When enough is enough - mental illness

[december-fire]

natyLad,

I'm glad you posted about your daughter! Her age is irrelevant to the fact that by posting you may find support from others.

Sending hugs!

 

[Queenie60]

NatyLand - You're more than welcome to post on this thread. Perhaps some of us will be able to give you a different perspective regarding your daughter as we have older children and have experienced more years of this childhood mental illness. Feel free to reach out for support, advise, or just a hug. We're here to support you. Take care.

 

[Akvileja]

natyLad,

I'm usually a lurker but your posts really spoke to me.

I have a 13 year old son with autism. Many of the techniques used with children with autism also work well with children with ADHD so maybe you can find something here that you find useful. Sorry for the novel.

There is a book called ”The Explosive Child” by Ross W Green that I often see recomended. I haven't read it myself because we havn't had that kind of difficulties with our son, but you might find it interesting.

My son has difficulties with language and expressing his thoughts, especially if he is upset. What often helps is when I vocalise it for him in short and simple sentences. ”You are angry. You want to contiue watching TV”. He often calms down when he feels that I understand that he is upset and why. Once he calms down we can continue to talk about the situation. The key here is to keep the language really simple and to acknowledge his feelings.

Next thing that comes to my mind is to visualize, visualize, visualize. My son has been helped with visual scheduals. If e.g. bedtime is difficult, make a visual schedule with the steps you do during the bedtime routine. That could be a picture of a toothbrush, followed by a picture of pyjamas, then a picture of a book and then a picture of a bed. This helps the child understand what will happen and in what order. Pictures are easier to understand and remember than words. Some children may need a schedule for the entire day. For a very long time we had a schedule on the wall in the bathroom with the steps when you go to the toilet – wipe, flush, wash you hands. My son always has a daily schedule at school to see what the school day would look like. One time the teacher forgot to put the lunch picture on the schedule and my son started crying. It took a while until they realised that lunch was missing from the schedule and my son thougth he wouldn't get any lunch that day.

There is a tool called ”timstock” in swedish. I can't find the english word .

We have a dedicated device but there are apps too that you can install on a phone or tablet. It visualizes time. Time is very abstract and difficult to understand for all children. If you tell your child that ”we are leaving in five minutes” or ”soon” that is often too abstract. This visual timer has a light for every minute and when a minute has passed a ligth turns off. We use it in situations like ”We will turn off the TV in ten minutes” or ”You will do your math homework for 15 minutes”.

With autism, sensory difficulties are a real thing. You say eating is a problem with your daughter. Have you considered if it is a sensory issue? Taste? Texture? Color(!)? My son is very picky with food and is also underweight, so it's a balance to serve him food he will actually eat and at the same not allow him to limit the foods he will eat any more than he does today.

It has taken me many years to realise and accept that the world probably is very chaotic to my son. He has difficulties understanding cause and effect and why people behave the way they do. Of course it's frustrating for him!

 

[AGBF]

I'd like to thank from the bottom of my heart all the wonderful people of the community, who are posting on this thread, for their support, understanding and valuable advice.
I'd also like to add that personally, I have tried to find ways to provide myself with small breaks from the difficult reality that both I and DH are facing. There is a wonderful, 20 year-old girl, who is the daughter of my secretary at work. This girl is a university student but every Saturday afternoon she babysits for my little girl and the two of them are always having a great time together. She has a way of making my girl happy and interested in activities like playing the piano, painting, dancing, baking in the kitchen, etc. She is God-sent and truly I don't know what I would do without her. This four-hour break every Saturday night is what helps me recharge my batteries and go back to my child with more patience and positivity. Unfortunately she is extremely busy with her studies and doesn't have any more free time during the week, so I can't hire her to help me on weekdays.
Also, this week my dear sister started taking my daughter at her house twice per week, Wednesday and Friday, for an hour. My sister is amazing. During this hour that they spend together, she is teaching my daughter English as a second language, while playing with her. She is patient, intelligent and wonderful and an excellent influence for my child. This is a very positive development because now I have the opportunity to go to the gym twice per week, each time for approximately 50 minutes, and I noticed from day one that this is helping me a lot, both psychologically and physically.
I keep reminding myself that I've got some good things going for me and that there are some wonderful people who are now giving me a helping hand. This is huge for me. I also have DH who is an excellent and very dedicated father. I hope that everything will develop well for us and our little one. We really love her and she is precious to the entire family.

