what to do.. what to do..

[dvsone]

Girlfriend is sayin'' nothing.. whatever is good..

I can''t decide.. budget is not realllly a concern.. Sure i don''t mind more money for other stuff.. but not the primary concern.
do i spend $12-13K for a 1.5ct..
$9K for a really nice 1.0ct
or 5K for a decently nice 1.0ct?

or heck just buy a half ct for $2k and be done with it? hahaha

i don''t know what to do..
especially between the really really nice or just a nice 1.0 ct..

any advice from those who''s been through this before?

 

[allycat0303]

Well full of things could factor in...

1) What are you happy spending? Just say the first number that comes to mind...
2) Does she REALLY NOT care of does she want you to surprise her with her dream ring? (If this is the case, I would feel really bad for you)
3) Does she wear a lot of jewelery? Or is she really discreet, and not into jewelery at all?

Actually, I would try to have a discussion with her again about this. There seems to be a lot of room for error

. Unless she is really set on being surprised by the proposal, then you''ll have to tell us a little bit more about her.

Good luck!

 

[Love in Bloom]

Ha dvsone, your post is really funny!

Don''t fret...I would first look at your girlfriends lifestyle. What would be practical for her (diamond size, diamond shape, setting, etc)? Does she have any friends you could ask for advice? Does she want to be totally surprised? If not can you take her to look at several places just to get an idea of what she likes?

 

[Pandora II]

Only you can decide what you feel happy spending - or she''ll feel happy wearing!

Personally, I didn''t want to walk round with half a house in $$$ on my finger. I also didn''t want to spend way more than our friends were spending. We in our 30''s and both have good jobs and so it wasn''t a case of scrimping to afford something. FI set a budget of around $4k and I spent just under $6 in the end. He was pretty relieved I didn''t go over by more and I felt he was very, very generous.

UK rings tend to be smaller than US though so you might want to check what her friends are wearing - I didn''t want bigger but I did want quality.

 

[Gypsy]

What size stones do her friends and family wear? Since your budget is flexible I would try to keep pace with what her acquiantances wear, personally.

Do you know what type of setting you want? That will help us too. If we know the setting cost.. we can advise on a budget a little better.

 

[Mara]

i agree, talk to her. she may be saying 'whatever is good' but that is probably not what she means hehe.

at first when we were looking i felt like 'oh 1ct is the best ever and i'd be happy to get that'. but then a 1c on my hand didn't really look like what i wanted. we ended up getting a 1.23 but then within a year i upgraded it to about a 1.6. now i have a 2.3c and it's been 2 years...and i am REALLY happy with this diamond size. finally.

i wear hardly any jewelry in general on a daily basis, i am not flashy, i don't drive an expensive car or wear really super expensive clothes etc. but i love beautiful diamonds and a lot of that started with my e-ring. i also don't care what people around me have on or what my friends wear...i wear what i love and what works for me and my husband. so i tend to have pretty specific tastes i think...in fact most of my friends either have smaller rings or aren't married at all. hehe.

so i'd try to get some sort of idea of what she is thinking...she may be thinking 1c is fabulous. or she may want bigger. or smaller to be really subtle. but if you want to buy once and make it count, then ask her what she'd love to have. then go from there, and try to read between the lines if she hems and haws. sometimes gals don't feel comfortable saying what they'd love because it might be construed as being demanding or too high maintenance or whatever. i think in general 99% of women would be ecstatic with whatever their man gave them (they are ecstatic to be engaged to the man they love) but the ring is a real part of it, so the way i look at it is if you ARE going to spend $$$ on it, really know what you are buying and what she wants.

good luck!

 

[dvsone]

1. i REALLY don''t know/care about what i spend. i see it as our money.. so if i spend less, we borrow less when we buy a house. u know? that kinda theory. not like i spend less on ring, i can buy my new car.. not at all.. i am capable of spending anything within reason (<$20K i guess).

