really between BF and myself, and I prefer to keep them that way. I promise, though, that when we DO make the decision, you''ll be among those we announce it to."

 

[ammayernyc]

Date: 5/31/2005 1:31:19 PM
Author: aljdewey

Date: 5/31/2005 11:58:52 AM
Author: jorman

ALL of my friends, and I mean all of them (and we are only 25) are married. It is so frustrating. The worst part is they won''t leave me alone with the, ''When are YOU getting engaged?'' questions.

A suggested reply: ''When we''re ready.''

Any further comments from the peanut galleries ''well, who''s ready/what are you waiting for/etc.'' should be met with ''I appreciate your interest and concern, but those things are really between BF and myself, and I prefer to keep them that way. I promise, though, that when we DO make the decision, you''ll be among those we announce it to.''

My usual reply (which, unfortunately, I had to use this weekend) is... ''are you a member of my family? I didn''t realize we were related?!''

 

[MissAva]

Oh I can 100% relate to that. I started dating my bf at 17, we are now 22. My friends ask and my sorority buddies grad my left hand and then toss it down. My family (nuclear) is at least reasonable, they annoy me but not in a way that makes SO or I unhappy. Our mothers have decided to focus on flower issues figuring "they will take quite some time" since I don’t like flowers and I detest roses. My siblings already call him their brother. Only my Daddy understands wanting to wait just a bit longer. I love my SO and I am very much ready to marry him. But I am 22 and I don’t graduate until next may and I don’t even know if/where I will be attending grad school. I am a planner and I really feel like I can only focus on one thing at a time. But now every time I call my extended family they think it is because “Oh he finally asked”, or pop my head into a greek girl house everyone has only one thing on their minds…THE RING. I know he will ask eventually and when I post his proposal someday I will take the time to type out why. (nothing sinester or sad just long). I have given AJ’s response often and to be honest it makes me want to pull out my hair.
This is somewhat catty but I am the only one who ever wants to shot back “Why you aren’t going to be invited anyway?” He will ask when he asks and everyone will know because I will let them