I do not want to probe for more than you want to share, natylad, but you left some clues and also some "unanswered" questions in your posting. You write about, "your little girl", so I am assuming that your daughter is still a child. You also said that she is learning English as a Second language, so I assume that she was adopted from a foreign country or from a non-English speaking family within the UK. (That is where you live, is it not?) Does your daughter have some form of mental illness or does have have a developmental disability or a problem that is considered on the autism spectrum...or something else? And you do not need to answer me. This thread can simply be used for support if it has been supportive to you already.

I am asking because many of us have focused on the problems of having adult, bi-polar children with the erratic behaviors they exhibit and the rage they induce in us. A young child and her problems poses an entire other sets of issues, although the exhaustion of being a caretaker to someone with problems is certainly common to both groups.

You are very lucky to have such a supportive husband. Many marriages crumble under the strain of a disabled (or "challenged") child. And it is usually the mother who sticks by the child, while the husband cannot cope.

Welcome Home, Jellybean is a book for children about such a situation. I highly recommend it because it shows how a nice man-a very nice man-comes to be unable to cope with his home life once one of his children (a little girl) is de-institutionalized.

At any rate, natylad, whether or not you choose to share more here, I am very glad that this thread brought you solace. I am also very glad that you found the wonderful young woman that you did who helps to nurture your daughter. Children are precious and you are a wonderful mother.

I would like to apologize in case it was wrong of my part to post about my experience with a younger child in this thread.

I apologize for putting such a thought into your head!!! My writing must be obtuse! On the contrary, I wanted us to be as useful to you as possible, and wanted to let you know that although we all share the problem of being exhausted caregivers, that some of your problems would be unique. I wanted you to know that I was ready to "tune in" to that. One cannot use tough love or its equivalent on a baby or young child!!!

I asked the many questions of you I did in part because I had not, yet, read your earlier postings. But I was interested in your problems because they are similar to ours and, also, because my heart goes out to you more than I can say. I hope that this thread can help you in some small way!

Hugs,
Deb

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Oh, Naty, I am so, so sorry you are having these problems with your dear daughter! I encountered a very interesting situation recently that was similar as far as language development. My background is in special education, so I have worked with children with various conditions and academic delays aside from special needs of my own children.

This little girl is 6 and her mother is deaf and uses sign language and the father speaks English but works long hours. When the older sister was born, she went to a day care while the mother worked. But when the second child was born, the mother stayed at home to care for the baby. Now the child is in kindergarten and is very delayed in language because she spent her days learning sign language and not spoken English. This has made her behind in basic skills in school. She does not have behavioral issues, but she tests as if she is of low ability just because she does not have normal language levels.

I do think that definitely is a part of your daughter's problem. ADHD is commonly the first diagnosis for kids later diagnosed with other things, including our son. But for him, it really was not ADHD, it was sensory issues..he didn't like bright lights and was hypersensitive to noise. He'd fight me when I'd try to dress him...not because he was oppositional, but because he couldn't stand the way some fabrics felt on his skin. But he was too little to tell me. That makes me so, so sad. If I could turn back the clock knowing what I know now, I could do things differently, but kids like him were not diagnosed with high functioning autism or Asperger's at that time.

I will say that ADHD meds did not work for our son because that was not his true problem, but I have seen it work miracles for other children. I still tutor children with reading disorders (dyslexia) privately, and about half of them were kids that missed learning to read due to attention deficits. I had a close friend whose son was diagnosed much earlier than ours because he was born 10 years later, but Prozac was a miracle drug for him with the anxiety and sensory issues. It sounds like you may not yet have found the right specialist to help your daughter, and I hope and pray you do, because the younger you can get a handle on some of this, the better. Because we went down the road of substance abuse as self-medication due to the fact we had wrong diagnoses for so long, and that greatly complicated everything as addiction is a nightmare, too.

Many hugs to you, Naty. I am so sorry!

I am reading all the posts every couple of days and thinking of all of you even when I don't reply personally.

 

[Queenie60]

Hope all of you had a nice, peaceful weekend.

 

[AGBF]

Oh, Naty, I am so, so sorry you are having these problems with your dear daughter! I encountered a very interesting situation recently that was similar as far as language development. My background is in special education, so I have worked with children with various conditions and academic delays aside from special needs of my own children.