2. she likes jewelry.. wears bracelet, rings, earrings.. likes diamonds.. likes cartier, tiffanys, etc.. but she doesn''t buy herself.. her parents have usually given them to her..
She won''t buy her self b/c she doesn''t wanna spend that much money on it.. (so she is conservative when it''s her money)
i don''t think she won''t "CARE".. i.e if i really bought her a half carat, she might be a bit upset..
but REALLY nice 1 ct, or decent 1ct.. will she be able to TELL? probably not.

also i should go and have her try out 1ct and 1.5 ct.. she''s rather skinny.. so are her fingers. i dont'' know if she would look good with 1.5ct on her small/skinny fingers.. is that a factor??

aiiii... I don''t know.... so freaking conflicted...
talk to her, and get no where.. "honey, being with you is good enough.. u don''t have to buy a ring.. why buy a ring? why waste money on stupid rocks.. blah blah blah.." yah ok.. i don''t think she''s lying.. but i DO think she may feel disappointed.

 

[Gypsy]

http://www.signedpieces.com/item.cfm?item_id=3855

http://www.signedpieces.com/item.cfm?item_id=5939

Sounds like she is a reasonable practical woman who is used to luxury items, and enjoys them. Sounds like a perfect candidate for signed pieces. Tiffany''s. Two very lovely diamond rings. Classic luxurious... but practical.

 

[dvsone]

Great advice about the "what her friend is wearing"

reminded me that she has a twin sister who just married recently.. they are like the closest people in the world.. and since her sis only has a 0.75ct, b/c her husband wouldn''t afford a bigger one..
i don''t know.. 1.5ct might not be a good idea.. piss her sis off?
but she might want the bigger diamond? she might care? might not?

how the HECK do i know the impact of the move, until AFTER the move is made?

damn it.
i wish i can calculate and process results like that Chess computer - deep blue II.

 

[decodelighted]

This is probably controversial advice

but ... pay attention to what size stone her sisters, friends & MOM have. No matter WHAT she says, she is not immune to the comparison itch -- and, horrible as it is, they''ll all be comparing what THEY have to what SHE gets. It''s the worst part of human nature ... yet true.

Have you thought about shape? Does she like classic rounds or elegant emeralds or spicy princess cuts or romantic pears or dramatic marquise or sizzling radiants or angular asschers?

What size ring does she wear? How delicate are her hands? Long fingers? Short fingers? How is her lifestyle... active or office-heavy?

I''d say, in general, when choosing for someone ELSE ... it''s best to stick to certified stones from reputable labs (GIA or AGS) ... colorless or nearcolorless (F/G/H) ... VS1-2.

You''ll blow her mind if you get her something larger than she SECRETLY hopes for (what that # is is probably .2 over whatever her sister has

) assuming you can afford it w/o going into debt that will be shared.

Begin the way you intend to continue. If you''re planning on "cheaping out" or getting the bare minimum for her for the rest of your life ... here''s where she''ll know it. If you''re hoping to spoil her & dazzle .. ditto. Something fine quality & reasonable & gorgeous is a lovely middle ground!

 

[dvsone]

What is signed pieces?
and how do they get a $16K ring to sell at $10,500?
knock off? or real? new? used?

 

[Gypsy]

If her sister got a .75 carat.. was it a BRAND name .75 carat? (Cause that could hike the price up significantly).

It sounds like you want to one up her sister... don't think about that. But yor attitude about 'couldn't afford bigger' makes me think you should go to a carat or 1.25. But really... if you haven't bought a house... 20K is a lot of money toward that. So I would try to stick with a ring around 12K.

 

[dvsone]

good advice about sister/mom
problem is
sister has 0.75 ct.. so i worry about 1.5ct
her mom has like a 2.5 ct or something ridiculous.. plus mad variety of diamond earrings, bracelet, necklaces..
hahah i''ll never get her enough to match her mom..

