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Too young for highlights?

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jellybean

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Just a question I had to ask all you PS''ers.

Here''s the background....my niece just turned 9 years old. We saw her over the weekend. She came up to me and said "Aunty Jellybean, do you notice anything different about me?" She had these chunky blond streaks all over her hair. I said "did you do something different with your hair?" She was so excited that I noticed. She said "I got highlights!" I was completely shocked. I said "Real highlights? Like ones you get at a beauty salon?" She said her mom let her get them as a birthday present. I looked over to my SIL who said that "Everyone in her school has them. I told her she had to wait until she''s 9 to get them".

OK, am I missing something? Is this what''s going on? I think I was a senior in high school the first time I highlighted my hair. I think my niece looks ridiculous.

My MIL bought my 11 year old niece a gift certificate last year for her birthday for a manicure! I have had two manicures my whole life -- the first was the day before my wedding! My MIL also bought my nieces Starbucks gift cards for Christmas last year. And, my 9 year old niece had her "updo" done at a salon for her first communion last year.

Are we in a big hurry for our girls to grow up? Do most people let their girls do these things?

Please let me know if I am totally out of the loop. Thanks!
 

marriahlyn

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Yes I think it''s way too young to get them but that''s peer pressure for you!! I recently had my hair highlighted and my 6yo daughter is BEGGING me to get hers done just like mommy. The bleach or whatever is in the solution made that part of my hair dry and brittle. I hate it and I imagine it''s terrible for "young" hair. I can''t wait to go back and color my hair one color so she will stop bugging me. I had early perms and stuff done to my hair around the age of 11 and it took years and years for my hair to recover. That damn Brittney Spears is such a bad influence!!
 

Kaleigh

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Oh for heavens sake, yes that is way too young. My daughter is 17 and hasn''t had them although some of her friends do. That is just too young IMHO, and talk about damage to their hair.
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jorman

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I agree. A friend of mine has a 3 year old daughter, and she just gave her highlights. I love my friend, but I WAS SHOCKED! I have also heard of parents letting their little girls (little meaning under the age of 12) wear thongs (as in the undies, not the flip flops). I just think that might be encouraging the wrong kind of behavior.It is one thing for them to see celebrities (such as Britney) acting this way, but is another for they themselves to do it. All I know is if I have a daughter she is wearing granny panties forever, and there will be no highlights or belly piercings of any kind until she is in late highschool/early college. Kids grow up too fast as it is. They don''t need any help from Mom and Dad. I live in a relatively smaller town in Texas (as opposed to Dallas, Houston, etc.) and I am AMAZED at what kids are doing so young. It''s scary. It makes me afraid for my future babies.
 

AChiOAlumna

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Date: 5/16/2005 6:23:14 PM
Author: marriahlyn
Yes I think it''s way too young to get them but that''s peer pressure for you!!

But who''s really succumbing to the pressure? In this case, it''s the mother as she allowed her daughter to have the highlights!!

I agree, 9 is too young to start subjecting children to such pressures and cosmetic changes. I didn''t start highlighting my hair until my 30s and I''ve only gotten manicures a handful of times...I prefer to polish my nails myself (it''s a type of therapy for me!!)...

It reminds me of those 5 & 6 year olds who are entered in those beauty pageants and look like they''re 10 as a result of their makeup and hairdos...my only question is "WHY?"
 

Erin

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I wanted to buy a cute outfit for a 8/9 year old girl. Boy was I surprised!!!! Have you seen what''s out there? and I don''t mean specialty stores I mean like JCPenney! Thank you Bratz dolls for making trampy clothes the norm!

Jellybean, I don''t get it either
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jellybean

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Date: 5/16/2005 6:33:49 PM
Author: AChiOAlumna

Date: 5/16/2005 6:23:14 PM
Author: marriahlyn
Yes I think it''s way too young to get them but that''s peer pressure for you!!

But who''s really succumbing to the pressure? In this case, it''s the mother as she allowed her daughter to have the highlights!!