This little girl is 6 and her mother is deaf and uses sign language and the father speaks English but works long hours. When the older sister was born, she went to a day care while the mother worked. But when the second child was born, the mother stayed at home to care for the baby. Now the child is in kindergarten and is very delayed in language because she spent her days learning sign language and not spoken English. This has made her behind in basic skills in school. She does not have behavioral issues, but she tests as if she is of low ability just because she does not have normal language levels.

I do think that definitely is a part of your daughter's problem. ADHD is commonly the first diagnosis for kids later diagnosed with other things, including our son. But for him, it really was not ADHD, it was sensory issues..he didn't like bright lights and was hypersensitive to noise. He'd fight me when I'd try to dress him...not because he was oppositional, but because he couldn't stand the way some fabrics felt on his skin. But he was too little to tell me. That makes me so, so sad. If I could turn back the clock knowing what I know now, I could do things differently, but kids like him were not diagnosed with high functioning autism or Asperger's at that time.

I will say that ADHD meds did not work for our son because that was not his true problem, but I have seen it work miracles for other children. I still tutor children with reading disorders (dyslexia) privately, and about half of them were kids that missed learning to read due to attention deficits. I had a close friend whose son was diagnosed much earlier than ours because he was born 10 years later, but Prozac was a miracle drug for him with the anxiety and sensory issues. It sounds like you may not yet have found the right specialist to help your daughter, and I hope and pray you do, because the younger you can get a handle on some of this, the better. Because we went down the road of substance abuse as self-medication due to the fact we had wrong diagnoses for so long, and that greatly complicated everything as addiction is a nightmare, too.

Many hugs to you, Naty. I am so sorry!

I am reading all the posts every couple of days and thinking of all of you even when I don't reply personally.

What a wonderful, helpful posting diamondseeker. I became a social worker in order to help people, but I have often wished that I had the skills of an ESL teacher or a special education teacher. When I was teaching citizenship at a center for new immigrants, I was painfully aware that I could only teach a subject, that I really wasn't able to teach English to people who didn't speak it. This despite the fact that I have rudimentary knowledge of several foreign languages and am patient. I simply do not know how to teach.

Being able to know what the special learning needs of children are and how to find ways to address them seems, to me, to be the most amazing gift on earth. But I know it is a "gift" that you trained very, very hard for, not one that was plunked into your lap by a Good Fairy. Special Education teachers are not born-although they may be born with special attributes that will allow them to excel in that field-they are made.

Thank you again for your wonderful contribution to this thread.

Big hugs,
Deb

 

[kmarla]

We're back after our wonderful little getaway. I think it was exactly what the doctor ordered and I'm so glad that we had some special time for ourselves. Our daughter has started sending me short e-mails. She is sharing some information about herself and asking about us as well. She tells us she loves us. Apparently she is no longer staying with the lady (sister-in-law of her friend) she was originally with, but is now with her friend, someone who is still a stranger to us. They are looking for a new place to share.

Akvileja, you gave some really good suggestions to natyLad. I was also thinking that there might be both receptive and expressive language issues, perhaps processing delays, tactile/sensory issues etc. I think once further assessments are done, natyLad will have a much better sense of how to help her precious little daughter.

Diamondseeker and Azstonie, I also taught elementary school, and spent some time teaching special education as well, mainly in the autism unit. I know beyond helping other children, it has helped me a lot in my personal life with my daughter. Once they are adults it's a whole different experience and challenge.

Deb, social workers do such important work and I have a very special place in my heart for the social workers we have met over the years. I just wish they could clone themselves

Queenie60, yes, a nice peaceful weekend was exactly what we needed. Thank you!

 

[december-fire]

kmarla,

I'm so glad you had a wonderful weekend and a much-needed break.

That's great that your daughter is communicating with you! Excellent news and I'm sure a real relief to you.

 

[Natylad]

natyLad,

I'm usually a lurker but your posts really spoke to me.

I have a 13 year old son with autism. Many of the techniques used with children with autism also work well with children with ADHD so maybe you can find something here that you find useful. Sorry for the novel.

There is a book called ”The Explosive Child” by Ross W Green that I often see recomended. I haven't read it myself because we havn't had that kind of difficulties with our son, but you might find it interesting.

