What do you think of vow renewal ceremonies?

[Rhea]

I doubt we would ever do it. For me the ritual of marriage and vows holds a special place at the start of a marriage. The innocence and hopefulness of that moment cannot be replicated. I certainly agree in celebrating that we refrained from murdering each other in our sleep these past 7 years but I would choose to celebrate with a different ritual rather than reenacting one that was so meaningful in my past.

DH made this point when I started requesting to do a vow renewal and it makes a lot of sense to me. Dreamer, you have a better way of wording it than he did and I think I now understand his point better. Thank you.

I hope to have a party or celebration but I don't see a vowel renewal in the future unless it's changed substantially to represent where we are now.

 

[Niel]

I would rather have a big anniversary party than a vow renewal. I am sure this isn't the case for everyone so I do not want to offend, but I see them too much as just an excuse to be a "bride" again. Get a fancy dress and the special attention. Again, this isn't everyone, but they can sometimes seem vain.

Celebrate you're life together? Love it. But I would just do it a different way.

 

[momhappy]

I agree with kenny on this one - meh…
Unless you've gone through some sort of circumstances that might make a vow renewal more appropriate (and I'm not even sure what those circumstances might be - maybe like a separation followed by a reconnection?), I don't know why anyone would need/want to go through a ceremony that they've already gone through It seems like something that you do to get attention or create drama in your life (because vow renewal wedding planning can be stressful ), so again, I just don't understand the process and/or the meaning.
Having said all of that, just because I don't understand, need or want a vow renewal ceremony for myself, doesn't mean that I think that it is wrong. If that's what floats your boat, then rock on It's not like it's hurting any one, so I don't have an issue with it if that's what someone else chooses to do.

 

[luv2sparkle]

We've thought about it-briefly. In theory it sounds kinda fun. I would love a beautiful dress and maybe a new wedding ring that goes with promises attached, like the original. It has always bothered me a bit that the upgrade rings didn't have the weight of ceremony behind them like the original ones do. But I don't really think the occasion can really be replicated. Then there is the cost. We didn't spend a lot on the first wedding, spent a ton for the daughters and even somewhere in the middle probably wouldn't work for me. I just can't get fully behind the whole idea.

 

[MollyMalone]

I agree with kenny on this one - meh…
Unless you've gone through some sort of circumstances that might make a vow renewal more appropriate...,It seems like something that you do to get attention or create drama in your life (because vow renewal wedding planning can be stressful )....

Well, IIRC kenny despises weddings, hasn't attended one in 30-40 years, so....

It seems that most have blown past the fact that hathaway has zero interest in replicating a wedding, wouldn't be inviting any guests:

Well I know people who have done both. Some who have even had a full out wedding style affair. I don't want that nor do I want people to come. For us I think it would be away on some exotic island and private just us

 

[Niel]

I agree with kenny on this one - meh…
Unless you've gone through some sort of circumstances that might make a vow renewal more appropriate...,It seems like something that you do to get attention or create drama in your life (because vow renewal wedding planning can be stressful )....

Well, IIRC kenny despises weddings, hasn't attended one in 30-40 years, so....

It seems that most have blown past the fact that hathaway has zero interest in replicating a wedding, wouldn't be inviting any guests:

Well I know people who have done both. Some who have even had a full out wedding style affair. I don't want that nor do I want people to come. For us I think it would be away on some exotic island and private just us

Thats why I said sometimes they seem vain and that's why I don't like them personally. Hathalove seems to want to do it for the all the right reasons. And if no one is coming but her and her husband that their opinions are really the only ones that matter in this instance.

But in general. Vow renewals that are like second weddings.... Not a fan.

 

[momhappy]

I agree with kenny on this one - meh…
Unless you've gone through some sort of circumstances that might make a vow renewal more appropriate...,It seems like something that you do to get attention or create drama in your life (because vow renewal wedding planning can be stressful )....

Well, IIRC kenny despises weddings, hasn't attended one in 30-40 years, so....

It seems that most have blown past the fact that hathaway has zero interest in replicating a wedding, wouldn't be inviting any guests:

Well I know people who have done both. Some who have even had a full out wedding style affair. I don't want that nor do I want people to come. For us I think it would be away on some exotic island and private just us

It doesn't matter if kenny despises weddings - I still agree with him in terms of vow renewal ceremonies….