I agree, 9 is too young to start subjecting children to such pressures and cosmetic changes. I didn''t start highlighting my hair until my 30s and I''ve only gotten manicures a handful of times...I prefer to polish my nails myself (it''s a type of therapy for me!!)...

It reminds me of those 5 & 6 year olds who are entered in those beauty pageants and look like they''re 10 as a result of their makeup and hairdos...my only question is ''WHY?''
My MIL wanted me to enter my daughter in a baby beauty pagent last year. My husband and I both said NO WAY!

Just last week she gave me an application for me to send in a picture of my son so he could appear on the cover of Parents magazine. I too politely declined.
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NyssaLynne

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Nine is way too young to have highlights. I have a 9-year old daughter and she got her first manicure for her 9th birthday. Not acrylic nails, just plain old very light pink nail polish.

I also have a 16-year old daughter. She had her hair colored at 14-years old but ONLY because her stepmother decided to do home bleaching on her hair without my permission while she was at her dad''s for 2 weeks in the summer. I took her to the salon to have it fixed immediately. Otherwise she would not have had hair color that young.

Peer pressure is just awful these days. I don''t remember it being so bad back when I was 9 or 14 or 16.
 

Mara

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First I will preface this to say I don't have a child...but I do have a 14 year old sister who is like a daughter to me.

I think 9 may be a bit too young to do highlights, but when I was about 13, I did the Sun-In stuff from the store without my mom knowing...and it turned my hair orange, so I would much rather have been led gently into the world of hair-color by my mother's salon than by my own little hand with a hairdryer in it!

I don't see anything wrong re: mani and pedicure as that could be a fun thing to do with mother/daughter etc and I don't think it's a big deal to have small painted nails...not fakies of course, just something subtle.

My mom wouldn't let me shave my legs until I was 13, but all the kids at school had them done by age 11. I honestly never understood this one and still don't....I felt so out of place!!

I think kids are definitely growing up faster and alot of times are more spoiled than we were...my sister has a bunch of Coach bags at her age...I never had an expensive bag like that! My mom also takes her and my other sister to get their eyebrows and stuff waxed, and has been doing that for years now. So definitely things I never did...but I think that it's different now. For what it's worth, my sister is great and I don't see her as taking anything for granted, she's an awesome girl and I'm very proud of her. So I don't think that any of these superficial material things have changed her...it's just surprising to me how much things have changed!
 

jaysonsmom

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My niece started highlighting her hair at 4 or 5, she''s now 10 years old and gets weekly mani/pedicures. What can I say, her mom is the one taking her....I don''t approve, but we stay out of their business. I think that''s pure vanity because my niece is a very very beautiful child that doesn''t need those things.

I do know that I WOULD help my kids look their best, especially if they are being teased for things such as frizzy hair, buck teeth, uni-brows, thick coke-bottle glasses etc....under those circumstances, I''d probably get their hair professionally straightened, pay for braces, brow waxing and contact lenses!

My husband and I are already teasing our one year old about her bushy eyebrows. We say that we can''t wait to tweeze them. Bad Mommy and daddy!
 

MissAva

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9 years old! Oh my! I have to say though, that I found out what a rainbow party was from a group of 3rd graders I tutor twice a week. Boy was my face red! No one would make thong panties for little girls if no one bought them. I have no children but I work with them and have younger siblings. My brother is 12 and he and his buddies all think it is weird. They also seem to know which girls wear pushup bras on certain days and think "they must be totally vain, this is not MTV" I dont understand what MTV has to do with it but apperantly it would be allright to wear those things there but not in school.
Have any of you been to the todler dept lately? Lowrise pants and panties....dora, MLP, and Carebears ouught to be granny panties only. For heavens sake...it just isnt right. Or at Walmart why do they have clear plastic high heals which light up in both adult and children sizes, they look like street walker ought to wear them. I got my hair done the first time becuase until puberty it ws nearly clear, looked like plastic itwas so light
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and I was on the swim team. My hair turned a lovely shade of green and I had to go and get it taken out for some family event....other wise I dont think I ever would have messed with my hair.
As for all the highlights, manicues and pedicures where is the money for this stuff coming from? What about college and cars and what not?
 