My son has difficulties with language and expressing his thoughts, especially if he is upset. What often helps is when I vocalise it for him in short and simple sentences. ”You are angry. You want to contiue watching TV”. He often calms down when he feels that I understand that he is upset and why. Once he calms down we can continue to talk about the situation. The key here is to keep the language really simple and to acknowledge his feelings.

Next thing that comes to my mind is to visualize, visualize, visualize. My son has been helped with visual scheduals. If e.g. bedtime is difficult, make a visual schedule with the steps you do during the bedtime routine. That could be a picture of a toothbrush, followed by a picture of pyjamas, then a picture of a book and then a picture of a bed. This helps the child understand what will happen and in what order. Pictures are easier to understand and remember than words. Some children may need a schedule for the entire day. For a very long time we had a schedule on the wall in the bathroom with the steps when you go to the toilet – wipe, flush, wash you hands. My son always has a daily schedule at school to see what the school day would look like. One time the teacher forgot to put the lunch picture on the schedule and my son started crying. It took a while until they realised that lunch was missing from the schedule and my son thougth he wouldn't get any lunch that day.

There is a tool called ”timstock” in swedish. I can't find the english word .

We have a dedicated device but there are apps too that you can install on a phone or tablet. It visualizes time. Time is very abstract and difficult to understand for all children. If you tell your child that ”we are leaving in five minutes” or ”soon” that is often too abstract. This visual timer has a light for every minute and when a minute has passed a ligth turns off. We use it in situations like ”We will turn off the TV in ten minutes” or ”You will do your math homework for 15 minutes”.

With autism, sensory difficulties are a real thing. You say eating is a problem with your daughter. Have you considered if it is a sensory issue? Taste? Texture? Color(!)? My son is very picky with food and is also underweight, so it's a balance to serve him food he will actually eat and at the same not allow him to limit the foods he will eat any more than he does today.

It has taken me many years to realise and accept that the world probably is very chaotic to my son. He has difficulties understanding cause and effect and why people behave the way they do. Of course it's frustrating for him!

Dear Akvileja,

Thank you so much for taking the time to share your thoughts and experiences with me. I found everything that you wrote very interesting and helpful. I believe that the ''timstock'' device would work wonders with my daughter. I will try to research online and find a way to buy this tool.
About the eating disorder: My daughter refuses to eat at home but not at school. In fact, she has two full meals every day at school and according to her teacher she eats everything and she is much more cooperative than most of the other children She will eat whatever there is on their daily menu and if there is something that she doesn't like, she will at least try a little, just in order to please her teacher, and then she will eat more salad, bread, cheese and desert, in order to complete her meal. Sometimes I think that she is just refusing to eat when she is with us, in order to punish me and her dad but I can't tell why she would ever feel that she should do that. I don't know what is the reason for which she thinks we should be punished
About the schedule: I will try in the following days to adopt a specific schedule that we should follow at home and see what happens. My only concern is that I have noticed that when my daughter gets used to a specific schedule, she gets extremely upset if anything interferes with it and even the slightest changes drive her crazy. This is why I have avoided so far to go down that route but I think that maybe I should try and see what happens.

 

[Natylad]

Oh, Naty, I am so, so sorry you are having these problems with your dear daughter! I encountered a very interesting situation recently that was similar as far as language development. My background is in special education, so I have worked with children with various conditions and academic delays aside from special needs of my own children.

This little girl is 6 and her mother is deaf and uses sign language and the father speaks English but works long hours. When the older sister was born, she went to a day care while the mother worked. But when the second child was born, the mother stayed at home to care for the baby. Now the child is in kindergarten and is very delayed in language because she spent her days learning sign language and not spoken English. This has made her behind in basic skills in school. She does not have behavioral issues, but she tests as if she is of low ability just because she does not have normal language levels.

I do think that definitely is a part of your daughter's problem. ADHD is commonly the first diagnosis for kids later diagnosed with other things, including our son. But for him, it really was not ADHD, it was sensory issues..he didn't like bright lights and was hypersensitive to noise. He'd fight me when I'd try to dress him...not because he was oppositional, but because he couldn't stand the way some fabrics felt on his skin. But he was too little to tell me. That makes me so, so sad. If I could turn back the clock knowing what I know now, I could do things differently, but kids like him were not diagnosed with high functioning autism or Asperger's at that time.