 

[pinkjewel]

I agree with kenny on this one - meh…
Unless you've gone through some sort of circumstances that might make a vow renewal more appropriate...,It seems like something that you do to get attention or create drama in your life (because vow renewal wedding planning can be stressful )....

Well, IIRC kenny despises weddings, hasn't attended one in 30-40 years, so....

It seems that most have blown past the fact that hathaway has zero interest in replicating a wedding, wouldn't be inviting any guests:

Well I know people who have done both. Some who have even had a full out wedding style affair. I don't want that nor do I want people to come. For us I think it would be away on some exotic island and private just us

It doesn't matter if kenny despises weddings - I still agree with him in terms of vow renewal ceremonies….

And you're certainly entitled to your opinion... but I did not do it for either reason you stated- to get attention or create drama, and I really don't think most people do it for either of those reasons. It's not too stressful to plan a tropical vacation for 2 people with a simple ceremony on a beach and a dinner and cake following. But we get it- You REALLY don't like vow renewals. We can just agree to disagree.

 

[aljdewey]

My husband and I are considering doing a vow renewal ceremony for our 10th anniversary. When we got married 6 years ago, it was just us, my FIL and SIL in a courthouse. It was a very informal event, DH was in his BDUs and I was in jeans and a t-shirt. I would love to do renewal where we could dress up, be surrounded by friends and family, and have a celebration of our marriage.

This is precisely why my parents did a vow renewal for their 25th - they married at the courthouse and then in an extremely small wedding because my father was getting transferred to Hawaii, so they couldn't have the type of wedding my mom always wished for.

There is NOTHING wrong with wanting that, and the fact you want it doesn't mean you somehow "didn't mean it the first time" either. I fully get wanting to have that experience, and I wouldn't find that silly at ALL.

 

[isaku5]

It crossed our minds when our 25th was coming up as we too had a small wedding, but since it was our decision to make, we chose to travel around Europe for five weeks. It really was the celebration of a lifetime.........ah, the memories

For our 50th, the kids took us to a fantastic restaurant - the whole family celebrated the fact that we're still together and actually lucid (most of the time).

 

[Laila619]

Honestly? I assume one or both of the people involved have broken their vows (ahem*cheated*). IMO I don't get why else vows would need to be renewed.

Interesting. I recall Heidi Klum and Seal doing an elaborate vow renewal every year on their anniversary and then you find out they had a bad marriage and were miserable and divorcing. Of course, lots of celebrities divorce anyway, lol.

 

[packrat]

Miss Manners can blow me. Pretty new dress, JD more laid back in a nice shirt/dress pants instead of a tux, my kids all gussied up, cake and food and cake and I like cake and our friends and family crowded into our awesome backyard, lots of pictures, songs and things that express who we were, how far we've come, who we are now, a big FUN party at our place, yeah. We're renewing not just our vows to each other but to ourselves and our kids. I was advised by several people not to marry him. He knows that and it hurt him-probably still does. That *I* was the only one who had faith in him and in us together as a couple. Heck, I don't think *he* even did, really. Almost 13 years later, yeah, we're pretty proud of us and our family and how we've come. So I will be totally and completely vulgar and unmannerly and do it all over again. Because I *would* do it all over again, with him.

 

[OreoRosies86]

"Miss Manners can blow me" has now surpassed "twatwaffle" as my favorite thing ever uttered online, ever.

 

[pinkjewel]

Miss Manners can blow me. Pretty new dress, JD more laid back in a nice shirt/dress pants instead of a tux, my kids all gussied up, cake and food and cake and I like cake and our friends and family crowded into our awesome backyard, lots of pictures, songs and things that express who we were, how far we've come, who we are now, a big FUN party at our place, yeah. We're renewing not just our vows to each other but to ourselves and our kids. I was advised by several people not to marry him. He knows that and it hurt him-probably still does. That *I* was the only one who had faith in him and in us together as a couple. Heck, I don't think *he* even did, really. Almost 13 years later, yeah, we're pretty proud of us and our family and how we've come. So I will be totally and completely vulgar and unmannerly and do it all over again. Because I *would* do it all over again, with him.

Go for it,packrat!! sounds awesome

 

[MollyMalone]

"Vow renewal ceremony" conjures up in many minds images of a full-blown wedding staging -- like the 1-year anniversary, one IndyLady told us about (which was more than "a little much" imo) -- or close to it.

But what if hathaway had phrased her question along the lines of "what do you think of a couple setting time apart to formally reaffirm their love and commitment to each other", which is a more accurate description of what she's contemplating; does anyone find that off-putting?