Momoftwo

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My question is what are we teaching these little girls? There''s a reason more and more younger girls are anorexic and bingeing and purging. Not to mention what they''re being set up for as they grow up. Not everyone they will meet have the extra money for these things, which I consider for adults. Also, their expectations of future spouses is going to include a lot of what they consider needs when they are really luxuries for most grown women. I get my hair highlighted (since early 30''s) and have had a few manicures, but this is too extreme. 9 is definitely too young. I mean, heck, I played with Barbies til I was 12 and only brushed my hair cause my mom made me. These kids are not kids. They''re not having a childhood. They should be out running around, playing with other kids in the neighborhood and getting dirty. It''s about parents'' one upping each other for the most part. Just because someone does it, everyone else jumps on the bandwagon. I have boys, but if I had girls, they would just have to hear, no and that''s tough if they expected to get their hair colored or their nails done at that age. My feeling is, when they have their own money from jobs or babysitting, they can spend a portion of it on their hair or nails. These parents are teaching their kids a terrible set of values. Let them be children.
 

mightyred

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Good lord! I too think 9 is too young. They have the fun colours for kids that are temporary for hair and I think they are fine for play days but that''s as far as I would allow.

It costs enough at the hairdressers here as it is let alone starting at age 9......I''d be bankrupt if I started at that age!

My 7year old niece had a manicure/pedicure party with 5 girlfriends instead of a traditional birthday party but it was made clear that this was a special treat for a special day only and my sister asked the parents before sending the invites in case anyone objected. I felt quite sorry for the girls who did their nails - the group was a handful by all accounts! They are in the north of England so it''s not just a US thing!
 

icekid

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Date: 5/16/2005 7:38:33 PM
Author: AChiOAlumna

I guess I''m sitting on the ''clueless couch'' right now...never heard of a rainbow party!?!
heh, i was going to say that you wouldn''t want to know, but i see matatora has already filled you in. it''s amazing though- kids these days. my little sister and i are 10 years apart, and the things she knows! man... i mean, i just turned 24 so i would consider myself still in that "hip, know what''s going on" kind of age- and she knows more about sex these days than i do. tossed this, and that.. and it''s horrible. it makes me not want to have kids!!
 

Buena Girl

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IMHO, 9 nine years old is not too young to get highlights in the hair. I think that I was 10, maybe 11 years old at the oldest when I started going to get mine done (I am 28 now). Before that, I was using Sun-In which was really rough on my hair. After a few years of my mom watching how they did my hair, she did the research and found a great place to purchase the supplies and she started doing the highlights in my hair. It is so cheap and easy (compared to the salon prices) and it looks terrific!!!

I think I did my own nails until high school? Since then I have gone to nail boutiques.

I am surprised at the Starbucks gift card.
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I think 9 and 11 sounds a bit young for something like that.

I am sure some of the other things that I did growing up may also seem like I did them at a young age. However, I don''t think it affected how I grew up as an adult. I have always dressed very conservatively, and currently I practically live in jeans and hoodies. I still splurge on some fun beauty products and treatments, but I don''t feel like I have to get them. I think letting young girls pierce their ears, wear a little bit of make-up, get their hair and nails done, etc.,etc. is fine especially when it is a great bonding experience for girls.
 

jellybean

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Thanks everyone. I''m glad to know I''m not completely off my rocker.
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I think what bothers me so much about this with my niece is that my SIL does not let either of her girls (she also has the 11 year old) be a kid. I remember once when I first met my SIL, the 11 year old (who was 3 at the time) did not come out of her bedroom to greet us because her hair wasn''t done! My SIL has been putting hairspray in their hair as long as I can remember. Just a couple of weeks ago they were at my house and my SIL was upset b/c they were playing outside with my daughter and son (their cousins) and were getting dirty. Horrors!