I will say that ADHD meds did not work for our son because that was not his true problem, but I have seen it work miracles for other children. I still tutor children with reading disorders (dyslexia) privately, and about half of them were kids that missed learning to read due to attention deficits. I had a close friend whose son was diagnosed much earlier than ours because he was born 10 years later, but Prozac was a miracle drug for him with the anxiety and sensory issues. It sounds like you may not yet have found the right specialist to help your daughter, and I hope and pray you do, because the younger you can get a handle on some of this, the better. Because we went down the road of substance abuse as self-medication due to the fact we had wrong diagnoses for so long, and that greatly complicated everything as addiction is a nightmare, too.

Many hugs to you, Naty. I am so sorry!

I am reading all the posts every couple of days and thinking of all of you even when I don't reply personally.

Diamondseeker... HUGS...

I don't know where to begin. I will try to address certain points one by one:

1. I am certain that my daughter's poor speaking skills are due to the fact that she hears and tries to speak three different languages at the same time. Nevertheless, I have to admit that she has improved a lot during the last six months and this gives me a lot of hope about her speaking. What worries me the most, is the fact that at the beginning of this school year the teacher started giving homework to the children and DD has a very hard time sitting down at home and concentrating on what she has to do. She goes up and down the chair and finds a thousand excuses, in order to stop doing the homework. When she finally sits down, she does everything very well and her teacher admits that her writing and painting are maybe the best in the class and of higher level compared to most of her classmates. BUT...how to deal with her lack of concentration?

2. My daughter also despises very bright lights, especially early in the morning and loud noises and shouting are driving her totally crazy.

3. I realize that I should keep looking for the right specialist for my daughter. But after having seen four of them, I feel frustrated and tired. Every time that we have to meet a new person and go through every single detail over and over again, I feel upset. I am tired, I really am. I understand that I at this point I don't have the luxury to feel this way but I just have to say it and take it out of my system.

 

[Natylad]

I wish to everybody a happy and peaceful week...

 

[kmarla]

Hugs to you natyLad! Your little girl sounds like she is doing quite well in school overall. Hopefully that will take a big worry away for you. It is impossible for any of us here to know exactly what is causing some of these challenges you are experiencing. I'm not sure what kind of testing the psychologists have done already, or whether there is a resource specialist in your daughters school that can help support your daughter. I'm glad that you are seeing improvement in her language development. Children up to age six or so actually acquire new languages quite easily, so your little one is in the optimum period for language acquisition. It is the best time to expose her. The brain is very elastic during this time. She will be very fortunate to be tri-lingual! I just wanted to share with you that it is not uncommon for a teacher/the school to see your child learn or behave differently from what you see at home. The classroom can be a very structured, reinforcing environment for a child. Schedules, rules, daily routines etc are quite predictable. The school day though can absolutely drain a child that is experiencing any kind of challenge, whatever the reason. When they get home to their safe and comforting place, they will release that energy or stress. Sometimes it is a meltdown, sometimes it is crying, sometimes they are exhausted and fall asleep. Each child is different, and each day with the same child can be different. Please know that we are all supporting you, and my hope for you is that things will settle down soon. It's very clear how much you love your little one!

 

[kmarla]

kmarla,

I'm so glad you had a wonderful weekend and a much-needed break.

That's great that your daughter is communicating with you! Excellent news and I'm sure a real relief to you.

Thank you so much December-fire!

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Deb, you are too sweet! I truly have loved what I do/did. Couldn't give it up completely, so that is why I still tutor dyslexic children (well, there is also no one else in our whole county that is qualified, unfortunately). I so often felt like I was part social worker because I worked in high poverty schools. We had one to two social workers for our whole county school system, which made it pretty impossible for all the needs to be met. I would have loved to have had YOU at my school!

Kmarla, we keep finding out things we have in common! That is so encouraging that your daughter is making an effort to communicate. Maybe getting away from home has made her realize that she does love and appreciate her parents! I am so glad you are getting a break.

Naty, your daughter definitely seems to have sensory issues. Impossible for us to know (obviously) if the lack of concentration is just ADHD or related to the sensory issues, anxiety, etc. That was part of the problem getting our son diagnosed correctly for a long time. He had symptoms that overlapped over several disorders. Did your doctor suggest trying medication? (Did they recommend anything?) Because if it is pure ADHD, the meds can work miracles. Meds don't work for everyone, and then you explore other possibilities for a diagnosis. Does she play well with other children at school? Does she give eye contact when speaking to others? Does she tend to have excessive interest in one thing?

