A Fight...

[jitterymo]

So I don''t post often, but I read the threads everyday... It has really helped me to not become insane. First off Congratulations to all those who have gotten engaged!!! I''m truely happy for you and your partner and your families.

Ok so back to the reason for my post...My BF and I got in a fight last night...I feel awful (as I think that it''s my fault it was started), anyways I don''t want to get into the details as I''m still very upset, even though this morning before I left for work he gave me a really big hug and kiss and said HE was sorry (which only makes me feel more stupid)!

I don''t know what to do to make myself feel better (I have eaten everything in sight, not making me feel any better...and maybe a little sick to my stomach). I appoligized as well, it just is so uncommon for us to fight....

I said something to him last night that I think might make things worse as well...I told him that we need a bigger space to live because I need more space than what we have...(mind you we live in a small one bedroom garage appt., with a lot of toys (okay and off the subject...everyone should go buy rock band because it is the most fun game ever!!!!)!!! and I don''t want him to think that we shouldn''t be living together, just a bigger place would be nice...as I like to do crafts as well and I have no room to do them.

I''m sure things will be better we I get home from work, because he went golfing today with his friend, lets just hope he hits a hole in one or something!!!

Thanks!!!

 

[Lauren8211]

Sorry you''re bummed out girl! If BF isn''t mad anymore, don''t be so hard on yourself. Just clarify anything you said if it came out wrong, and everything should be fine. Everyone fights and says things that come out wrong. No big deal.

 

[purrfectpear]

Small spaces can stress any couple. Sounds like he''s over it, so just put it in the back of your mind. If you really want to make it up to him, make his favorite meal or dessert

 

[LeggoMyEggo]

Awwww, I think we''ve all been there! It''s funny how the fight can be "resolved" and everyone''s apologized, but somehow we still keep all those anxious feelings inside. I know for me it''s more of a beating myself up about starting the fight in the first place. I think as women, we tend to overanalyze the arguments too, wondering if he''ll think this or that about us based on the fight. Men, on the other hand, do not waste their time analyzing anything except sports statistics.

Truthfully, he *loves* you and he knows even the best couples have fights from time to time-- often over the lamest things, too! I''m sure that he''s not holding anything against you.

As far as making it known you''d like a bigger place, what''s wrong with that? If that''s how you honestly feel, then he needs to know. Maybe I''m missing something and it was in how you said it. In any case, I think it would be ok after some time has gone by to clarify with him when y''all are in a good mood and say something like, "You know, I really enjoy our apartment-- it''s so cozy and it''s like our own little space. The only thing missing is a place to do my crafts... I hope wherever we live next we can afford a place big enough for us to each have a little bit of individual space."

Still, it seems like he''s not too worried about it if he''s kissing you and apologizing. Try to let it go.


~Eggo

 

[sunnyd]

Date: 8/1/2008 1:52:08 PM
Author: purrfectpear
Small spaces can stress any couple. Sounds like he''s over it, so just put it in the back of your mind. If you really want to make it up to him, make his favorite meal or dessert

Ditto.

And totally agree about rock band!!! We play that game for hours on weekends. I have a blister to prove it!

I have mad drumming skillz.

 

[lala2332]

I have to have my space....I usually go and take 2 hour baths, just so I can read my book or a magazine and get away from BF for a little while. We don''t live together, but might as well. Needing space doesn''t mean anything is wrong with your relationship, it just means that you need some alone time. It happens with everyone.....family, friends, and SOs, so just apologize and if he needs more of an explanation then explain its not him, its you! haha.

 

[radiantquest]

oh, honey. i understand the way you feel, but everything will be ok. you have to remember that most guys dont dwell on things the way we do. i bet he forgot the things that you are worried about already and if he hasnt i am sure that he is ok with you, otherwise he wouldnt have given you lovings this morning. fights happen. it isnt the majority so dont sweat it

 

[Amanda.Rx]

A small about of fighting is normal! Probably every couple has had one. I''ve been with my boyfriend for 3 years, and we''ve only had 2 blowouts that I can remember, and yes, those times hurt, but you learn to love each other again and move on.

As long as you apologize to each other and talk about it, things will turn out OK. One of the BEST keys to making a relationship work is communication. Let him know what he did that made you mad, and understand what you did that made him mad- that way, you can avoid it next time. Talking is a very powerful tool!

As far as space, everyone needs it! It doesn''t matter how much you love someone- some alone time and some space once in a while keeps us all sane! If you can afford it, move... but don''t make a financial decision that will stress your relationship.

Maybe you can come up with a compromise on the space- spend some time in different rooms, get out of the house and go to the bookstore every now and then, go to the mall, or call up some girlfriends.

You''ll be OK! It''s tough, I know.

 

[jitterymo]

thanks all of you who responded. I took your advise and just let it be...as he did appoligize. I after a week we are back to our normal selves...

Thanks for your support

 

[jcarlylew]

ditto to what everyone else said, and dont stress about the comment wanting more space. I''ve said it tons a times and its completely okay - i mean, i would KILL for an extra bathroom at least! an extra toilet would be devine!!

 

[jitterymo]

to have my own bathroom...would be heaven

i never knew boys were so disgusting until i moved in with one.

 

[Mediterranean]

Don''t be upset....

This is a big ''ol point of issue with my fiance and I, as well. We live in a one-bedroom condo that''s about 900SQFT (being generous and rounding UP, here)

He''s a cameraman, and he has all SORTS of crap in here! Camera bodies, camera lenses, cases, monitors, ever dolly-tracks! It''s like living in a storage unit, but he''s owned the place for 11 years, and, frankly where else can we live for 3 figures in Miami? So I deal. But it''s stressful.

Hang in there, man! I''m SO WITH YOU on the bigger-place thing!!! It''s just a matter of time, so I''m trying to be patient. I wish I had better advice for you...

 

[Steel]

It is wonderful that you are so sensitive. My only thought is to let your BF know that you think it was your apology to make and not his. It is great that he took the initiative to end the tension but he should not feel that he has to be a peacemaker - especially when you feel the need to apologise for yourself.

You sould like a promising couple. Fights happen. It is ok.

You do not have to like each other every moment of every day - especially when he balls his blue underpants in a white towel and you put on a white wash and it is all blue-ish now. Things like that!

...walks off to read the bleach label, muttering....

 

[Independent Gal]

Oh, honey! It's not so bad to say you need a bigger space. That is very normal and natural, to need a little space and time to yourself. In fact, it's very healthy! And I'm sure your bf didn't mind. For us it's always kind of romantic to get in a fight where both of us INSIST it was OUR bad and apologize. "I'm sorry!" "No, I'M sorry." "No ME!" Then we snuggle and make up and all is well.

Don't worry, tell him you're genuinely sorry and that you love him so much, but that you need space to yourself too sometimes. I'm sure he'll understand and it will be OK.

ETA: Oops! just noticed this is an old thread. Glad things are OK.

Oh yeah, and boys are really dirty and gross, aren't they?! Of course, I've known my share of very tidy boys and messy girls too, but it's more fun to say that it's boys that are gross. And they have cooties, too.

Any chance of a bathroom with two sinks? That helps us, at least a little.

 

[jitterymo]

stupid computer ate my post... and it was so cleaver... oh well...

i just wanted to say everything is good, and we''ve made up and it''s behind us like it never even happen (even though it has made us stronger as a couple).

Thanks again everyone.