My MIL is part of the problem. She has always tried to make them grow up so quickly, so it''s really easy to see where my SIL gets it from. Both my SIL and MIL are ladies that will not let you see them unless their hair is done and they have a full face of makeup on. I don''t think I have ever seen either one without their nails done. Appearance is very important to them. It''s strange that my husband married me since I am so opposite of them! Don''t get me wrong, I try not to look like a slob most of the time
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but I usually don''t wear makeup (my husband says he prefers me without it) and my famous hairdo is a ponytail.

My daughter has my MIL completely exacerbated. When she comes to babysit she tries combing her hair all the time and my daughter just screams and runs away.
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I let my daughter have a choice in what she wants to wear for the day -- my MIL can''t believe that I do that! She also keeps asking me if I can curl her hair with the curling iron for parties. I haven''t b/c quite frankly she wouldn''t sit still long enough for me to do it, not to mention I might burn her! My MIL can''t believe I let her get dirty outside too. Sorry, she''s allowed to be a kid!
 

tawn

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I have an 11 yr old son...and I''m completely flabbergasted by the little girls his age! At their school dances, the little girls are dressed in strappy tanks, short skirts and high heels...and the dancing would put any stripper to shame! We sat there with our mouths open in amazement the whole time! It was extremely disturbing! We live in a very upscale area and it''s a "distinguished" CA school....so these are little rich kids.

Amazingly enough...the more down to earth tomboy girls were getting more attention from the boys becasue they were actually playing with them and having fun. The other girls danced and looked p*ssed that all of the attention wasn''t on them! It was a real eye-opener for me! Their group really changed in the last year or two!

We called the behaviour, "that MTV attitude!"
 

ame

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Considering my parents were cool enough (or dumb, however you look at it) to buy me sun-in for my 8th birthday...I tend to think that 8 is the youngest. I have colored my hair for at nearly 20 years now as a result. Its been every color, and I couldn''t tell you what my natural color really is though my colorist says light brown.

I know several women that have their VERY young (as in 3 years old) kids in for highlights or haircolor so that they can justify their own hairdying addiction and belief and conviction that their fake haircolor is really their own, look my kid''s hair is the same, of course it''s natural.

That is insane and so vain it makes me gag.
 

youngster

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Date: 5/17/2005 2:31:40 AM
Author: tawn
I have an 11 yr old son...and I''m completely flabbergasted by the little girls his age! At their school dances, the little girls are dressed in strappy tanks, short skirts and high heels...and the dancing would put any stripper to shame! We sat there with our mouths open in amazement the whole time! It was extremely disturbing! We live in a very upscale area and it''s a ''distinguished'' CA school....so these are little rich kids.

Amazingly enough...the more down to earth tomboy girls were getting more attention from the boys becasue they were actually playing with them and having fun. The other girls danced and looked p*ssed that all of the attention wasn''t on them! It was a real eye-opener for me! Their group really changed in the last year or two!

We called the behaviour, ''that MTV attitude!''
I completely agree with you. I have a 13 year old boy and younger kids as well. The Moms of boys in my circle are totally shocked at some of the behavior and clothing of the girls his age. Their Moms seem eager to push their girls forward, to get attention from the boys. (It seems almost that some of these Moms of girls are trying to re-live their own lives through their kids.) A few of us have actually had to call them to tell their daughters to back-off. We''re not going to let them start "dating" at age 11 or 12, stop with the constant phone calls and harassment, etc. It''s one reason we''re considering sending my son to an all-boys high school!!
 

AGBF

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My daughter had some highlights put in about a year ago (when she was 11). She has had no interest in doing it again since that foray into the world of hair coloring. If highlights are the worst of my problems with her, I will consider myself lucky!