You said: "I have noticed that when my daughter gets used to a specific schedule, she gets extremely upset if anything interferes with it and even the slightest changes drive her crazy. This is why I have avoided so far to go down that route but I think that maybe I should try and see what happens."

That is a very common symptom of children on the autism spectrum. They crave and require consistency in schedules as Akvileja has already explained. In our schools, these children had daily schedules posted so they would have the security of knowing the schedule was being followed. I definitely agree that it would be good and important to have her daily schedule at home very structured. I would explain it to her and make a chart with pictures so she can know what comes next in the schedule. (Example for after school: 3:30 snack time, 3:45-4:30 play outside, 4:30-5:00 do homework, 5:00-6:00 watch favorite children's shows, 6:00 wash hands and get ready for dinner, 6:15 dinner.....and so on to include the bedtime routine with bath, brushing teeth, reading aloud X number of books, bedtime and lights out.) Some kids really need this and can actually have a panic attack when the world seems so uncertain and inconsistent to them. My son definitely still has issues when times of things are delayed or changed. He can't be told anything at the last minute.

Here is a list of timer options and many are phone apps:

http://www.friendshipcircle.org/blog/2012/11/06/20-visual-timers-for-children-with-special-needs/

I hear you on having to tell someone new the story. I did it several times with not much gained, and really, he and I pretty much finally figured out what he had (through process of elimination partly) and asked the doctor about it. He referred him to a clinical psychologist for testing and we had the diagnosis confirmed. But we didn't get there until he was an adult! The earlier you can get a handle on this, the sooner the adjustments, treatments, etc. can be done to help your daughter manage whatever she has and hopefully result in the family living a more peaceful life.

 

[marymm]

Dear Akvileja,

Thank you so much for taking the time to share your thoughts and experiences with me. I found everything that you wrote very interesting and helpful. I believe that the ''timstock'' device would work wonders with my daughter. I will try to research online and find a way to buy this tool.
About the eating disorder: My daughter refuses to eat at home but not at school. In fact, she has two full meals every day at school and according to her teacher she eats everything and she is much more cooperative than most of the other children She will eat whatever there is on their daily menu and if there is something that she doesn't like, she will at least try a little, just in order to please her teacher, and then she will eat more salad, bread, cheese and desert, in order to complete her meal. Sometimes I think that she is just refusing to eat when she is with us, in order to punish me and her dad but I can't tell why she would ever feel that she should do that. I don't know what is the reason for which she thinks we should be punished
About the schedule: I will try in the following days to adopt a specific schedule that we should follow at home and see what happens. My only concern is that I have noticed that when my daughter gets used to a specific schedule, she gets extremely upset if anything interferes with it and even the slightest changes drive her crazy. This is why I have avoided so far to go down that route but I think that maybe I should try and see what happens.

natyLad, this suggestion may be too simplistic and/or likely you've already tried it, but is it possible to obtain a loaner set of the dishes/utensils/tray that the school uses, for you to try at home with your child? If the school has a posted menu, perhaps also get a copy of that and see if you could adapt it for home use?

 

[House Cat]

Thank you Housecat - your support throughout this thread has been much appreciated. I have the utmost respect for you - sharing your personal experiences couldn't have been easy. In the event our son does not want to accept our kind offer of independence - I have counseling already set up so that the maneuvering can be assisted with our mental health professionals. It's so very nice to have this thread for moral support and to do a quick vent now and then. Hugs and prayers to all of you (us)

Thank you for your kind words Queenie. They went straight to my heart. I have so much respect for you too. I'm not even sure I can put into words how much your devotion to your son touches me.

I am actually moved by all of the parents in this thread. You all are extraordinary people. Your vigilance and your involvement will have a lasting and positive impact on your children in so many ways. I have seen more than my share of people with MI in my lifetime. The people with involved parents fare much better than those who didn't. I think childhood and young adulthood is just too disregulated. I believe things settle down with age and the love and guidance eventually shines through.


Queenie, did it go well with your son? I don't mean to pry, but I have been thinking of you quite a bit.

