Another very frustrated LIW

[indypitty]

Wow... it seems like there are a lot of us lately! I just need to vent...

I have been with my BF for almost 4 years, and we have lived together for 2 and a half. He is 30 and I am 31. We started talking about marriage after we had been together for a year, but it didn''t start bothering me that things weren''t moving forward until we had been together for about 2 and a half years. As of now, there is an engagement ring. BF has had it for about 2 months. He has told me several time that I would have it by a certain time, and it has not happened. Last weekend, he had a meltdown and told me that he is not ready to propose and "doesn''t know why". We have been through a lot in 4 years, most recently the unexpected death of his mother back in March. I know he is struggling with that, and I feel so completely selfish that I am even concerned with an engagement right now. But I have been patient, for a long time, and I can''t just keep pushing my feelings to the back burner. He knows I am very frustrated. I truly love him more than anything. I just don''t know what to do. I have a feeling that he needs something drastic (such as me leaving) to realize what he wants, but I feel guilty doing that for many reasons, especially as he just recently lost his mom. Ughhh... I am at such a loss.

 

[NYCsparkle]

He gave you a date and didn''t deliver...how long do you plan to wait around? set another one and if he can''t pull the trigger--walk away otherwise you''ll wish for a life with him while its passing you by. before setting another date, maybe you should try couples therapy to see why he''s not ready yet. good luck.

 

[Efe]

Under any other circumstances, I would advise you to seriously consider leaving, but this man unexpectantly lost his mother and is full of grief. I can say from personal experience that you are not in your right mind after such a tramatic event and professionals advise you not to make any life decisions while in the grief process. If there was ever a time for you to be supportive and selfless, this is it. I wouldn''t accept a proposal from someone dealing with what he is dealing with right now. I would give him more time.

 

[bubbly1126]

I agree with BizouMom completely. He lost his mom not too long ago and I'm sure he is still trying to deal with that. Now is the perfect time to show him how kind, selfless and compassionate a companion you can be which will in turn make him love you even more. He might just be confused about life in general so that could be why he said he wasn't ready to propose and he doesn't know why. He might not be sure of anything right now. Life can that to you. I would definitely give him time.