Deb :)

PS-I found out that when she was in sixth grade she was tucking up her shirts to expose her midrift once she got to school. Now, in seventh grade, she cringes when she remembers that. She wouldn't be caught dead in what she wore last year. She looks pretty average and preppy every day. Relief :).
 

eks6426

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One of the most important things to a preteen and early teen is fitting in with your crowd. We can sit here all high & mighty as adults and talk about how we don''t want our kids to grow up too soon. But if you think back, you really wanted to fit in too. You wanted the "in" clothes, hair etc. Sure, maybe it starts a little earlier now, but the feelings for our kids are just as intense to them as they were to us. We can try to encourage our kids to be an individual and not go with the crowd, but that''s most likely a loosing battle. We can try to tone it down a bit...delay as much as possible...but ultimately, they''re going to find a way....My parents did not allow me to color my mousy brown hair, wear make-up, shave my legs etc. as a pre-teen--then even as a teen. So, I bought Sun-In and did it anyway...there are now countless pictures of my very orange hair. I bought wet & wild, hid it in my school stuff & applied on the bus...but had no idea how to apply it..so it looked really bad...I also shared make-up and kept my stuff way too long & wore too much which really reeked havoc on my skin...I had the zits to prove it. The first time I shaved my legs (in secret) I thought I was supposed to push the razor hard...so I did...and took off the top few layers of my skin along with the hair...it took MONTHs to recover from that....I guess as an adult looking back (I have kids now), I really wish my mom would have shown me how to help my hair color, how to shave, how to wear makeup. It would have been hugely better than experimenting myself....and I guarantee I would have looked "more natural" having been to a hair salon & make-up lessons.
 

AGBF

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Date: 5/17/2005 9:47:12 AM
Author: youngster
A few of us have actually had to call them to tell their daughters to back-off. We're not going to let them start 'dating' at age 11 or 12, stop with the constant phone calls and harassment, etc. It's one reason we're considering sending my son to an all-boys high school!!

My daughter (last year) pretty much fits that description. Except for the phone calls. She never had access to or any interest in a phone.

What can you do? The hormones in girls and boys are different. (Remember the song, "Girls Grow Up faster Than Boys"?)

My daughter reached menarche at 10 (not even 10 1/2). In some cultures she'd be married already! Last year in sixth grade she was chasing the boys and they were running away. I am just glad she has acquired more sense as she she got older. It wouldn't be safe to chase high school boys that way! They might actually *like* it!! (Instead she got turned in to Guidance last year and I got a phone call.)

Deb
 

AGBF

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Date: 5/17/2005 9:19:12 AM
Author: ame
I know several women that have their VERY young (as in 3 years old) kids in for highlights or haircolor so that they can justify their own hairdying addiction and belief and conviction that their fake haircolor is really their own, look my kid''s hair is the same, of course it''s natural.

I never heard of that, ame. I find it *really* interesting. As I mentioned in another thread on hair color (waving to IslandDreams), I was a dyed blonde for years before I adopted my daughter (in Colombia, South America). I couldn''t go brown before I traveled there because the FBI had me down as blonde and they kept fingerprinting me :). However, once I got her home, I went back to brown for a few years. I, also, loved "looking like" my baby :).

Deb
 

eks6426

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Deb--maybe that''s my desire to go blonde--to match my son. My son has really beautiful blonde hair that I would love. Funny thing is we have no idea how he got to be blonde...there is no blonde on either side of his family. When he was born he had golden blonde hair and I told the doctors that he must not be mine because my baby would never have blonde hair. He''s still blonde at age 8....only a little darker...which bugs him...I''m sure he''ll be asking for highlights soon.
 

AGBF

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Date: 5/17/2005 10:28:07 AM
Author: IslandDreams
Deb--maybe that's my desire to go blonde--to match my son. My son has really beautiful blonde hair that I would love. Funny thing is we have no idea how he got to be blonde...there is no blonde on either side of his family. When he was born he had golden blonde hair and I told the doctors that he must not be mine because my baby would never have blonde hair. He's still blonde at age 8....only a little darker...which bugs him...I'm sure he'll be asking for highlights soon.

He sounds delicious :). My daughter's highlights were an attempt to match the real highlights she gets when she's been in the sun. She gets tan and blonde. I get red and burned :).

Deb
 

Lord Summerisle

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Well cut my balls off and call me Shirely! I''m no having kids!

That was my first thought on reading this thread... then rational set in, and i remembered - its ok... you dont want em anyways.