 

[Dreamer_D]

I doubt we would ever do it. For me the ritual of marriage and vows holds a special place at the start of a marriage. The innocence and hopefulness of that moment cannot be replicated. I certainly agree in celebrating that we refrained from murdering each other in our sleep these past 7 years but I would choose to celebrate with a different ritual rather than reenacting one that was so meaningful in my past.

DH made this point when I started requesting to do a vow renewal and it makes a lot of sense to me. Dreamer, you have a better way of wording it than he did and I think I now understand his point better. Thank you.

I hope to have a party or celebration but I don't see a vowel renewal in the future unless it's changed substantially to represent where we are now.

One of the reasons.i wanted a traditional ceremony ceremony despite being a non traditional person was because we have so few common rituals in our culture, rights of passage that nearly everyone participates in. I wanted to do something that had meaning not only to me, but to the rest of our family and society as well. A renewal would not have that cultural meaning, so for me it would not be particularly meaningful. It was not the vows that specifically made that moment special for me, but the cultural weight.

Obviously, people vary in their thoughts on this

 

[Gypsy]

"Miss Manners can blow me" has now surpassed "twatwaffle" as my favorite thing ever uttered online, ever.

I've never heard twatwaffle. I rather like it. How does one use it?

 

[redwood66]

We had a quickie wedding in Lake Tahoe and no fancy anything and just a couple friends, parents, sister. I feel like a special trip is in order for the 25th anni. We probably will not do the vow renewal because he thinks it is silly. I would love it for just he and I on the trip but I will defer to what he wants.

 

[TooPatient]

It crossed our minds when our 25th was coming up as we too had a small wedding, but since it was our decision to make, we chose to travel around Europe for five weeks. It really was the celebration of a lifetime.........ah, the memories

For our 50th, the kids took us to a fantastic restaurant - the whole family celebrated the fact that we're still together and actually lucid (most of the time).

This would be my idea of celebrating!

I think each couple should do what is right for them. I think a full out mega-wedding soon after a full out mega wedding is much, but for people who had no ceremony with family? Sure.

I love the idea of going somewhere special just the husband and wife and renewing privately maybe with special anniversary bands

After the wedding planning I had to deal with? Heck no! I'm not going to ruin an anniversary to try to include others. I just want an evening alone with my DH.

 

[kenny]

I agree with kenny on this one - meh…
Unless you've gone through some sort of circumstances that might make a vow renewal more appropriate...,It seems like something that you do to get attention or create drama in your life (because vow renewal wedding planning can be stressful )....

Well, IIRC kenny despises weddings, hasn't attended one in 30-40 years, so....

Your point?
Why bring this up?

I do not despise weddings or the institution of marriage.
I despise attending them.
I attended two weddings when I was a teen.
I also don't do sport events, rock concerts, amusement parks, or sky diving.

Live and let live, I say ... which includes allowing others to not wanting to attend weddings.

Back to Vow Renewals ... don't marriage vows include "till death do we part"?
I'd think that would care of it for life but that's just me ... again, live and let live.
If you want a renewal ceremony or two or three or a hundred, knock yourself out.

I'm not a wedding basher, or a vow renewal ceremony basher.
The thread was started to get opinions so all opinions are welcome.

 

[momhappy]

I agree with kenny on this one - meh…
Unless you've gone through some sort of circumstances that might make a vow renewal more appropriate...,It seems like something that you do to get attention or create drama in your life (because vow renewal wedding planning can be stressful )....

Well, IIRC kenny despises weddings, hasn't attended one in 30-40 years, so....

It seems that most have blown past the fact that hathaway has zero interest in replicating a wedding, wouldn't be inviting any guests:

Well I know people who have done both. Some who have even had a full out wedding style affair. I don't want that nor do I want people to come. For us I think it would be away on some exotic island and private just us

It doesn't matter if kenny despises weddings - I still agree with him in terms of vow renewal ceremonies….

And you're certainly entitled to your opinion... but I did not do it for either reason you stated- to get attention or create drama, and I really don't think most people do it for either of those reasons. It's not too stressful to plan a tropical vacation for 2 people with a simple ceremony on a beach and a dinner and cake following. But we get it- You REALLY don't like vow renewals. We can just agree to disagree.