 

[Queenie60]

Hi Housecat: Thank you for asking. We have not approached him as of yet. He's been working and staying out extremely late. We must do it this week as I have his mental health professionals waiting on the sidelines to help. I am allowing my husband to take charge of this situation and I think he is afraid to let him go. For the second day in a row my husband is working at home and I know it's because he wants to monitor my son. I'm being patient and waiting. Luckily we have a bit of freedom with the apartment. It's ready and available, we just need to get him there. He's been acting quite strange lately - he did not arrive home until 5:30 am and my husband is just sick about it. We will get there, it's been peaceful around here but it's time for all of us to move forward with our lives. Will keep you posted.

 

[december-fire]

Queenie60,

I hope the conversation goes well. What a stressful situation.

Hopefully, your son will like the idea of having his own place, and you and your husband can relax a bit.

Hugs

 

[Queenie60]

Thank you December Fire - today wasn't a good day. This mental illness - so unpredictable. Such a weight on your life - so exhausting. I'm hoping that tomorrow will be a better day. I have a gut feeling that our son is on some type of recreational drug other than marijuana. The hours he is keeping - quite odd. I really need for him to move out before I loose it. We tried to approach him today and he refuses to talk with us. I am hoping it does not come down to me kicking him out. Saying my prayers.

 

[december-fire]

Thank you December Fire - today wasn't a good day. This mental illness - so unpredictable. Such a weight on your life - so exhausting. I'm hoping that tomorrow will be a better day. I have a gut feeling that our son is on some type of recreational drug other than marijuana. The hours he is keeping - quite odd. I really need for him to move out before I loose it. We tried to approach him today and he refuses to talk with us. I am hoping it does not come down to me kicking him out. Saying my prayers.

I'm so sorry to hear that, Queenie.

You're in my thoughts and prayers.

Hugs

 

[kmarla]

Queenie60, I'm thinking of you and hope that a good opportunity to talk comes up soon (((hugs)))

All is quiet here apart from some texts a couple of days ago. I am very happy that she is staying in touch, however briefly. It's a month today since she ran away.

 

[Natylad]

I just wanted to say that so far we're having a great week! Reading this thread and all the precious advice that was given to me, helped me feel much better about the whole situation and be more understanding towards my DD. This has helped a lot and she is responding much better now! Yay! (Thank you guys!)

 

[Queenie60]

NatyLad - glad we could be of help. Hope the smooth road continues.

 

[chemgirl]

Aaaaaahhh friend (he recommended me for my current job) was caught on video in my office. There is a glass wall so the camera for the main office area catches part of my desk. It really looks like he was "doing something" to my chair.

HR is involved now and it's going to be freaking awkward.

I know this pales in comparison to what everyone else her is dealing with. It's not a family member. I'm just upset.

 

[House Cat]

Aaaaaahhh friend (he recommended me for my current job) was caught on video in my office. There is a glass wall so the camera for the main office area catches part of my desk. It really looks like he was "doing something" to my chair.

HR is involved now and it's going to be freaking awkward.

I know this pales in comparison to what everyone else her is dealing with. It's not a family member. I'm just upset.

Oh no!!

You should be upset! When do you have to face this? Is he going to be terminated?

 

[chemgirl]

Aaaaaahhh friend (he recommended me for my current job) was caught on video in my office. There is a glass wall so the camera for the main office area catches part of my desk. It really looks like he was "doing something" to my chair.

HR is involved now and it's going to be freaking awkward.

I know this pales in comparison to what everyone else her is dealing with. It's not a family member. I'm just upset.

Oh no!!

You should be upset! When do you have to face this? Is he going to be terminated?

I have no idea. We are friends with his wife as well so I'm more nauseated about how she must feel about all of this.

I know he is the breadwinner and they need the job, but I don't want to have to see him at work. HR is "looking into it" whatever that means.

 

[chemgirl]

Ugh got a text from guy "I'm sorry I decorated your chair"

Decorated!!!!

I want to hide. Awkward enough facing dude, but everyone else seems to know about it. Can't wait for 4:00.

 

[House Cat]

Ugh got a text from guy "I'm sorry I decorated your chair"

Decorated!!!!

I want to hide. Awkward enough facing dude, but everyone else seems to know about it. Can't wait for 4:00.

Did you show this to HR?

He needs a med adjustment.

 

[kmarla]

Ugh got a text from guy "I'm sorry I decorated your chair"

Decorated!!!!

I want to hide. Awkward enough facing dude, but everyone else seems to know about it. Can't wait for 4:00.

Did you show this to HR?

He needs a med adjustment.

+1
Sorry you're having to deal with this Chemgirl.