Yay for tomboy girls - i feel for one of those... while my sis is the complete opposite. - Maybe thats the thing Jellybean... your hubby went for you as you are the complete opposite of his sis and mum, opposites attract
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JessesGrl

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O.k...first off 9 years old is wayyyyy toooo young for highlights!!! My future SIL got them last year at 14 and I thought that it looked o.k, it was natural looking so i''d say 14 is a good age. My mom let me use "sun-in" on my hair when i was 12...and it was permanent...after 13 I dyed my hair all the time.
My grandma used to take me for manicures all the time when she was alive, I think i was 8 the first time and I see nothing wrong w/letting a little girl get her nails done.
Thongs for anyone under 14 are disgusting in my opinion...an 14 is pushing it...
As for Britney Spears, give me a break- it is the parents fault, not a pop star....you are the one paying for the thongs and highlights, not britney spears...when I was little Madonna was BIG- that didn''t mean my mother bought me a cone shaped bra or let me frost my hair at 8!
 

JCJD

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I''m only 23 now, so I''m also in that "still hip and cool" generation (humor me people!!) too. The only times me and my now 21-yo sister wore make up growing up was when my mom brought out her old makeup supplies on the weekends and Halloween. I don''t think I ever colored my hair until I was in late high school, and then it was the 3-week temporary dyes. I did get my very own makeup for the first day of junior high (6th grade), but not because I was old enough and wanted it. I''d gotten a bad poison ivy rash on my face during the last couple weeks of summer. The swelling and most of the redness had gone down before school started, but it was still blotchy and not right looking. So my mom bought me foundation and blush and helped me put it on. I wore it for about a month before I got sick of using the stuff. I still don''t wear make-up if I don''t have to, but then again, I was also the little girl who crowded around the snakes and toads in the schoolyard with the boys and got dirty in the woods with my sibs.

My sister started wanting to wear makeup when I got some, of course. She also dyed her hair years before I ever got the urge to. To this day, she still prefers to wear makeup everyday, have nice clothes, expensive things, etc, and she''s experiencing money troubles because of it. Thank God she doesn''t have a credit card, but she lives paycheck to paycheck on significantly more than I make, while I''m slowly building up my savings on a graduate student''s salary.

Only a sample of 2 people, but the trend here is that starting cosmetic practices early encourages materialism, which can be very bad news for young people starting out on their own. Not always the case, of course, just my own experience. So yes - I think 9 is WAY too young to start highlights!
 

MissAva

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he he...okay I never wore makeup ever when I was younger beucae I am allergic to so many things. I had been warned six thousand times to avoid the perfume snipers becuase if I got sprayed it meant a trip to the hospital for shots and lotions.
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So even when I hit that age I wasnt really intreasted. I was however all about nail polish and I leanred how to draw weird little pictures on my teammates fhingers and toes and of the little girls I babysat. I got my first manicure at 17, and wiggled the whoel time becuase I thought I could have done a better job. My Bf saw me with make up on for the first time at prom and I dont think he cared for it. I am now decent with make up but I dont wear much and it vaires how often and when....I will never be one the girls who shilacs(sp) their face to hit the gym. However I dont think that my older sister who began wearing makeup semi-regularly in 6th grade is any more materlistic then I am. She is more clothing and fashion stuff (becuase she is thinner and about 1000 times prettier) and I begged to get a pilots license and a spiffy car. We just like different things and we are both very budget concious and are careful not to overspend. I think it has alot to do with how your family and social circle react to the things you do. If it is so cute that 16 yearold is carrying a Fendi purse then she will want more becuase she has been postivly re-enforced if she lis smirked at for wearing makeup at the wrong time she will likely tone it down. I also think it matter where you live. I think a lot of "peer pressure" comes from the adults and not from other kids. JMO
 

fire&ice

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I''m in the party that 9 years old is too young to have your hair highlighted. Though, I have no problem with an 11 year old having a manicure w/ mom or a circle of girls. I view that as more of good hygine. We have to take care of our nails. I wouldn''t mind a 9 year old going for a cut and blow dry (again teaching hygine) - but I''d stop at the highlights. You are changing the natural appearance of a baby.
 
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