 

[dvsone]

no. not a brand name 0.75ct.
and i DON"T want to outdo her sis, b/c i worry it''ll upset her sis, which will upset her. this is one thought
another thought is, she might not care what her sis have, and just want a nice ring herself..
another thought is, she''s telling the truth and doesn''t want a ring at all. .and anything is a waste of money.


why is this process so difficult? why can''t it be like.. white or whole wheat.. mayo or mustard?

 

[Mara]

honestly i''d be kinda irritated if my sister had a .75c and my fiance to be got me a .75c or a 1c because he didn''t want it to be controversial to get larger but he wanted to really get me a 1.5c and didn''t...haha. for me, i''d be like this is about you and me and no one else...what do WE want. (or more aptly what does she really want hahaha).

you can get advice from any of us til you and we are blue in the face. but we are all so different and none of us are HER. she has to have SOME IDEA of what she wants. you have to get it out of her.

 

[dvsone]

so really, the question should be

HOW do i get it out of her?

drug her (not like potent, but mild drug)?
or like.. how?

is asking her sister a bad idea? like.. ask her sister to ''casually'' ask her?

 

[Gypsy]

It''s torture we put you through because we are secretly evil.

You know... from what you say of her mother... is her mother the reason why she thinks of rocks as a waste of money? If that''s the case... then you need to figure out how much she considers an extravagance.


Also, why can''t you just ask her sister what she thinks her sister will like???

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 6/12/2007 8:03:09 PM
Author: dvsone
another thought is, she''s telling the truth and doesn''t want a ring at all. .and anything is a waste of money.

Even if she *is* telling the truth (which I doubt

--she''s probably just expressing guilt at so much $ being spent on her) ... SOCIETY will give her a super hard time about not having ANY engagement ring. Especially if people sense you can afford one.

It would be like explaining why you''re taking the bus, when you could have a car. There might be solid environmental reasons & a personal philosophy about it but it''s hard for other people to accept & will be gossiped about brutally. She may not even realize this ... yet.

If her sister has a .75, and you don''t want to upset the sister ... a super-ideal one carat is probably a-ok. Not big enough to make her envious, but big enough to please almost any gal (especially one with small hands). Getting a different SHAPE than the sister is another way to fool the eye & stop direct comparisons.

 

[Mara]

can you take her to some stores to try some things on??

or yeah ask her sister. but i'd see if she'd be game to go into a store or two. obviously she knows you are planning it if she has told you things like 'i dont care, just get me whatever'...so it won't be a total shock to her to hear you'd like for her to visit a store or two with you. just have her try on a bunch of things and you will be able to tell what she likes vs doesn't.

to deco's point, what about a 3 stone to make it different from her sister's? but again, if i liked solitaires and my fiance to be got me a 3 stone so it would be different than my sister's i'd also be again kinda irritated. hehee. i guess my tastes are so specific that i wouldn't like to get something different just because. i could care less if 5 other people have my ring. one of my best friends got a ritani set that looks somewhat like mine when you just eyeball it, but ours are still different.

 

[luckystar112]

Date: 6/12/2007 8:09:04 PM
Author: dvsone
so really, the question should be


HOW do i get it out of her?


drug her (not like potent, but mild drug)?

or like.. how?


is asking her sister a bad idea? like.. ask her sister to ''casually'' ask her?

No, because if her sister asks her that your girlfriend might be afraid to say anything bigger than .75 so she doesn''t offend her!

 

[dvsone]

thought about asking the sister.. but
1. her sister has 0.75ct.. will my g/f really tell her sister.. oh i want a 1.5ct?

2. her sister might not keep the secret, thus ruining any element of surprise?

i am friends with her sister (actually i know her sister first, and was introduced by her to my g/f)

Oh and what''s the signedpieces thing again? why is it so much cheaper?

 

[luckystar112]

hahaha could I word that sentence any worse?