Honestly, I don't lay awake at night and think about how much I REALLY dislike vow renewals I never even said that I dislike them, so I'm not sure how you came to the conclusion that I REALLY dislike them I don't care one way or another. If someone wants to renew their vows, go right ahead - rock on! This thread asked specifically how people felt about them and I answered with specifics (not unlike anyone else who has posted here). If my answer made you defensive, then there's not much that I can do about that. I didn't say that all people have vow renewals only because they are either seeking attention or drama - I said, "it seems like….." so if you had a vow renewal for reasons other than the ones I listed, again, rock on And there's really no need to agree to disagree since I'm not really disagreeing with the concept of the vow renewal ceremony (I just wouldn't care to have one for myself, but that doesn't mean that I think that they are wrong in some way).

 

[MollyMalone]

Well, IIRC kenny despises weddings, hasn't attended one in 30-40 years, so....

Your point?
Why bring this up?
I do not despise weddings or the institution of marriage.
I despise attending them.

I was thinking that a person who loathes weddings would also be antagonistic to anything that's redolent of them. So when weighing your opinion, hathaway might want take that antagonism into consideration. Don't know if your despising attending weddings might make a difference for her, but since my recollection of your precise stance was faulty, I'm glad you clarified it here.

 

[jaysonsmom]

I would not mind having one myself, simply for the fact that my dad disapproved of my husband, and almost didn't attend my wedding. My dad was literally dragged to my wedding, and did not want any part of it, so my brother walked me down the aisle and we did not have a father-daughter dance. If I had the chance to to have a vow renewal, I would do it to show my dad that my husband and I have stood the test of time, and hopefully this time he would be able to be part of my ceremony the way I want wanted him to be years ago. So, my vow renewal would not really be for dh and I, but rather to celebrate the healing between father and daughter.

 

[kenny]

Well, IIRC kenny despises weddings, hasn't attended one in 30-40 years, so....

Your point?
Why bring this up?
I do not despise weddings or the institution of marriage.
I despise attending them.

I was thinking that a person who loathes weddings would also be antagonistic to anything that's redolent of them. So when weighing your opinion, hathaway might want take that antagonism into consideration. Don't know if your despising attending weddings might make a difference for her, but since my recollection of your precise stance was faulty, I'm glad you clarified it here.

Thanks.
That's understandable.

 

[luv2sparkle]

Packrat, your party sounds awesome! All the reasons you mentioned are the perfect reason for a celebration of your marriage! I hope you do it. And post pics because it sounds lovely. I love your backyard and it wouldbe a beautiful place for a party. Plus, you and JD put so much hard work into your yard, it's quite a metaphor for the hard work that goes into marriage.

 

[rosetta]

I doubt we would ever do it. For me the ritual of marriage and vows holds a special place at the start of a marriage. The innocence and hopefulness of that moment cannot be replicated. I certainly agree in celebrating that we refrained from murdering each other in our sleep these past 7 years but I would choose to celebrate with a different ritual rather than reenacting one that was so meaningful in my past.

I also wouldn't do a PhD renewal or childbirth renewal, the three other most meaningful events in my life!

I'm with you. I would feel silly saying the same vows again. My husband would think I was insane if I suggested it, it's not really done much in the UK. No judgement here, it's just not common where we live.

 

[kenny]

So, if you had a vow renewal ceremony and you answer, "I do." but your husband answers, "I don't." would you still be married?

 

[Lula]

Honestly? I assume one or both of the people involved have broken their vows (ahem*cheated*). IMO I don't get why else vows would need to be renewed.

Interesting. I recall Heidi Klum and Seal doing an elaborate vow renewal every year on their anniversary and then you find out they had a bad marriage and were miserable and divorcing. Of course, lots of celebrities divorce anyway, lol.

I know two couples who had vow renewal ceremonies -- one on their 15th anniversary and the other on their 25th anniversary. Both couples separated (and later divorced) within a year of their vow renewals! The stated reason in both cases was infidelity on the part of the husband. So vow renewals leave a bad taste in my mouth.

 

[mary poppins]

"Miss Manners can blow me" has now surpassed "twatwaffle" as my favorite thing ever uttered online, ever.

I've never heard twatwaffle. I rather like it. How does one use it?

Ha, I liked it, too, and was going to ask Elliott to use it in context. Turns out I couldn't wait to find out. Many entertaining interpretations of the phrase in Urban Dictionary = many opportunities to use it:

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=twat+waffle&page=2

ETA: Oh geez, sorry for thread jack with this topic in your vow renewal thread, hathalove.

 

[OreoRosies86]

It is a word for all occasions