another case of being overly sensitive

[JenStone]

My boyfriend's brother is getting married in a couple of months and the whole thing is kinda bringing me down.

His brother and fiancee keep planning all these wedding-party get-togethers (my boyfriend is the best man) and they don't invite me. According to my bf, by inviting him, they're inviting me also but I don't feel 100% comfortable attending an event that I wasn't specifically invited to. They know my email and phone number, and we're on friendly terms. I almost feel like if they really wanted me there, they would add me to the invite list.

When they sent their wedding invitations a few months ago, it had my boyfriend's name on it but not mine (we live together). Maybe it was just an oversight on their part. But all of my boyfriend's other friends, when they sent their wedding invitations, always included my name on there also. Even when we had only met once, or not met at all.

Lastly, at their wedding, they will not be having a sweetheart table but a long table for the bridal party. Since I don't know anyone at the wedding aside from his family, I'll probably be seated at the table full of strangers or his family, who will most likely be speaking Chinese (I only know like 5 phrases) 90% of the time.

Has anyone else dealt with something similar? I realize I'm being overly sensitive, but whenever I think about it I feel so left out and almost unwanted.

*edited to add - I know wedding party get-togethers are just that: events for the wedding party. But they're doing so many, at least one every weekend! I feel bad for my boyfriend because he's had to choose between me and them so many times.

 

[canadian_bling]

Hey,

This is my first post but I''ve been following your story for a while and I definately feel for you. My hubby is really outgoing and is usually invited to MC weddings/church events/etc. and I am stuck sitting by myself quite a bit at receptions where I don''t know anyone or only a few people on a different table. It''s probably has happened 4 times over the last two years. The two of us have worked out that if he agrees to do stuff where I may be excluded, that we talk about it beforehand so that I''m prepared and we''re both ok with it. This help to minimize unhappiness on my part while he still has some flexibility to help out.

In your case, I would ask that you kindly request to be sitted with the bride cousins and with your future hubby''s cousins. I find that the new generation of asian americans speak alot more english than their native tongue and will be more than happy so you''ll be able to participate in conversations. As you''re planning to get married in the next while, it''ll be good to get to know his family a bit more. Just be prepared to see your honey minimally that day because of the preparations and to try to enjoy it.

 

[iwannaprettyone]

Oh Darlin'' I don''t think you are being overly sensitive at all. Just hang in there and remember this too shall pass. Make a promise to yourself to make sure when your turn comes you will be more gracious and thoughtful in invite your guests

<<<<doesn''t the green thing look like a frog?

Don''t feel obiliged to go to any of that stuff. Maybe you could round up some buds and have a night out (or in). When my bestfriend got married it was 3 months of that stuff (well maybe 2, but it seemed like 3) my man found ways to entertain himself...he wasn''t invited to the wedding as I was the Maid of honor but that was an oversight as my friend figured he''d go any way...haha

Sorry if I am not making this easier...my intentions are pure I promise....

 

[JenStone]

Hi canadian_bling! I''m glad my post made you want to come out of lurking!

What you suggested is actually a good idea. I''ve asked my boyfriend if he knows the day''s schedule yet but he says it''s not set yet. I know he''ll probably be busy the entire day with pictures and best man duties so I''m already prepared for that. The last time we discussed this with his brother and FSIL, they joked(?) that I can help chauffer some people since I''m one of the few who will bring a car.....

I really, REALLY hope they were joking about this. But to get back to the point: yes, I will discuss my boyfriend''s schedule with him before the big day.

Another reason I''m paranoid is because I keep getting the feeling that my BF''s FSIL is trying to set him up with her little sister! She keeps saying how they have so much in common, how they get along so well, etc, and it makes me boil!

 

[bee*]

Date: 5/30/2007 3:18:41 PM
Author: JenStone


Another reason I''m paranoid is because I keep getting the feeling that my BF''s FSIL is trying to set him up with her little sister! She keeps saying how they have so much in common, how they get along so well, etc, and it makes me boil!

That would really annoy me that she keeps saying things like that! You and your bf are going to get engaged though so little sister can just get lost!

It would annoy me that my name wouldnt be put on the invitation, but I would go, sit with family and get along with them and have them see how nice you are. And when you''re planning your own wedding, you can definitely be more thoughtful than they have been

 

[canadian_bling]

From what I''ve read that you have had to go through with your boyfriend''s family the last while, it''s evident that the two of you have a strong relationship and really want and choose to be together. I have some funky relatives from my hubby''s side so I know it can be really stressful. We''ve been married for almost a year and still have arguments here or there about family. Our relationship isn''t perfect but we chose to make a commitment to one another and are sticking to it even if we want to strangle the other person.

The most important thing for you to know is that he loves you and wouldn''t do anything to jeopardize your relationship even if he has been hinted/encouraged to do so. Besides, you want to know that your future marriage can withstand pressure such as that. Hang in there and do what you think is right while respecting his family (does not mean obeying unreasonable requests) and you''ll be fine.

 

[MustangFan]

They really should have included you on the invite, especially since you''ve been together so long.
I was invited and guest to a dec. 06 wedding it was upsetting, but I barely knew them and just brushed it off.

I would say be happy it''s only a sweetheart table, at least you''ll be able to sit with your b/f!

 

[laine]

Honestly, I wouldn't worry too much about the not being on the invite thing. Around here we're all pretty with it in terms of etiquette, but that really isn't the case everywhere. They know you're coming, they've talked about it, they aren't excluding you, they just didn't think to write your name on the envelope. I was recently invited to a friend's wedding, with my immediate family (invite came to parents). I knew she wanted a small wedding, so I didnt worry about the exclusion of my boyfriend. Well, at the wedding, she asks where he is--she just assumed I'd know to bring him, and she did the same to another friend (who did bring her boyfriend).

As for the invites to other things, if your boyfriend says youre invited, I think thats good enough. I know I would never call my brothers' or my boyfriend's brother's girlfriends to invite them to something. I would simply call my brother (or have my boyfriend call his) and tell the guy that he and his girlfriend were invited to whatever event.

And on the reverse side, I recently attended my boyfriends brothers girlfriends graduation( did you follow that?), and nobody invited me officially. The brother told my boyfriend and we both showed up and everyone was glad to see us, and had expected us to attend, even without any official invite.

Anyway, I just wanted to sort of give you the other side of things. It may be that they really are just casual and laid back and don't mean to exclude you at all.

 

[Chels7]

I know how you feel, my bf''s brother is getting married in a few months to a girl he dated for 2 years, bf and me have been dating for 6.5 years. Bf is the bestman and will be sitting at the head table, so i''ll be sitting by myself. Bf''s future SIL even made a comment about how i''ll be sitting in the back corner

, she is not very nice to me sometimes, and I have also been informed by her that i''m not even invited to the wedding, BF''s invite will come with a plus guest eventhough i''m pretty sure we will be engaged by the time they get married. She has never known us not together and she''s treating me like we just started dating yesterday.

So I guess what i''m trying to say is I know how you feel, it is very hard when people don''t take your feelings into consideration. It is like you are almost family (very close to engagement) and it is hard when people don''t treat you like it, I also feel bad that you don''t even speak the same language as the people you will be sitting by! So I do understand and don''t think you are being too sensitive, hopefully they see this soon and include you like you should be.