If my sister asked me how big I want my future diamond to be, and she''s sporting a .75ct when I want 1.5cts...I think I would feel awkward and like I might offend her by implying that her diamond is "small" by my standards.

 

[dvsone]

luckystar..precisely.
and i had to read your sentence twice.

i''ll take her to a store.. great advice guys

but i still wanna know what this "signed piece" website is?

 

[decodelighted]

Signed Pieces is pre-owned jewelry ... so the engagement rings are probably from broken engagements or divorces .... possibly upgrades (but Tiffany allows upgrades so people would just trade in their ring if they were upgrading.)

It''s a great way to get a designer piece w/o the FULL markup ... but you''re still paying SOME markup for the name & have to decide if you want the mojo.

Personally, I wouldn''t want a pre-owned e-ring unless it was a family piece ... and then only if it was over the carat weight my fiance could afford new. MAN I''M PICKY!!!

 

[Gypsy]

Signed pieces has highend designer jewelry, usually used but in excellent condition (it will state the condition of it on the page. Many on here have used them to buy luxury items at a more reasonable price. They have a good return policy and verify all their merchandise for authenticity. So it's a practical way to get luxury items at an affordable price.

ETA: As deco said, some people might have a problem with a used e-ring. I wouldn't personally.

 

[pyramid]

You could accidentally on purpose, arranged time before, go onto a tv shopping channel during a fake diamond hour and then strike up a conversation about size of stones from the ones the presenter is showing

Maybe do it when one of her friends are in the house with you so that you can get them to discuss and sort of pretend it is not you doing it. Like make one comment such as is a one carat too big or too small for an engagement ring, or wow 2 carats far too big. Something that is not really true so you get a reaction. Like say that diamond is too big for that woman's hand. Maybe say is 1.5 carat size a cocktail or dress ring or something pretending ignorant mail about jewellery.

If she doesn't know some people you do or make up a person, like so and so at work got his girl/received from their guy a three quarter carat diamond looks pretty big on her and see if she says anything that makes you think to the contrary that she would want a larger diamond.

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 6/12/2007 8:16:51 PM
Author: dvson
i''ll take her to a store.. great advice guys

This is really the best plan.

a) you''ll get to see what different sizes & shapes look like on her hand

b) you''ll get to read her BODY LANGUAGE ... her face will LIGHT UP if she loves something & she won''t want to take it off. THAT''s how you''ll know you''re on the right track!!!!

Tell her you know she doesn''t "need" a ring ... but that you''d like to see some things on her hand before you "decide". Give her a way to save face & continue her "I don''t want one" point of view ... by saying the trip is FOR YOU, for you TO SEE what things look like on her ... a FAVOR.

MANY girls have this same kind of ambivilance -- yes I want it, no it''s too expensive. BELIEVE ME it will pass.

 

[Siamese Kitty]

I may be way off-base here, but from what you''ve said about her so far, I can''t help but wonder if a new 1ct from Tiffany or Cartier might not be the best way to go. (although this would probably max out the budget) Like Deco said, Tiffany does have an upgrade policy (not sure about Cartier), so if she did want to go bigger in the future she could (after the house, etc...). If she''s accustomed to receiving gifts from these places, I don''t think it would be out of line to assume that she would like a ring from them. Like some of the others have said, she sounds like a practical girl who doesn''t want to ask for such and expensive item at risk of placing financial stress on you or seeming too demanding.

Please let us know what you decide-and congratulations.

Also, out of curiosity-is her mother''s ring her original engagement ring or an upgrade?

 

[dvsone]

Thanks for all the advice guys.. it''s still all so conflicting, but it''s definitely a little bit clearer.

oh and siamese.. i''m sure it''s an upgrade.. her mom is almost 60.. i doubt 30 years ago, they would''ve gotten something so big?. i don''t know tho..

 

[Kaleigh]

Take her shopping.... See what she likes, etc...

Here is the link for Signed Pieces, www.signedpieces.com